


The Mystery of You

by DivineInspiration



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-06
Updated: 2012-06-06
Packaged: 2017-11-07 01:22:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 179,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/425362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineInspiration/pseuds/DivineInspiration
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mystery writer Edward Cullen stumbles upon a mystery greater than the ones he writes: Isabella Swan. Life happens as he unravels the mystery. AU/AH. Canon couples.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. She Lights Me on Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: A big thanks to the unfortunate betas, thalia_csiny and blahblahblah from Project Team Beta.

CHAPTER 1

Edward:

She Lights Me on Fire

There was a look of disbelief on her face as air left her lungs for the last time. The fabric of her pantyhose tightened around her neck and bit into the creamy flesh. The limbs that had previously been flailing stilled in acceptance even though there were still a few moments of life left in her body. It was fascinating to watch. Finally, the light in her eyes burned out and her body went limp, falling ungracefully to the floor. 

Charlotte was no more. 

When the angry storm drifted away leaving a serene calm in its wake, it felt like the second morning of the day. The thunder still rumbled in the distance, but the rain had stopped and Evonside Bay was treated to a rare sight of the September sun, making the lingering raindrops on the leaves of the trees sparkle like diamonds.

The beauty of the world that had been reborn in the storm stood in sharp contrast to what I had been doing while it raged. I had been productive, and the weather had certainly ignited something inside of me that had finally made me accomplish what I had been dancing around for so long. Perhaps it was the rage of the storm that had inspired my own.

Before I could ponder my actions further, my cell phone rang and before picking up, I mentally thanked whoever it was.

"Hello?"

"Hey Eddie. What's up, bro?"

I sighed when I heard Jasper's voice float through the phone. Hearing it always calmed me down even when I wasn't aware that I was feeling anxious or tense.

"Not much," I replied. "I just killed Charlotte, so I was just thinking about how to dispose of the body."

"Well, it's about damn time. That chick's been putting a damper on your life for a while now. Any ideas how you're gonna do it yet?"

"I've got a few ideas. I was thinking I might burn it and bury the ashes in the forest. Or I might scrounge up an anchor and tie her to it before dropping it into the open sea. What do you think?"

"Burn her, man. The bitch deserves it," Jasper advised.

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"Cool. So, bro meet me at the bar tonight? I'll buy you a celebratory drink for a job well done."

"Absolutely." Apparently, Jasper had learned to read minds today, because cold beer and good company was exactly what I needed after the emotional rollercoaster Charlotte had put me on today. Jasper was right. She was a bitch and she fucking did deserve to burn.

With the resolve to make Charlotte burn, I went about my business once again, only resurfacing when it started to get dark outside. I had gotten a lot more done today than I had expected, so it was with a fairly good conscience that I called it a day and went into the kitchen to dig out a frozen pizza from the freezer.

There was nothing like a nice, home-cooked meal.

I threw the offending piece of glorified cardboard with a sorry excuse for cheese into the oven and went to shower while it cooked.

In the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. I had been stressing about Charlotte lately and my irregular sleeping pattern showed on my face. My eyes were bloodshot, and there were dark circles beneath them on my too-pale skin. My hair…well fuck me if I wasn't impersonating a fucking lion these days. I really needed to get it cut.

Dealing with Charlotte had left me tense and I sighed when the hot water worked its magic on my muscles. By the time I had showered and gotten dressed in a decent pair of jeans and a t-shirt, my pizza was more than done and I only just managed to force it down, attempting to mask the taste with ketchup.

It was nasty.

I rode my Ducati into town. I would argue any day that no one made bikes like the Italians – and I often made that particular point when Jasper was listening because with him, Harley Davidson was pretty much a religion. Getting Jasper riled up was good fun. Add our sister and her devotion to her red Yamaha into the mix, and you had a goddamn war on your hands. No shit.

The heat from the bar slapped my cheeks as I stepped out of the cold. It was only September but the nights were already plenty chilly, and my closet-romantic of a bar-owning sister had a goddamn fireplace on the right side of the red, brick bar counter. The only reason she could get away with crap like that was because Evonside Bay had a very narrow selection of places to get a drink. And between Manny's Tavern, the diner and some new hellhole off Main Street that only carried two brands of beer and one fucking brand of whiskey, my sister's place really was the best alternative.

"Cupid is a bad shot. He usually hits those he wasn't aiming for," Aro greeted me solemnly from his usual booth just inside the door as I passed it. He was a middle-aged man who seemed to live his entire life in that particular booth along with his two buddies, Marcus and Caius. No one really knew where any of them lived or how they could afford to sit and drink every single moment the bar was open.

Aro dispensed drunken advice to the unsuspecting customers, creeping some out and being a great source of entertainment for others. His hair was long and dark, and his eyes were a pale, milky-blue color. I nodded politely to him because as weird as he was, I had never seen him hurt as much as a fly. And yeah, sometimes his drunken ravings were hilarious as hell.

Jasper already had a pint waiting for me in our usual booth. He was wearing his signature outfit of paint-spattered jeans and grungy t-shirt. There was even paint on his boots and in his blonde, messy hair, all signs of a productive day.

"Damn brother, out of the two of us, you are definitely the best," I said, sliding into the booth and taking a healthy sip of the beer. I had been looking forward to this moment ever since talking to Jasper on the phone earlier.

"Ed," Jasper said, nodding before he looked pointedly at the beer in my hand. "Should I leave you alone with your new best friend?"

"Nah, that's okay. I will be replacing it soon anyway," I said, smirking. "So, how's the productivity these days? I can see you have been hot and heavy with greens today, judging by the color scheme you've subjected your hair and clothes to."

"Well, hell," he chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "I've been dabbling with a painting of a sunset seen through the trees down near the old mill and I can't seem to get the colors right."

"And you decided to test them on yourself? Smart move," I said, nodding.

"So, how did you kill her?" he asked, swiftly changing the subject, obviously not impressed with my sarcasm.

I looked at him inhaling his beer like it was a goddamn cigarette. "I strangled her with her pantyhose. I know it's a bit cliché, but you gotta use what's at hand."

"Well, you haven't used pantyhose before, so I say you're golden. However, I still think the one you pulled last year with the meat hooks and feeding the body to sharks is the best one ever."

I chuckled. "You're just saying that because the meat hooks were your idea."

"Heads up. Incoming blonde grenade," Jasper said softly into his beer glass in that annoying tone of his that I could never figure out. He might have been sarcastic, but I could never be sure.

I looked up and watched our sister swaying her hips to the beat of the music as she made her way over to our booth. Several pairs of eyes followed her movements, and judging by the way she swung her hair over her right shoulder, she was well aware of it. I often wondered how twins could turn out as differently as Rosalie and Jasper. Apart from their blonde beauty, they were nearly polar opposites. It was mind-boggling at times.

"Don't tell Rose about Charlotte. She prefers not knowing anything until it's all…wrapped up."

Jasper nodded, all too familiar with Rose's peculiar ways. Even though he was only a few minutes older than Rose, he was truly the middle child. He had spent his entire life being torn in different directions by Rose and myself – me claiming that brothers should stick together and Rose pulling the twin card in an attempt to leave me out. It had always infuriated us that Jasper had never made up his mind about which one of us he preferred, and it took an embarrassingly long time before I realized how unfair and ridiculous it had been to make him choose. Okay, so we still did it sometimes, mostly just to try and get a rise out of him, which was fucking difficult, but age had taught us to share. At least in theory.

"Evening, sister o'mine," Jasper drawled, tipping an imaginary hat and smiling widely as Rose glared at him.

"There's nothing like love between siblings," I said and sighed dramatically, secretly hoping I could count on Jasper's help in getting our statuesque sister riled up tonight. That shit was always fun.

"Hello Rosie," I said, smiling innocently. She hated being called that as much as I hated being called Eddie or Ed. I only ever allowed Jasper to do it. Well, and Rose if I was in a forgiving mood.

"Brothers," she said slowly in greeting, somehow making the word sound like she needed to vomit. Classy.

"Mom called me today. She's redecorating one of the guest bedrooms. Dad's working too much. She wants grandkids and she's worried that she might pass one of us on the street without recognizing us because it's been too long since we've visited. The same old," Rose said, nudging Jasper to move over so she could sit down. She took a sip of my beer and smirked when I raised my eyebrows. "You should take one for the team and give her a grandkid to spoil, Eddie. You are the oldest, after all. It's your responsibility."

"Yeah, because I'm just the poster child for responsibility," I chuckled. "I think you should do it. Don't all females have a biological clock ticking or some crap?"

Rose just glared at me as Jasper almost pissed himself laughing. "I honestly can't imagine two worse parents than you two," he hiccupped. "I love you to death, but damn. The mere thought of entrusting poor innocent children to your care makes me want to take one for the team and knock up some lass."

"You did always aim to please, Jazz," Rose smirked. "But really, a dad? You? Try getting a gold fish or a goddamn plant first and if you haven't killed it after a year, go ahead and get yourself a kid."

"Perhaps mother dearest could find it in herself to be satisfied if we went up for a visit soon," I suggested. I wasn't entirely sure why the three of us were so bad at visiting our parents. They only lived twenty minutes away, yet I couldn't remember the last time I had seen either of them. No Son of the Year Award for me. It was only sad that Jasper and Rose were both just as bad I was.

They started discussing when we should go up for a visit, but I tuned them out because they did their annoying twin thing, neglecting to finish their sentences and just nodding and aha-ing, effectively leaving me clueless. I hated that shit, and they knew it too.

My gaze drifted to the different patrons in the bar. I had always loved to people-watch. Rose thought it was creepy but I had learned a lot about human nature by just watching the people around me, and besides, the knowledge helped me in my work.

The sound of Aro's voice made me look over at him and his buddies. He was feeding a petite brunette the same shit about Cupid as he had hauled at me earlier. Maybe he had a calendar with cheesy lines that he just felt compelled to spew at unsuspecting people all day long. The girl hurried past their booth and went up to the bar without acknowledging Aro and his bullshit. Smart girl.

I took a closer look at her as she slid her plaid coat down her arms and onto the stool next to her. Brown curls tumbled down her back almost all the way to the most gorgeous ass I had ever fucking seen – beautifully hugged by tight denim.

Shit.

I continued to look at her as she ordered a drink and carefully looked around the bar with huge pools of coffee colored eyes. She had the face of a fucking angel – perfectly arched eyebrows, porcelain skin, cutest nose in the history of fucking noses and full lips just begging to be kissed. I was on my feet before I even realized it and I vaguely heard Jasper laughing behind me as I strode up to the bar.

I was feeling confident. I didn't date because chicks got clingy after just a single date. And relationships…well fuck. I couldn't for the life of me imagine wanting to be with the same woman every goddamn day, so no thanks. I was no monk, though, and I allowed myself the occasional one-night-stand. I never had any problems attracting the ladies. So what if the stress I had been under lately showed on my face? I was still a good-looking bastard. My bitchy sister had begrudgingly admitted so the other day, and she did not pay people compliments unless there was no way she could wiggle herself out of it.

I sat down at the bar, leaving the stool with her coat between us, and ordered another beer. She was even more beautiful up close, even if she did look as stressed out as I did. She was fiddling with a cell phone and several parts, apparently not able to insert the SIM card correctly.

"Can I give you a hand with that?" I asked, giving her my best crooked smile.

She looked up, startled. An ocean of emotions flittered across her face, reflecting in her eyes in the most mesmerizing way. I didn't have a chance to decipher them before she tentatively returned my smile with a gorgeous one of her own and nodded her head, holding the dismembered cell phone out. "Please. I seem to be taking it apart more than putting it back together."

I took the parts from her. "Did you know that the inventor of cell phones can't figure out these newer models himself? They're getting so damn fancy that most people can't figure out half the crap that these fuckers can do." I realized too late that I was rambling, but she just smiled.

"I'll be content if I am able to make a call on that one," she said as I finished putting it back together. I turned it on to see if it was working, but she ripped it out of my hand. "No! Don't turn it on. Just…don't, please."

"Sorry, just checking to see if it works," I apologized, holding my hands up in mock surrender.

"No, I'm sorry," she said, a blush spreading across her cheeks. It was like watching the sun rise from the ocean – simply stunning. "That was rude of me. Thank you for putting it back together." She slid the phone into her bag and looked down at her drink.

"So, what brings you to Evonside Bay?" I asked. It wasn't that big of a community, and I would definitely have remembered seeing this girl before.

This time, there was no mistaking the emotion in her eyes: Fear. She bit her lip. "I…um…I'm just looking for the right place, you know?"

Shit. Hot and intriguing. "Right place for what, if you don't mind my asking?"

She shrugged. "Just to be. To live. To feel home and safe, I guess."

I nodded. "It's a pretty safe area, especially during the off season, like right now. Not terribly exciting, though. It's a good place if you need a little peace."

"I wouldn't mind a little peace," she murmured thoughtfully. I wasn't even sure I was meant to hear it, and the blush returning to her cheeks when she looked at me confirmed it.

I smiled at her. "If you need a tour of the area or anything, I'd be happy to show you around. I was born and raised here, so I know this place pretty well."

"I'll keep that in mind," she replied.

"I'm Edward, by the way."

She hesitated a little and it was kind of endearing that she didn't trust strangers. Of course it was also damn smart, although not exactly encouraging for someone who wanted to spend the night having wild, passionate sex with her. "I'm Marie."

We shared a smile before her eyes went wide and her smile faded. I felt someone behind me and, I turned my head, I saw fucking Aro.

"Don't forget, young Cullen – Cupid is a bad shot," he said seriously, waggling his finger in my face and wobbling slightly.

"Right. I won't forget," I promised, wondering why the hell the guy wasn't passed out drunk yet. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a certain brunette rush towards the exit and, ignoring the drunk in front of me, I followed.

It was even colder outside than it had been when I had arrived an hour earlier. I looked around for Marie and saw her round the corner while she struggled with her coat and bag. Why the hell was she heading for the alley? That place was not only a dead end, it was also dark and fucking disgusting.

"Shit, Beautiful, what's the rush?"

Marie stopped abruptly and turned around, not quite looking at me. She bit her lower lip and the simple action made me realize that I had never really known what jealousy felt like. I couldn't even put into words how much I wanted to bite that lip too and it took a moment before I realized that I was being fucking ridiculous. Jealous of Marie's teeth?

"I uh…I just…well, you were talking to your friend and I needed to go anyway, so…"

"He's not my friend. He's just a drunk who reads fortune cookies out loud or some shit. I was just trying to get rid of him," I said, wondering if I should just cut my losses, take a fucking hint and accept that I would be spending the night alone. Ah man, that would suck royally. This girl was… I realized that I couldn't come up with the perfect adjective for her. So much for my eloquence.

She finally looked up and I found myself getting lost in the endlessness of her eyes. My usual way with words escaped me once again and I had no idea what to say to her. My feet carried me the last few steps towards Marie so that we were almost touching.

A wide range of emotions swam in her eyes like they had inside the bar, and I could only decipher a few. There was fear and confusion. I backed away. Determination replaced everything else in her eyes and two seconds later, her right hand was behind my neck, pulling my head down until her lips crashed against mine.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

I'm not usually slow, especially not when a beautiful girl kisses me. But the signals she was sending me were giving me whiplash and it took me a few seconds to unfreeze myself and start returning the kiss. Most of my thoughts flew out the window the instant our lips met, but a neon sign flashed inside my head telling me that I was tasting a piece of heaven.

My arms circled her waist inside her coat as I traced her torturously sweet lips with my tongue. She was warm all over and I had no idea that I had spent my entire life being cold.

Her bag hit the pavement with a dull thud when she buried both her hands in my hair. Oh shit, that felt amazing. I moaned as my tongue came in contact with hers and I grabbed her fucking delicious ass, pulling her closer because no matter how close we were, it was never close enough. Marie broke away gasping for air, but I could not pull myself away from the deliciousness of her, so I trailed kisses down her throat, nipping and licking her soft, creamy skin in between kisses. She gasped again when I reached her collarbone and when she attempted to pull me that impossible millimeter closer, I slid my right hand down from her ass and hooked it around her thigh, bringing it up to my hip.

The heat from her engulfed me and I just had to taste her lips again. She kissed me back as feverously as before and I needed to feel her everywhere. I was so fucking hard that I was in pain and I ground my erection into her magnificent heat before I slid my hand down and cupped her warm and slightly damp, denim-clad pussy. Tasting her lips, smelling her, feeling her…it was one big motherfucking overload of emotions heightening my senses when it came to her but clouding them to everything that had to do with the rest of the world.

She froze suddenly and I instinctively returned both my hands to her waist. Her leg slid down from my hip and her arms dropped to her sides. Her eyes were wide and her swollen lip was back between her teeth.

"Marie?" My voice sounded foreign to my own ears and she jumped at the sound.

She opened her mouth as if to speak, but she closed it again before any words could escape. She looked around, shaking her head a little. Then she picked up her bag from the ground and clutched it to her chest, still staring at me with those wide, hypnotizing eyes that I just wanted to drown in.

And then she ran.

What the hell? She fucking ran away from me! The dark had already engulfed her but I still stood gaping and doing one hell of a good impression of a goddamn goldfish. I couldn't believe the way Marie had fucked with me, and if only it had been literally, but no, my head was still trying to catch up with what had happened and I was sure I'd be on the receiving end of a major burn when it finally hit me for real. I was losing my touch. Edward fucking Cullen was a goddamn loser who had one fine ass looking girl fucking running from him. And what was worse, now I had to go back inside to collect my jacket which was not so conveniently located in the booth next to my nosy ass brother and, if I was lucky, my equally nosy ass sister.

Fucking great.

Jasper started smirking the moment he saw me come in alone. And of course Rose was still seated next to him. I silently slid into the booth and waited. There was no way they would just let me go home anyway, so I waited patiently for the onslaught. I officially hated my siblings. Why couldn't I have been an only child?

"So, brother," Jasper drawled and Rose giggled. Yes, fucking giggled. When did she start that shit? "Should I be blowing all my money on whores, whiskey and weed? Because damn, the apocalypse must be near when a Cullen gets shot down."

"You're making us look bad, Eddie," Rose added. "How the hell are we going to keep up our reputation when you let a little girl make you look stupid?"

"What the hell happened anyway?" Jasper wanted to know. "It looked like things were going fine until she ran out of here like she was on goddamn fire."

"I bet he got too cocky," Rose said, and I realized that the fuckers were going all twintastic on my ass. Motherfucking siblings. "I told you that ego of yours will be your downfall. You may be a Cullen and all, but you're not that fantastic. Just saying, brother."

I let them bitch and make me feel about the size of an ant for almost fifteen minutes before I slipped my jacket on and stood up. "Thanks for the love, assholes. I hope your cock falls off, Jazz. And Rose, may your tits reach your fucking waist by the time you're thirty. Goodnight."

Naturally, they just laughed at me.

When I returned home that night, the thrill of how I had successfully gotten rid of Charlotte had faded and Marie had taken over my thoughts. Goddamn women. It was like sobering up after a good buzz and I hated how it fucking happened every time. I lived for those highs but I hated coming back down from them.

I figured that I would attempt to sleep my sorrows away, so I locked up and made my way to the bedroom. It looked like a goddamn battleground in there. I had probably needed to do laundry for a couple of weeks now and all my dirty clothes had taken up residence on my bedroom floor. Maybe I should stop using my laundry basket as an extra trashcan and actually throw some clothes into the damn thing. Just maybe.

Deciding that I had procrastinated enough this month, I started picking up the clothes from the floor. It wasn't like I was tired anyway, having slept till late morning because I had been up half the night dealing with Charlotte. It had taken the storm to wake me up and finally sort out a solution on the nightmare that was no more.

Goddamn I owned a lot of clothes. And minus one pair of embarrassing Santa boxers and an old t-shirt from high school, it was all dirty. Muttering to myself that I was a pig, I started a load of whites and went to find a beer in the fridge. I slowly sipped it while I looked out into the dark through the window and tried not to think about Marie and her sweet fucking lips.


	2. She Appears in My Path

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Thanks to my betas on this chapter, Brits23 and Dinx from Project Team Beta.

CHATER 2

Edward:

She Appears in My Path

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

Those were Aro's words of wisdom when I returned to the bar two nights later. I had slept till noon after my nocturnal laundry spree and spent the rest of the day yesterday writing like a man possessed, never bothering to eat or put away the fuckload of clean clothes I suddenly owned. It had been incredibly liberating after the epic failure with Marie. I owed her, though, because whereas I might not have gotten her into bed, she had turned out to be some kind of muse for me.

I nodded to Aro, noting that the guy was in desperate need of a shower. He should steer clear of Rose because she would kick his ass out if he smelled bad in her precious bar.

Jasper was late, and no doubt going to blame some new masterpiece of his when he finally did show up. I settled down at the bar, hoping Rose's presence would scare off the fucking tarts that were eyeing me from their booth in the corner. Ugh, their giggling gave me the creeps, even from a distance. Luckily, my sister was the best bodyguard, or worst cockblocker, in the history of blonde sisters. It really all depended on how you looked at it. She had these grand visions of how it took someone very special to deserve a Cullen, and she detested the hussies Jasper and I sometimes succumbed to.

Sister Dearest was doing her best to ignore me, though. It amused me, and as I failed to hide that fact, she started glaring at me instead which only amused me even more. In fact, I was so amused that I jumped in my seat when a large hand landed on my shoulder.

"Is this one yours or do I get a shot with her?"

A deep voice accompanied the hand, and I turned my head to look at its owner. Next to me stood a big motherfucker of a guy, probably on steroids or some shit. He was watching Rose like she was a piece of fucking bacon. I knew she would be making all kinds of annoyed noises when she realized that she was the "this one" the guy had been asking about, so I decided to have some fun.

"Ah, you can have her," I said, leaning back on my stool. "She's really not all that appealing once you get to know her."

Big Guy guffawed and Rose slammed down her palm on the counter in front of me. "Really, Eddie? That's what you are degrading yourself to these days? Mocking me with this fucking asshole of a Neanderthal? Classy. Real fucking classy."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Esme would be disappointed if she heard such words out of your pretty little mouth," I egged her on because this was the best fun I had had in ages.

"You're a fucking hypocrite," Rose said and turned to face Big Guy. "And you should order something to drink or go back to the little lady waiting for you in your booth."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the woman Rose was talking about. She was a tiny little thing, and she was watching the spectacle at the bar with obvious amusement. Her black hair was short and curled around her ears, and her gray eyes sparkled in the dim light of the bar. She was sort of cute. If I hadn't been hung up on a certain brunette, and if Tiny hadn't been with Big Guy, I might have ventured over to say hello. But I was more than just a little hung up. And Big Guy could have probably taken me out with his pinky.

Shit. And at the rate Rose was going, she could probably have taken out Big Guy with her pinky. He was trying to butter her up with lame pick up lines, but somehow his delivery made them seem less cheesy. He broke out a dimpled smile and I bit my lip to avoid laughing at Rose's reaction. Rosalie Cullen was a fierce, armored and tenacious bitch, but her weakness was babies. Dimpled, giggling, salivating little shitters, and fuck me if Big Guy didn't look like a motherfucking overgrown baby when he smiled. God, Jasper was going to absolutely hate himself for missing out on the entertainment tonight. Of course, that just served him right for not showing up on time.

"Aw, don't be like that, Sugar," Big Guy chuckled. "I'll show you what a real man is. No offense to your ex here."

Rose smacked him. Motherfucking smacked him! An angry red mark appeared on his cheek as a grimace tore across his face. I had been on the receiving end of Rose's smacks before and they hurt like hell. "He's my goddamn brother, not that it's any of your business. What is your business, though, is your wife or girlfriend or whatever watching you try to pick up a stranger?" she hissed. "Now get fucking lost!"

A booming laugh echoed out in the bar and Big Guy had to clutch the bar top to stay on his feet. I couldn't stop my own laughter from escaping, either, especially when Rose turned beet-red in anger. A, no doubt, beautiful friendship was born when Big Guy and I laughed together, and what was more surprising, Tiny joined us, too.

"I want front row seats to the show, too," she explained to me in between giggle fits, climbing onto the stool next to mine.

I had absolutely no idea what kind of fucking comedy I had stumbled into, but it was a damn good one. Rose was still glaring, but a bewildered look was taking over her features. I was as clueless as she was, but at least I was having fun.

"Shit, Sugar!" Big Guy rubbed his cheek, a chuckle escaping him. "Why the hell are you freaking the fuck out? Do you think I hit on just anyone? It's a goddamn compliment!"

Rose was sneering now. "You hitting on me is a compliment?" she shrieked. "Oh. My. Fucking. God. It's a fucking miracle that your head fit through the door."

Tiny leaned in close to me. "This is better than Jerry Springer," she whispered with a giggle.

"No shit," I said, gasping out a laugh as Rose threw the content of a beer glass in Big Guy's face. He spluttered and stared at her in what appeared to be a mix of shock and awe.

"You totally do food fights, don't you?" he asked rather abruptly.

Rose glared at him. "Could you possibly be anymore random, asshole?"

"Well, you threw beer at me. It's not that strange of an assumption that you'd also throw food," Big Guy reasoned, bringing out the dimples again. "So fucking hot."

"You're a sick pervert, and I really think you should stuff your wife in your pocket and get the fuck out of my bar," Rose seethed.

Tiny leaned into me again, forgoing the whispering this time. "Do you think now would be a good time to reveal the fact that I'm his sister?"

I burst out laughing. "Priceless," I said, still laughing and seeing Jasper approaching out of the corner of my eye. "Absolutely fucking priceless!"

"Evening," he drawled, slinging himself on the stool next to Tiny. "Perhaps you should turn down the heat, sis. You're looking a little flustered."

Rose's cheeks were indeed red. I had never seen her blush before and she could be damn sure that I would be teasing her for months with this shit. Big Guy and Tiny were laughing with me and Jasper, although not knowing what we were laughing at, never missed a chance to throw his twin sister an amused look.

Tiny was leaning against me, trying desperately to smother her giggles, when she held out her hand. "I'm Alice McCarty. The eloquent oaf there is my brother Emmett. He's annoying as shit but stunts like this one make me keep him around."

I swallowed the last chuckle and shook her hand. "Edward Cullen. I love your grand entrance in Evonside; it's one for the history books, that's for sure. The blushing virgin behind the bar is my sister Rosalie, and newbie there is my brother Jasper."

Rose whacked me with a dish towel, realizing too late that it only made us all laugh again. She huffed and disappeared out back, much to Emmett's displeasure. "Aw, and we were just getting to know each other," he said and sighed dramatically.

Jasper was curious to what had happened prior to his arrival, and Tiny took it upon herself to launch into the tale of Rose's little fuck-up. Jasper almost choked on the beer I had been saving for him.

"So, Ed. Can I call you Ed?" Emmett started.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't," I admitted with a smirk.

"Right," he smirked back. "So, Ed, in your honest opinion, is Evonside Bay in need of a quality body shop? I am honest to shit the best mechanic in the world, cross my heart and pinky-swear and all that crap. Ali decided to start a boutique or some shit here and begged me to come with her. I said I'd stay if I could get my own body shop up and running."

I snorted. "You've come to the right place. The best mechanic in town is Rose and she's a bar owner. There's a body shop out near Highway 101, but the owner is a sloppy drunk. Most people go up to South Bend or Raymond, if at all possible. If you're as good as you say, then you'll have plenty of business."

"Cool." Emmett looked satisfied before cocking his head. "Wait, Rose? Your fuckhot goddess of a sister?"

I nodded. "I suppose that's one way to describe her, although I would have chosen much different words."

"Well, fuck me," he said in awe. "She's officially the perfect woman."

"Yeah," I agreed dryly. "At least, until you get to know her. Oh, and if you think bitches are hot."

I found myself liking Tiny and Emmett's company. They looked nothing alike, but as soon as I got past that particular fact, it was clear as day that they were related. They were both hilarious as fuck, although, on completely different levels; Emmett seemed to have no filter between his brain and his mouth, spewing out random hilarity, whereas Tiny was much more sophisticated and intricate in her humor.

Rose and Jasper were not as taken with the newcomers, though. When Tiny and Emmett had left along with everyone else at closing time, Jasper and I stayed behind. Rose was still muttering angrily about Emmett and his lack of tact, and Jasper claimed to be out of breath just by having listened to Alice talk. I didn't get it; as much as I loved Evonside Bay for the peace and quiet it gave me, it had an honest to God crappy selection of decent people. And Big Guy and Tiny entering town was the fucking highlight of my year.

Before I knew what had hit me, Rose and Jasper were going all twintastic on my ass again, bitching their nonsense about my new two favorite people. I decided that was my cue to leave. Goddamn siblings.

I spent Saturday morning finally getting rid of Charlotte's body. There was no such thing as the perfect murder but I needed to carefully consider all the details, as well as make sure that I had studied all the aspects of her murder from every angle possible. I finally decided to burn her body in an old oil drum and bury the ashes deep in the forest. And that was the end of Charlotte. Then, it was time for a new mind set so that Peter could solve her murder, just like he had solved murders in the last three mystery novels I had written.

After a quick shower, I mounted my Ducati and met up with Rose and Jasper in town. Rose was waiting on her Yamaha and, luckily, she didn't have time to bitch about Jasper being late before he lazily came roaring over on his Harley. It was a dull and cloudy day, but the twenty minute trip up the coast to visit our parents was as beautiful as ever. The ocean and the sky were the same gray color and it was impossible to see where the two met out on the horizon.

We may have raced a little bit up the coast; it was practically inevitable when the three of us rode our bikes together, and Jasper and I may also have egged Rose on just a tiny bit. She was the only one of us who had ever gotten pulled over by the cops for speeding, but every time she managed to talk her way out of it. Or, at least, show her cleavage until the cop forgot about the ticket. Whatever worked.

The last leg of the trip was through the dense forest surrounding our childhood home. After five minutes, the white exterior of the house appeared through the trees and we slowed down. It may have been a few years since we were teenagers, and as tough as we attempted to appear, Esme Cullen still scared the shit out of all three of us. If our mom put her mind to it, she could be the fiercest woman in the goddamn world. Rose was only a lazy kitten in comparison. It was just our luck that Mother Dearest spent most of her time being all caring and lovable. She hated motorcycles, though.

We parked the bikes next to the garage and before Jasper had made it up the porch steps, the front door swung open and one hundred and twenty pounds of excited mother flung herself at him, hugging him so fiercely that his lips would be turning blue in a matter of seconds. Well shit, I guess we really should visit more often since she missed us that much.

"Hey Mom," Jasper managed to choke out, greeting our eternally beautiful mother who did not look a day past thirty-five, with her vibrant green eyes, wavy caramel hair hugging her shoulders, and porcelain skin.

Rose and I were assaulted with hugs, too. Once she had effectively choked us all, she took a step back and beamed at us like a child who had just seen Santa Claus. "Hey, I know you! You're older versions of those cute babies I gave birth to two and a half decades ago."

"When did you get so theatrical, mom?" Rose asked.

"Oh, I guess I've had too much time on my hands lately. My husband working too much and my kids never visiting, you know."

"Okay, if you stop that shit right now, I promise that we'll visit more often," I chuckled.

She cocked her head and tapped a finger against her lips. "Alright, deal. I just miss my darlings so much."

"Aw, Mom, we miss you, too," Jasper drawled, earning himself another hug from our mom and a not so subtle finger from Rose. Ah, family.

Lunch was equal parts fucking delicious food and The Esme Inquisition.

"So, what have you rug-rats been up to lately?" she started out with the first easy question. We all knew she would add pressure later.

Jasper, always aiming to please, launched into a story about the inspirational road trip he had taken on his Harley last month. "I had planned to go down to California, but I never got any further than Oregon. I saw Stark's Vacuum Museum, The Alien Museum, and The Chocolate Waterfall in Portland. And I fed Henry the Bear cookies in Mitchell. It was a blast."

Esme Cullen had long ago perfected the 'Concerned Mother Look' and she certainly hadn't forgotten how to use it, even though she hadn't seen her kids in a while. "Vacuum Museum?" she asked tentatively. "Henry the Bear?" Her gaze strayed to Rose and me, silently asking us if Jasper had lost his marbles.

Rose snorted in a very unlady-like manner that contrasted the manners our mom had tried to teach her since she was a child. It also didn't help that she was damn-near inhaling her salmon sandwich. Our poor mother looked horror-stricken. I was pretty sure that I was the favorite child right at that moment.

Jasper was nodding vigorously, adding more details to his enthralling tale. I admitted the sad truth to myself: my brother was getting old before his time. He used to go on trips to Egypt to see the pyramids, visit World War Two prison camps in Eastern Europe, and hike along the remains of Hadrian's Wall in England. Now, he went to vacuum museums in Oregon. Fucking sad.

"Edward?" My mother's voice was pleading with me not to shatter her illusions of her perfect children. If she only knew.

I decided to be nice. She was my mother, after all. And it wasn't my fault that the twintastic morons had turned out the way they had. I could be her golden child if she wanted me to. Only…my life wasn't all that spectacular, and I really had no interesting tales to tell. Shit.

"Um…I'm getting a lot of writing done at the moment. For once, my agent isn't breathing down my neck and I'm actually ahead of my writing schedule," I said. Fuck, I led an exciting life.

"Ooh, tell me about your next book!" my mother interrupted excitedly. Wow, the woman was desperate.

"Hell, no!" Rose exclaimed. "If I have to read the damn thing when it gets published, then I don't want to know anything about the plot beforehand!"

"Aw, just a few hints?" my mother begged.

"Absolutely not!" Rose folded her arms with a determined look on her face.

Esme Cullen rose to her full height in her chair, narrowing her eyes as she looked at her daughter.

I laughed as the two strong, female wills of the Cullen Family clashed. Jasper chuckled too, knowing exactly who would win. Rose was an amateur, still, compared to our mother. But it was funny as hell to witness.

The workaholic moonlighting as a husband and a father graced us with his presence after lunch, warbling about surgeries and paperwork. He seemed genuinely surprised to see his children lounging in the living room. He impersonated a goldfish for a few seconds before Rose launched herself at him squealing. Yes, squealing, "Daddyyyy!" like a spoiled little brat. He barely caught her which I thought was a shame. An up-close and personal meeting with the floor would have taken her down a peg or two and God knew she needed it.

Jasper launched into his fascinating Oregon tale again because obviously it wasn't enough to bore the rest of us to death, but at least we had a doctor for a father in case there really was something wrong with Jasper's head. Daddy Dearest nodded and mhm'ed politely, probably internally scheduling a lobotomy for his youngest son. Our poor dad grasped at straws and asked about Jasper's art, but when Jasper started talking about the painting he had done of Henry the Bear in Mitchell, Rose saved us by switching the subject to her bar. Sometimes it came in handy to have a sister who loved talking about herself.

And fuck me I had a crazy ass family.

We stayed for dinner, during which our emotional mother bribed us with the leftovers to come home to visit more often. Dad had a hard time figuring out whether or not he liked that deal, being a big fan of having leftovers in the fridge, but apparently also liking having his kids around. Oh, the struggle it was to be Carlisle Cullen.

Mom pulled me aside before we left and gave me a hug before she looked at me with a strange, serious look in her eyes. "I really do miss you, honey. All three of you. And I do try to give you peace and space to write and do your own things. I just want you to be happy, Edward."

"Aw, Mom, you're breaking my heart," I groaned and hugged her. "I'm sorry for making you think that…well, whatever it is that you're thinking. I'll come home more often, I promise. But it's a two-way street, you know. You can come down and see us anytime."

"But I don't want to bother you. You're busy with your books and Jasper with his art. And Rose has the bar to look after."

My strong-ass mother suddenly looked very vulnerable and I hated myself for being the cause of it. "We've always got time for our mom, even if we've made it look like we don't."

"Well…" She collected herself and squeezed my arm. "Then I might just come down and see you soon. I'm sure yours and Jasper's places could use a good cleaning and you probably never cook a decent meal for yourself. And Rose might need to redecorate the bar, don't you think? Yes, and we could go shopping. Edward, you need new clothes. Those jeans you're wearing…there are holes on the knees, honey."

I chuckled. "Yes, Mother."

Being around my family for a whole day always made me appreciate the peace and quiet of my own house that much more, so I basked in the solitude when I came home that night. I knew it made me an ungrateful bastard because, as deranged as my family could appear, they were fucking great and I never had to doubt that I could count on them no matter what. But being a writer had made me a bit of a loner and I could admit to it.

My thoughts strayed to Marie. I wondered if she was still in the area or if she had decided that Evonside Bay was not the right place. Shit, that girl occupied more of my thoughts than I was willing to admit to myself.

I dreamt of her that night when I finally fell into an uneasy sleep. I dreamt of her warm touch and her heavenly scent that reminded me of home, even though I couldn't even identify it. In my dreams, she also had a look in those fucking beautiful eyes of hers that oozed peace and made me instantly calm and feeling like a war had been raging inside of me all at the same time. When I woke up to a gray and cold morning, made even colder by the fact that I had managed to kick off the covers during the night, I didn't know whether to laugh or fucking cry. It was ridiculous the hold Marie had over me without even being there.

I was tired as fuck from tossing and turning and dreaming of her all night. I took a shower but that only warmed me up, as did the three mugs of coffee that I inhaled afterwards. My thoughts were still a jumbled mess when I sat down with my laptop and a fourth mug of coffee at my desk in the library.

I stared at the screen for almost an hour before I moved to sit at the dining room table instead, because a change of location sometimes helped me when I was stuck in whatever I was writing. No luck, though. I moved to the coffee table, then the kitchen counter, then my bed, and finally the back porch where it was chilly as hell. Four hours and I still hadn't written one goddamn word. I closed the laptop with a loud snap and went back inside. I dug out a notebook and a pen, and threw myself on the couch to try out another trick to get the creativity flowing: writing in longhand. By noon, I had two pages of doodles and a grocery list.

I nearly growled out loud in frustration.

It was seriously not the time for me to get stuck, because even though I had told my mother yesterday that I was ahead of my schedule and, for once, didn't have my agent breathing down my neck and reminding me of deadlines, it wouldn't take much for that to change.

I admitted defeat for the day and went to put away my laundry. And since I had already started on my good-boy behavior, I also went grocery shopping since I was down to my last two frozen pizzas. I might be fucking disastrous at heating up the cheesy pieces of cardboard, but it was sadly the best I could come up with. It was either frozen dinners or sandwiches for me. I was that fucking bad in a kitchen.

My mood brightened when I met Tiny at the grocery store. She was loading her cart with Red Bull when I spotted her, and I raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think you should lay off that stuff?" I asked her.

She pirouetted gracefully at the sound of my voice and beamed when she recognized me. "Emmett is addicted to that nasty stuff," she said and wrinkled her nose, scowling at the offending cans. "And sending him into a grocery store is honestly just a recipe for disaster, so I pick it up for him."

"That's nice of you. I wish Rose would do my groceries, too," I chuckled, knowing that there would be at least three Thursdays in one week before that happened.

"You obviously don't go crazy entering a store, so there's no reason for her to slave for you," Tiny said. "Last time Emmett ventured into a grocery store on his own, he came out with fourteen kinds of cereal, eight jars of pickles, an entire bag of candy bars, a flashlight, and five toothbrushes. I still haven't made sense of that."

I laughed, feeling my day improve by the second. I invited Tiny over to Rose's bar for some of my sister's fucking awesome Irish coffee and we had a great time making fun of Rose's fanboys irritating the fuck out of her. The fanboys were local guys who believed Rose to be the eighth wonder of the world and hung out at the bar with pathetic fantasies of hooking up with the owner. Watching her shoot them down was good fun because the fuckers could just not take a hint.

I went for a run that evening in the twilight. I needed a good night's sleep to be able to get back into the groove with my book. I figured exhausting myself physically and then having a few beers while I watched my rarely used TV would make me sleep like a baby.

I ran on the beach for a couple of miles before I headed up into the forest for the return route. I used to run regularly, but lately I hadn't made time for it which meant that my body was now paying for my laziness.

Except for my own labored breathing, the forest was quiet around me. I had forgotten my iPod at home, fucking genius that I was. It was getting darker and I felt energized as the inspiration seeped back into me. Shit, I needed to get back into a routine that involved daily runs. Ideas flowed through my head and I was so engrossed in my own thoughts that I forgot about my aching body. It was fucking liberating.

Then, I was sprawled face first on the path leading through the forest. What the fuck? Grimacing as I peeled myself off the ground and got back on my feet, brushing the dirt off my palms and clothes, I looked behind me for something that could have caused my less than graceful fall. Fuck, I was grateful that no one had seen me. My palms stung, but my pride stung even worse.

In the increasing darkness, I spied an abandoned messenger bag on the path. I slapped myself mentally for not seeing it before I kissed the ground. I picked up the bag. It was either blue or gray, too difficult to tell as it was getting darker and darker by the minute. Peering inside, it was filled with stuff and it seemed like an odd thing to drop or lose. I looked around and spotted something else to the side of the path. It was a knitted beanie. Frowning, I put down the bag next to the beanie on the side of the path. Whoever had left it behind would probably come back and look for it, but at least now there was no reason for anyone else to trip over it.

My good mood and spurt of inspiration had left me, and that shit just sucked. Just as I was about to start running again, I saw a dark form out of the corner of my eye. Maybe it was more crap left behind for unsuspecting suckers to trip over. Curios by nature, I took a closer look, gasping when I realized that it wasn't more crap.

It was a person.

My heart thudded fucking loudly in my chest. I had dealt with dead bodies before when I was in medical school, having had the romantic notion that I was meant to save lives. But right then, I felt more like a character in one of my books, creeping around in the dark forest. Shit, I really hoped it wasn't someone who had been murdered. Then again, this was Evonside Bay, and the local sheriff had never fired his gun. In fact, he was the local poker champion because his job allowed him to play cards most of the day.

"Please don't be dead," I whispered as I grabbed the arm of the person and rolled the body over. I recognized her immediately even with the dried blood on her forehead and the leaves in her hair.

Marie.


	3. He Feels Like Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: A big thank you to nijiska and nowforruin from Project Team Beta for betaing this chapter.

CHAPTER 3

Bella:

He Feels Like Home

I woke up feeling exactly like I did the last time I had tried to escape reality by going through half a bottle of cheap tequila. Everything hurt, and I had absolutely no idea where I was.

I was in someone else's bed; that much was obvious. It was much bigger than the one at the motel where I had been staying on and off. While trying to figure out where I was, I was distracted by the room I found myself in. It was big and lit with floor to ceiling windows. The dark blue curtains were partly closed, but I had a good view of a porch outside facing the water. The furniture was dark wood and contrasted with the white walls perfectly, while the artwork on two of the walls provided some color with their mesmerizing blue, green, and golden tones.

The pain in my head brought my focus away from the room, and I gingerly touched my forehead, finding a bandage there. I wondered if I had hurt myself or if it was just to hold all the broken pieces of my brain in. Something had to be broken with the amount of pain I was in. My clothes were dirty and wrinkled, and there was what looked like dried blood on my shirt. God, what had happened to me?

Feeling a little woozy, I got out of the bed, determined to figure out where I was, and then get the hell out of here. I found my boots, pulling them on distractedly as I looked around for my coat and bag. I was relieved when I found both on a chair next to a dresser. I looked through my bag, finding that nothing was missing. I was relieved that I hadn't been robbed. Well, at least I wasn't in the house of a thief.

I left the bedroom and made my way down the hallway, listening for any sounds. At first, I heard nothing but my own rapid heartbeat. I was slightly afraid of what I might discover, and it frustrated the hell out of me that I couldn't remember how I had gotten into some stranger's house. Then I heard what sounded like someone typing really fast on a keyboard.

The hallway ended in a spacious living room spread out before me. There was a grand piano in front of the same floor to ceiling windows, the same mesmerizing art on the walls, and dark wood furniture as in the bedroom. Right in the middle of the big room was a dining table, and bent over a laptop was a man typing furiously, as if afraid to forget whatever was on his mind before he had gotten it written down.

There was something familiar about him, even as he sat with his back to me. Looking at his messy, bronze hair, it finally clicked. Images flashed through my mind, making my already aching head spin.

Edward – the devastatingly beautiful man who had made me feel so many conflicting feelings that it scared me.

I may have gasped out loud, but thankfully he didn't hear me over the tapping of his fingers on the keys. I frantically looked around for some kind of exit, grimacing when I noticed that I had to cross the living room to get to the front door.

I made a run for it as quietly as possible, and I would probably have made it if I hadn't been assaulted by the memories as soon as I opened the front door. Out of nowhere, I remembered the events of the previous day, and I only had to connect a few dots to come to the conclusion that Edward had rescued me. Either from the vile creature of a man who had attacked and chased me, or from a night of unconsciousness on the cold, wet forest floor.

"Marie! Wait!" Edward called out.

I froze on the bottom porch step and closed my eyes. I was running from him again, and this time I not only owed him an explanation, but also a thank you. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip as I acknowledged that I had to fight my instincts at least for a little while. I had to not run.

I opened my eyes before I turned around. By then Edward had made it to the top of the stairs and was looking intently down at me with emerald eyes that were even clearer and more mesmerizing than they had been at the bar.

"Shit, beautiful. You're always rushing off. Where's the goddamn fire?" He winced a little and looked down, obviously realizing a little too late that he had ventured out onto the wet porch without shoes.

"I'm… I'm sorry," I managed to say. I bit my lip again, not knowing what to tell this devastatingly beautiful man. "And…thank you."

He clenched and unclenched his hands a couple of times. "Please don't run off again," he said softly. "You really should be resting, you know. You're probably in pain, too."

"I'm okay," I fibbed.

"Bullshit." He huffed, but accompanied it with a crooked smile that disappeared when he started speaking again. "Listen, why don't you come back inside, and I'll fix us some breakfast? Then I'll drive you down to the Sheriff's office so that he can take your statement about what happened to you last night. You were attacked, weren't you?" he guessed.

Panic bubbled up in my throat. "Please, no police," I whispered. It would probably all be over the moment I said my name out loud to the authorities.

"Marie, if someone fucking attacked you, you have to report it," Edward insisted, holding my eyes captive.

"I can't… I…" I said and bit my lip. I shouldn't even be entertaining the thought of confiding in Edward, but I was. "I just can't. Please don't make me."

"I'm not going to make you do anything," he said softly and looked at me carefully. I felt my cheeks burn with a blush. "Where are you staying?" he asked abruptly.

"At the motel," I hedged. It wasn't completely true, but it was all I could afford to reveal.

"Marie…" he begged, shaking his head. "It's not safe. Trust me, okay? If someone fucking attacked you, and you don't want to go to the sheriff, then staying at the motel isn't a good idea. Isn't there someone you can stay with?"

"I'll be fine," I insisted, ignoring his question. There was no one.

He ran a hand through his hair again, frustration seeping out of him. He seemed to contemplate his next words. "At least come back inside for some breakfast and maybe a hot shower?" he finally asked. "I know the goddamn motel doesn't have hot water half the time, and whereas I'm no gourmet cook, I am fully capable of making breakfast without burning the house down. My coffee is better than Sue's down at the diner, too."

A hot shower and coffee – he couldn't have made me a more tempting offer if he'd tried. I tried to resist…I should have resisted, but I couldn't. My life had been reduced to an existence where few things were better than hot showers and warm coffee. Even telling myself that I shouldn't trust anyone didn't help. Edward had already showed that all he wanted was to help me. With my cell phone a week ago, finding and taking care of me last night, not pressuring me to go to the Sheriff, and offering me a shower and breakfast.

I sighed and nodded. "Thank you, I'd like that."

He smiled and my breath hitched in my throat. I followed him back inside, taking a time out from my anxiety to admire the beautiful man walking in front of me. And there was definitely plenty to admire.

He led me back to the same room where I had woken up earlier and showed me the bathroom next to it. After making sure I had more than enough towels, he told me to take my time, and then he went to make breakfast.

I rummaged through my bag to find my toiletries before stripping off my clothes. The jeans were dirty from the forest floor, and there was blood on my shirt, as well as on my coat. I didn't have a lot of clothes with me, so I would have to wash it as soon as I got back to town.

I let the warm water soothe my aching body. It was absolutely amazing to stand under the spray of water, and I could almost feel some of the tension leave my body as I savored my first decent shower in weeks.

My thoughts involuntarily strayed to my handsome rescuer, a mess of bronze hair, mesmerizing green eyes, and a crooked smile with the power to make me do just about anything. Out of anyone who could have found me out in the forest, it just had to be him. Part of me was grateful that it hadn't been some creep, but another part of me was embarrassed of having to open up a little to him and admit some humiliating truths about myself and my life, because I was going to have to tell him something.

He just…overwhelmed me in so many ways.

I had run from him that night outside the bar, scared, paranoid, amazed, and definitely overwhelmed. His touch had burned through the ice that surrounded me and since then, I had been slowly melting, shedding the layers of protection I had been working so hard to encase myself in. When I couldn't run anymore, I realized that I had no idea where I was. Not that it mattered. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to be, and no one to go to.

It had been so dark, and I had somehow managed to find my way to the outskirts of the small town of Evonside. It was getting too cold to spend the nights outside, but I didn't have much choice. The dark didn't allow me to see much of my surroundings, but there was a pine forest on one side of the road and open fields on the other. That only left me one option.

I had always liked pine forests. I had spent countless hours on my own in the vast pine forests near my dad's house, and the incredible silence always wrapped around me like a security blanket. The all-consuming vacuum kept me safe, and the thickness of the forest would always keep me relatively warm and dry. As much as I liked it, it was also just a forest, and not a bedroom with four walls, a roof, and a door with a lock. Good or bad, it was the best form of accommodation I could afford at that moment.

I wasn't quite ready to leave Evonside Bay yet. I hadn't been lying when I'd told Edward that I was looking for the right place. In fact, I was becoming quite skilled in the art of answering questions vaguely and without lying too much. And so far I liked Evonside. It was big enough for me to stay relatively out of sight, but still small enough to feel safe.

The problem was, I didn't actually feel safe – but there was a chance I might. I hadn't felt safe in years, and certainly not since I had high-tailed it out of Seattle almost three weeks ago. I had almost made myself dizzy crisscrossing all over the place in an attempt to throw off anyone who might be following me. I had ditched my beloved, old truck after a few days because it was slow and much too easy to recognize. I had rode busses and trains, I had hitchhiked, even though it had scared the crap out of me, and I had walked mile after mile, resulting in blisters on my feet. Eventually I had ended up at Evonside Bay, stopping here only because I needed to rest.

That was almost two weeks ago, and since then I had spent five nights at the motel and the rest of the nights outside. The weather was getting colder, though, and if I wanted to stay here much longer I would need to find a new place to stay. It would not only be too suspicious to stay at the motel for too long outside of the tourist season, but also too expensive; my limited amount of cash would disappear much too fast if I were to extend my stay there.

I had entertained the thought of looking for a job but was afraid it would be too dangerous. Maybe I could find something low key, although, I had no idea what qualified as low key. And I would need to tell an employer my real name along with all other relevant information I wasn't too keen on sharing. I knew there was a chance that I was only being paranoid, but it did feel dangerous. So I hadn't even tried.

It had been even darker in between the trees than out on the road. Terrified of getting lost, I hadn't strayed too far before settling down on a plastic bag under a particularly tall pine. The plastic bag kept me dry from the damp forest floor, and the trees sheltered me from small gusts of wind. I had pulled out my beanie, scarf, and gloves form my bag and put them on. They were all the protection from the cold I had, even though I had considered spending some of my limited funds on a blanket. But I was afraid that carrying it around would make people suspicious, and that was the last thing I could afford. So I endured the cold.

The thing about sleeping outdoors was that there wasn't a whole lot of sleeping going on. Not only was it too cold to be able to relax properly, but I was also much too focused on being on alert. I wasn't just too afraid of people finding me and questioning my reasons for sleeping outside. Who knew what lived in the forest? I had always been the victim of a very active imagination and it did me no favors in a dark forest at night.

Unable to sleep, my thoughts drifted. It had been a mistake to go the bar. I had just been so cold, and my lack of grace had made me trip on the uneven pavement just as I was having a staring contest with my cell phone. I had given in and sought shelter for a little while, hoping the one drink I splurged on would give me a little relief from my misery. The sugar and alcohol in the rum and Coke I had ordered had done me a lot of good, but it was Edward's kisses that had warmed me up.

Now, a week later I felt my cheeks flare up even as I thought about it. My own reaction to him had surprised me, shocked me even, as I had never known I was capable of such overwhelming emotions. And then, just as I had gotten lost in the moment, everything had come crashing down on me. As always.

That particular night had been the coldest one so far. I had shivered so much that I was afraid that I would never be able to stop again. It had also felt like morning might never come, but it had, and with it a rain shower that had drenched me. I had had to check back into the motel that day in fear of getting seriously ill.

I pushed the memories away. I was not ill, and here in Edward's house it was easy to feel safe and at home. Relishing in being warm and clean, I stepped out of the shower with a little more optimism than I had entered it with. I dressed in my second pair of jeans and a gray cable knit hoodie over a black camisole. The bandage on my forehead had, amazingly enough, stayed on during my shower, but fell off when I touched it. I inspected the cut, wincing a little as I dabbed the skin around it dry. It didn't look too horrible, and I was careful not to disturb it further when I brushed my hair.

Looking into the mirror, I cringed at how pale I was. It was also obvious that I lacked sleep, and I couldn't keep denying the fact that my clothes were getting significantly looser. My newly gained optimism was already evaporating.

With a sigh, I carefully folded up my dirty clothes so that they would fit into my bag. It held everything I had brought with me when I left Seattle, and I knew I was lucky that I still had it in my possession. The guy from last night could easily have stolen it, but apparently that hadn't been what he was after. I shivered.

Edward had Tylenol and orange juice waiting for me when I joined him in the kitchen after following the smell of bacon.

"Thank you," I said gratefully, downing the pain killers. "And thank you for letting me use your shower. I feel almost human again."

"No problem," he said as he shrugged, loading two plates with eggs, bacon, and toast. My mouth was watering at the sight and the smell of food. "Have a seat and dig in. It's nothing fancy, but it's hot and I managed not to burn it, so it could have been a lot worse. My mom always says that I'm the only one she has ever met who can burn down the kitchen just by ordering take-out."

"It smells great," I said with a smile.

"What happened last night?"

I had been expecting the question but that didn't mean I knew how to answer it. "I…I don't really remember much," I said before I took a sip of my coffee. He was right; it was better than what they served down at the diner. Coffee was my indulgence every morning, no matter where I had spent the night.

"Marie, I'm trying to respect the fact that you don't really want to tell me anything about yourself," Edward said slowly. "But you gotta give me something. I promise not to ask you why you don't want the Sheriff involved if you'll just tell me what happened. I won't go to the Sheriff, but there are other ways to make sure that you're safe from it happening again."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "You've got your secrets and I've got mine. I just want you to be safe."

"Why?" It slipped out before I had time to stop myself and I looked down with burning cheeks.

"Two reasons," he replied after a small pause. "Fuckers who attack innocent girls should burn in hell, no exception. And…well, you've kind of been on my mind since that night at the bar."

That made me look up, unable to hold back a smile, but it only intensified the blush on my cheeks. Edward looked a little sheepish but returned my smile. I wanted to kick myself for acting so foolishly, but it seemed like I had no control over it – just like the words coming out of my mouth.

"There isn't really a lot to tell," I heard myself say with a small sigh. "I was walking on the path in the forest when I heard someone behind me. Before I could turn around, he had already grabbed my arm. I kneed him in the groin and ran, but he caught up with me after a while. I tried to fight him off but ended up on the ground. That's when he started kicking me until he suddenly stopped and looked around like he had heard someone coming or something. The last thing I remember is him kicking me in the head and running away. I must have blacked out after that."

Edward took a deep breath, looking like he was trying to keep his temper at bay. "Did you know the guy?"

I shook my head. "I'd never seen him before and I can't even give you a decent description of him. I was too busy getting away from him to notice what he looked like." My father, in his attempts to make sure I would be safe while growing up, had repeatedly told me how to defend myself and make sure that I took notice of details if anything should ever happen. And when something did happen, all I had remembered was to knee the perpetrator in the nuts.

"Shit," Edward muttered before he looked back at me. "I really hate the fact that you're just gonna go back out there, Marie."

"I don't have much of a choice," I said and shrugged. The idea of running into the guy again did scare me, but I had been doing a lot of things that scared me lately.

Edward stabbed the last piece of bacon on his plate with his fork. "Would you…" He hesitated, never looking up. "Would you consider staying here for a few days? You would be safe and I could poke around a bit. I mean, it's a small community and I might be able to find out who it was."

And there he went again, overwhelming me. "Edward," I said, exhaling deeply. "You've already done so much for me and I couldn't-"

"Please," he said. His tone was firm, but his voice was soft.

I didn't know why it felt so natural to accept, but it just did. No one had ever made me feel as normal as Edward did. He treated me like an equal, someone worthy of having their own opinion. This was something I didn't remember experiencing, at least not to this extent. It was…liberating. And I wanted more of that feeling. "Okay," I whispered.

Edward let out a breath and gave me a wonderfully crooked smile. "Thank you, Marie."

"I should be the one thanking you," I said and bit my lip before taking the plunge. In my messed up mind, an act of bravery might mean that karma was on my side later. "My name isn't Marie. Well, it is, but... I'm sorry about lying, but I just… I don't…I can't afford to trust people too easily. My real name is Isabella Marie Swan, but you can just call me Bella." I smiled sheepishly. "I figured the least I could do was tell you my name when you're letting me stay in your house."

"Thank you for trusting me with your name, Bella," he said, his smile dazzling me to a degree where I couldn't make myself regret telling him my name.

After breakfast, Edward talked me into taking another nap, or to at least get some rest. I even agreed to Edward washing my dirty clothes for me. I didn't fight him on it because my body ached and as much as I tried not to, I felt safer than I had in a very long time. The paradox was that it was because of a man that I didn't really know.

I shed my hoodie and jeans before climbing into bed. I had locked the door, hoping he wouldn't think it was extremely rude if he found out, and also closed the curtains. When I was buried under the covers, I let out a breath and did my best to ignore the pain in my head and the vulnerability I was showing with Edward.

I tried telling myself how ridiculous I was being. I knew nothing about Edward, not even the mere basics, like his age or what he did for a living. But before I could berate myself further, I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes again my headache was mostly gone and the room was considerably darker. I felt well-rested, which was a luxury I had been without for a while.

When I emerged, it was already late afternoon. I found Edward in the exact same spot as I had this morning. He was once again typing furiously on his laptop at the table in the living room, only this time, he noticed my presence as soon as I came down the hallway.

He smiled at me and motioned for me to sit down on the opposite side of the table. He closed his laptop and rose from his seat to collect two bottles of water from the fridge.

"How's the head?" he asked, handing me a bottle.

"A lot better, thanks."

He nodded thoughtfully and told me that he had made a few phone calls while I slept. He assured me that no one was going to get in trouble, and that he had only asked some people to keep their eyes and ears open.

"Whatever scumbag it was that attacked you will no doubt either brag about it to his scumbag friends or ask around for you to finish whatever it was he was after," he said. "Either way, in such a small community, someone will pick up on it. Don't worry, Bella. He'll get what he deserves one way or the other."

I must have looked about as unconvinced as I felt because Edward chuckled before he elaborated.

"My sister owns the bar where we met last week. She doesn't like when I call her a gossip, so instead I'll say that it's a fact that she knows everything that goes on in Evonside. Don't ask me why. I mean, I get the whole spilling your guts to the bartender thing, but Rose is just not your typical emphatic bartender. So how she finds out these things I really have no idea. Maybe it's because she's nosy as hell.

"I also spoke to my brother. He knows everyone around here, and people always seem to want to confess their sins to him. Between the three of us we'll figure it out."

"I don't even know what to say," I admitted. I was overwhelmed, and I was afraid that it was going to make me want to run again. Above all I was grateful for everything he was doing for me. I was also baffled that he even bothered. I wasn't used to be on the receiving end when it came to kindness. It all added to the mess in mind which I had yet to figure out.

Edward spoke about his siblings with equal parts of love and exasperation, and I had to admit to myself that the sibling bond between them fascinated me. Being an only child I had never experienced it myself, and it was comfortable to entertain the thought of having someone who was always there whether you wanted it or not.

He spoke so freely about himself and his life that the shame of not being very forthcoming at all bubbled up in my throat. Even if I did consider it necessary, I was not used to lying or evading questions. Until now it had only been to strangers, which had been bearable, but Edward was not a complete stranger anymore. Every little piece of information about me that I considered sharing had to be twisted and turned in my mind so many times before I was certain that it would not reveal anything of significance about me. And at the same time I felt horrible not sharing anything important other than my name – which was too much and not enough at the same time.

"You don't have to say anything," he assured me. "Rose likes snooping in other people's business, and Jasper was all over it like it was some kind of treasure hunt. I'm sort of used to dealing with bad guys and figuring out mysteries, so it's all good."

"Figuring out mysteries?" I asked, almost a little afraid of the answer. I definitely didn't need him trying to figure out the mysteries I was hiding. That would just get messy.

"I write mysteries for a living." He half-smirked. "Just last week I disposed of my latest fictional body and am now in the process of unraveling the mystery."

"Should I know your books?" I asked. I was more than a little in awe because he was apparently doing what I had always dreamed of doing, writing books. "I read mostly historical fiction, though," I admitted.

"If you're not into the genre, then you probably don't know my books. I write under the pseudonym Anthony Masen, because I don't really want to deal with the hassle of people knowing who I am. That's not why I write, and I like my solitude too much to want to go on book tours and crap like that."

He was a kindred spirit, hiding behind a different name just like me. Our situations were not alike, even by a long shot. But still I felt that if anyone would ever really understand me, it would probably be someone who recognized the need to hide.

"I have read one of your books, then." I smiled, trying to hide my relief. "I especially liked you characterization, and I used it as an example of how important it is to give your characters flaws in a paper I did on the subject in college. I um… I double-majored in history and creative writing."

He smiled, and I knew that it wasn't just because I had read one of his books, but also because I had volunteered a piece of information about myself. For some reason he seemed to understand my struggle with it, even if he didn't know the reason behind it.

I bit my lip, internally berating myself for being so rude.

"I'm sorry," I finally blurted, a blush rising to my cheeks. "It really is nothing personal, I just… I'm… Oh God, I wish I could explain properly."

"Please don't apologize, Bella. It's okay. I understand the need to keep something to yourself."

I looked at him, seeing a faraway look in his eyes. I still felt a need to explain, though. "I'm on the run," I said in a rush before I had time to regret it. "But it's not because I've done something illegal or anything, I swear."

Or had I?


	4. She Is Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Thank you to spaniard and nowforruin from Project Team Beta for tackling this chapter.

CHAPTER 4

Edward:

She Is Gone

If I could have written the kind of mystery that Bella represented, I would be at the top of the New York Times Bestseller list. It was fucking adorable the way she assured me that she wasn't running because she was some kind of criminal. I couldn't for the life of me imagine her doing anything forbidden or hurting anyone. I fucking hated knowing that she was running, because that meant that the fuckhead who had hurt her yesterday was not the only one who was after her. I felt so goddamn protective of that girl, it wasn't even funny.

Bella – beautiful, enchanting, and fucking shy Bella who I knew tasted like heaven, but who I also, for some unspoken, yet completely natural reason kept at a distance so I wouldn't spook her. I didn't want to be the reason for her running away again.

At least she trusted me with her real name, if nothing else. I got it, though. I understood the need to keep parts of yourself hidden for whatever reason. And I wasn't going to pressure her into telling me shit. She was so damn skittish that I was almost afraid of coughing or looking at her the wrong way, for fear of her bolting again.

She was like a kitten. One minute she would be blushing, humble, cute as fuck, and the next she'd stubbornly insist on cooking dinner or folding my laundry. Her excuse was my insistence that she stayed until the motherfucker who had attacked her was found. And as skittish as she was, I'd have to agree to whatever she felt like she had to do. Cute and feisty, that was what she was. And one hell of a cook. She raided the kitchen, and sent me a disapproving look when most of what she found was frozen pizzas, pop tarts, and other idiot-proof food. To her luck, and mine as it turned out, she managed to find some stuff that my mother had brought with her the last she visited, and the result was a fucking delicious pasta dish that I could have eaten every day for a year.

I promised her that I'd stop by the grocery store the next day. No way was I going to deny the woman when she wanted to cook for me. And if it was the price for getting her to stay for a while, then I'd just enjoy it while it lasted.

Bella was a quiet house guest. She never talked on her phone, didn't like watching TV, although I talked her into watching a few movies, and she never prattled on about unimportant crap like most women I knew. She was fucking perfect.

The only difficult part of having her in the house was the nightmares. I could hear her screaming and crying at night, but she always locked the door, and she didn't answer when I knocked. It fucking tore me up listening to her. I'd asked her about it, but she claimed she didn't remember the nightmares. The blush in her cheeks and the way she would avoid my eyes told me that she was lying, but I didn't push her on the subject.

She apparently liked to read because she became instant best friends with my library. It was one of the bigger rooms in my house; all the walls were lined with floor to ceiling bookcases. They weren't all filled yet, but I was working on it. There was a fireplace because that was mandatory according to my knowledgeable mother, as well as a couch and several chairs designed to just cuddle up and read in. I had a desk in there too that I wrote at.

I had always been unable to write when there were other people in the room, but to my great surprise, Bella's presence only fuelled my writing process. She would curl up on the couch or sit across from me at the table while I wrote, and I would type furiously – to a point where I was concerned that the keyboard would catch on fire.

"Can I ask you a question?"

I looked up from my laptop to see Bella biting her lip, twirling a lock of her hair around her finger nervously.

"Sure," I said with a nod. nodded.

"What made you choose the mystery genre?" she asked.

I leaned back in my chair and smiled. "Well, to be honest, I've always felt like the genre chose me instead of the other way around," I admitted. "I hadn't really read a lot of mysteries before I got the idea for my first one and started writing it. Originally, I hadn't even considered writing as a career, but I happened to find myself at a point in my life where I didn't know what to do with myself. My old dream had kind of shattered, and I needed a new one."

I rubbed my forehead. I hadn't talked about that part of my life in a while, and it was making me a little uncomfortable. "I had a nightmare one night, and for some reason it just kind of stayed with me the weeks following," I continued after a small pause. "One night when we were out drinking, I told my brother about it, and in his drunken haze he commented that it would make one hell of a book. The next day I killed my hangover by writing a very rough draft of the first chapter. To this day, I take Jasper's drunken advice very seriously."

"Wow. I guess the genre really did choose you," she said with a small smile. "Your brother sounds like a regular oracle. Kind of like the Oracle of Delphi. I read an article that suggests that the priestesses weren't psychic, but just high on whatever toxic gasses were in the cave. Maybe he's picking up where they left off."

I laughed. "He's better than Aro, at least. You remember the guy yapping about Cupid or some shit that night at the bar?"

She nodded. "He was creepy."

I didn't disagree, although I knew that he was harmless.

"So, what do you write?" I asked, hoping I wasn't pushing her too far. "Historical fiction? You mentioned that was what you preferred to read."

"Yeah, it is," she confirmed, fidgeting a little with her sleeve. "But it's kind of why I asked how you chose the genre. I've written a bit of everything, but no particular genre seems to have chosen me yet. That doesn't make sense, does it?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, to be honest. I don't know any other writers, and I've never taken any writing classes or anything, so I only know how I did it myself. And while it might have been right for me, it's not necessarily the right way to do it normally. I'm very grateful for Jasper pointing me in the right direction, even if he was hardly aware that he was doing it at the time."

She bit her lip, and I kind of wanted to bite it myself. Luckily, her next question distracted me enough to keep from actually doing it. "Have you ever considered writing something completely different?"

"Kind of," I admitted. "I have this idea for a mystery set in ancient Rome that I'm itching to write, but I would have no idea where to start with the research. I mean, I'm not afraid of the dirty work, but just the thought of reading up on antiquity overwhelms me."

"With a targeted search, it probably wouldn't be that bad," Bella said thoughtfully. "If you knew the exact time and setting, and if you weed out the research of the most opinionated scholars, it would no doubt mean a lot less reading than you'd think."

"Spoken like a true historian." I smirked. "Thank you, Professor Bella."

She blushed a little and looked down at the table. "Sorry. I guess history does make you somewhat of a research geek."

"It's a useful skill," I said and shrugged. "And it will no doubt mean that whatever you write has a good foundation. If I were you I wouldn't be too worried about choosing a specific genre, or it choosing you. There's nothing more boring than people in stereotypical boxes."

"I'm beginning to think that the oracle thing is a family trait." She smiled.

I laughed. Jasper and I were probably the last two people in the whole fucking world who should have been oracles.

Bella hinted that she was in the mood for baking. I told her to knock herself out. Cooking or baking, it didn't matter. As far as I was concerned, anyone who ever got in the mood for anything that produced edible food in my kitchen should get an award.

I sat staring out the window at the endless rain pelting down on the dark ocean in the distance. The water was gray, as was the sky. Normally, I would call a day like today a gray day, but it seemed different with Bella around. The shades of gray were sparkling, and they were like the nuances of life between black and white – they made all the difference. She was the perfect antidote for gray and boring.

I contemplated the conversation we had just had. Perhaps I should fucking live a little and try to venture out of my comfortable little niche of mystery writing. I'd hate to get stuck. It had always been a big fear of mine – stuck in a job with a family and mortgages, bills and responsibilities weighing me down.

It was a thought, at least. I sighed, and with the sound of Bella padding about in the kitchen as the soundtrack, I returned to Peter's frustrating attempt at solving Charlotte's murder. I was best with the riddles I created for myself.

Although it had only been a few days, I had already become used to being served three meals a day – and not with glorified cardboard pizzas either. Despite the fact that I had tried to convince Bella that cooking and cleaning was completely unnecessary, I couldn't help but feel like a bit of a chauvinistic pig. I hated that she felt like she had to repay me, but Bella happened to be as stubborn as I was, just in a much quieter way.

So when I woke up and didn't smell breakfast, I was a little surprised. It wasn't early, either. I had spent half the night writing because Bella's presence rivaled that of a muse's, and I was taking advantage of the sudden inspiration while I could.

Stumbling into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, I made my way to the kitchen, where I started the coffee machine. It was way too hard to function in the mornings without the jolt of caffeine. There was no sign of Bella, so I took a look around the house. The door to the guest bedroom was open, and when I looked inside, it was also completely fucking empty – as in stripped of Bella's few belongings.

I growled out loud. Would the girl ever stop running? I ran out on the porch, but I already knew that she would be long gone. It was after ten, and she would have been up for hours. Biting the inside of my cheek in frustration, I went back inside. I would go down and look for her at the motel. I hoped to fuck that she wouldn't be stupid enough to go back into the forest. I had still no fucking clue who had attacked her. So he was still out there somewhere.

I grabbed a cup of coffee first so I might have a chance to actually string two thoughts together and figure out where I might find her. As I less than gracefully inhaled the scalding liquid, I noticed a note on top of a plate of what looked like blueberry muffins.

Edward,

Thank you so much for everything you've done for me.

I'm sorry I can't stay, and that I left the way I did. It's 

for the best, trust me. 

\- Bella

For fuck's sake! The girl made me goddamn muffins before disappearing?

Reading the note did not make me any wiser. She was going to have to spell it out for me when I found her – and I was going to find her. I was putting on my boots and jacket, filling my pockets with my wallet, keys, and cell phone, when the phone in question rang, startling the hell out of me and almost made me drop it on the floor. It was Jasper.

"Bro," I greeted him, hoping he was going to tell me that he had somehow found out who had attacked Bella so I could go get the fucker and make sure that she was safe wherever she was. "What's up?"

"Edward, you need to get down to the hospital. Dad just called; Rose's been attacked," Jasper said in a rush.

"What? Shit! Is she okay? What happened? Fuck, Jazz. Who the hell did it?" I couldn't keep track of my thoughts, and I slammed the door behind me in my rush to get to my bike.

"I don't know," Jasper said. "Just get down there, okay? I'll see you in a few minutes. Dad said he'd come find us in the waiting room across from his office."

My thoughts raced ahead of me as I made my way to the local hospital.

Who the hell would attack Rose? She is the most vicious woman I know; who could get to her? Shit, it's got to be bad! It's not even noon, and this day is already a nightmare. First Bella disappears, and then Rose gets attacked. Fucking hell!

By the time I made it to the hospital, I had worked myself into a complete frenzy and was preparing myself to hear some really bad news. I parked illegally and ran inside, stopping dead in my tracks when I reached the threshold of the waiting room. I narrowed my eyes, trying to make sense of the scene unfolding in front of me.

Jasper was standing in the middle of the room holding onto Tiny's arm. He looked like he was in serious pain, which might have been explained by the fact that Tiny looked like she was kneeing him in the groin in slow motion.

What the fuck? 

To make things even weirder, my mom was sitting in a chair in the corner, giggling and telling Tiny to do it again.

My dad cleared his throat behind me just as I contemplated doing the exact same thing, and the weirdness in the waiting room ceased. Thank fucking God.

"Hello, son," he greeted me, motioning for me to follow him into the room.

"How is he doing?" Tiny asked before I had the chance.

Wait, he? My brow furrowed, and I rubbed my forehead in frustration for what seemed the millionth time today. Nothing was making sense, and I was so ready for this day to be over.

My dad cleared his throat again. "He…um, he will recover. That's all I can tell you."

"Damn," Tiny muttered, and my mom giggled again.

"Okay, will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on? Who the hell is he, and what happened to Rose? Is she okay?" I finally blurted out, unable to keep a lid on my frantic behavior.

"Your sister is fine," my dad said, rubbing his forehead. "She's talking to the Sheriff right now."

"Yeah, sorry," Jasper offered. "Apparently I didn't have all the facts when I called you. There was never anything to worry about."

"Well fuck," I said and exhaled loudly, planting myself in a chair and allowing my heart rhythm to get back to normal. That lasted all of two seconds, and then I remembered that Bella was gone. I was being pulled in two directions. On the one hand I needed to see for myself that Rose was really okay. And on the other hand I needed to go look for Bella.

"Oh, it was awesome, Edward," Tiny gushed, pirouetting herself into a chair next to me. She effectively distracted me, even if it was only briefly.

My mom giggled again, and my dad excused himself to go check up on Rose. Jasper groaned and mumbled something about coffee before he escaped out the door. I turned to look at a beaming Tiny. "What was awesome, exactly? Rose being attacked?"

"Yes. Well, no." Tiny took a deep breath before launching into the story. "Rose and I were talking at the bar. You know she owns the property on Main Street next to the bar? Well, she's letting me buy it, and we were talking about it when some creep came up to us and grabbed Rose's arm. He tried to grope her, and she swung at him faster than the blink of an eye. Damn, she's got a mean right hook. And I got to knee him in the groin. We sat on him while we called the Sheriff, and I may have stepped on his hand with my heels. It was the best lunch meeting ever!" She was grinning like a kid at Disneyland for the first time.

"Alice was just showing me how she kneed the guy when you came in," my mom added.

"So nothing happened to Rose?" I asked, more than just a little stunned.

"Well, she may have a bruise from where the creep grabbed her, but other than that she's perfectly fine," Tiny said, emphasizing her answer with a nod.

"Thank fucking God," I said and sighed. "You girls did well."

"Hell yeah, we did!" Tiny agreed with me.

My parents left. My dad's shift had ended, and they knew that Rose was fine. I needed to see for myself that my sister was okay, so I hung around with Jasper and Tiny until Rose finished up with the Sheriff. He sure was a slow fucker.

"Hey, do you think it was the same shithead who attacked that girl of yours?" Jasper asked when Tiny went to the bathroom. He looked completely worn out and had begun to roll his eyes and sigh every time Tiny launched into one of her energetic bouts of word vomit. I thought it was entertaining as hell, even if I couldn't have cared less about what she was spouting off about fashion, shoes, and fall colors.

Shit. It totally could be. And when I found him, I was going to fucking kill him. 

"How is the whole shacking up with a girl you don't know going, by the way?" Jasper smirked.

I punched his arm, because that was the best answer I could come up with, and was saved from further interrogation by Rose finally showing up. As usual she was looking like a million bucks although complaining about a broken nail. She grinned when she saw Tiny, and they high-fived each other. She sure as fuck had a weird way of dealing with an attack – if it could even be called that – but I was incredibly relieved that nothing had happened to her.

"Come by the bar for a late lunch and a pint," Rose offered us. "All this excitement has made me thirsty, and we still have a deal to close, Alice."

It sounded like a great idea to me, since I had skipped both breakfast and lunch due to certain females creating drama in my life. Afterwards I would head over to the motel to look for Bella. Other than that, I didn't know where to look. I hoped a little sustenance would give me some ideas, but I wasn't counting on my brain to help me much after how fucked up this day had already been.

Emmett was already at the bar, and he looked embarrassingly relieved when he saw that Rose was okay. Rose scowled at him, but he just grinned back at her. I wondered how many times the two of them had butted heads since their memorable first meeting.

The five of us sat down with a pint each, and Rose produced a mountain of sandwiches, officially making her my favorite sister in the world. Tiny launched into the grueling story of Rose's attack, again, for Emmett's benefit, though without the aid of Jasper this time, as he flat out refused to volunteer his manhood to the cause again.

"Eddie, help me get another round of pints?" Rose asked, sliding out from the booth.

Emmett jumped up. "I'll help you, Rosie."

"I said Eddie," Rose said, glaring at Emmett before motioning for me to follow her. I nodded, shrugged at Emmett, and followed my bossy sister.

"I'm glad you're okay, sis," I told her, throwing an arm around her shoulders as we walked up to the bar counter. "Jasper's phone call scared the crap out of me."

That earned me an honest to God smile from her. She went behind the counter and started tapping the pints before she looked up at me.

"It was one of the fanboys, Eddie," she said softly. "Royce King, you know the blond fucker who helps out down at the motel sometimes?"

I nodded, not liking the word motel.

"You know how gossipy the Sheriff gets when he sees a skirt," she continued, handing me the first two pints. "He told me something interesting when he was taking my statement. Apparently King is a fucking little girl, because the pain we inflicted on him made him sing like a canary. Without even being prompted, he admitted to two other assaults. You remember Mrs. Lang's granddaughter who visited this summer? Well, he fucking raped her. And just a few days ago he attacked another girl. He told the Sheriff that she'd been staying on and off at the motel, which makes me think it's your little house guest, Eddie."

"Motherfucker," I swore as I realized how close Bella and Rose had come to sharing a fate with Mrs. Lang's granddaughter. I didn't know her, but I still wanted to beat the crap out of Royce King for what he'd done.

He was such a little shit, but I had always thought he was harmless. He had lusted over Rose for years, and every time she swatted him off like a fucking dumb fly, he came running back for more.

"Motherfucker is right," Rose growled. "Thank God he's behind bars now. I'm telling you, when he gets out he should make sure to steer clear of me – otherwise he will find out what pain really is."

"And you'll have two eager brothers helping you out," I promised her. "As well as Emmett, who could probably sit on him until the air was squeezed out of him, while Tiny used those torture devices she calls shoes to make him full of air holes. We could bring lunch and make a day of it."

"I like the way you think, brother." Rose smirked. "I'll never underestimate you when it comes to finishing someone off. You mystery writers have all the good ideas."

I chuckled before turning serious again. "Thanks for telling me, Rose. She, um…she ran off this morning, so at least I'll know that creep isn't out there."

Rose didn't ask who I meant. She just narrowed her eyes at me, silently asking me what I had done to scare her off.

I shrugged. "I don't know, Rosie," I whispered.

She frowned. "I'll keep an eye out for her. At least she's safe from Royce."

I nodded while my imagination conjured up scenarios where Bella was not safe out there alone. "Thanks."

We went back to the others with the pints. Tiny was talking about the boutique she was going to open as soon as Rose sold her the property next door.

"You'll get the property," Rose promised her. "But I still say that you're crazy if you think Evonside is the right place for a boutique. The off season will kill it."

"Which is why I will have a web shop, too," Tiny said confidently. "And just you wait; people will be coming all the way from Seattle to shop in my boutique."

"Yep, crazy," Rose snorted.

"First rule of Alice McCarty: never doubt her," Emmett said solemnly. "She's always right. Trust me."

"I'm so glad you're finally embracing the truth, Em." Tiny giggled.

Rose cocked her head and nodded while she looked at Emmett with a serene smile. "That means that you, by default, are always wrong, and that totally works for me. Consider me convinced. Alice is always right."

I laughed as Jasper snorted, and the two new best friends, Tiny and Rose, high-fived each other again. Emmett just looked adoringly at Rose. Sucker.

I took off soon after that, wanting to find Bella.

As I passed Aro and his drunken buddies on my way out, he stopped me by flinging his hand out in my path. He stood up on wobbly legs and cleared his throat. "Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart," he told me with such a serious expression that I felt a smile tugging at the sides of my mouth.

"Yeah, thanks for your words of wisdom, man," I said, brushing him off as politely as I could. I wasn't really in the mood for his ramblings. He nodded, looking very satisfied with himself.

I left the bar and drove down to the motel. I wasn't sure if they would even tell me if Bella was staying there or not, especially since I didn't know which last name she had been using. Luckily it wasn't the old fuck of an owner who was working, but one of his employees – a floozie named Jessica I'd gone to school with. She made my skin crawl, but I'd give her a smile if she'd tell me anything about Bella.

"Edward!" she squealed when she saw me.

I cringed. She was such a fucking skank, it wasn't even funny. She had the worst reputation of all the females in Evonside, and either she didn't have a clue, or she just didn't care.

"Hi, Jessica," I greeted her.

"Oh my God, I haven't seen you in forever," she gushed, batting her eyelashes at me. "We should go out tonight and catch up."

That was definitely not happening. Ever.

"Sorry, I'm a bit busy at the moment. I was actually just wondering if you might tell me if a friend of mine is staying here at the motel? Her name is Marie."

"Um, well I guess that would be okay, since it's you." Jessica smiled, no doubt in an attempt to flirt. "What's her last name?"

Shit. 

"I'm not sure actually," I hedged, trying to come up with a plausible excuse for not knowing my friend's last name. "Um, she got married a while ago, and I don't know the guy's name. Can't you just look for her first name? It's not like there are that many rooms to check."

She seemed to tap away on the computer forever. She probably had no idea what the fuck she was doing. She hadn't been very bright in school; she was always mistaking Spanish for Latin, and whining to our geography teacher about how stupid it was to call a country full of snow Greenland instead of Whiteland.

"Well, she isn't staying here right now," Jessica finally said. "But she has been renting a room on and off for the past three weeks or so."

"On and off?" I asked.

"Yes, a night here and there," she replied, frowning at the screen. "Never two nights in a row, though. Maybe she's been staying with friends or something."

"Yeah, maybe," I said distractedly.

"Anyway, are you absolutely sure that you are too busy to catch up tonight?" Jessica swiftly changed the topic.

I nodded. "Sorry. But it was good seeing you again," I lied smoothly. "Thanks, Jessica. See you around."

I hurried out, not wanting to stand around and listen to her prattle on about unimportant crap.

I had no idea where else to look for Bella. I was pretty sure that she hadn't been staying with anyone because she hadn't seemed to know anyone in Evonside. I decided to check the town's only hotel before I went home. There were no other places to rent a room now that the tourist season had ended.

At the hotel, the receptionist insisted that they had no guests by the name of Marie, and she claimed that she couldn't tell me if anyone by that name had stayed there before.

Defeated and tired as fuck, I drove home, taking the path through the forest. It was the only place besides the bar that I had seen Bella. But of course I saw no sign of her.

That night when I lay in my bed, trying to fall asleep and failing miserably, I tried to figure out if my need for Bella was bigger than my need for protecting Bella. It had been one hell of a weird day, and my thoughts were getting the better of me. I didn't know what, if anything, I had done to scare her away, but I desperately wanted the chance to make it right again.

Yet, in the end, it didn't matter if I wanted Bella, or if I just wanted to protect her. The fact was, she was gone.


	5. She Distracts My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Thank you to nowforruin and Dinx for being the most amazing betas in the world. If you look in the dictionary under "amazing", there's a picture of them.

CHAPTER 5

Edward:

She Distracts My Heart

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Jasper flinched when Rose slammed another beer down on the bar counter, and I couldn't help but laugh, even though I was kind of a grouchy bastard these days. My brother had his back to the bar, so every time Rose found an outlet for her anger, he'd flinch or jump in his seat. It was funny shit.

I watched Tiny and Emmett walk in. Emmett stopped briefly to talk with Aro and his buddies, and then he made his way to the bar where Tiny was already perched on a stool.

"Time to watch the fireworks, bro," I said and chuckled, nodding toward the bar behind Jasper's back. He quickly turned around, leaning back against the table as he prepared for the show.

Rose was mixing a drink for Tiny when she spotted Emmett. Even from my spot in a booth across the room, I could see her posture changing.

"The stalker booth is in the back," she sniped loudly to Emmett. "Dumb and Dumber are already there – they're just waiting for you to complete the trio."

"Ouch," Jasper muttered. But Emmett wasn't one to cower at Rose's angry glare. Maybe he really was Dumbest.

"Aw, Rosie," he grinned, clutching his chest with mock-hurt. "That's no way to greet your own personal bodyguard. And trust me; I'll guard your fine body any damn time, baby. I'll take a bullet for you, wrestle crocodiles, go up against the mafia, and take you shopping on fucking Black Friday. That's what I'd do for you, Rosie."

"Great. Go wrestle some crocodiles," Rose said, dismissing him. "Make sure they're big-ass crocodiles too, and that you're heavily outnumbered. That way you'll get eaten sooner."

Emmett clutched his heart again and shook his head, muttering under his breath. "Can I at least get a beer before you send me to my untimely death?" he asked.

Rose didn't answer; she just glared at him and got him a beer. Seconds later, he joined Jasper and I in our booth. "Your sister plays cruel games with a man's heart," he said with a sigh as he sat down.

"I told you she's a bitch," I said with a shrug.

"Cheers to that!" Jasper roared enthusiastically. We all laughed before drinking.

"I think if Rosie doesn't kill me, Ali will," Emmett said. "Why is it such a bad thing that we don't want them to get hurt? You'd think we were trying to drown them or some shit, and not just trying to protect them."

Emmett, Jasper, and I had gone slightly overboard in our attempt to protect Rose and Tiny since the King incident. He was behind bars and shit, but we just all felt better keeping an eye on the girls.

Rose, being Rose, hated it. She was adamant about being able to take care of herself, and Tiny backed her up. I had rationalized the whole thing over and over in my head. I knew they had handled the situation very well on their own, but I couldn't help wonder if they would have been as successful at maiming the moron if they had been alone outside on a dark street. Bella had gotten hurt, after all.

Luckily for me, Jasper and Emmett were as protective as I was. That had resulted in Miss Cullen and Miss McCarty hating our guts for the moment. Tough shit, though.

"Yeah, I thought chicks totally loved guys going all protective and shit on their asses," Jasper snorted. "Figures Rose and Alice would be the exceptions, though."

I sighed into my beer. It had been three days of constant bitching from Rose and Tiny. It had also been three days since Bella had left. I'd sniffed around town, but it was like the fucking earth had swallowed her up. I missed her like crazy, and I worried like a motherfucker.

"So, hey! Great news!" Emmett boomed out of nowhere. "I got a lot of shit done this week, and my shop opens next Monday. I told you guys that I found a place down near the diner, right? Well, I got one of my buddies from back home who's a mechanic to come down here. I also hired a local guy. I had to butter Rosie up something fierce before she'd give up the name of someone who could be trusted around cars. She said that Seth has helped her out fixing up cars in the past."

"Seth is a good kid. He won't give you any trouble," Jasper commented.

"Congratulations on the shop, Em," I said. "I'm sure your business will be booming in no time."

Emmett proceeded to tell us about his buddy, Tyler, who would be working with him, and I motioned to Rose's hopeless waitress, Lauren, for another round of beers for us.

Tiny and her brotherly bodyguard left when Rose started closing up the bar. Jasper and I stubbornly stayed, because there was no way in hell that we were going home until Rose had parked her ass behind a locked door in her apartment upstairs.

Sister dearest surprised the hell out of us when she brought out three beers and tapped the bar counter to get our attention. The bar was just about cleaned up, and she had let out the last of her employees and locked the door.

Jasper and I looked at each other before we ventured up to the bar and sat down.

"What's up, sis?" Jasper asked.

Rose sighed heavily and took a sip of her beer. "You're irritating the hell out of me, you fuckers," she said, sending us an icy glare. Her facial expression softened a little. "But I love you for wanting me to be safe. Thank you."

I choked on my beer, and Jasper chuckled as he slapped my back. We both looked at Rose as the glare returned.

"Stop looking at me like that," she hissed. She started wiping down the counter again, most likely to avoid looking at us. When it was clean enough to eat a four course meal off of, she looked back up to find us staring, still. "Oh, knock it the fuck off!"

"You love us," Jasper teased dreamily.

"And you thanked us," I added, trying to keep a straight face.

"Yeah, well don't get used to it," Rose huffed.

Jasper chuckled. "Emmett is going to be heartbroken that he missed this love fest."

"Fuck that big Neanderthal!" Rose snarled, downing the last of her beer and throwing the bottle away.

"I think that's what he's aiming for," I said, laughing as I slid down from my stool and backed away from the counter, narrowly missing getting slapped. Jasper spluttered into his beer.

"Get the fuck out of my bar!" Rose told us, noisily collecting our empty beer bottles.

"Love you too, Rosie."

We finally managed to get Rose to calm down. While Dean Martin crooned from the jukebox, Jasper mopped the floor. Rose polished the last glasses, and I tidied up and restocked the shelves behind the counter. We did this sometimes. Not because we loved cleaning and tidying up, but because we had a sister who sometimes couldn't wait to send her staff home. In many ways the bar was her baby, and she didn't mind doing the work herself. And sometimes we didn't mind helping her. The three of us got the job done quickly, and within forty minutes we were ready to head home.

I slept very little that night. I had fallen asleep surprisingly quickly, but woke up after only an hour, unable to shake off the nightmare that had marred my sleep. Horrible images kept washing over me; I kept seeing Bella in the place of Charlotte in the tale I was spinning for my book. By the time dawn hinted at the east, I was seriously contemplating deleting the whole thing and writing something safe instead, like a children's book about unicorns, fluffy bunnies, and fucking rainbows.

The echo of the nightmare in my mind also did not help me when I sat down with my laptop and attempted to be productive. I kept seeing Bella's lifeless face, and I was chilled to the bone remembering the feel of her cold skin in my dreams.

Through sheer determination, I managed to force out almost a chapter, but I wasn't satisfied with it. I knew I'd be editing it heavily when real creativity and inspiration hit me again.

I went for a run to rid myself of my frustrations. I took the route I had taken the day I had found Bella in the forest, and I couldn't help but stop at the exact spot between the trees where she had been a week ago.

It felt like more than just a week, and yet it was like I could feel her presence there still. It was eerily familiar to the dread I had felt waking up from my nightmare the previous night, and I shuddered in the cool late afternoon air.

I forced my thoughts away from Bella when I continued my run homeward. I took in the magnificent fall colors starting to mar the leaves on the trees. I listened to the sound of my shoes meeting the ground, and the sound of my labored breathing. The air was cool against my sweaty skin, and my muscles burned with the effort, cynically reminding me that I was really awake for the first time that day. I would have to take up running in the mornings instead of in the evenings. Maybe then I'd be able to write more.

I took a quick shower as I mentally went over the chapter I had written earlier. I was starving, so I went to the kitchen to find some food before going back to revise the chapter.

I opened the freezer, and just looking at the frozen pizzas made me fucking depressed. Shit, how difficult could it be? Sure, I had messed up every single time I had attempted to cook anything other than breakfast and reheated dinners, but it had actually been years since I had last tried to cook something for real.

An image of me cooking and serving dinner for Bella entered my mind. With a determined glare at the stove, I started digging through the narrow selection in my cupboards. I really needed to go grocery shopping for real food, like vegetables and shit.

I managed to find some noodles and a jar of marinara sauce. That shouldn't have been too difficult, right?

Wrong.

In the matter of an hour, I first managed to burn the noodles to a degree where the smoke alarm started blaring because I'd forgotten to add enough water to the pot. The burned noodles might have had something to do with being distracted by the exploded jar of sauce; apparently you had to open the jar first and not leave it in the microwave for twenty minutes. By the end, I had two ruined pots, a spoon, flooded the kitchen floor, and burned myself so severely that I had to make a trip to the ER to see my workaholic of a dad.

I had to swallow the embarrassment and call Jasper to drive me. My hand hurt like a motherfucker, and I couldn't hold on to the steering wheel well enough to drive my fucking car. And attempting to ride my bike with one hand was just a recipe for another disaster.

Jasper finally showed up after half an hour, insisting on seeing the battle scene, and then laughed his ass off. He only drove me to the ER after he made me promise that I wouldn't play the pity card and make him help clean up my kitchen. He really was a poor excuse for a brother.

My dad looked surprised to see his sons, and even more surprised that one of them had gotten a kitchen battle wound. Jasper chortled merrily when the lessons started, and I glared at him angrily.

"You really should stay away from potentially dangerous situations, Edward. Your mother worries," the patriarch of the Cullen family preached solemnly.

I snorted. "I was trying to make dinner, Dad. Not strolling hand in hand through Kabul with George Bush while wearing a Stars and Stripes thong."

My dad was not amused. He didn't say much as he finished up wrapping my hand, pumping me full of painkillers and sending me on my way with half-assed instructions to both Jasper and I to call our mother.

"Is it just me, or does he age twice as fast as the rest of the world?" Jasper asked as he drove away from the hospital. "He works all the fucking time, and I don't think I've seen him smile at all this year."

I hmm'ed in agreement, and Jasper grumbled under his breath and turned on the radio.

"Where are we going? You haven't forgotten where I live, right?" I asked Jasper minutes later. He took a different turn than the one leading down to the water where my house was.

"No, not senile yet," Jasper assured me. "I'm assuming that you didn't actually eat any of that bio hazard crap in your kitchen, so we're going somewhere for dinner."

"Aiming for the Brother of the Year Award?"

"More like aiming for keeping my balls safe from Alice the Ball Crusher," he said with a snort. "I texted Rose while I was waiting for you in the ER, and it turns out that she was going another twelve rounds with Emmett at the bar, thus him finding out about your kitchen adventure. He must have called Alice, because I've got orders to show up with you at her place for dinner as soon as you've been released from Doctor Daddy's clutches. Apparently Alice McCarty shows her pity by serving lasagna."

"Great." I sighed. Now I'd have to listen to Rose sniping about my obvious lack of cooking talents. I just hoped Tiny could cook better than me because I was hungry as fuck. And maybe mixing beer or wine with the painkillers my dad had given me would make me pass out so I wouldn't lie awake tonight thinking about Bella. A man could always hope.

Like Rose, Tiny had an apartment above what would become her boutique or whatever the hell it was she was going to open. I had originally been a little surprised that Rose had sold Tiny the building on Main Street because my sister was nothing if not ambitious. I knew for a fact that she had fought hard to buy the building just last year, and that she had had great plans for expanding her business in some way.

For her to hand it over so effortlessly to Tiny revealed a lot more about her than she probably knew. My badass sister had found herself a friend for the first time since Junior High. Rose could be courteous when she wanted to, but she had never had a lot of friends. As much as she bitched to Jasper and me, we were also the only two people her own age that she trusted. Everyone else could only hope to live in the periphery of Rosalie Cullen's life. Harsh, guarded, and beautiful – that was my sister.

And now she and Tiny could paint each other's nails and have slumber parties or whatever shit women did together. It warmed my heart. Or maybe my dad had given me too many painkillers, and I was slowly OD'ing. I wasn't sure which it was.

Tiny's apartment did not look like she had just moved in. It was impeccably decorated and very welcoming. Those McCartys sure knew how to get things done when they set their minds to it. They had only been in Evonside a few weeks, but Tiny's place looked like she had lived there for years, and Emmett was already ready to open his business.

"Edward!" Tiny greeted me with a hug as soon as Jasper had pushed me through the door. I was wobbling slightly by now, sure as fuck that Doctor Workaholic had given me a double dose of painkillers just to fuck with me. I winced, both from the strength the tiny woman obviously possessed, and also from the loud voices emanating from what appeared to be the kitchen. It sounded like my sister…or maybe a tone deaf dying cat attempting to sing opera while having a sore throat. Again, I wasn't sure which.

"Are you okay?" Tiny asked, eyeing my bandaged hand with concern.

"I'm fine. High as a kite, I suspect, thanks to my dad," I replied with a lazy smile.

Tiny laughed and shook her head. "Why don't you limit your time in the kitchen for a while? That seems to be the safest route to go."

I nodded. "I could get Rose to cook for me like you do grocery shopping for Emmett," I wondered out loud. "Except she'd probably kill me for even suggesting it."

"At the moment, she'd rather kill Emmett, I'm sure." Tiny giggled, motioning to the kitchen. I tried to focus on the loud voices, but it was difficult. I had my eye on Tiny's couch, and I honestly just wanted to crash there and sleep off my medically induced haze.

Instead, Tiny steered me in the direction of the dining room table. It was set like she had been expecting us for dinner and not invited us rather spontaneously. She deposited me in a chair, telling me not to fall down while she disappeared into the kitchen. Jasper sat down next to me and chuckled when he saw my drooping eyes.

"Do you find this dysfunctional group of individuals that the five of us seem to make up as hilarious as I do?" he asked.

"Um…" Shit, my brain was seriously fried. "Yes?" I finally managed, but it came out more as a question than an answer. My stupid brother just laughed at me again.

"My God, Alice! How can someone as normal and sweet as you be related to such an arrogant asshole?" Rose screeched, making her way to the dining table with a bowl of salad.

It wasn't Alice who answered, but Emmett. "We suspect she was switched at birth with my real sister at the hospital by a drunk nurse." He chuckled, avoiding a punch in the arm from Tiny. "But honestly, Rosie–"

"Shut up and eat, Em," Tiny ordered.

Emmett obeyed, showing his true colors; his greatest love was food.

Dinner was great. Although I felt fucking bombed, I laughed along with Tiny and Jasper when Rose and Emmett bickered on and on and fucking on. I enjoyed the fine meal Tiny was treating us with, and I ganged up on Jasper with Rose when he started talking about vacuum museums and Henry the Bear. I even agreed to a poker night soon. Emmett wanted us to meet Tyler and get to know Seth better. Jasper knew a fuckload of people with more money than poker skills, so it sounded like a great way to spend an evening.

"We should do this more often," Tiny exclaimed over dessert. It was fucking delicious berry cobbler with vanilla ice cream that I would've killed to have again.

"Yeah, you should set your kitchen and yourself on fire more often, Eddie." Rose grinned.

I glared at her, but I felt slightly cross eyed.

"That's not what I meant," Tiny objected. "I was referring to all of us having dinner together. Believe it or not, watching Emmett inhale his dinner and slobbering like a dog gets old really fast, so I'm enjoying the company tonight, even if the occasion is Edward destroying his kitchen and his hand."

"If I destroy my living room and my other hand tomorrow, will I get more of this cobbler?" I asked. "It's fucking amazing."

"I'll make you more cobbler if you don't hurt yourself," Tiny promised.

"Deal," I said, making a mental note to stay away from the stove.

When we said goodnight later that night, Tiny suggested we make Monday night dinners a weekly occasion. She confessed to loving being in Evonside, but she missed the busy social life she had had in Seattle. Having us over for dinner once a week would do her a bigger favor than she did us, she claimed. I confessed to loving her cobbler and promised I'd be there. Rose grumbled about having to endure Emmett's company but thanked Tiny and agreed to attend. Jasper nodded eagerly after Tiny had narrowed her eyes at him and snuck a glance at his balls. I snorted with laughter. Jasper and Tiny might never be best friends, but she had him on a fucking tight leash.

Tiny was jubilant, and so was I when she handed me a plastic container with the last of the cobbler. Perfect ending to a crappy day.

I passed out in Jasper's car on the way home, and I didn't even remember going to bed. But that was thankfully where I found myself the following morning.

I was having a really fucking bad day. My hand hurt like a motherfucker, and whatever my dad had pumped me full of the previous night to get rid of the pain was not the same as he had sent home with me. No Father of the Year Award for him. The throbbing in my hand meant that I couldn't focus on my writing, which in turn made me long for Bella's presence. She had been some sort of muse for me when she had stayed at my house. It was one of the many reasons I missed her, but most of all I missed her beautiful smile.

I thought about calling Jasper or Rose to see if they wanted to hang out, but with the way the fuckers had been making fun of me the previous night, I was not particularly anxious for their company again.

The doorbell saved me from having to make a decision about what to do with my time. When I opened the door, my mom was outside carrying a fuckload of grocery bags.

"Oh, honey," she said and sighed that motherly sigh of hers that always made me feel guilty. She looked at my still bandaged hand. "What am I going to do with you?"

I grinned. That had probably been my mother's most frequently asked question when I'd been a kid, and it was kind of nice that she hadn't forgotten it. I took some of the bags with my good hand and invited her inside.

"I thought I'd come and cook for you so you wouldn't have to create anymore disasters," she said, stopping in the door opening to the kitchen with a gasp.

Shit. I hadn't gotten around to cleaning the mess up yet, with my bad hand and all. At least, that was the excuse I had been using to myself to justify why I had just put on my boots and waded through it all when I made coffee and grabbed some cereal that morning.

"Edward…" My mom shook her head and sighed again. She then turned her head and gave me a pointed look that almost made me fucking blush.

We helped each other clean up the mess in the kitchen. I threw out the ruined pots and the exploded microwave and mopped the floor while my mom scrubbed down the counters and the stove.

Afterwards, I drove into town to replace the microwave and the pots while my saint of a mother started cooking; claiming that she would fill up my freezer with meals that I only had to reheat. In return, she begged me not to attempt to cook again.

When I got back from town, I ran into Tiny on my porch. She was coming from the house and took one look at the purchases I was toting and giggled. "Please don't tell me you're actually going to use those?"

I smirked, setting the boxes with the microwave and the pots down on the porch. "Maybe not the pots, but I'll definitely be using the microwave."

"Hm. I guess it's a good thing that you don't have any close neighbors if you set your house on fire one night trying to make yourself dinner. Though, according to what you mom just told me, you could do that just by ordering take-out."

"Ah yes, that is what she likes to tell people." I grimaced. "And between her and the catastrophe last night, I sound a lot more hopeless than I am. In reality, I have many kitchen talents."

"But do any of them involve cooking, Casanova?"

"A few." I shrugged with a grin. "I am fully capable of making breakfast. And on my good days, I reheat a mean pizza."

"It's a small wonder that you didn't starve to death within months of moving out from your parents' house," Tiny said, shaking her head. "You're exactly like Emmett. He can barely make coffee, and forget about throwing a simple sandwich together. You'd think someone who worships food the way he does would learn how to actually make it."

"Hey, hey, hey, don't insult my coffee. It's rather good, if I do say so myself. Better than Sue's down at the diner," I protested.

"Which isn't saying much since the coffee at the diner tastes like dish water," Tiny said, wrinkling her nose.

"One day I'll dazzle you with my cooking skills, you just wait and see," I said with a grin.

"Make sure to invite your dad, too, if you ever decide to cook for me," she said and giggled. "It'll be handy having a doctor around to treat your burns and the food poisoning we'll all get."

I sighed. "No sympathy for a wounded man. I see how it is."

"I had some free time this morning waiting for some slow-ass carpenter to show up at the boutique, so I made you a week's worth of dinners that you just have to reheat. Is that sympathy enough for your wounded hand and ego?" Tiny asked, her face breaking into a smile. "And since your mom had the same idea, it looks like you should be fine for a while."

"Shit, Tiny. I'm nominating your ass for sainthood," I replied with a grin. "Saint Tiny, how does that sound?"

"I like it," Tiny decided with a nod. "But I kind of expected it since I made you cobbler, too."

I might have fucking moaned out loud. That shit was heavenly. "Okay, sainthood is obviously not enough, then. It's official, you're God."

Tiny snorted. "Goddess, please."

"Whatever you say," I said and laughed before turning a little serious. "Thank you, Tiny Goddess. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help you out with getting things done for your boutique or something. I may be hopeless in a kitchen, but give me a power tool and I'm golden."

"Good to know." She smiled. "I need to get back. The slow-ass carpenter hadn't showed up before I left, so I bribed Emmett with lunch to get him to stay and keep and eye out. The big baby's probably bored already."

I laughed and thanked her again before she left. Tiny was turning out to be one of the best friends I had ever had, and she kind of reminded me of my mom with the way that she took people in and cared for them so naturally. In my self-created solitude, I rarely connected with people I didn't know, but Tiny, and Emmett for that matter, were different. Well, and Bella…

I shook my head, trying to clear it. I thought it best to get my ass off the freezing porch before succumbing to thoughts of beautiful girls who had left my ass and didn't appear to be coming back.

My mom had lunch ready when I came inside, and I spent the afternoon perched on a stool at the breakfast bar while she cooked like she was being paid for it. My freezer would be bulging.

While cooking, she told me about how my dad worked too much, and how she was redecorating the master bedroom. She also interrogated me about Tiny, hinting that I should find a nice girl to settle down with. I tried to explain to her that Tiny and I were just friends and that there was no chemistry between us whatsoever, but it didn't seem like she believed me – or wanted to believe me.

As if I hadn't been spoiled enough already, my mom served me dinner before hurrying home to do the same for my dad. I thanked her and promised her that I'd round up Rose and Jasper soon and go up for a visit. After lecturing me about kitchen safety, which translated roughly to "stay out of the kitchen, Edward" in Esme Cullen speak, she left.

I threw myself on the couch, declaring the whole day a complete disaster writing-wise. But the awesomeness that was Tiny and my mom had kept my spirits high, and I couldn't muster up even an ounce of regret for how the day had played out. Sometimes it was just nice to feel loved and revel in the fact that I was a spoiled asshole.

As always, my thoughts ended up drifting to Bella. It was ridiculous how much time I spent thinking about her. When it came down to it, I really knew so little about her. Yet she fascinated me like no other person I had ever met. I was worried about her, even to an extent where it gave me goddamn nightmares that kept me up at night, and kept me from writing during the day.

I absolutely loathed the thought of her alone out there somewhere, which in itself was ridiculous because I had a feeling she had been alone for a while. At least, it didn't seem like the people in her life were close to her. The thought of her all alone made my heart ache.

When I heard the rain against the windows, I wondered where she was. I hoped she was somewhere safe and warm, all the time thinking that the perfect place for her was wrapped in my arms right on this very couch.

That was when it hit me that I might never see her again. Because if she had already left Evonside, which fucking everything suggested that she had, considering that I hadn't been able to find her, then the chances of me ever running into her again were pretty fucking slim.

Shit.


	6. He Makes Me Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: My eternal gratitude to my betas, nowforruin and Dinx.

CHAPTER 6

Bella:

He Makes Me Dream

It had been five days since I'd left Edward's house. It had been nice to stay with him; it had felt safe. But safe meant that I had let my guard down, and that was dangerous. So when I realized that I was doing it, I had done what I did best these days – bolted.

I hadn't gone back to the motel. Edward was an intelligent man, as well as resourceful. He was sure that he could figure out who had attacked me with the help of his siblings; the first place he would look for me would be the motel. And somehow I didn't doubt that he would look for me. His actions had proved that he cared.

I had found my way back to town, soon realizing that Edward lived in solitude a few miles from the nearest neighbors. Knowing that my options were limited now that the motel was out, I finally gave in and bought a blanket. A sleeping bag would have been preferable, but the wooly, scratchy blanket was much cheaper. At the grocery store, I bought food for a few days; just simple pre-made sandwiches, crackers, and bottles of orange juice and water. It was getting so cold that the sandwiches would keep even without a fridge. I hoped I would keep too.

The days I had spent in Edward's house had given me a new appreciation of the ocean and its calming effect, so I made the beach my destination, carefully avoiding going near Edward's house. After a few hours of walking, I found an old, abandoned boathouse. The roof leaked in one end, but if I pressed myself into a corner, I wouldn't get wet when it rained. The three walls that remained would shelter me from the wind.

I bundled myself in the blanket and stared out through a hole in the wall at the roaring ocean. I knew I had to make a decision soon about where to go and what to do. I had lingered too long in Evonside, but I hadn't been able to find it in myself to leave. Now I would have to, since I couldn't go back to the motel. And October was only a few days away, so staying outside at night would soon be too cold.

I would run out of money at some point, too. I tried to figure out where it would be smartest and safest to go, and what kind of job I could find without having to give my real name. I had been honest with Edward and that had been scary enough. But as much as I tried to think of a way around it, I knew getting a job meant that I had to offer my real name.

I groaned. I was mentally going around in circles, unable to do much with all these trust issues holding me back. I would have to leave, and that would be that. Figuring out what came next would have to wait until I found somewhere else to stay.

I spent a few nights in the boathouse, but it probably wasn't the smartest idea I had ever had. It was much colder on the beach than it had been in the forest, but once again I found myself lingering too long in places where I shouldn't have been to begin with.

I knew that if I wanted to catch the first of the few daily busses leaving Evonside, I had to be in town early. I had a packet of crackers and a bottle of orange juice that would have to suffice until I got wherever it was that I was going. I had decided to just get on the bus and see where it took me. I had no real destination in mind, just as long as it didn't take me to Seattle or anywhere near there.

I hurried down Main Street. It was still early, so there weren't a lot of people around. I kept my eyes down, anyway; it had become a habit by now. I wasn't too far from Edward's sister's bar when I heard a squeal. I looked up, and only a few feet from me, a woman was clinging to the top of a stepladder that wobbled dangerously while she stood on the fourth step from the bottom.

I instinctively reached out to steady her and the ladder. The bucket she had been holding in her hand fell to the ground, and water splashed out on the sidewalk, drenching my boots and the bottoms of my jeans. As I held on to the ladder, the woman stiffly climbed down. Once back on firm ground, she looked at me with wide eyes. We both still held on to the ladder so effectively that our knuckles were white.

"Oh my God," the woman said breathlessly and offered a wobbly smile. "I think you just saved me from breaking my neck as well as my window, which I would probably have fallen through. Thank you."

I finally let go of the ladder and flexed my hand. "No problem."

The woman was petite, and her features were delicate and very beautiful. She had short black hair that curled adorably around her ears, and her gray eyes were bright and full of life. She wore a black skirt that stopped right above her knees and a teal fitted button-down with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. On her feet she wore black ankle boots with kitten heels, and around her neck she had three or four silver chains in different lengths and designs. She didn't look like someone who should be washing windows, more like someone supervising others doing the dirty work.

"Oh no, I drowned your boots. I'm so sorry," she apologized, collecting her bucket and putting it next to the ladder. "If they're ruined, I promise to replace them."

"It's okay," I assured her, finding the situation a little amusing and unable to hold back a smile. "They've been through worse."

She didn't look convinced, but smiled back and offered me her hand. "My name is Alice. I'm new in town."

I figured telling her my real name was safe since I was leaving town probably within the hour. Besides, I had lied enough during my time in Evonside, leaving it with a truth seemed appropriate.

"I'm Bella," I said, shaking Alice's hand. "I'm kinda new in town, too."

"Really? Oh, don't you just love it? I think it's the cutest little town ever. I visited earlier this year, and as soon as I got here, I just knew that it would be my new home. Sometimes things just feel right, you know?"

I nodded with a forced smile. For a lack of a better description, Evonside Bay had evoked a similar feeling in me. And it was exactly what I had been searching for. Yet, I was leaving. The irony wasn't lost on me.

Alice told me that she was opening a boutique, sprouting off excitedly about accessories, fall colors, and the necessity of having a web store.

I had never had much interest in fashion, but the enthusiasm in Alice's voice, and the pride on her face as she spoke of her passion and how she was going to try and live out her dream, had me smiling. Anything else was simply impossible.

I was two seconds away from interrupting Alice's chatter and excusing myself so I wouldn't miss my bus, when she blindsided me completely.

"You wouldn't happen to be looking for a job, would you?" she asked.

When I hesitated, she quickly began listing all the advantages of working for her, complete with Christmas bonuses, a dental plan, and employee discounts. "I know you don't know me at all, Bella, but I promise that you won't regret saying yes," she assured me. "You don't even have to have any knowledge of fashion or experience in retail. Please, Bella? If it sounds like I'm begging, that's because I am."

"Why?" I had to ask.

Alice smiled sheepishly. "I've talked to a few local girls, and they were horrible. I knew from hello that I wouldn't be able to stand working with them, but you're different. We could be great friends, I just know it. As I said, sometimes things just feel right, you know. So please, what do you say?"

It was tempting, even if was a little weird. In many ways it was what I had been hoping for. But the fear was still there, and it was threatening to make my decision for me.

If I was to stay in Evonside, it would mean letting people know that I was Bella Swan and not Marie Matthews, which was the name I had been using when I checked into the motel. I couldn't accept Alice's highly unexpected, but very generous job offer or allow people into my life if I was lying. Terrified or not, that was just not who I was.

But could I afford it? I could if it was just Jake who was after me; he wasn't all that resourceful. If Charlie was looking for me, he would find me in no time. And I couldn't stomach even contemplating the thought of James looking for me; just thinking about it made me sick.

I sure as hell didn't want any of them finding me, but if the alternative was living the rest of my life on a lie, I was going to have to chance it. I had to.

Be brave, Bella. Reach out and take what you are being offered.

That would be my new mantra. No way would I allow three pitiful men to continue ruining my life. I took a deep breath and gave Alice the biggest smile I could muster. "Thank you, Alice. I would love to work for you."

She squealed and hugged me. "Yay! You won't regret it, Bella. I promise. Now come on inside and let me show you around. I'm not ready to open just yet, but there is still plenty to do. How soon can you start?"

Feeling a little steamrolled, I followed her inside. I looked around, taking in the unfinished but tasteful décor while Alice chattered on. It was obvious there were still things that needed to be done, but at the same time it was clear that it was going to look amazing and extremely tasteful. I would never have imaged a place like this in Evonside.

"Oh, it's beautiful, Alice," I said, slightly in awe, letting the beauty feed my hungry eyes. "And to answer your question: now. I was actually on the verge of leaving town this morning, so I'm free as a bird." I felt a strange sensation in my stomach as another truth flew out of my mouth.

"Oh, I hope I didn't ruin your plans," Alice said, biting her lip and settling her wide eyes on me.

"Not at all," I assured her. "I was only planning to leave because there was nothing keeping me here. A job changes everything."

"Wow, I never knew I had such good timing," Alice said with a small giggle. "Come on upstairs so we can talk. I've got fresh coffee and muffins."

Alice's apartment above the boutique was a pleasant mix of charm and style, and I instantly felt at home. I asked to use her bathroom where I freshened up as best I could. I was then told to sit down on the most comfortable couch I had ever experienced, where I mentally tried to prepare to answer a lot of questions; the questions that she should have asked before hiring me.

The coffee was divine after having gone without for a few days, and while I sipped it I ordered myself to relax.

"So, how long have you been in Evonside?" Alice asked.

"About a month," I replied and forced myself to volunteer some information instead of Alice having to drag everything out of me. That would be a poor foundation for a friendship, and I really wanted Alice to be my friend now that I was staying. I had been friendless for too long. "I came here without a real purpose, but I found myself lingering. I guess it just has that effect on people since it drew you in, too."

Alice nodded. "My brother, Emmett, still claims that he's only here because of me, but I know he loves Evonside, too, now. He just opened a body shop down the street."

"It must be nice to have him around," I offered.

"Oh, it is," she said with an affectionate smile. "He's a piece of work, but I love him and am very lucky to have him. He may look intimidating, but he's the biggest kid in the world.

"Anyways, tell me a little about yourself," she said, sipping her coffee and looking at me expectantly.

"Um…I'm twenty-three, and I graduated from the University of Washington this past summer. I majored in history and creative writing," I said, furiously wondering how much to reveal about myself. Alice made it so easy to want to open up and tell her my entire life story, but I still didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had to do it one step at a time.

I managed to answer all of her questions, as well as make conversation without sounding like a complete idiot, being rude, or too evasive. But it was exhausting to be so severely on guard all the time, and I was grateful that Alice did a lot of the talking, telling me about all her plans and dreams for the boutique, as well as her own life.

"Don't you just love days on which you meet a new friend?" Alice asked suddenly with a content sigh. "I honestly don't understand people who are too afraid to trust their instincts. If something feels right, it most usually is. And on the rare occasion that it turns out to be wrong, then it won't kill you, only make you stronger."

I smiled a little in awe of the petite woman on the couch next to me. There were few things in life I wanted more than a similar outlook on life. "You will no doubt always be happier than most others with a philosophy like that, Alice. I will aspire to be as brave as you."

She snorted. "I know a few people who will say that you are already plenty brave saying yes to working with me."

As we laughed together, a little piece of me shifted into place, and a flicker of hope lit in my heart. Maybe I wasn't as lost as I'd thought I was.

After finishing our coffee, we worked side by side attempting to hang up shelves on the wall down in the boutique. It wasn't going so well as they were long and extremely heavy shelves, and one of us had to hold the entire thing alone while the other battled an electric screwdriver.

Alice gave up with a frustrated growl and threw down a shelf on the floor. "That will teach me for wanting to do everything myself," she said with a sigh, collapsing in a graceful heap on the floor. She looked up at me and smiled sheepishly. "I ran out of patience with the local carpenter after spending days waiting for him. I really thought we could do it alone."

I looked at the shelf again. "Maybe if we found something to rest it on…"

She shook her head. "I'm calling a friend of mine. He claims he's good with power tools, and he owes me a favor. And he's kinda like Emmett; he'll do just about anything for berry cobbler."

She pulled out her cell phone and made the call while I picked up all the screws that were scattered about the floor. I put the abandoned shelf up against the wall before going outside to get the ladder Alice had been perched on when we had met outside earlier. I wasn't used to just calling someone to get things done, so I still wasn't convinced that we couldn't do it on our own. Perhaps if the shelf rested on the ladder, as well as something else of equal height…

"Oh, for crying out loud! Why are men just completely hopeless? Just because one hand is injured doesn't mean he can't use the other one for something useful," Alice muttered with an annoyed pout, ending the call and pressing more buttons on her cell phone. "I'll just call his brother. He shouldn't be injured."

"Hi, it's Alice. If you value your balls, you'll get in here right this minute. Your hopeless brother can't operate a screwdriver with his bad hand, and I have some shelves that need some attention," she barked into the phone.

She ended the call and let out a small huff. "One's injured and the other one isn't picking up. My brother and his two employees are working, and I don't know any other males in town."

"How about females? If there were two of us holding the shelf up we could probably do it," I said.

Alice jumped up. "Bella, you're getting a raise. Why didn't I think of that? Hold on a second, I'll go get a woman worth at least five men. I'll be back in two minutes."

She rushed out the door, and I once again tried to shake off the feeling of being steamrolled. My new boss was a little intense, and my prospect for the future had changed quite a bit since I woke up from my uneasy sleep this morning.

I didn't have much time to make heads or tails of what was going on in my life before I heard someone outside through the open door. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but there were no other sounds to drown out the hushed conversation, so I couldn't help but listen, especially when I heard Alice's name.

"Alice, you can't just hire someone off the street like that! Have you ever heard of applications, interviews, screening processes, resumes, references, experience?" an aggravated voice hissed. "What if she's a criminal or something?"

I heard Alice snort. "One of these days you'll learn to trust me, Rose, which I thought you already did, by the way. Bella is not a criminal, and experience and references aren't everything. She can learn all she needs to know, but none of the airheads I've already talked to can get a personality transplant. So, I'll stick with Bella, thank you very much. I may only have known her for a few hours but she's possibly the sweetest girl I've ever met, and I'm keeping her!"

"It's your funeral," the unknown voice stated.

Alice appeared in the door before I had time to act as if my attention was on something else. Behind her was a beautiful blonde woman with clear blue eyes. She looked slightly familiar, but I couldn't place her so I figured I had just seen her in town before.

"Rose, this is Bella. She's my first official employee," Alice introduced me and beamed at the word employee. "Bella, this is Rose. She owns the bar next door and is used to the hopeless men in this town, so between the three of us I'm sure those shelves are up in no time."

I stood frozen. Rose owned the bar. Edward's sister's name was Rose, and she owned the bar. I was looking at Edward's sister. And by the look on her eyes, she probably recognized me. Fuck me.

"Hello Bella," Rose said. Her voice was as calm as her face, but her eyes nailed me to the floor. Well, at least Edward was trustworthy as it seemed Rose only knew me as Marie. And now she was no doubt upset, believing that I had lied to her brother about who I was. And she wasn't completely wrong.

I shook her offered hand and managed a small smile.

Thankfully Alice chattered on about nothing and everything as the three of us worked together at putting up the shelves. If she noticed the tension between Rose and me, she never mentioned it, although she did glare at Rose a few times when she ignored my instructions for the shelves.

It didn't actually take long to get the work done – it just felt that way. I was grateful beyond belief when the last shelf was up on the wall, and Alice beamed at the fact that her dream was one step closer to becoming a reality.

"Thanks for your help, Rose," she said. "Who needs men when we've got girl power?"

Rose snorted. "You're welcome, but please tell me you're not going to start singing some Spice Girls song?"

"Nah, I'll save that for when I'm drunk and want to annoy Emmett," Alice promised with a laugh.

Rose left after giving Alice a hug and nodding at me. I was relieved.

"We should call it a day, too. We did good today," Alice said. "I've got a lot of paperwork for us to go through tomorrow. I hope you don't mind?"

"Not at all. Paperwork is probably more my forte, anyway."

"Great," Alice beamed. "I'll see you tomorrow morning at nine, then. Oh, and Bella? Thank you for agreeing to work with me. It'll be great, I promise."

The funny thing was that I believed her.

I checked back into the motel early that evening after leaving Alice's. I needed an address, and I was going to need my sleep every night in order to be able to function at work. Not to mention that daily showers would be a necessity, too. That Edward could find me here was just something that I had to accept. I was bound to see him again now, and I would simply have to explain as best I could. I would worry about it later.

Alice would be paying me weekly, as if she had sensed that I needed the money. Maybe she was psychic. It wouldn't surprise me after the way she had just changed the course of my immediate future.

It was the flannel-wearing and slightly creepy owner who was at reception. He was so preoccupied with whatever was on the screen of the small TV on the counter that his eyes showed no recognition when he saw me, and he didn't lift as much as an eyebrow when I used my real name to check in this time.

The room was as simple, impersonal, and dirty as I remembered it, but it was a thousand times better than spending the night outside. There was a bed, a shower, and a door with a lock. It was heaven.

I had stopped by the grocery store after leaving Alice for the day and heading toward the motel. She had invited me upstairs to her apartment for dinner, but I had declined, knowing that I had to check in before it got too late, plus getting the few errands I needed to run out of the way.

I bought some food, just simple things that didn't need preparing or heating. I really missed cooking in a real kitchen. Cooking had always relaxed me and been somewhat of an escape for me, where I could block out uncomfortable thoughts and focus on the simple tasks my hands were performing. I could have used it right now.

Stretched out on the bed behind a safely locked door, I did a quick inventory of my belongings and my life in general. I had food, shelter for the night, and best of all, a job. Things were definitely looking a lot better than they had in a while.

On the downside was the fact that I had to leave my temporary sanctuary to venture down the road and do my laundry. I was also running low on funds and would not be able to update my sparse wardrobe for a while, perhaps not for another two or three – maybe even four – weeks. I hoped it wouldn't be a problem.

There was also the issue of Charlie probably being able to track me down now that I had come out of hiding. I just hoped that he wasn't looking. I wasn't too worried about Jake or James being able to find me, at least not yet, even though there was a much bigger possibility of either of them looking for me than Charlie bothering.

With a sigh and a small smile to myself, I changed into my black yoga pants and a tank top, deciding to shower later. While gathering up my dirty clothes, I pondered the fact that getting a job had already done wonders for my confidence. I was no longer terrified of Jake or James finding me. Now I was just plain scared, but scared was better than terrified. They probably would find me at some point, but I had a head start, and until I had something to be really afraid of, I would push it to the back of my mind and focus on other things. At least, that was what I told myself.

I donned my coat and grabbed an apple, a granola bar, and a bottle of apple juice so that I could enjoy a luxurious dinner while waiting for my clothes to get clean. The Laundromat was located only a few minutes from the motel, and it was empty except for an elderly lady who knitted furiously in a corner while waiting for her laundry.

I gave myself a lesson in confidence while I ate dinner and looked at my clothes spinning around in the machine. Repeatedly I told myself that I could do this. I could work for Alice. I could keep my chin up. I could keep my fear at bay. And if I wanted to, I could make a life for myself in Evonside, which I had a sneaking suspicion was exactly what I wanted.

I loaded my wet clothes into the dryer and sat back, taking pleasure in a rare daydream. I had always been a daydreamer, but since leaving Seattle, my mind had been void of pleasant things. The dreams returning seemed like a good sign that things were looking up.

A smile crept onto my face as I imagined finding a place of my own in Evonside to live in; nothing big, but completely my own, decorated in accordance with my taste and filled with my things. I'd be able to cook again which I really missed, and the thought of locking my own door filled me with so much excitement that I knew getting a place of my own was I exactly what I would be aiming for. It would take time, but it felt like the epitome of safety to me.


	7. She Reappears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Big thanks and my eternal gratitude to my betas, Dinx and nowforruin.

CHAPTER 7

Edward:

She Reappears

My creativity had gone AWOL just as Bella had, and to say I was frustrated was a fucking understatement. I had spent hours just staring at the screen of my laptop, and only managed to rearrange a few words here and there.

The longing for her was eating at me, and I felt myself getting more and more agitated, yet I was powerless to stop it. It was fucking ridiculous the way my entire being ached to be in her presence.

I tried to distract myself by going to Emmett's poker night, but all I managed to accomplish was losing a lot of money to Emmett's right hand man at the body shop, Tyler, who turned out to be quite the card shark. He was an okay guy, though. He just didn't seem to get sarcasm. At all. So Jasper and I took it upon ourselves to crank up the sarcasm to unseen levels, and Emmett was laughing so hard most of the night that he couldn't concentrate on the card game.

I also went with Jasper up to Seattle for the weekend. By mutual agreement, we were back in time for Tiny's Monday night dinner, but spent a few days in the city taking advantage of the shopping and night life opportunities.

Saturday night we went to the opening of an art exhibit displaying Jasper's work, and while he made his polite small talk and whatever other crap he had to participate in, I wandered around sipping champagne and admiring my brother's talent.

He really was a remarkable artist, and as much as he tried to downplay it, he was highly sought after. It wasn't nepotism that had made me ask him to do the art work for my book covers. He was also behind the art work on the walls in my house, and with the pre-domineering blue green colors reminiscent of the ocean in my back yard. He calmed and inspired me daily.

He had his own gallery in Evonside, and under the right amount of pressure he had admitted that people from all over the country came to see and buy his work. It was also quite the tourist trap in the summers, and he would hire someone for those busy months to help him out during opening hours or else he'd never have time to get any painting done. And a Jasper kept from his painting was a fucking cranky Jasper.

After the art thing, we went out and got plastered. Jasper went home with a red-haired hussy whom Rose would have deemed unsuitable for a Cullen. Our sister was a fucking snob like that. Only this time, I would probably have agreed with her, as the chick was a fucking skank who tried her luck with me first and only moved on to Jasper after I brushed her off. Repeatedly. And fucking Jasper was too drunk to notice or even listen to me when I told him to steer clear of her.

I had my fair share of offers, too, but ended up just going back to the hotel room to sleep it off. No way was I getting anywhere near a situation where I'd have felt pathetically guilty about having been with someone who was not Bella. The girl had me by the balls, even if she didn't know it and hadwalked out on me. And shit, I was in no goddamn hurry to reveal that to anyone.

I met up with my agent for lunch in Seattle, too. The fucker pressured me about my next book, even though I wasn't behind schedule. He didn't have to know that I would have been soon if I hadn't either pulled myself together or found my muse again.

He, once again, tried to talk me into doing a book tour when the next book got published, but I refused – just as I had all the other times he had brought it up. The fucker was obviously dense, and I wondered if I should find another agent who actually understood what I told him. I used a penname for a reason.

He yapped on and on about offers from everyone and their goddamn uncle while I ate my lunch, wondering where Bella was at that moment. Was she eating lunch, too? Did she ever think about me? Would I ever see her again? And why the fuck was I so goddamn pussy whipped without ever having even seen her pussy? I suppressed a groan and downed my beer, hoping that my agent would shut up sometime this century so I could leave and find something that distracedt me.

Jasper went out on an inspirational hunt with a sketch book while I went shopping, buying a couple of new t-shirts and running errands for Rose and Tiny. They apparently didn't need online shopping when they had me do their big city errands. They had me zapping all over the city, and I kind of wished that I had gotten the idea to go on an inspirational hunt, too. Instead, I was picking up fabric samples and business cards, buying jewelry and coasters, and ordering cake and champagne for Tiny's grand opening.

"What's happening with that girl of yours?" Jasper asked me during the drive back to Evonside. I was driving since he drove fucking slower than a blind and senile grandmother who was taking her nap. Only in his car, though. On his Harley, his driving was a different story.

"Not fucking much," I said with a heavy sigh.

Jasper frowned. "Well, if she just left, then maybe you're better off without her."

"Yeah well, fuck you, bro. You don't know anything," I muttered, trying to keep my anger in check. There was no reason to advertise the fact that he had just found my Achilles' heel.

He knew, though. He chuckled and patted me condescendingly on the shoulder. "Why don't you tell me, then?" he suggested.

I snorted. "Yeah, not fucking likely."

"Aw, Eddie. Don't be keeping secrets now."

"If you want to gossip, then you're going to have to wait until we get back home. I'm sure you can talk Rose or Tiny into some girly gossip while you paint each other's toenails, eat a fuckload of ice cream, and watch The Notebook."

He grimaced. "No thanks. And don't change the subject. Tell me about Marie."

"What do you want to know?" I asked, sighing in defeat.

"Well, what happened between the two of you? Why did she leave? Is she coming back? And what's so special about her that you're still whipped two weeks after she left your ass?"

"Oh my fucking God," I said in mock awe. "When did I trade my brother in for a second sister?"

"Shut up and answer the fucking questions." Jasper snorted. "Just not at the same time."

I took a deep breath. "I don't fucking know why she left, and I don't think she's coming back. And she's just fucking special, okay? Does that answer your questions?"

"Not quite," Jasper deadpanned. "What happened between you?"

"None of your business, Jazz."

He snorted again but left it alone, thankfully.

Jasper narrowed his eyes at Rose. "Why…?"

Rose narrowed her eyes back. "Because…!"

"Ah." Jasper nodded in understanding. "But…?"

Rose pressed her lips together and looked pointedly at Jasper who nodded again.

"Easy as pie," he said. "But you do know that…"

This time Rose nodded. "Goes without saying."

Tiny and Emmett stared slack jawed at Rose and Jasper, Emmett's fork hanging mid-air as he was too preoccupied to return it to his plate.

"Do you understand what they're saying, Eddie?" Emmett asked without taking his eyes of the twintastic morons.

"Nope."

"God, that's annoying," Tiny said and pouted, shifting her eyes between Rose and Jasper as if watching a tennis match.

"Try growing up with them," I said with a smirk.

It was Monday and we were at Tiny's for dinner. She had made chicken stew with dumplings, and it was fucking delicious. She had also pulled out her tiny inner goddess and made berry cobbler and apple pie for dessert. If it wasn't for the fact that it had been eleven days since I had last seen Bella, and her absence was making me all kinds of empty inside, I would have been in goddamn heaven.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! I have good news!" Tiny suddenly blurted, taking her eyes off Rose and Jasper and bouncing excitedly in her seat. "Guess what I got this week!"

"Laid!" was Emmett's guess, which earned him a slap on the back of his head.

"A hernia busting unsuspecting men's balls?" Jasper suggested and moved out of both Tiny and Rose's range to avoid the same fate as Emmett.

Tiny glared at him before looking expectantly at me. "Um, a flower delivery?" I tried, not even trying to hide the fact that I was not going to upset The Maker of the Sacred Cobbler. I was already in trouble as it was after not helping her with some shelves last week because of my injured hand.

Rose snorted, and Emmett resorted to some crude hand gestures that didn't make a lot of sense to me.

"You guys suck," Tiny informed us, and it was pretty pointless to object because she was kind of right.

"I got my first official employee!" she squealed. "She's all kinds of amazing, and we're already great friends. Her name is-"

"Alice, is there anymore of that cobbler?" Jasper interrupted at the same time as Rose screeched at Emmett for eating all the apple pie.

Tiny looked a little stunned but handed Jasper the cobbler. She then looked at me, but I shrugged my shoulders. I'd given up figuring out my crazy family years ago. I just accepted it as a fact, embracing the crazy on occasion.

"As I was saying," Tiny started carefully, eyeing Jasper and Rose. "Her name is-"

"Alice, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute? It's important," Rose interrupted again.

Tiny followed Rose into the kitchen and I looked at Jasper. "What's going on with you guys? You're even weirder than usual."

"Nothing's going on." Jasper shrugged, not meeting my gaze. "Rose is just being…"

"A bitch?" Emmett decided to help out, looking up from his third helping of apple pie.

"Yeah," Jasper said and grinned.

"But she's always a bitch," I pointed out.

"She's probably on the rag," Emmett decided.

Jasper hid a grin, and I shook my head. Sometimes it was pointless to even try.

We celebrated the opening of Emmett's shop with beers and Monday Night Football while the girls stayed holed up in the kitchen. I secretly celebrated the fact that I was able to type properly again after getting rid of the bandage on my hand. Now I just had an angry red scar covering half my hand that served as a reminder not to attempt cooking again anytime soon.

Lesson fucking learned.

"Mom called me today," Jasper said rather randomly during a commercial break. "She's redecorating…um, I forgot which room it was, Dad is working too much, and she doesn't understand why her children never visit. The same old story, really."

"Why doesn't she just visit you guys, then?" Emmett asked.

"I actually asked her that very same question," Jasper said and chuckled.

"What was her answer?" I asked. As often as we promised to visit, so did she – but neither of us ever did.

"It turns out that she doesn't like the drive down here alone," Jasper replied. "And Dad's always busy. She only braved the trip down here alone last week because she was worried you'd starve to death or burn down your entire house."

"Wow." I frowned. "I had no idea."

When I thought about it, though, it did make sense. She rarely even drove to the grocery store alone. It made me feel really fucking bad that I hadn't gone up there and visited more often, especially once I knew that she was pretty much her own prisoner - with no close neighbors, and idiot kids who never bothered to visit.

"Me neither," Jasper admitted. "So I guess we do need to be good children and visit our mother more often."

"I'll visit her for you," Emmett offered with a grin as I nodded to Jasper's comment. "I bet she's an excellent cook. And she's a bit of a MILF judging by the picture in Rosie's office. Just sayin'."

"Emmett!" I exclaimed and shuddered as Jasper made gagging noises. "That's our mother you're talking about!"

"I know," he deadpanned. "Man, it's really no wonder that Rose is gorgeous. I just wonder what went wrong with the two of you."

Jasper and I made eye contact and before Emmett could react, we tackled him and pinned him to the floor. The noise level, as well as the sound of the couch meeting the wall rather violently, made Tiny come flying in from the kitchen, yelling about stupid boys and redecorating.

In the end, we ended up in a tangled heap on the floor while Tiny tried to kick us and Rose stood by, looking unimpressed. The look in her eyes was an exact duplicate of the one in our mother's eyes when she had found Jasper and I wrestling in close proximity to her collection of Bohemian crystal. Or that time when we had decapitated all of Rose's Barbie dolls and lined the heads up on the porch, using them for target practice with our slingshots.

"Don't look at us like that," Jasper said to her, still sitting on Emmett to keep him down. It was almost working. "He called Mom a MILF."

"What the fuck, Emmett?" Rose screeched and swiftly kicked him in the side with her pointy shoes.

"Ow! Fucking hell," he cursed, only earning him another kick in the side, this time by Tiny.

Jasper and I extracted ourselves from it all, looking on fairly amused as Emmett battled the vicious females.

It was pretty late when we finally thanked Tiny for her hospitality and awesome cooking. Jasper and I made sure that Rose was securely locked in her apartment before we took off in different directions.

I tossed and turned in my sleep that night. The little sleep I got was marred by disturbing dreams that I did my best to forget about afterwards.

I went for a run early the next morning, but after a shower and breakfast I was still unable to get any kind of flow into my writing, so I gave up after a few hours. In an attempt not to go stir crazy, I busied myself with some much needed cleaning while almost blasting out my ear drums with some really loud Gabry Ponte. Thank fucking God I didn't have any close neighbors. It wasn't my usual style of music, but Rose had introduced me to Geordie, which I loved, and now I used the upbeat Italian music when I cleaned and when I went running. My sister was also the reason I listened to DJ Tiesto, but I wasn't about to admit that shit to anyone, although my excuse was that the rhythms were great for running. Which they were, but still…

When I was finally done cleaning and making the small repairs I had neglected around the house, I only had time to throw one of Tiny's lasagnas in the oven. Once heated, I quickly ate, showered, and dressed before mounting my bike and making my way to meet Jasper at the bar.

It was a chilly evening. It was dry now, but it had been raining on and off all day, so the air was fresh and slightly earthy because of the fallen leaves on the ground. Jasper's Harley was outside the bar, so he had beaten me there.

Aro blocked my path when I entered the bar. "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to," he said, accentuating each word with a serious nod and gesturing oddly with his arms.

I snorted. It sounded more like something one of the McCartys would say than Aro's usual drunken ramblings. "Good advice, man. Thanks," I said, shaking my head mentally and walked over to join Jasper in our usual booth.

"Brother," he drawled and nodded to me.

"Jazz," I said and glared at him when I saw that there was no pint of Guinness waiting for me. What the fuck? It was an unwritten rule that whoever got to the bar first got beers for the one arriving later. And the fucker knew it too because he grinned and shrugged his shoulders.

"Rose is in a mood and I figured you deserved some of her wrath, too. So you can get your own beer."

"Great," I muttered. "Thanks a lot."

"Anytime."

"So, what's wrong with her today?"

"Fuck knows," Jasper snorted into his beer. He spluttered and coughed before running a hand through his paint splattered hair. Today's colors appeared to be yellow and green. "I can usually read her like an open book, but tonight…fuck if I know what's bothering her. If she wasn't so entertaining when she's pissed off, I'd be worried."

I frowned. When it came to Rose, Jasper was the expert; what with that weird twin thing they had going on, and probably also because he was better at reading people than anyone else I knew. So if he was using the word worried, maybe there was cause for concern.

"Evening, boys. I'm camping with you guys tonight. Rose is scarier than usual," Tiny announced as she appeared in my line of vision and dumped herself into the seat next to Jasper, who instinctively moved further into the booth. His fear of Tiny and her ball-crushing ways was hilarious.

Since she had brought Jasper and me a pint each, we let her stay. She sipped her pink, girly drink while interrogating Jasper about his art, blackmailing him to answer by saying she needed something for the walls of her boutique. Suddenly they got along famously, even if he did scoot away every time she leaned in closer.

I looked up at the bar where Rose was doing a great job of scaring away her customers. Even Emmett, who never let her vicious attacks get to him, eventually admitted defeat and joined us in our booth, claiming that he feared for his life.

"Honest to God, she made Tyler cry. He went home just before you got here," Emmett stated.

"It's true." Tiny nodded. "It was quite pathetic, actually. I'm so glad I dumped him when we dated in high school. Still, it's awkward that Emmett made him come down here."

"He's a good mechanic," Emmett defended. "And a good guy. It's not his fault that no one can keep up with your hyper ass."

I managed to keep it in, but Jasper snorted out loud and quickly cowered in the corner of the booth before trying to patch up his mistake as Tiny glared icily at him.

"I mean… You really shouldn't hold out for a man who Rose can't squeeze tears out off. She can make anyone cry, trust me," he said.

"Has she made you cry?" Tiny asked with narrowed eyes.

"More times than I can count," Jasper replied seriously, telling the absolute truth.

"Then you're pathetic, too," Tiny decided.

"Face it, Ali. No one is as cool as your brother," Emmett boasted. "Rosie hasn't made me cry."

"Yet," I pointed out with a chuckle. "She will, though. Just wait."

The others bickered on about crying males and vicious females. My gaze drifted to the bar, because deep inside I was actually a little fucking worried about my sister, even if I did have fun at her expense. She had driven everyone away from the bar, even her employees, and she was taking her obvious rage out on some unsuspecting glasses that got the polishing of a lifetime.

When she caught my gaze, she glared at me. I braved an eye-roll because most of the room was between us, but that just made her glare even more. I finally decided to be a decent brother and stood up, hesitantly beginning to close the distance to the glaring sister. I sat down on a stool at the bar and looked at Rose.

"What's up, sis?"

"Who sent you?" she demanded.

"You know, once in a blue moon I do actually make a decision or two on my own," I said. "It's a true fact."

"Well, you can go back to your little high school clique now."

I smiled sadly at my sister. "You can continue being a bitch all night for all I care, but I'm not buying into your crap tonight. So here's a suggestion: Get us a couple of beers and tell me what the fuck crawled up your ass and died a traumatic death. I honestly think that's the best damn offer you'll get tonight."

"Fuck you, Edward!"

"Did someone upset you?" I asked. "Or did something happen?"

Rose glared at me, and since it was starting to get a little tedious, I told her so. It didn't make her stop glaring.

"Why won't you just tell me what the fuck is wrong?" I asked. "Maybe I can help."

"Doubtful." She snorted. "Unless you can make the fucking world disappear. It's pissing me off."

"The world is pissing you off?" I frowned. "Wow, and here I thought it was something serious."

I ducked as a hand towel sailed my way through the air. "Shit. I'm sorry, Rosie. I wish I could make the world disappear for you. I don't suppose you'd want to be reasonable for a minute and actually talk about what's bothering you precisely?"

Her raised eyebrows told me everything I needed to know. "Yeah, I didn't think so," I said, exhaling my frustration. "But you know where to find me if you change your mind."

She didn't say anything, just turned around and busied herself with putting glasses away on the shelves. I sighed and gave up on finding out what the hell her problem was. She'd have talked if she'd wanted to, which she didn't.

I went home a little earlier than usual after making sure that Jasper would be staying until Rose had locked up. I felt a little off and wasn't in the mood to be social, especially not after running my head against a brick wall with Rose. In fact, I wasn't really in the mood for anything. I thought about driving up the coast to my parents', but it was a little late for that, and I would've probably given my mom a heart attack had I appeared on their doorstep that late in the evening.

It had just stopped raining when I exited the bar. It was a quiet Tuesday night, and after a long drought, an idea for a scene in the book I was currently writing popped into my head. I had been without inspiration for so long that the idea almost made me high.

Going through my pockets, I found a small notebook and a pen – items I always made sure to carry with me. I moved closer to a street light and scribbled down the idea, hoping I would be able to decipher the words later.

As I was pocketing the notebook and the pen again, I heard a gasp behind me. I peered into the dark and was shocked to see Bella standing a few feet away, staring at me in shock.

My memory had not done her justice, and even in the not very flattering light from the obnoxious, yellow light bulb above me, her beauty nearly brought me to my knees. She wore her plaid coat, and her beanie was pulled down to cover her ears, brown curls tumbling down over her shoulders. Her hands were buried in her pockets, and she stood frozen on the sidewalk.

Before I could stop myself, I had closed the distance between us and had her wrapped in a tight hug, completely and utterly unable to control myself or my emotions. I had been so worried about her, longed for her, and been so empty inside. I had been afraid I might never see her again. But there she was – safe, warm, and devastatingly beautiful.

Bella flinched and froze when I touched her. I almost let her go, but then she relaxed completely and melted into my arms. Her arms wrapped around me and I inhaled deeply, getting drunk off her scent.

"Fuck, beautiful," I said, letting out a ragged breath. "I'm so glad you're okay."

I broke away but didn't let her go, holding onto her shoulders and drinking her in with my eyes. I was faintly aware of the fact that we were once again blurring the lines between us. The first time we had met, we had ended up making out only a few feet away from here, but when she had stayed with me at my house, we had barely even touched. And at that moment…we were touching again.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, looking down at the ground. "I know it was rude to just leave like that after everything you've done for me. But I just didn't want you to get dragged into the mess that is my life."

I tilted her chin up so that she was forced to look at me. "Why don't you let me decide what I want and don't want to get dragged into?"

She bit her lip. "Okay," she agreed, looking into my eyes, probably seeing my goddamn soul – if, in fact, I had one.


	8. He Is Peace of Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Big thanks, hugs, and sloppy kisses to Dinx and nowforruin who are multi-tasking as betas, hand-holders, and generally amazing people.

CHAPTER 8

Bella:

He Is Peace of Mind

I felt pretty stupid for the shock I'd felt when I finally saw Edward again. Evonside Bay wasn't a big community, and when I had accepted Alice's job offer, I had also accepted that, at some point, I would inevitably run into Edward again.

Yet, when I saw him standing outside the bar, the street light gave him an angelic glow – complete with a burning halo – and I was frozen to the sidewalk, unable to stop the gasp that escaped my lips.

He took my breath away. I didn't know why I was shocked, because he had done it before. And when he hugged me, he also took away every rational thought in my head. I froze at first, but his touch didn't leave me with haunted memories of my past like it had the first time. He just felt safe, even as he unknowingly tore down some of the walls I had erected around myself.

It was cold and damp outside, so throwing caution to the wind, I suggested that we go back to my humble motel room to talk. I offered him a cup of instant coffee, as that was the best I had to offer, and he sat down in the worn, and rather uncomfortable, recliner across from the bed where I was perched.

"I almost can't believe that you're right here in front of me," he said, sounding almost in awe. He blew on his steaming coffee and shook his head a little. "Sometimes I have almost had myself convinced that you were just a dream."

"More like a nightmare, then," I said and sighed. "But I'm really sorry-"

"Stop apologizing. Please," he begged. "I know you had your reasons to leave – even leave the way you did."

"I was afraid you would try and convince me to stay if I told you I was leaving," I admitted.

He nodded. "I would have."

I bit my lip and looked down at my coffee mug. It was cream in color, with music notes scattered across the surface. It, along with the matching one cradled in Edward's hands, was the second piece of tangible proof that I was staying in Evonside permanently. The first one had been accepting Alice's job offer.

I had grown tired of the plastic cups that went with the electric kettle in the motel room, so I decided to buy some mugs at the grocery store. But more than wanting new mugs, I needed something that wouldn't fit into my messenger bag. Something that I would be forced to leave behind if I upped and left again. In my head it made sense – if I could put down enough roots, no matter how tiny, just maybe something would keep me in Evonside.

"Please don't run off again," Edward said softly, breaking into my thoughts.

I looked up and saw him staring intently at me. "I won't," I promised, wishing he knew how much it took to make that promise. It seemed easy in the moment, but I knew what it had taken to get there. Hm.

He smiled at me, and I decided that I needed to steer the conversation in a different direction before I promised him the entire world. It was scary what he could make me do.

"How is the book coming along?" I asked.

He looked incredulously at me and then chuckled. "You want to talk about my book?"

I shrugged sheepishly. The relationship that had developed between us during the days I had spent in his house could probably be labeled as a friendship. But the brief make-out session prior to that, as well as my unannounced escapes, changed things in different directions I couldn't even name. So what the hell were we supposed to talk about?

He smiled crookedly and raised the mug to his lips, taking a sip of his coffee before answering. "I've seem to hit a rough spot in my writing, actually. You were quite the muse."

I snorted, covering my mouth with my hand and giggling "That's the spirit; blame your inefficiency on me."

He chuckled and shrugged innocently.

Silence engulfed us and, for a long time, we just looked at each other in the dim light of the motel room. It should have been uncomfortable, but it was just the opposite. The look in his eyes was like a warm embrace, and the silence was a thousand unspoken words of affection.

Eventually Edward broke the silence. "I don't know if you know yet, but the guy who attacked you has been caught. He messed with the wrong girl and is now behind bars. He raped a girl last summer, and her testimony is going to put him away for a really long time."

"Oh God, how awful!" I gasped, not doubting that the same fate could have been mine if something hadn't interrupted him that day in the forest. "But it's a relief that he's been caught, at least."

We talked for hours, discussing literature, arguing about music, and sharing innocent childhood stories.

When I finally couldn't suppress my yawns any longer, Edward reluctantly rose from the recliner. "I should go. You look like you need some sleep."

I nodded just as reluctantly. I didn't want him to leave, but I knew that I was being a hypocrite for wanting him to stay, as I was the one who had left his house almost two weeks earlier.

"Please tell me that you won't run off – that I'll see you again," Edward said quietly, peering down at me with a serious look in his eyes as we stood by the door.

"For the first time in a long time, I can honestly say that I have absolutely no plans of going anywhere," I promised him. "I've decided to stay in Evonside."

"Good." He smiled. "I'm really happy to hear that."

"Me too," I said softly.

"Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight."

I watched as he disappeared into the darkness, walking back toward the bar where his bike was parked. I felt… Actually, I didn't know how I felt. I threw myself on the bed, analyzing my feelings for a while.

I had dreaded meeting Edward again, but I felt so much lighter. I felt happy, though the feeling was so foreign to me that I had a difficult time recognizing it.

I was almost giddy as I rinsed out the mugs in the bathroom sink and got ready for the night. I wished I didn't have to sleep, but I had work in the morning, and I would be surviving on very little sleep as it was. It was almost three a.m., and Alice had planned some long days for us at the boutique that week, in preparation for the grand opening the week after.

I managed a few hours of sleep and downed two mugs of coffee before venturing outside. It was a gray and cold morning. It had also rained, so I jogged all the way to the boutique, hoping Alice would forgive me for splattering water on the bottom of my jeans. Alice was unsurprisingly particular about clothes, and on my second day, she had given me a box full of the most beautiful and stylish clothes I had ever owned. She claimed that it was my signing bonus. At my raised eyebrows, she had just nodded stubbornly, saying that she wanted her employees – meaning me – to wear the clothes sold in the boutique. However, she also knew that she couldn't just expect me to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe because she said so. So, it was a signing bonus, and no matter what I said, she had the best arguments, and I had ended up taking the clothes with me back to the motel. After all, Alice had no idea how little clothing I actually owned, so it couldn't have been out of pity that she had given them to me.

"Good morning, Alice," I greeted her when I made it to the boutique. She had her head in a big crate, and all around her it looked like a bomb had exploded, clothes covering all surfaces.

"Morning, Bella," came the muffled reply from the crate.

I went to the back room to put away my bag and my coat. I knew I had a long day ahead of me. Alice's grand opening was less than a week away, and there was still a lot to be done.

Alice had resurfaced from the crate by the time I made it back to the store area. She tilted her head and looked me over, smiling brightly when her inspection was complete. "I just knew that tunic would look spectacular on you," she said, in reference to the dusty green tunic with intricate embroidery on the chest; a piece she had included in the box of clothes. I had paired it with dark jeans, hoping she would approve.

"It's beautiful, Alice. Thanks again," I told her.

"Stop thanking me. In fact, I just had the best idea last night while I was waiting for you at the bar," she said, looking pointedly at me.

I blushed. After much begging on Alice's part, I had said that I might meet her at the bar last night for a drink or two. Obviously, meeting Edward again had prevented me from ever even entering the bar.

"Yeah, sorry about that," I apologized. "I um… I ran into an old friend out in front of the bar, and we got to talking…"

"It's okay," she replied and giggled. "I went home kinda early anyway. Rose was PMS-ing or something, and Jasper and Em started talking about cheerleaders after Edward left, so it was kinda boring. I mean, honestly – cheerleaders? They're so skanky and-"

"Edward?" I blurted out, unable to stop myself. Alice knew Edward?

Alice nodded. "Yeah, he's Rose's brother. You know him?"

I nodded, not knowing how to explain or what to say. Fortunately, that didn't bother Alice.

"He's a great guy, don't you think?" she asked. "A bit clueless sometimes. I mean, who nearly burns down their kitchen when trying to cook? But he and Rose – well, and Jasper, I suppose – have been really nice to Em and me since we came to Evonside."

"He burned down his kitchen trying to cook?"

She giggled before clamping a hand over her mouth. "Nearly, yeah. He burned his hand, too. He's such a guy. Em can't cook to save his life, either. And I'm pretty sure he wouldn't recognize a vacuum cleaner if he saw one. He's the least domestic person in the world."

I nodded. Alice was going off on a tangent, and I wasn't sure if it would be safe to lead her back to the original topic. After all, I had no way of explaining how I knew Edward properly, anyway. Our brief but intense shared history seemed unfit to share with others, somehow.

"Ooh, I was about to tell you about my idea," Alice suddenly remembered. "So I was thinking, since I'm the boss, I'm definitely going to be a cool boss. I've hereby decided that for marketing purposes, we are each going to add an item of clothing from the boutique to our wardrobes every week. That way, we keep them up to date, as well as display our fabulous selection to the customers."

"Alice, you've already given me so many clothes. I can't keep-"

"Bella honey, I'm the boss, and the boss rules. So, you're honestly just wasting your breath. We're both doing it, and that's final," Alice said, putting her hands on her hips and narrowing her eyes playfully at me, daring me to disagree.

I sighed and nodded. I sometimes couldn't help but wonder if she knew more about my situation than I had told her. Either she really did know more than she was letting on, or else she was just being the most amazing boss in the history of bosses. I wasn't sure which.

We spent the morning unpacking and tagging clothes from the many shipments that were arriving, all from designers who made Alice squeal, but whom I had never heard of. Once again, I questioned the whole idea of me working in a boutique, but Alice just laughed and told me I'd pick up whatever I needed to know in no time at all. And I chose to just trust her.

"Bella, can I tell you something?" Alice asked over lunch. She had gone out to pick up sandwiches at the diner, insisting that lunch was on her since she had me slaving away more hours than we had agreed to at first. It had turned out to be necessary to pull some really long days in order to get everything ready for Alice's grand opening that following Monday.

"Of course, Alice," I replied.

"It's just… I'm not really good at keeping things bottled up inside, and it's been a while since I had any real friends. It's been different here. I mean, Rose and Edward have been really nice and stuff. Well, Jasper too, I suppose. But for some reason I just don't feel like spilling my guts to them, you know?"

I nodded even though I didn't really know. As much as Rose certainly did not make me want to reveal anything, Edward had quite the opposite effect on me. He made me want to tell him every little secret I had ever had, even when I knew it wasn't safe to tell anyone.

"And it's not like I don't think that I can trust them. It's just different with you, Bella. I knew the moment we met that we were going to be the best of friends," Alice said, and smiled.

I didn't hesitate to return the smile. I barely remembered what it was like to have a best friend, it had been so long. "You can tell me anything, Alice," I assured her, feeling like a hypocrite because I wasn't about to tell her any of my secrets. But she could trust me.

She took a deep breath. "I recognize the look in your eyes, Bella. You're running from something."

My eyes widened, and I tried not to cringe, but before I could say anything, she continued. "I am, too. Kinda, anyway. That's why I recognize it."

I bit my lip, nodding for her to continue.

"I was dating this guy back home, and we were together for a little over two years. It started out as practically nothing, and I kept making excuses for him even though I wasn't really in love with him. But it got worse until…" She paused and took a sip of her water. "He hit me. At first it was only when he was drunk, but then he started doing it when he was sober as well. It was a really stupid thing to do, but I hid it, and when Em finally found out, he beat the crap out of the guy, putting him in the hospital for over two weeks.

"Our friends didn't believe me when I told them what he had done to me; they only blamed me for Em beating him up. So in the end, I was pretty much alone, not to mention scared of what would happen when he got out of the hospital. I decided to come here because I'd liked it so much when I was here last summer. And Em came with me because he didn't want me to be alone, and because he wanted to protect me."

She looked me in the eyes. "So whatever it is you're running from, just know that you're not alone."

Instinctively, I reached over and hugged Alice. We shared more than she realized, even if I wasn't running from an ex-boyfriend who had used me as a punching bag.

"Thank you, Alice," I said. "I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I can't imagine what it must have been like, but I'm glad you're away from him and that you've got your brother looking out for you."

"Em really is a godsend. I owe him so much," she said with a little smile.

"I wish I'd had an Em," I admitted, suddenly feeling an overwhelming need to share some of my own secrets so that this new friendship wasn't deprived of equality from the very start. "In some ways, I'm running from an ex-boyfriend, too. He didn't hit me, but he made me do things. Horrible things."

"But you kind of do have an Em. At least, you will have as soon as you meet him," Alice said. "He's very protective of his friends too, and any friend of mine is a friend of his. And you've got Edward, meaning that you've also got Rose and Jasper. Rose is vicious, but I'm not really sure how useful Jasper is."

I couldn't help but giggle, and it felt good after the heavy topic we had been on. "You don't seem very fond of Jasper. Why is that?"

She wrinkled her nose. "He's just boring. He tells stories about visiting some vacuum museum down in Oregon as if he'd been to Egypt and seen the pyramids or something."

I recalled stories that Edward had told me about his brother and his many travels, but I didn't say anything. If Jasper would rather tell people about visiting a vacuum museum than the time he had gone to see the pyramids in Egypt, then I had no business ruining it for him. I didn't even know the man.

"He should take Emmett with him next time he visits the vacuum museum," I thought out loud. When Alice looked at me funny, I elaborated. "You said that Emmett probably wouldn't recognize a vacuum cleaner if he saw one. Surely seeing a bunch of them in a museum would remedy that."

Alice giggle-snorted. "Oh my God, you have to meet Em! He's going to love you. Even if you are suggesting he should be more domestic."

We worked diligently through the day and got a lot done. The place was really shaping up, and it was turning out more exclusive and stylish than I had expected. Alice was a fountain of knowledge when it came to fashion and style, and she spouted off names and designs and whatnot all the time, though I hardly remembered a thing once she called it a day and sent me on my way. My head was in information overload.

I stopped by the grocery store on my way back to the motel, once again forgoing a hot meal at the diner. I still wasn't entirely comfortable in crowds, being paranoid that the people out to get me would find me. So, a sandwich and a banana had to suffice for dinner.

My thoughts went to the modest motel room that I called home at that time. I still wasn't taking for granted the lock on the door, the mildly comfortable bed, or the working shower with the occasional hot water. I had spent too many nights outside to be in any kind of position to complain about my present residence.

The box of clothes from Alice, as well as my two coffee mugs, weren't much as far as belongings went, but if I wanted to keep them, they did prevent me from staying outside again. There was no way I could shuffle the box around with me, and my messenger bag had been filled to the brim with what I had brought with me from Seattle.

I pushed away the negative thoughts, angry with myself for entertaining thoughts about leaving. Instead, I let my thoughts stray to the indulgent purchases I had made at the store – purchases that would also not fit into my bag, so maybe deep down inside I really did want to stay.

I had picked up a notebook, a sketch book and a pack of pencils. It had been so long since I had allowed myself any creativity, and I planned to indulge myself over the weekend Alice had insisted that we take off, as long as we got everything done over the following two days.

When I reached the motel, I was treated to the sight of Edward sitting on the curb outside my room. He had a couple of bags by his side, his bike was parked out front, and he was completely absorbed in the notebook in which he was scribbling furiously.

I couldn't stop the smile breaking out on my face. It was such a small thing, but seeing Edward again – seeing him waiting for me – brightened my day considerably.

I stopped a few feet away from him, waiting for him to finish whatever it was that he was writing. Whether it was in a notebook or on his laptop, I loved watching him write. It was as if there was no stopping the words erupting from him, and I envied the ease in which they flowed. He really was a gifted writer, and even though the mystery genre was far from my favorite, I had enjoyed the book of his that I had read so far. I made a mental note to check out the local library for the rest sometime.

He finally looked up, a crooked smile lighting up his face.

"Hi," he said, stuffing the small notebook into the pocket of his jacket. "I hope you don't mind me just showing up like this, but I figured I'd bring dinner. You haven't eaten, have you?"

"Hi." I smiled. "No, I don't mind at all, and I haven't eaten, but you really didn't have to bring me dinner…"

"I wanted to," he said simply. "And I really wanted to see you again."

I blushed, moving past him to unlock the door. I wished I at least had a table and chairs to offer, but fifteen minutes later when we were sprawled on the bed, munching on burgers and fries while watching a re-run of M.A.S.H., it somehow didn't matter at all.

I was amazingly comfortable, and at least for the time being, I decided not to question it and just enjoy my time with Edward.

"So, this mean motherfucker of a bird finally told me that you're working for Tiny?" Edward half-stated, half-asked and threw a few fries into his mouth.

"Tiny?"

He chuckled. "Sorry. Alice."

I smiled and nodded. "Yes, she was kind enough to offer me a job after I rescued her from a falling ladder. She is a godsend, really. I was actually on the verge of leaving town because I was running out of both cash and options. I didn't know if it would be safe to get a job, but when she offered…well, I just couldn't say no."

"I'm really glad that you did," Edward said, meeting my gaze over the top of my soda. The look in his eyes told me that he probably had me figured out a lot more than I had expected him to, but I forced myself not to freak out about it. "With all the favors Tiny's doing me, I'll end up owing her my firstborn," he added with a chuckle.

"She's really nice," I agreed.

Edward nodded. "She stocked my freezer with pre-cooked dinners after I burned my hand in a…um…kitchen related incident recently, making me proclaim her a goddess."

I suppressed a smile. "She told me about your attempt to cook. How bad did you hurt yourself?"

"Not too bad," he replied sheepishly. "At least nothing a few Daddy-issued drugs couldn't fix."

"You really should be careful, Edward."

"Both my mom and Tiny made me promise never to attempt cooking again." He chuckled.

"Good," I said, remembering something. "Hey, what was with the bird comment? What did you say – mean motherfucker of a bird?"

His smile vanished. "Well, you met Rose last week, so she obviously knew that you were still in town, though she neglected to tell me. She did tell Jasper, who also didn't tell me. And they'd both promised to keep an eye out for you, so when I found out that they knew, I might have gone slightly mental on their asses."

"I'm the one you should be mad at, Edward," I said with a sigh.

He shook his head. "While I might have been disappointed that you ran off, you never broke any promises. You did what you thought was right for both of us at the time, though I hope that you won't do it again. I kinda like having you around."

"I won't," I said. "And that is a promise. I kind of like being around, too."

He smiled briefly. "Rose and Jasper, on the other hand, promised to help me look for you. They knew that I really wanted to find you again, yet they just kept their knowledge to themselves. I mean, Jasper even interrogated me about you a few days ago."

"Maybe they were trying to protect you," I suggested softly. "I did run out on you twice before."

"It's not up to them," he retorted. "Rose has always thought she knew better than anyone else, but I had expected more from her. And even more from Jasper."

"I'm sorry," I offered.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for," he said with a smile. He stood up from the bed and collected the trash from our meal. After a minute, he sat back down and put his arm behind me against the headboard, his fingers drawing lazy patterns on my shoulder.

I shyly looked up at him and found him smiling at me. I smiled back, enjoying his touch. It had been so long since I had had the opportunity to just enjoy the feel of someone, and it warmed me all the way through.

A movie had started while we had talked, and we settled down to watch it. It felt amazingly natural to curl up against Edward's side, and when his arm tightened around me, I realized that I had never felt safer.


	9. She Fills My Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Thanks to nowforruin and Dinx for exercising their red pens on this story. Sorry I'm making you run out of ink.

CHAPTER 9

Edward:

She Fills My Days

Bella was like a drug to me. I was so addicted that I found myself getting up early to go see the beautiful woman that I had spent the previous evening with cuddling on the bed in her motel room. Yes, motherfucking cuddling. She felt like finding my way home, though I was the idiot who didn't even know he'd been lost.

I had kind of adopted Tiny and Emmett as my new siblings after my own brother and sister had turned against me in the worst of ways, not bothering to fucking tell me that they knew that Bella was still in Evonside. That Bella was safe. That Bella was fucking working for Tiny - all after promising me that they would keep an eye out for her. Keeping that shit from me for almost a week did not sit well with me, and I had no intentions of forgiving their cruel asses anytime soon.

So with the pretense of helping my new sister out, I went down to her boutique bright and early on Thursday morning, carrying the sacred gifts of coffee and donuts. I had taken my car instead of my bike because I had brought my tools with me, intent on offering my help with whatever Tiny, well, and Bella, needed. I did owe Tiny after not being able to help out with the shelves last week. I had been cursing my hand to hell and back several times since discovering that it had been the cause of not discovering Bella still being in Evonside sooner.

"Good morning!" I called out as I walked through the door.

The place was really shaping up and looked nothing like the abandoned hellhole Tiny had bought from Rose just a few weeks earlier. That little woman worked damn fast when she wanted shit done. It didn't take long to spot a few things that I was sure I could help the girls out with. Only…where the hell were they?

I heard Tiny before I saw her. She sounded like she was having a discussion with herself about where to put a jewelry display, and it was actually pretty entertaining to listen to her agree and disagree with herself.

I wasn't the only one who found it amusing. I had thought she was arguing with herself because she was alone, but then a melodious laugh rang out, making Tiny huff and me sigh. Yeah, I wasn't going to analyze that shit either.

Tiny and Bella descended the stairs from Tiny's apartment above the boutique, Tiny still chattering away. She grinned when she saw me.

"Edward!" she sang. "Is that coffee I smell? Oh, and are those the power tools you're so confident that you can master?"

"Yes to both," I replied. "Good morning, ladies."

Bella appeared behind Tiny and smiled at me. "Good morning, Edward."

Even though it had been another late night last night, she still looked bright and well-rested this morning. We had watched two movies before I had been able to let go of her. And I might not even have watched the movies due to drinking her in with my eyes. Everything about that girl was just fucking perfect, from the way she fit into my side, to the feel of her hair between my fingers.

"Rose called me this morning, telling me to watch out for grouchy Edward," Tiny said and looked at a donut with fierce love in her eyes before attacking it with a rather loud moan.

"She should mind her own fucking business," I said, and shot a brief glare at the wall connecting Tiny's place with Rose's. "But if I was grouchy, I wouldn't be bringing coffee and donut."

"Ummm, you should bring donuts every day," Alice said and sighed happily, licking the glaze off her fingers. Then she suddenly looked at me with sad eyes. "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't realize why Rose and Jasper were distracting me last Monday when I was trying to tell you all about Bella. Rose pulled me into the kitchen asking about recipes, and then you guys' wrestling match in the living room made me forget. And I didn't know that you and Bella knew each other."

"It's okay, Tiny," I said. "You didn't know. And I found her anyway, didn't I?"

I looked over at Bella, who was blushing. Tiny giggled. "You guys are so cute," she declared, helping herself to another doughnut. "And I'm glad you're not all grouchy. Then I'd have to kick you out, and that would suck because I really could use your help hanging up some stuff."

"Keep Rose and Jazz away from me, and I'll be smiling all day," I promised.

"Oh, Edward," Tiny said in mock sadness. "You obviously don't know what a slave driver I can be."

I chuckled, looking over at Bella for confirmation. She shook her head, and Tiny growled playfully. "Bella, you're my right hand girl! You need to work with me here. Imagine what fun we could have had with Edward, making him slave all day."

As it turned out, Tiny did make me slave all day, hanging up a million racks, shelves, and even some of Jasper's art work, which he delivered himself late that morning. He tried talking to me, but I just ignored him. Tiny, bless her amazing soul, was totally Team Edward and snubbed him too. Bella was the only one cordial toward him, and she had never even met him before.

"Ed," he hissed, lingering even though he had nothing else to stay for. He had carried all the paintings inside, because none of us felt like giving him a hand. Well, except Bella, but Tiny stopped her, strategically having her do something else instead. He had also received his payment, and no one wanted to talk to him, so he really should have left already.

I ignored him, unwrapping the paintings and helping Alice place them around the boutique. Even though my brother was being a total douche, I had to, very secretly of course, admire his talent once again. He hadn't made the pieces specifically for Tiny's boutique, but when she had approached him at the bar about it, he had told her that he had the perfect set-up for her at his gallery. And he had been right. The colors were exactly right, and the various lone, white flowers in the paintings with the crackled finish, fit perfectly into Tiny's little fashion universe.

"Goddamn it, Edward! How long are you going to ignore me?" he asked.

Fucker. Did he really think I was going to answer that? And if he didn't fucking leave soon, I would find a permanent marker and start drawing swastikas on his paintings. Maybe that would get him to buzz off.

Finally he disappeared, no doubt to go and whine to Rose next door, twintastic morons that they were.

Over the course of the day, I found myself watching Bella a lot. It didn't matter if she was adorably concentrating on something about a particular designer Tiny was spouting off about, laughing with me behind Tiny's back, or staring into space between tasks – she was always captivating. Her beauty seemed to grow each second I spent looking at her, and the pull I felt toward her was out of this world.

Tiny caught me a few times, grinning slyly. I had nothing to hide or feel ashamed about. Bella was fucking beautiful, and even though I had no name for it, there was something between us. I just smiled at Bella when she caught me looking, too.

And that was when it hit me. I wanted something with Bella Swan. And that something had long ago surpassed the hot and sweaty night I had wanted originally when I first saw her at the bar. I had never wanted anything past one night stands with anyone before. I had always liked my solitude too much, even before I started writing. Back when I was in school, college, and medical school, I had buried myself in my music and my school work, only coming up for air when someone forced me.

I had accepted long ago that solitude was something I craved more than anything, and now I wanted to spend every second with a petite brunette who was full of secrets and mysteries that I for once hadn't written myself.

Well, fuck.

"Edward, could you move that counter over there, please? I think it kind of breaks the flow over here," Tiny asked, interrupting my rather significant inner musings.

I nodded, moving the counter for the fourth time without objections, earning myself a beautiful smile from Bella for my efforts. Or for my patience with Tiny – I wasn't entirely sure which.

I played the part of errand boy by getting lunch. I listened to Tiny chattering about style, colors, shoes, make up, designers, and online marketing strategies. I did whatever the small slave driver told me to, all the time keeping an eye on Bella and assisting her whenever possible.

Whipped? Yes, extremely. Enjoying it? Hell yes.

Bella's patience with Tiny and her energetic and slightly hyper ways was remarkable. She had a sly sense of humor, and her comments went over Tiny's head more than a few times because the boss woman was so focused on getting everything done in time. Tiny would look at me cracking up, and Bella would put up such an impressive poker face that I looked rather pathetic just laughing out of the blue.

By the end of the day, I was still not ready to go back to my solitude, so I invited the girls out for dinner at the new pizza place that had opened over the summer. I had yet to brave a visit – it had been crawling with people all throughout the tourist season and was only now calming down. I needed to get familiar with their menu, though, as they offered take-out, and anything was better than the cardboard pieces in my freezer. After all, a man needed his pizza every now and again.

Emmett met us there, giving a scared-looking Bella a massive hug as if they were old friends. She quickly relaxed around him, though, and we ended up having a good time, laughing at Emmett's jokes and ganging up on a particularly hyper Tiny.

Bella laughing was a breathtaking sight. Her eyes danced merrily, and her melodious laughter rang out like the sweetest music. I wished I was as funny as Emmett so I could make her laugh all the time.

After dinner, I walked Bella back to the motel. Emmett had wanted us to go to the bar, but there was no way I was going anywhere near that place, knowing for certain that Rose was there and probably Jasper, too. I knew that I wouldn't be mad at them forever, but for now being pissed off at them was just how it was going to be.

Bella and I were quiet as we walked down Main Street. I wanted to ask if I could see her tomorrow, but I knew she had a busy day ahead of her with Tiny at the boutique. As much as I wanted to go and hang out there again, I knew that there wasn't anymore I could do there. Plus, I would probably just end up disturbing them in their work. Tiny was already stressing enough – I didn't need to add to it.

"Are you doing anything this weekend?" I settled on asking her instead, looking down at her.

Bella shook her head. "I have no definitive plans. Alice doesn't want me working even if we don't finish everything tomorrow, so I was just going to see what a blank sketch book, a blank notebook, a pack of pencils, and my imagination could put together. It's been a while since I attempted anything creative."

"You sketch?" I treasured each little piece of information Bella offered about herself, because they were rare and far-between.

"A little bit," she replied. "I started out using it when I got stuck in my writing, and over time it's become a creative outlet. I'm not very talented, but I enjoy it."

"Could you maybe be creative in my company?" I asked. "I'd love to spend some time with you, even if it's spent writing or sketching. If the weather's nice we could hike down to the old, abandoned lighthouse or maybe drive up the coast? There are a lot of beautiful places up there and-"

"I'd like that," she interrupted my ramblings and smiled. "To spend time with you, that is. It doesn't matter what we do."

I beamed at her. That was the best thing I had heard all year – hell, in several years. I was going to have to ask her out on a real date soon. With flowers, dinner, and all that stuff. Except, I didn't date. And Bella might just become all skittish again. Shit.

I told her that I'd pick her up Saturday morning, to which she objected and told me she could walk out to my place just fine. I wasn't having any of it, seeing no reason for why she should walk three miles when I had a perfectly nice car – I'd fucking give her the car if I thought she'd take it. As it was, I settled for talking her into letting me pick her up under the guise of going to breakfast at the diner.

Friday turned out to be the longest day I had ever experienced. I went grocery shopping in town just to have an excuse to stop by Tiny's boutique with lunch. I didn't stay long because the girls were busy, and I figured I'd attempt to finish the chapter I was working on.

I had my doubts about my ability to get anything written when I sat down at the dining table with my laptop in front of me, but it didn't take me long to get into a good flow. I wrote well into the evening, not stopping until I started straining my eyes in the increasing darkness.

Stretching my arms above my head, wincing a little in pain, I looked out through the window and was met with a magnificent sunset. The sky was a mix of pink, peach, and purple, and the ocean looked like it was liquid fire. Part of the sky, the blurry line between the intense colors and the rest of the darkening sky, was a pale pink, and the color reminded me of Bella's blush.

I almost laughed at myself when I felt the smile that stretched across my face at the mere thought of Bella. Shaking my head at myself, I turned on the lights, pulled the drapes, and went in search of some sort of frozen dinner.

It was while eating a big reheated slice of my mom's awesome chicken pot-pie that I looked around and noticed that I should probably tidy up and clean a bit before picking Bella up in the morning. I wasn't a slob by any means, but my focus had been elsewhere lately, and my house had suffered.

I did a quick sweep through the house, collecting all the laundry that I still hadn't learnt to put in the laundry basket. One of these days… Putting a load into the washing machine, I spent the next hour cleaning so thoroughly that I almost threw away one of my notebooks and nearly scrubbed a hole in the kitchen counter trying to get a stain off.

My conscience was clear when I finally went to bed, enjoying a dreamless sleep, and even sleeping late, meaning that I didn't even have time for a cup of coffee before catapulting out the door.

It was a cold, wet, and extremely foggy morning. I was glad that Bella wouldn't be walking out to my place. I secretly thought she was, too, when I saw her shivering in the cold, even though she was bundled up in her coat and wearing her scarf, beanie and mittens. She looked cute as hell.

"Good morning," she greeted me with a smile when I pulled up next to where she was waiting for me out in front of the motel. I got out of the car, returning her greeting, and opening the door for her on the passenger side.

Ten minutes later we were seated across from each other in a booth in the diner. It was still too early for it to be crowded, which suited me just fine. As far as breakfast went, the diner was the only option in Evonside, but I couldn't help but wish that I could have taken her somewhere fancier. In my opinion, this girl deserved the fucking world. I just had a feeling she wouldn't accept what I wanted to offer her.

Bella, however, seemed content with a hot cup of coffee in her hands and the promise of pancakes to come. There was something about her smile that was different, and although I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was, she just seemed more comfortable in my company than before. Before I could bask in that fact, she proved that what I had sensed was true.

"I used to eat at the local diner with my dad every Sunday morning growing up," she said softly, looking down at her coffee as if it held all the truths in the world. It was one of the most personal things she had ever revealed to me, and instead of making a big deal out of it, I followed her lead.

"My dad snuck us out of the house every time my mom had her garden club or book club over. Then we ate at the diner and had ice cream at the park," I said. "We all knew Mom would be mad at us when we came home because she swears by home cooked meals and proper restaurants, but we always enjoyed our little outings with Dad anyway."

Bella smiled and opened her mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by the waitress bringing our meals. She was a high school kid with too much hairspray in her hair and a mouth full of pink bubblegum, making it really fucking difficult to understand what she was saying. I glared at her even though she was just doing her job and had no fucking clue that she had the worst timing in the world.

"We had very different childhoods, apparently," Bella mused, her voice flat, but luckily not letting Bubblegum steer the personal conversation off course. "We only ate at the diner because my dad couldn't cook a decent meal and figured that I should get Sunday morning off from cooking duty."

I smirked. "Not being able to cook is an excellent reason to eat at the diner."

"It's also an excellent reason to stay away from even trying to cook, at least without proper supervision," she teased.

"True," I allowed with a sheepish grin. "It just looked so easy when you did it."

"It also looks so easy when you type furiously on your laptop while my mind is void of words," she said and sighed.

"It is easy when you're around," I told her honestly. "I told you, you're a bit of a muse."

She shook her head slightly and focused her attention on her pancakes.

"Your dad…" I decided to prod a little, hoping that I wasn't pushing my luck. "You said that he couldn't cook, as in past tense…"

She looked up, eyes wide and unfocused. "Oh… I did, didn't I? I'm sorry. I guess I'm just listening to what he told me the last time I saw him – that I wasn't his daughter anymore. I'm sure he still can't cook, though."

I reached across the table and clasped her small hand in mine. The faraway look in her eyes scared the crap out of me. It took almost a full minute before she acknowledged my touch, her fingers curling around mine and her beautiful brown eyes refocusing.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"No, I'm sorry," I said. "Sorry that you ever had to hear those words from your own father. Look, I promise I won't ask you all the questions you don't want to answer, but I need you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to, or someone to just listen, you can come to me. Fuck, Bella. I wish I could articulate exactly what it is that you make me feel, but I can't. I feel… well, incredibly protective of you, is one thing that I feel…"

Her fingers squeezed mine and I stopped talking. The look in her eyes and the faint smile on her lips let me know that I didn't have to say anything else.

Bella had her notebook and sketch book with her in her bag, and we ended up just going back to my place as the weather had turned nasty. Bella admitted that anywhere away from the dreary motel room was fine with her, and without the pretense of having to necessarily entertain each other, we ended up sitting across from each other at the dining table writing.

I offered her the use of a second laptop I had in my library but she refused, saying that a notebook was just perfect for her ramblings. I didn't fight her, just told her where she could find it if she changed her mind.

The words came to me as effortlessly as they had before in Bella's company, and it seemed that she had found some of her own as well, filling page after page with her messy handwriting. She hadn't broken out her sketch book yet, but I was hoping that she might because I wanted to see some of her drawings. Hell, I wanted to see anything that had to do with Bella.

My mother called just before lunch, having received an invitation for Tiny's grand opening in the mail. She was anxious to go, and remembering Jasper's words from last Monday about her not liking to drive down to Evonside on her own, I offered to go and get her. That would give me a fucking awesome excuse to go to the opening myself and see Bella, even if it would just be for a few minutes.

"Thank you, honey," she said, and I could hear the gratefulness in her voice. I was annoyed with myself for not noticing her problem until it was pointed out to me. She continued to talk enthusiastically about how much she was looking forward to seeing Tiny's boutique, and I assured her that it looked great and that she would no doubt be able to spend all Dad's hard-earned money on clothes and shoes.

When I got off the phone, Bella banned me from the kitchen, ignoring my protests that I would go into town and pick up some lunch for us.

"Unless you really don't like my cooking, you should just leave me to it," she said, smiling teasingly. "You're ruining my fun."

I held up my hands in surrender. "I wouldn't want to ruin your fun. But I really would be happy to just go into town and pick up a pizza for us or something."

"Yeah, yeah," she said, dismissing me with a wave of her hand. "Go write that book of yours."

I saluted her and went back to the dining table. If the girl wanted to cook, I'd let her cook. I just hoped to see playful Bella again soon because I really fucking liked her.

Lunch was heaven. Bella had made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, and while I complimented the food, she complimented the well-stocked kitchen.

"My mom and Tiny said that if I kept my kitchen stocked, they might come by to cook for me sometimes. And while I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I'd never let an offer like that pass me by," I assured her and chuckled.

Bella nodded. "Wise decision. And you can add me into that offer if you want. I miss cooking on a regular basis."

"Fuck, talk about being a spoiled bastard," I said. "I appreciate the offer, though – and I'll accept it on one condition."

"A condition?" she asked, eyebrow raised. "Huh. Name it, then – although I'm not promising anything."

"I wouldn't expect you to," I said and smiled. "But please consider, just consider, ditching the motel and making use of my guest bedroom again. It's just sitting there, and who knows what other freaks there are in town. King, the asshole who attacked you, he sometimes helped out down at the motel, you know. And…fuck, Bella. I worry about you, okay? It's making me crazy."

Bella was pale, and she didn't look up to meet my gaze when she spoke. "You shouldn't worry about me, Edward. I'll be okay."

"Well, I also happen to enjoy your company," I added, now worried that I had pushed her too far too soon. But I did worry about her, and I did enjoy her company – and I did think her staying with me would be fucking perfect. "Please just consider it."

She finally looked up at me, biting her lip and fiddling with her hands in her lap. "I'll consider it. Thank you."

"Good. That's all I ask," I said, letting out a relieved breath.

I changed the subject quickly. It was obvious that it made her uncomfortable, and that was the last thing I wanted. I told her about the night I had first met Tiny and Emmett at the bar, and her laughter was music to my ears.

I cleaned up after lunch and we spent another few hours writing at the table. Bella had a satisfied smile on her face when she closed her notebook and opened her sketch book. I looked at her, my eyes probably full of questions.

"I'd forgotten exactly how good it feels to write," she said, shrugging before she started to sketch.

I tried not to peek, even though it was fucking difficult. My day had been productive with Bella across from me at the table, and I now had the remaining chapters outlined. Depending on how disciplined I was over the next few weeks, I might just finish the thing before Halloween. That would make my agent very happy.

Bella didn't tell me what she had been writing, not did she show me her sketches. I was curious as fuck, but decided to leave it alone, knowing that I had probably pushed my luck as far as I could with the questions I had asked earlier, and the revelations she had made on her own.

I tried to talk her out of cooking dinner, but when she looked at me pleadingly, there was no way I could deny her request to play around in the kitchen. She obviously loved it, and maybe she would fall so much in love with my kitchen, that she'd want to take me up on my offer and live here. A man could hope. And while he hoped, he could be fed. After dinner we put on a movie, which I didn't watch at all because my attention was on the beautiful woman curled up against my side on the couch.

I hated dropping her off at the motel that night. I waited outside until I heard her lock the door, and even then it was fucking difficult to get back into the car and drive home.

We spent Sunday together, too. I picked her up a little later because she wanted to stop by the boutique and see if Tiny needed help with anything. The weather was nicer – cold and windy but luckily dry enough, so I packed up a lunch of sandwiches that hopefully tasted better than they looked and took her on a drive up the coast. There was a nice beach up near my parents' house where we went for a long walk along the roaring ocean. Returning to the car with cold noses and windblown hair, we ate our lunch before driving back down to Evonside and some hot chocolate at the diner.

It was a fucking perfect weekend. Except the part where I had to drop her off at that fucking motel again. That sucked.

I joined my parents for breakfast Monday morning. My dad seemed surprised to see me in the kitchen, but my mom reminded him, apparently not for the first time, that I was taking her down to Evonside for the opening of Tiny's boutique. He frowned at the mention of Alice's name until I reminded him that she had been at the hospital when Rose had, or hadn't, been attacked. He nodded then, but didn't look like he remembered who Tiny was, which was pretty impressive in my opinion since she had the personality of a pint-sized tornado.

We stopped to get flowers for Tiny, and we got some for Bella because she had worked pretty damn hard to get things ready, too. At least that was my excuse, and my mom luckily bought it.

The boutique was a goddamn nightmare. Thursday night at the pizza place, Emmett had predicted that no one was going to show up for an opening of a boutique in the middle of nowhere in the off season. Tiny had disagreed, of course – and she had been right. The place was packed, and it was only twenty minutes after the official opening time.

I was in and out as quickly as I could, delivering the flowers and telling my mom that I would wait for her at the diner. She looked at me funny, knowing that we had just had breakfast and that I would normally go to the bar or Jasper's gallery to kill time, but I just shrugged and left her to spend the fuckload of money she was no doubt going to rid herself of.

I ended up spending more than two hours at the diner, drinking half my own weight in coffee, writing in a notebook, and being teased by Sue who owned the diner - I told her how frightening the quick visit at the boutique had been.

Just as I was contemplating switching from coffee to juice or soda to avoid an ulcer, my mom finally rapped on the window from the outside. I grinned, remembering how I had told Bella about my mom's dislike for simple diners, and now many years later she was proving my point again, refusing to come inside and get the cup of coffee she was no doubt craving after her shopping adventure.

I paid for my coffee and waved goodbye to Sue before going outside to help my mom with her shopping bags. By the looks of it, Tiny would be making a good profit off my mom alone.

"Oh Edward, Alice's boutique is just amazing," she gushed as we walked toward where I had parked the car. "You couldn't find a better store in Seattle even if you tried. It's absolutely wonderful."

For the next half hour I nodded a lot as my mom imitated Tiny, talking a mile a minute about the wonders of fashion. When we reached my parents' house she invited me in for a late lunch, but I declined, feigning an urgent need to go home and catch up on some writing. Which I did, but it wasn't the true reason I'd passed up on my mom's cooking. I was just afraid my ears would start bleeding if I listened to anymore fashion talk. I still had tonight to get through, because Tiny had insisted on cooking us dinner even if it was her big day, and she had ordered me to show up with the threat of never cooking for me again.

I was still not speaking to Rose and Jasper. I wouldn't be seeing Bella tonight; at least that was what I assumed after Tiny hadn't invited her last week. Tiny would no doubt be hyper as fuck and talk our ears off about her boutique. Yep, fantastic times ahead.


	10. She Makes Me Smike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Thanks to Dinx and nowforruin for making sense of what I write. ILY.

CHAPTER 10

Edward:

She Makes Me Smile

Tiny was only just locking up at the boutique when I made my way into town Monday night. She had her shoes in one hand while locking the door with the other, and on her face was a shit-eating grin. She greeted me with a hug.

I chuckled. "It looks like someone had a good day. I take it the opening went well?"

She squealed excitedly. "Oh, Edward! It was amazing! We were so busy all day with hundreds of customers, some of them coming all the way from Seattle!"

"I'm happy for you, Tiny. No one deserves it more," I said, ruffling her hair. She was so excited that she didn't even bat an eyelash.

I followed her up the stairs on the side of the building. I could hear Emmett's loud laughter and a faint sound of music coming from inside. It smelled delicious, too – spicy and sweet.

"When the fuck did you have time to cook?" I asked Tiny. "In fact, I don't understand why you're even going through with dinner tonight after your big day. We should have gone out to celebrate."

Tiny giggled. "Actually I was just going to call for pizza, but our girl Bella insisted on helping me out by cooking dinner. The only problem is that she also insists on not staying to eat with us. So I've enlisted Em's help, and I'm counting on yours too, to help me to convince her to stay."

"Absolutely," I agreed readily with a smile. The evening looked a hell of a lot brighter with the prospect of spending it in Bella's presence.

Tiny stopped and turned around before we reached her front door. She placed the hand not carrying shoes on her hip and narrowed her eyes playfully at me. "I grilled Bella about your weekend together, but she was very tight-lipped. I don't suppose you feel up for sharing some details?"

"Nope." I chuckled. "Not really."

"You two think you're so cute," she complained. "Wait. You are cute. Damn. You're actually so cute it's annoying."

I laughed and pushed her through the door.

"You better be good to her, Edward. She's my new best friend, and if you mess up with her, I'll hurt you more than you could ever hurt her."

"Good," I said. Bella needed people sticking up for her, and Tiny was fucking fierce. "But I won't hurt her."

Rose and Jasper were seated in the living room, and I ignored them, heading straight for the kitchen where Emmett was still laughing. Rose huffed when I passed her, muttering something under her breath before Jasper told her to shut up, making them do their twintastic thing where they spoke in half sentences and shut everyone else out. That, in turn, made Tiny groan, and she followed me into the kitchen after throwing her shoes at Jasper. She missed, but I was sure she had been aiming for his balls.

I greeted Emmett, and because I was so thrilled about the turn of events that meant that I got to see Bella anyway, I just had to hug her. "Hey, beautiful. You're just going from kitchen to kitchen, aren't you? It smells amazing."

It took her a few seconds to hug back, and then I received a big smile. I was getting used to her hesitation, but it felt like it become shorter and shorter each time I hugged her. "Hi, Edward. You know that I can't resist a kitchen."

"Thank fucking God," Emmett said with a heartfelt laugh, peering into the oven like it was his favorite show on TV. "I was so not in the mood for another pizza. Between lunches and dinners, I've been through the pizza place's menu several times over. It's really not that exciting."

Bella giggled, and Tiny slapped the back of his head. "You're a moron," Tiny told her brother.

"Well, excuse me for not setting fire to my hand just to get sympathy cooking from people," he huffed.

I snorted. "You're just annoyed that you didn't think of it first."

"Kinda, yeah," Emmett admitted with a grin. "Say, Bella, those brownies cooling over there on the counter, do they need to be test-tasted? I'm wicked awesome at that, you know."

"I do know, considering you already test- tasted them twice," Bella said straight-faced.

"Em!" Tiny hissed, narrowing her eyes at him. "How long have you been pestering Bella? I swear to God, you're like a giant baby…!"

"Hey, don't pick on me until you've tasted the brownies. They're like…a chocolate orgasm or some shit," Emmett declared.

"Now there's a disturbing mental image, considering we'll all be eating them at the table later," Tiny said with a frown.

Emmett guffawed and went back to staring longingly into the oven. I shook my head at him.

"Do you have time to do one teeny, tiny thing more for me tonight?" Tiny asked Bella, pulling out a full pout.

"Sure." Bella nodded, even though she was starting to look as exhausted as Tiny.

"Great." Tiny beamed. "You're staying to eat with us, then. I won't have you cook dinner and then go home like some servant. You might work for me, but above all you're my friend. And tonight we are celebrating our success."

"Alice-"

"I don't want to hear it," Tiny interrupted. "Now let me help you with the salad while Dumb and Dumber here set the table."

Saluting Tiny, Emmett marched toward the dining room, and I found it wisest just to follow. We talked football while we set the table. He was a fountain of knowledge on the subject, and told me he'd played a little in college. When Jasper started throwing in comments, I turned back toward the kitchen, but unfortunately Rose intercepted me.

"When are you going to stop acting like a spoiled brat?" she asked, hands on her hips and a long-ago perfected glare in her eyes.

"I haven't really decided yet," I said and shrugged. "When are you going to stop being an untrustworthy bitch?"

"Honestly, Eddie, is it really that big of a deal? I mean, you found her anyway, didn't you?" Jasper asked.

"I trusted you to tell me. I asked, and you fucking promised. How would you feel if you couldn't trust me?"

"Oh God, get off your high horse. She can't possibly be that important," Rose said, exasperated.

"Well, that shows how much you fucking know," I said with a snort. "And considering I told you, practically spelling it out, that she was fucking important, you really just are a dumb blonde."

"And you're a damn idiot lusting after some criminal whore," Rose screeched. "Or is she just senile since she can't seem to remember her own damn name?"

"Why don't you just stay out of it?" I suggested icily. "And for someone so hung up on appearances, you're behaving pretty damn rudely right now, arguing in Tiny's home after she and Bella had a fucking long day, and still insist on cooking dinner for us."

Rose muttered something inaudible, but luckily kept it down after that.

Dinner was a little tense, but Emmett kept up a constant stream of jokes, and Tiny chattered excitedly about her big day. I sat next to Bella, enjoying the spicy chicken tortillas. My girl was a fucking fantastic cook.

My girl.

I couldn't stop the smile on my face at that thought, and Bella looked at me questioningly when I beamed at her like an idiot.

"What?" she asked softly.

"Nothing," I replied, suppressing the urge to chuckle at myself. I wasn't about to assume anything and scare her off that way. But the thought was fucking nice.

"Hey, sis," Emmett said with his mouth full of food. "Don't hurt me, okay? But Bella makes better tortillas than you. And those brownies…damn. Is it time for dessert yet?"

Tiny snorted. "While I'll readily agree with you that these are awesome tortillas, and I couldn't have made them better myself, it's not a very good tactic to insult the one feeding you most nights, doing your laundry, and grocery shopping. Just sayin', Em."

"You're right," Emmett said with a serious nod, all but licking his plate clean. "I should get myself a wife."

We all laughed, and the big oaf basked in the attention. The tension was somewhat broken, at least until Rose went back into bitch mode again, addressing Bella as Marie.

Bella didn't bat an eyelash, and I grinned at Rose, who practically had steam coming out her ears, frustrated that her attempt to rattle me had failed. I grabbed Bella's hand under the table and squeezed it.

"You'll have to excuse my sister, she's not house trained yet," I whispered, "accidentally" loud enough for everyone to hear.

Rose was seething, and Jasper glared at me. Fortunately, Emmett saved the day once again with an account of how he'd once driven into a lake in his dad's pickup.

"I didn't mean to listen earlier, but you were kinda loud," Bella whispered to me, not looking up from the fascinating item that was her empty plate. "I know it's not my business what goes on between you and your siblings, but I lied to you too, Edward. Don't be too hard on them for my sake, please."

"Bella, they're my family. I expect the truth from them every time they open their mouths. I would never expect the same thing from a stranger – and that's what you were when you told me your name was Marie. If I had told you my name was Anthony for a good, but to you unknown, reason, would you have faulted me later?"

She bit her lip and shook her head. I squeezed her hand and looked up to see Tiny looking at us with a smile on her face. The others, thankfully, had their attention directed elsewhere.

The brownies were spectacular, and even Jasper told Bella so. Rose didn't say anything, though she did eat two pieces. Bella clearly did not like the attention, and a faint blush spread on her cheeks. She was fucking beautiful, even when she was uncomfortable.

I walked Bella back to the motel after bidding Tiny a goodnight. The rest of the evening had been relatively okay with football on the TV in the background. That had eased most of the awkwardness.

Bella was exhausted when we reached the motel, and I pulled her into another hug and wished her sweet dreams. She returned my hug and smiled at me before closing the door. I waited until I'd heard her turn the lock before walking back down the street toward where I'd parked earlier.

Instead of getting on my bike, I took a deep breath and walked into the bar. Aro was there with his buddies, as usual, and nodded at me while taking a sip of beer.

"Doomed are the hotheads," he said to me when I passed his booth. "Unhappy are they who lose their cool and are too proud to say I'm sorry."

"You're preaching to the fucking choir, man," I muttered, spying Rose behind the bar, and Jasper perched on a stool in front of it.

Even though being mad at them less than an hour ago had seemed okay, it suddenly felt like the rift between us had lasted for ages. I had only recently realized how big a part of my life Rose and Jasper were, and not talking to them was pretty fucking sad. I couldn't just forget about my anger, but I could attempt to talk to them. In my opinion, the least they could have done was apologize.

Jasper saw me first, poking Rose's arm and nodding toward me. I made my way to the bar and sat down next to my brother, nodding to one of the bartenders who knew me well enough to bring me a beer without me saying anything. I waited until I had tasted my beer before turning my head and looking expectantly at the twintastic morons.

Not surprisingly, Rose just glared at me while Jasper hid a smile. I kept my face expressionless, determined not to let them get me riled up anymore tonight.

No one said anything for a long time. I casually sipped my beer, knowing exactly who would break first, even if it might take a while. And I was fucking right.

Jasper sighed loudly. "This is ridiculous."

Like fucking clockwork.

I looked at Rose and saw her lip twitching, as she obviously had expected the same reaction from Jasper as I had. Had it been any other time, Rose and I would have wasted no time getting Jasper riled up in a joint effort, but tonight we didn't. Instead, it was me against them, and we all knew it.

"Look, I'm sorry. We shouldn't have kept our knowledge about Bella being in Evonside from you," Jasper said. "We were just trying to protect you."

"Protect me from what? The big bad Bella?"

"Well, you did ask us to keep an eye out for Marie," Rose pointed out. "And then Alice introduced her as Bella. I knew it was the same girl, but it looked suspicious. Are you even sure what her real name is?"

"Yes, I'm fucking sure," I growled. "And she told me her full, real name the morning after I found her hurt in the forest. She has her reasons for wanting to keep a low profile, and you've got no right judging her for that. She told me her name when I asked her to stay, and she told Tiny her real name when she was offered the job. She doesn't have to justify herself to anyone else."

"It's still fucking suspicious," Rose said, obviously very determined not to give in even a little bit.

"She doesn't have to be a criminal just because she doesn't tell strangers her full name," I said and sighed. "I hide behind a false name when I write, and you've never accused me of any crimes."

"You can't just compare things like that," Jasper threw in. "It's hardly the same."

I shrugged. "If I can't compare, then you can't accuse. Perhaps Bella just wants some peace and quiet from a stressful situation in her life, just as I do."

"Or perhaps she's running from the law," Rose hissed before smiling sweetly to a customer asking where the restroom was.

"You don't know for sure that she isn't, do you?" Jasper asked.

"No, but I trust her when she says that she isn't," I stated simply.

"Well, that's nice. You trust her. Then we can all just open our hearts and homes for her while we fall for all her good intentions," Rose sneered.

"What the fuck is your problem, Rose?" I asked, exasperated. "Bella has done nothing to you; hell, she hasn't even lied about her name to you directly, and yet you act like she's stolen your goddamn identity!"

Rose busied herself filling an order from one of her waitresses before glancing at Jasper and sighing. "Don't you see it, Eddie? This girl, whatever her name is, is special, isn't she? I mean, you've never looked at any girl twice, and now you're acting like Bella-Marie hung the moon. It's scary to witness, okay? For all I know, it's the first sign of the Apocalypse."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "We really just want to make sure that you're okay," he said quietly.

I didn't have a fucking clue what to say.

It was true that I'd never shown anyone the kind of interest I was showing Bella. It was also true that she was fucking special. Normally I shied away from most contact with other people, but Bella's company was something I craved constantly.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked, interrupting my train of thought. "I mean, what exactly is happening between you and Bella-Marie?"

I glared at her. "Her name is Bella."

"Yeah, yeah." Rose waved me off, getting another beer for herself and Jasper, raising her eyebrow at me to ask me if I wanted another, too.

I nodded.

"Beer for details," Rose demanded. "Or else I'm going to start charging you for what you drink."

"Ouch," Jasper muttered, earning himself a glare as well.

I sighed. "I'm honestly just trying not to scare her off," I admitted honestly. "Could you please just be a little nicer to her? Maybe get to know her before you pass anymore judgment. She is special…important…and it would mean a lot to me."

"I'd translate that into Eddie's not getting any, but she still has his balls," Rose cackled.

Jasper laughed so hard that beer came out his nose, and I decided that I'd had enough of my siblings for one evening. Shaking my head and trying not to smile, I downed my beer and slid off the stool.

"Goodnight, fuckers," I told them and left them to their fun at my expense.

There had been no heartfelt apologies, but we were okay again. It was how we worked, and as mad as I had been at them, I could accept that they, in their own roundabout ways, had my back. The apology I had been looking for seemed less important now. When we fought, it was with the class of teenage girls arguing about boy bands, but most of the times we were more mature when making up.

It was late when I got home, but I wasn't tired. The cold night air called out to me, so I sat down on the porch, staring out into the darkness and listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.

I felt at peace, and my mind was remarkably clear after the night I'd had. I took the opportunity to mentally go through my manuscript, and after just a few minutes, I was forced to head inside so that I could write my thoughts down. I loved those moments of clarity, where right and wrong blinked furiously in neon colors in my head, so I couldn't fucking miss it. Those moments never came when I needed them or expected them. But when they did appear, they helped me refocus and make sense of whatever I had been struggling with.

I edited all night, mostly because it was almost dawn before I even realized that I had failed to go to bed. My neck was stiff as a board after sitting in the same position for hours, and my eyes were burning, but I had a new energy – an itch to just finish the book and be done with it. I had spent the night working out all the kinks, and was sure that writing the last part would be a breeze

The next couple of weeks went by quickly. I spent my days writing almost effortlessly, and before I knew it, I had reached the end of my sixth novel, the fourth one about Detective Peter Crawford. This time, he had solved the murder of the bitch that had been Charlotte. I was so fucking relieved to finally be rid of her. She had, hands down, been the most stubborn character I had ever created. Then all I had to do was the final editing, which wasn't much.

Most evenings, and the past three weekends, had been spent in the company of Bella. Neither of us had ever uttered the word date, even though we had been out for several dinners and to the movies a few times. Nor had we done anything past holding hands and cuddling on my couch or her bed when we watched movies. But every minute I spent in her presence solidified her position in my life. She was fucking everything. It scared me and excited me at the same time, but I loved it nonetheless.

We had gotten to know each other pretty well, but I wasn't pressuring her about all the stuff she still held back. I couldn't deny my curiosity when certain things would make her freeze or drift off into her own thoughts, but I figured her reasons for not telling me far outweighed my curiosity.

Sometimes I learned more about Bella by watching her reactions than listening to her talk. Like how she was more relaxed when it was just the two of us hanging out at my place or watching a movie in her motel room. How she still kept as low a profile as possible by keeping her head down when she walked down the street. Or how she let her hair hang loose so she could hide her face a little behind it when we were at the bar or another public place.

Things were back to normal with Rose and Jasper. Almost, anyway. Rose had yet to drop the name Bella-Marie when addressing Bella, and the only reason why I wasn't in my sister's face about it was the fact that Bella smiled every fucking time Rose said it. When I asked Bella about her reaction, she confessed that her grandmother – the only grandparent she had ever known – had called her Bella-Marie, and that even though she knew Rose clearly meant it as an insult, Bella heard it as a term of endearment.

Jasper had been more welcoming, and it seemed that the beginning of a beautiful friendship was blossoming between them after they realized they had a shared interest in art. Bella had even ditched me last Saturday afternoon to hang out at Jasper's home studio, where they had bonded over sketches or paintings or some shit. Damned if I knew. I was just happy my brother had quit being an idiot.

Jasper still did stupid things, such as telling our mom about Bella. Esme Cullen was not one to waste her time, so she called me instantly. Her inquisition ended up lasting almost an hour, making me feel a little dizzy. She had met Bella briefly the day of Tiny's grand opening and one other time. That was when she had roped my dad into making the drive down to Evonside so she could visit the boutique again and spend some more money. But after finding out that I had an interest in the girl, my mother needed to know her complete life story – which I didn't even know.

"Bring her up here with you the next time you visit, Edward," my mom implored as the call was winding down. "You will come up and visit soon, won't you?"

"Mom, allow me to remind you for the forty-seventh time in the last hour: Bella is not my girlfriend." I sighed, cringing at how I was getting more and more depressed at repeating the fact.

"That doesn't mean that you can't bring her up here," my mom argued.

"In a way it does," I disagreed. "How many friends have I brought home after I moved out?"

"None, but that's not the point, Edward-"

"And how many friends have Rose or Jazz brought home?" I interrupted.

"None, but that's not the point, Edward," she repeated. "The point is that this girl is special to you, and I'd really like to meet her."

"You've already met her," I said, sensing a victory. "Twice, in fact."

"Yes, I've met her as Alice's employee, but not as your girlfriend."

"For the forty-eighth time, Bella is not my girlfriend," I said, suppressing a growl.

"You could still bring her up here if you weren't being so difficult," my mom insisted, no doubt pouting.

I excused myself, saying I had to write to meet my deadline. If I hadn't, I'd probably still be on the phone three days later.

It was Friday night, and I had picked up a large pizza and a six-pack of beer, bringing it over to Bella's motel room. I would have taken her out to dinner, but I knew that she preferred to stay in after a long day at the boutique, and I didn't fucking care where we were as long as I was in her company. I didn't even miss hanging out at the bar most nights, and I was sure my liver was pretty damn ecstatic.

She had been looking for a place to stay in town, tired of the motel. I didn't fucking blame her and kept reminding her that I had several spare rooms, to which she just smiled sheepishly. And again, like the saint I had apparently become, I didn't push her. I left the decision to her, figuring I'd earn a halo and start wearing fucking white, flowing robes.

We watched a couple of old movies before I reluctantly stood up to leave. It was a little after midnight, and Bella looked fucking exhausted. We had made plans to spend the weekend together again, going up to an apple orchard if the weather was nice. Bella had mentioned wanting to make apple pies for Tiny's dinner on Monday, and I'd be an idiot to stand in the way of that.

As I put on my jacket, I remembered the present for Bella I had in my pocket. She had let slip that it had been her birthday the day we had first met at the bar, and after scouring Evonside's rather small selection of shops, I had found the perfect gift for her online.

"Hey, I got something for you," I said, reaching into my pocket and producing a square box wrapped in silver. "It's a little late, but in my defense I didn't know that it was your birthday, so…"

"Edward…" Bella scolded softly.

"Oh, come on. Don't spoil my fun," I said and chuckled. "Just open it."

"You really shouldn't have gotten me anything," she said as she started to peel away the paper. "Meeting you turned out to be quite the gift in itself."

"I'm flattered," I said, unable to hide the smile on my face. And I was, because comments like that from Bella were fucking rare.

She gasped when she opened the box, and her eyes snapped up to meet mine with alarming speed. "Edward… I can't possibly accept this. It's too much."

It was a Buccellati bracelet in gold with delicate leaves encasing small round emeralds. It had an antique look, and I had thought it absolutely perfect for Bella when I'd first seen it on their website. I had used my dad's connections to order it from London, as Buccellati had always been a favorite of my mom's, and he had purchased several pieces over the years.

"Don't you like it?" I asked, watching her stare at the bracelet as if it would jump up and bite her.

"Of course I do. It's absolutely beautiful," she assured me. "And the thought behind it… Edward, it's overwhelming."

I smiled at her, picking up the bracelet from the box. I grabbed her hand, placing a light kiss on her wrist that made her gasp, and fastened the bracelet around it. It looked pretty fucking perfect on her.

"Please keep it?" I asked.

She held out her arm, looking at the bracelet and biting her lip. She looked up to meet my gaze and nodded shyly.

"Thank you so much," she whispered, lacing her arms around my waist. She buried her face in my chest, making her words a little muffled. "I'll treasure it always."

I returned her hug, enjoying the fuck out of having her in my arms. "You're welcome, beautiful."

She tilted her head up and gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Her eyes sparkled, and her gorgeous face was framed by soft brown curls. Her beauty and the look in her eyes made me want to drop to my knees, but instead my right hand cupped her cheek while I drew her closer with the other. I stared into her radiant brown orbs and saw nothing but home.

Bella's lips were warmer and softer than I remembered. Everything about her drew me in like a moth to a flame, and I was rendered completely helpless by the time our lips met, and the world came to a violent stop around me.

The kiss was a lot chaster than the one we had shared outside the bar a month ago, but it was just as intense because of what had happened since. I was so fucking lost in the girl that it took me a few seconds to even realize that she was pulling away.

She looked down a second after our eyes met. "I… I'm sorry, Edward. I can't… I can't do this. I can't be that to you."

"Be what?" I asked, my brain still trying to catch up on what was happening.

Her lower lip trembled, and she bit down on it as she looked pleadingly at me. My heart clenched, and I took her hand in mine which she surprisingly didn't fight. "I can barely even be a friend to you," she whispered. "I'm too broken. I've got too many secrets, and I'm hiding too much of myself to have anything to offer you."

"Bella…" I sighed sadly, pulling her into my arms. She fought the embrace, but I held her until she relaxed. Because I knew my girl pretty well by now, and even though she fought it at first, she craved the hug as much as I did. I had a feeling she was pretty starved for human touch.

"We've all got secrets, beautiful, just as we're all a little bit broken inside by something," I told her softly, not letting her go. "In my opinion, you've got plenty to offer, and I'll be here until you realize that, too. But I promise you that I won't push you."

"I'm broken, Edward," she repeated, her voice a little muffled against my chest. "Something happened, and I broke. What if I can't be fixed?"

"But what if you can?"

Her breath hitched. "I…"

I caressed her cheek with the back of my hand. Her skin was so fucking soft. I decided to stop pressing my luck; the girl really did look exhausted. "Get some sleep, beautiful. I'll pick you up for breakfast tomorrow, and we'll go up to that plantation and get some apples for your pie itch."

She smiled tiredly. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You've got nothing to apologize for, Bella. Nothing at all."

"I can't be what you want me to be." She sighed softly, looking down and fiddling a little with her bracelet.

I cupped her chin, tilted her face up and waited until she finally looked into my eyes. "You're wrong. You are exactly what I want you to be. I wouldn't change a thing, Bella."

"But you want…more…and I'm too broken to give you more."

"I don't know what you mean when you say that," I admitted. "I mean, I can see that something is haunting you, but when I look at you I don't see someone who's broken. I see a fucking beautiful woman who claimed me the first time I saw her.

"And as for me wanting more… Yes, I do. But I'll take whatever you want to give and be happy about it."

I smiled at her because it was fucking impossible not to when she looked at me almost in awe with wide eyes and parted lips. Beautiful didn't even cover what she was.

"Get some sleep, Bella. We can talk more tomorrow," I said.

She hesitated before nodding solemnly. She gave me another hug which I took as a sign that I hadn't scared her off completely. "Thank you for the bracelet," she said softly. "And I don't know if I can do the whole more thing or fix myself, but I want to try. I just… I'm gonna need some time."

"Anything you want," I promised her. "And as long as you want."

And despite my reputation for being an impatient fuck, I meant it.


	11. He Breathes Life Into Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Thanks and Christmas smooches to the best beta team in the world – Dinx & nowforruin.

CHAPTER 11

Bella:

He Breathes Life into Me

I was exhausted. After two weeks, Alice's boutique had turned out to be a big hit. The last week had been long and busy, The online store had taken off, too, and I had to admit that I enjoyed the time in the backroom, filling orders and wrapping them up so they were ready to be sent out by the end of the day. I was still tense when I assisted the customers, and spending eight hours a day being tense left me completely exhausted every night. The nights left me continued to be haunted by the usual nightmares, so I was stretched thin.

I was pretty sure Edward knew this. Often he just showed up with take-out or picked me up in his car to spend the evening at his place. I was grateful. It was amazing how well he seemed to know me, even when I didn't tell him anything.

I smiled at the thought of Edward and looked down at my beautiful bracelet. We had spent a lot of time together lately, and when we were apart, I missed him. It wasn't a surprise that he wanted more than my friendship; I had felt that almost from the beginning. I didn't understand why he'd want to waste his time on me. Knowing that he wanted more, I desperately hoped that I'd be able to offer it eventually. I wanted to, but there were things preventing me from doing it – things that I couldn't tell him. I had told him I would try, and I meant it. I just had to figure out how exactly I went about that.

Blowing out a breath in frustration, I double-checked that I had locked the door. Edward had taken the trash out so I wouldn't have to sleep with the smell of pizza. He was thoughtful like that. I tidied up a little before getting ready for bed.

I admired my bracelet again before I put it on the bedside table and turned off the light. I let my thoughts wander as I waited for sleep to claim me. I was worn out, but I often had a difficult time falling asleep. There were unknown sounds coming from outside, and the fear was so ingrained in me that my imagination would run wild with the possibilities of someone coming to get me.

It had been different when I was staying with Edward. His presence always made me feel safe. I knew taking him up on his offer to stay with him again would make me feel a lot safer. However, it would also make it a lot more difficult to keep the distance from him that I needed. Even now it was hard, and I still had to figure out the whole more issue.

I sighed. Why couldn't my life just be simple for once?

I didn't get much sleep, but the promise of Edward's company made me get out of bed with relative ease. I showered and dressed in a pair of jeans, a long-sleeved t-shirt, and my faithful hoodie. Then I treated myself with a cup of coffee while waiting for Edward to come pick me up.

We had breakfast at the diner before driving two hours up the coast and heading inland to an apple plantation Edward had found online. It was located at an old-fashioned farm with all kinds of activities. We headed straight for the apple trees, though, each of us armed with a big basket.

"Any idea which ones are the best?" Edward asked, frowning at the sight of row after row of different kinds of apple trees.

I giggled. "No. I guess we just have to taste all of them and find out that way."

Edward threw his head back and laughed a beautiful carefree laugh that had me captivated in a very unhealthy way. "I guess that's lunch, then," he said and plucked an apple from the nearest tree. He sunk his teeth into it, juices flying everywhere.

I bit my lip as I realized what an arousing sight it was to see Edward eat an apple. It might be a very long day.

"This one's pretty good," he informed me, holding it out toward me. "Taste it."

I reached out to take it, but he shook his head and motioned me closer, holding the apple up to my mouth with a smirk. I tentatively took a bite as his smirk turned into a crooked smile. I had to bite back a moan when I looked into his eyes and saw them ablaze with the same kind of desire that had burned in them when we had kissed.

"Like it?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"The apple. Do you like it?" He chuckled, probably knowing exactly what was on my mind.

I nodded, not trusting my voice at that moment. A blush heated up my face, and I couldn't believe the feelings bubbling up inside of me. It was slightly overwhelming. I wanted to do the one thing I feared more than my past catching up with me. I wanted to trust Edward with my entire being – including my heart.

"We'll pick a few of those and continue taste-testing the others," Edward decided, unaware of the whirlwind that was my mind.

We walked further down the rows, picking apples and tasting them, sharing one of each different kind and picking some of the ones we liked for our baskets. We laughed, and I felt so incredibly carefree, even more so than I usually did in Edward's company. It was invigorating, and I never wanted it to end.

"So, what exactly are you planning to do with all these apples?" Edward asked.

"If you'll lend me your kitchen, I am going to make apple pies, apple cobbler, apple muffins, apple cake…um, basically all the baked goodies with apples I can think of. I'll even donate it all to your freezer except for a few pies for Alice's dinner on Monday."

Edward had stopped walking and stood frozen on the path between the trees. "Apple cobbler?" he asked.

I nodded, biting my lip so I wouldn't laugh. "That's right. I'd forgotten about your unhealthy obsession with cobbler."

"I wouldn't say unhealthy," he objected with a smirk and quickly caught up with me again. "I just really, really, really like cobbler. A lot. Though, apple pies are good, too. And apple muffins. My mom used to make those with lots of cinnamon and raisins. Do you also put cinnamon and raisins in?"

I couldn't keep the giggles in any longer, but I managed to nod, and Edward looked extremely pleased as he picked more apples for his almost full basket. Mine was getting heavy, so I had stopped picking a while ago, but Edward seemed like he was on a mission to get as many apples into his basket as possible, no doubt thinking that would mean more cobbler.

Since we had stuffed ourselves with apples, we skipped lunch. After paying for the apples, we stashed them in Edward's car and went for a walk around the farm to see what else they had to offer. It seemed perfectly natural when Edward took my hand in his, giving me a little crooked smile, and steered me around a big puddle of water in our path.

We bought some late blueberries that would go well with the apples, but mostly we just enjoyed the dry and clear fall day. And if I was honest with myself, I also enjoyed the feel of Edward's hand encasing my own.

We listened to music on the way back to Evonside, and I was granted the true privilege to fiddle with Edward's beloved iPod. Scrolling through the songs, I found many of my own favorites, but I was more interested in the ones that I didn't know. I got a healthy taste of Edward's favorite music as the dark descended on us in the early evening.

I went grocery shopping Sunday morning before Edward picked me up, making sure that I had everything I needed to stock up Edward's freezer with a plentitude of apple treats. Edward laughed when he pulled up and saw all my bags.

"Keep laughing and I'll find something else to do today. Then who's going to make you apple cobbler?"

"Shit, sorry," he said, trying to keep a lid on the chuckles. "Don't threaten me so cruelly."

"Help me with the bags, and there'll be no more threats."

"Best deal I'll get, I guess," he said, breaking out the crooked smile as he loaded the bags into his car. He opened the passenger door for me, bowing exaggeratedly as I slid into the seat. I shook my head at him, but couldn't help the smile spreading on my face. Edward Cullen was very good for my mood.

An hour later, after a waffle breakfast at the diner, I invaded Edward's kitchen with all my shopping bags. Luckily it was cold out, so the groceries hadn't spoiled. The apples were already lined up on the counter.

"So, you're definitely going to use a taste-tester, right?" Edward asked, dumping himself on a stool at the kitchen counter.

"Oh, absolutely. It's the most important part of baking," I said straight-faced. "Do you think Emmett's got time for the job today?"

"Fucking hilarious, beautiful," Edward told me.

I started preparing the apples, and once he realized that I wouldn't be taking an apple pie out of the oven within the next ten minutes, he went into the living room to get his laptop. "You don't mind if I work a little, do you? I'm nearly done with the editing, and it's not like I'll be any help with baking anyway."

"Of course I don't mind," I replied with a smile. "I can't wait to read it. I'll be first in line at the bookstore the day it's published."

He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. "I was actually wondering…"

"Hm?"

"Well, I was hoping that I might talk you into reading it before I turn it in to my editor, actually. I always have Jasper read through my stuff before I hand it over because I value his opinion, even if he's no literary genius. I'd love your opinion, too. I mean, you don't have to-"

"I'd love to," I interrupted him. "Really, it'd be an honor."

"Yeah?" His smile was bright and eager, and I couldn't help but return it.

"Yeah, really," I assured him.

"I really appreciate that." He smiled, looking down at the laptop almost shyly. He glanced up at me briefly before setting to work. I bit my lip, pure joy flowing through me as I started peeling apples.

Edward turned on some music, and we worked silently in each other's company until lunch. I made us some sandwiches and carved out a piece of apple pie. He nearly inhaled it, claiming that he was addicted and would need one piece more, possibly two.

I laughed at his silliness, but gave him what he wanted. It was nice to be able to do that for once, even if it was just a piece of apple pie.

A little later, I was slicing apples for another pie and listening to the familiar clicking of keys as Edward sat typing at the kitchen counter, when the knife slipped and sliced my finger instead of the apple.

"Shit," I cursed, dropping the knife and hurrying over to the sink so I could wash away the blood. I had never been good around it, one time actually fainting when I sliced into my palm in a kitchen incident involving potatoes. Jake had just laughed at me.

Edward was at my side right away, though, looking worried. "What happened?"

"I cut myself," I said and winced.

"Let me see," he said, holding my hand gently and turning off the water. He examined the cut before looking up at my face. "I have good news and bad news."

I rolled my eyes. "Lay it on me, Doctor Cullen."

"Well, you won't lose your hand," he said with a smirk. "But I am going to have to ask you to step away from sharp objects for the remainder of the day just to be on the safe side."

I childishly stuck my tongue out at him, and he laughed. "The cut isn't deep enough to require stitches fortunately, so I'll just get you a bandage. But I'm serious about no more knives. If you need something sliced, I'll do it."

"Because you didn't just have a kitchen accident a couple of weeks ago?" I asked, eyebrows raised as he fished out a first aid kit from a drawer.

"Not involving knives, I didn't. If something needs to be cooked, you're totally in charge," he said and took my hand, drying it gently and fixing a bandage around my finger. "There, as good as new. Almost anyway."

"Thanks," I said, inspecting my finger and flexing it only to find out that it didn't even hurt. "Have you inherited some kind of magic doctor touch from your dad?"

"Doubtful. Why?"

"It doesn't hurt." I frowned.

He chuckled. "Well, that's a good thing, right?"

I nodded. "Of course." I smiled at him before going back to the neglected pie. I had enough apple slices for it, and I hadn't planned to make anymore anyway. Edward's freezer would be bulging as it was, and the rest of the apples would keep for a while under the right conditions outside.

Edward was once again seated at the counter in front of his computer, but he wasn't typing. "I wanted to be a doctor at one point," he said softly and shook his head a little as if ridding himself of unpleasant memories.

"Because of your dad?" I asked, glancing at him as I worked to finish the last pie.

"I guess that was part of it," he said with a shrug.

"Was that…" I hesitated, not knowing if I had the right to ask since I had revealed so little myself.

"Was that what?" he prompted.

"Was that the dream of yours that shattered?" I asked. "You mentioned something like that back when I asked you why you chose the mystery genre."

He nodded, obviously remembering. "Yeah, it was. I went to medical school for almost two years. My best friend did, too. His name was Garrett, and one day we were in an accident. He was driving, and some drunk asshole rammed into us, crushing the car against a tree."

Edward paused, staring at the wall while reliving what must have been horrible memories. I walked over to where he was sitting and put my hand over his on the counter next to his laptop. He managed a little smile.

"I got away with just a few scratches and a broken arm, but Garrett…he had to be cut out of the car, and he lost a lot of blood in the process. When we got to the hospital, I watched him bleed to death, and the doctors couldn't do a damn thing about it.

"They did everything in their power, and he still died. That's when I knew I wasn't going to become a doctor. It was probably a fucking cowardly decision but…it just seemed too hopeless. So yeah, my dream shattered, and I had to find a new one."

"And you did," I whispered. "But I'm sorry what you had to go through to find it."

Edward smiled tiredly, turning his hand and squeezing mine. "Yeah…" He went back to his writing, and I finished the baking. The silence was heavy, but not entirely uncomfortable.

When I showed up Monday morning for work after a night polluted with nightmares, Alice informed me that I had the day off. Since I never turned on my cell phone in fear of who might call me or track it, Alice had been unable to get a hold of me to tell me earlier.

"Are you sure, Alice?" I asked her. I wasn't about to leave her in a bind just because she thought I needed a three-day weekend.

"Absolutely," she said, nodding determinedly. "I would have been so screwed without you these last weeks, and you honestly deserve it."

"Okay, then…" I muttered and sent my friendly boss a smile. "Thanks, Alice. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Actually, you'll see me tonight when you show up for dinner," she corrected me with a smirk. After cooking for them two weeks ago, she had tried to talk me into joining them last Monday, too. I had managed to talk my way out of it by promising that I'd attend tonight.

"No offense, Alice, but do I have to?" I almost whined.

"Yes!" she insisted. "My cooking is just awesome if I do say so myself. Rose and Jasper are being nice to you, aren't they?"

"Well, yes. At least, Jasper is," I admitted. "I just really think that I've done something more to offend Rose than lying about my name. It's impossible to dislike a stranger so much with that little reason."

"She's just being Rose," Alice said, waving her hand. "It took her a while to warm up to me, too, and she hasn't thawed even a little bit when it comes to Emmett yet."

I sighed and smiled a little. "Yeah, I didn't think I was going to talk my way out of it this time. I'll bring dessert. Edward and I went apple picking this weekend, and I made pies yesterday. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't saving a few of them for tonight."

Alice laughed. "You're a sly one, Bella Swan. But I'm looking forward to the apple pies."

"See you tonight, Alice," I said and gave her a hug.

She waved at me, and I left the boutique just as the first customers entered. Out on the street, I bit my lip and looked in through the beautifully decorated windows as I contemplated my next move. I had a whole day at my disposal, and no idea what to do with it. After a few moments, my mind was set, and I walked down Main Street in search of the store I needed.

Twenty minutes later, I was the proud owner of a new cell phone and a new phone number. I went into the diner and ordered a cup of coffee. While letting the hot liquid slowly warm me up, I dug through my bag to find the piece of paper with Alice's cell phone number I knew I had somewhere. I sent her a text, telling her to call me if she needed help later. It was only fair that my boss could get a hold of me when she gave me the day off, and my old phone was still not getting turned on.

Fiddling with my new phone made me remember the night at the bar when I had first met Edward. He had sweetly offered to help me put together my old phone after I had dropped it on the ground outside. The thought made me smile, and I sent Edward a text, too, to let him know that I was now reachable by phone.

He didn't reply, but I knew that he had cleared the day to do some of the final editing on his manuscript, so he was probably just busy. Alice replied, thanking me and promising to call if she needed my help.

I finished my coffee before venturing back outside. I didn't want to go back to the motel room, but on the other hand it looked like it might start raining soon, so staying outside wasn't ideal either. I walked slowly down Main Street until I found myself outside Jasper's gallery.

I stopped to admire the artwork through the window before going inside. I didn't really know Jasper very well, but after that terrible night at Alice's two weeks ago, he had been nice enough to me. When we had talked about art one night at the bar, he had invited me to stop by the gallery anytime. I had already visited the studio he had at his house.

"Hi, Bella," Jasper greeted me inside, coming out from the back while wiping his hands on a towel. He was paint spattered, as always, and smiling pleasantly. "Did you manage to escape Alice McCarty's clutches today?"

"Hi," I said with a smile. "If sending me on my way for the day means escaping her clutches, then yes. Apparently I deserved an extra day off."

"I wish someone would give me a day off, but I guess that's the downside of being your own boss," he said and chuckled.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you, but since I have a whole day and no plans, I thought I'd take you up on your offer," I said.

"Not at all," he replied. "Let me show you around."

Jasper showed me his art, telling me about it and sometimes letting me walk around alone while he answered the phone or tended to other people coming into the gallery. He was truly a gifted artist, and I could have walked around looking at his paintings for hours. I told him so, and he blushed a little before suddenly looking at me with a mischievous grin.

"So you've got a whole day ahead of you with no plans at all?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Great!" He beamed and motioned for me to follow him out back. He had a studio back there just as he had in his home. The light in the room was amazing even though it was a gray and dreary day outside.

"Have a seat," Jasper said, gesturing to a low stool in front of an easel. I looked warily at him but sat down as instructed. He disappeared into another room, and once again I lost myself in the various pieces that were hanging on the walls, as well as stacked up against them.

They were all beautiful, but a few kept my attention captive more than others. There was one of a pale, misty sunrise over the ocean that looked like a dream vision, and I wondered if it was an actual sunrise Jasper had seen, or if it was a figment of his imagination that he was sharing with the world. Another one was of an old stone well in a clearing in the woods, rays of sun filtering down through the trees. There was just something about Jasper's art that reeled people in, mesmerized by the beauty he portrayed.

I was jolted from my inner musings by the artist himself putting a blank canvas on the easel in front of me. He told me to hang my coat in the corner and put on one of the paint splattered shirts over my own top. He thrust an oval, wooden palette complete with a variety of different colors of paint into my hand. Another low stool was placed next to the easel with brushes in different sizes, a clean rag, and a jar of water.

I stared at Jasper who just grinned. "Knock yourself out. Forget everything around you, and just feel what your soul wants to share today."

"But…I can't paint…I've never…" I tried to protest, a little intimidated by the blank canvas. It was as frightening, yet alluring as a blank page in a notebook.

"Give it a shot," he said with a shrug. "Be brave."

I took a deep breath. "Okay. It just kind of feels like standing on the edge of a cliff while getting ready to jump."

"You've tried that?" he asked, disbelieving.

"Um, yeah," I admitted. I hadn't meant to say it; it had just slipped out while I was preoccupied with the daunting canvas in front of me. At his concerned look, I felt I had to elaborate so he wouldn't start a rumor that I was suicidal or something. That was definitely something I could do without. "It was a kind of coming-of-age thing in the town where I grew up. There wasn't much else to do, I guess. Cliff jumping was the local equivalence to drugs, the kids sneaking out to do it, and the parents hating it."

"Ah, I see." Jasper chuckled. "Here in Evonside we just smoked pot. I guess we weren't very inventive."

He left me on my own to make the cliff jump it was to touch the brush to the blank canvas for the first time. Procrastinating, I watched him put his iPod in a docking station, and I smiled a little as I recognized the tones of Coltrane. Jasper then sauntered across the room until he was standing in front of a large canvas hanging on the wall. He had already started on it, but I couldn't make out what he intended it to be yet.

"It's not gonna paint itself, ya know," he said without turning around.

I snorted softly and returned my gaze to the canvas. My mind was as blank as it was. Remembering Jasper's words, I closed my eyes and searched for the inner peace I knew I needed to find inspiration. It was just like trying to come up with an idea for a story; it couldn't be forced, but it could be coerced.

When I opened my eyes a few minutes later I knew exactly what I was going to paint. Or, at least, attempt to paint. I mixed up some of the colors on the palette, frowning a little as I went. This was not as easy as one might have expected. Taking a deep breath, I touched the brush to the canvas, letting out a nervous giggle. Jasper looked back over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow at me. I just shook my head and started on my first official painting.

It took me four hours before I was satisfied with the result. Jasper had tried to see what I was painting, but I had turned the easel away from his curious eyes with a smirk. Not even when he got us lunch did I let him have a peek.

One second I was satisfied with my pale, blue, and sort of blurry flowers, and the next I felt extremely self-conscious, knowing that I would eventually have to let Jasper see – Jasper, who was a successful and incredibly gifted artist.

"Are you ever going to show me?" Jasper asked. He had been witnessing my little emotional crisis, and I could only smile sheepishly at him.

"I'd kind of forgotten that this whole process would end in you seeing my kindergarten attempt at being an artist," I admitted.

Jasper snorted. "I tried this with Rose once, and till this day she claims that she meant to paint two horses, but no matter how much I've tried, I just can't see it. So whatever it is that you've painted, I've seen something worse, trust me."

Knowing there was no way out of it, I turned the easel toward him while I closed my eyes. I'd never been good with criticism, which was why I would probably never get to be the successful author I dreamed of becoming.

"Fuck me," Jasper muttered. "Are you sure that you've only sketched before?"

I nodded.

"Bella, this is beautiful," he said, smiling at my disbelieving look. "Honestly. In fact, with your permission, I'll hang this out front. Or hell, give you your own corner out there if you want to paint more. You've got talent."

"Are you out of your mind?" I snorted. "It's bad enough that you got to see it. I don't want anyone else to! You can put it with Rose's painting somewhere where no one will ever lay eyes on it."

"That would be a serious waste of a beautiful painting," he disagreed. "Actually, it would be an insult to your talent to put your painting anywhere near Rose's."

It was hard work talking him into not showcasing my painting, but eventually we reached an agreement – he could hang it wherever he wanted as long as it wasn't anywhere public. That promptly made him hang it on the wall next to his own of the sunrise. He promised me only a select few ever got to set foot in his studio.

I left Jasper's gallery after thanking him for an enjoyable day. I couldn't figure out if I had been hanging out with the wrong kind of people all my life, or if the people in Evonside just were special. But the fact was that Edward, Alice, Emmett, and Jasper all treated me like a friend, and I cherished the time I'd spent with them. It had truly been a long time since I had had real friends.

It was late afternoon, so I wandered back to the motel after a quick stop to get a new notebook. The first one had already been filled during my weekends with Edward. Once again I added a little to my belongings, and after the latest additions to my wardrobe from Alice, they no longer fit in my messenger bag or the original box with the clothes.

It started raining just before I reached the motel, and I hurried inside. I still had residue paint on my hands, but luckily my clothes had survived. I took a shower and dressed in jeans again and a green tunic with white lace lining, the color matching my bracelet perfectly. While my hair dried, luckily into the usual curls without a blow-dryer handy, I sat down on the window seat and looked out, getting lost in a daydream where there was no rain and no horrible pasts.

The rain trickled down outside, and the sound of it hitting the roof distracted me, although it was a comforting sound now that I was spending my days and nights indoors. I had always loved the sound of rain, but it had been a curse when I had nowhere dry to go. In the early twilight, the drops of rain running down the window looked almost silver, and the simple beauty tugged at my heart.

I bit my lip and rose from my seat. Done dreaming, I was going stir-crazy just sitting there. I put on my boots and my coat, picked up my bag and the umbrella with the boutique logo Alice had given me, and left the room, locking the door behind me.

I went down to the grocery store to pick up ice cream for the apple pies that Edward was bringing from my marathon baking session the previous day. If he hadn't eaten them, that was. The man had a sweet tooth the size of a small European country.

"Well, she should have been more specific, then," I heard Emmett say as I entered Alice's apartment above her boutique. "If she didn't think jizz in her face counted as a real facial, she should have said so in the first place."

"You are such a pig," Rose told him, and stalked by me into the kitchen. Jasper and Edward were laughing at Emmett, and I suppressed my own laughter, but only until Rose was out of hearing range. Emmett was crude, but absolutely hilarious.

"She also wanted me to take her on a cruise once, so I took her on a ferry ride across Puget Sound for her birthday," Emmett said, guffawing while I took off my coat and boots, once again struggling not to laugh.

I had myself somewhat under control when I walked into the kitchen, waving at Edward as I passed the door to the living room. I greeted Alice and Rose before putting the ice cream into Alice's freezer for later. Rose complained about Emmett's crudeness for a while as I helped Alice with dinner, tossing together a salad as she kept a watchful eye on the chicken she was frying. When Rose ran out of insults, Alice told me about her day at the boutique, claiming that she had had an epiphany sometime during the early afternoon.

"We need someone else at the boutique," she said, kicking her shoes into a corner and sighing while wiggling her toes.

"I told you that you could call me," I said, feeling bad that she had been overwhelmed alone at the boutique.

"I know, but that's not what I mean," she explained. "You're like my right hand girl, right? And we should both be able to take a day off here and there without the other one running ragged all day. I'd totally trust the boutique with you for a whole day, but I'd be a poor boss if I left you with everything to manage on your own. So I'm gonna hire someone."

"Good luck with that," Rose said, butting into the conversation. "There is a serious lack of decent females in this town. Trust me, it's hell finding a good waitress. They're all a bunch of hussies thinking that if they work at the bar they'll have an easy in with Eddie or Jazz."

Alice frowned. "Yeah, I already talked to some girls before Bella came along and saved my ass. They really were horrible." She sighed heavily and looked into the oven to check on the potatoes. Then she suddenly brightened. "Well, if all else fails, I'm gonna do what Emmett did and talk someone I know from back home into coming out here. I can be very persuasive."

"Ain't that the truth," Rose muttered.

I giggled, biting my lip when Rose glared at me. I quickly excused myself to go say hello to the boys. I took the salad with me and deposited it on the dining table before venturing into the living room. The TV was on, and Emmett was cursing at it.

"Hey, Picasso," Jasper greeted me with a grin. I shook my head at him while Edward looked at me with an amused expression and raised eyebrows. He pulled me down next to him on the couch, and I willingly dumped myself into the seat. Pressed against his side felt like just the right place to be.


	12. She Holds Me Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Big thanks and my eternal gratitude to nowforruin and Dinx for keeping Mysteryward in line with their superior beta skills, and to lisamichelle17 for pre-reading this chapter and for always making me smile.

CHAPTER 12

Edward:

She Holds Me Up

I had been up half the night doing the final editing pass on my book, so I was ready to commit fucking murder when the sound of my cell phone ringing woke me up just after eight Tuesday morning. It was dark in my bedroom, and I wasn't entirely awake, so I had no idea where the phone actually was. I could just hear its annoying ringing.

"What?" I rasped into it when I finally located it in the pocket of the jeans I had worn to Tiny's last night.

"Good morning to you too, brother." Jasper laughed, signing his own death certificate.

"This better be fucking good," I warned my soon-to-be-dead brother.

"Oh, it's good all right," he promised with a chuckle. "But you need to get your lazy ass in here to see it yourself."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Does it have to be right now? I was up half the night editing, and I'm fucking exhausted."

"There's no rush."

"Then why the fuck did you have to wake me up this early?" I asked, exasperated. My brother really was an idiot.

"I was up," he replied simply, as if he expected me to set my alarm after his sleeping habits.

I closed my eyes and groaned. "But I wasn't, moron. I'll be by later," I said. I hung up without saying goodbye and collapsed back into the bed, promptly falling asleep.

When I woke up again it was a little before noon and my phone was ringing again. 

Jasper.

Again.

"Dude, where the hell are you?"

"In my fucking bed!" I roared with annoyance. "Fuck Jazz, you really are a goddamn nightmare."

The fucker just laughed in my ear before I hung up on him, promising myself not to answer the phone if he called again. Ever.

I sighed, staring up at the ceiling. I had finished editing somewhere between last night and this morning and had wanted to celebrate by sleeping the day away. Preferably with Bella, but I didn't see that happening anytime soon unfortunately. I should have known that even my Plan B was going to get sabotaged.

I got up, pretty pissed that my morning was ruined, but figuring that I might as well get on with it since I was awake anyway. Making the coffee extra strong, I inhaled it while sitting down in front of my laptop.

I loaded the printer with paper and started printing my manuscript. I drank my coffee as I watched the pages stream out, filled with my carefully selected words. Even though it was gratifying as fuck, it soon became a little boring, so I went to shower while it finished spitting out the pages.

After my shower I dressed quickly and went in search of some food. I went the cereal way, even though it was more like lunch time than breakfast time, and took the bowl with me back to the laptop. Naturally, because it was just that kind of day, the damn printer was jammed, and I had to start printing all over again. I ate while e-mailing the manuscript to Jasper. There was no fucking way I was printing the damn thing for him when he had interrupted my sleep twice already. I valued his opinion, but he was still an idiot who could print it himself if he wanted a copy.

Still angry, I managed to spill milk down the front of my t-shirt, so after I finished eating I went to change again. I had a feeling that it was just not my day. I was strengthened in my belief when it took me fifteen minutes to hunt down one stupid manila envelope for the manuscript I had printed for Bella. Not to mention that it had rained so much that I decided to just go ahead and take the Volvo instead of my bike.

I stopped by Tiny's boutique on my way to Jasper's gallery. Both Tiny and Bella were busy with customers, so I wrote a quick note to Bella on the front of the envelope and left it behind the counter before winking at her and leaving again. The smile she sent me brightened up my day so much that I greeted Jasper with a genuine smile a few minutes later. He definitely didn't deserve it, but he could thank Bella for it later.

"Finally, man," Jasper greeted me after finishing up with someone who had obviously bought one of his paintings. "I'm seriously considering hiring someone on a permanent basis so I can get a fucking breather and get a little painting done without being interrupted every five minutes. It's the end of October and people are still streaming in like it was the middle of the tourist season. It's madness."

"That's what I drove in here for? To hear you complaining about being interrupted?" I asked, questioning his sanity at the same time.

He smirked at me. "No, although it's nice that you did show up so that I could complain. You're seriously my favorite brother, Eddie."

"And you're my favorite sister," I deadpanned. "Now get on with it. I'm just standing here getting older."

Jasper glared briefly at me before bouncing back good-naturedly. "Okay, so I'm trying not to break a promise here," he said, running a hand through his hair. "One that I'm not breaking by suggesting that you go out back to the studio and take a look at what's hanging on the wall."

"Could you be anymore fucking cryptic?" I complained.

He grinned. "Just go."

Shaking my head, wondering about my own sanity, I did as he said. I loved Jasper's studios, both the one he had back here and the one he had at his house. Being surrounded by his art made me feel at peace, and I was always a little in awe of his talent. That was something that I didn't always feel the need to share with him, especially not after he had woken me up several times that morning.

I looked around when I got out back, and the first thing I saw was a god awful painting of something that looked like a handicapped cow and a crooked table. I couldn't help but laugh at the sad attempt to be creative, and I wondered which kindergartener had visited Jasper and produced it.

"What the fuck?" I chuckled.

Jasper followed my line of vision and laughed too. "Do you like it? It's made by the infamous bar-owning wrench we lovingly refer to as sister."

"Rose painted that?" I spluttered. Jasper nodded. "When? In kindergarten?"

"If only," he said, shaking his head and almost looking a little sad. "I think it was sometime last year, actually."

"My pride knows no limits," I said. "But again I have to ask: that's why I drove in here?"

"No, I just felt like having a good laugh at Rose's expense," Jasper said. "There are other walls in here, you know."

I looked around, seeing some of Jasper's work that I had seen before. A few new ones that had his distinct touch, and one in particular that was fucking beautiful, offering a view from between trees in fall colors next to a majestic-looking lighthouse that was bathed in the colors of a sunset.

There was one painting on the wall that did not look like something Jasper had painted. It was too feminine and too…dreamy. Jasper's art was more tangible – places or people he had seen, things he had felt and endured. These blurry, pale blue flowers looked like a dreamscape, a whisper of mist at dawn that would disappear with the first ray of sunshine. Bits and pieces of visions and half ideas flew through my head, and I patted my pockets to locate my notebook so I could jot down the jumbled thoughts. After I'd gotten everything written down, I looked back at the painting. It was so small in size and innocent in theme, but influential and inspiring beyond rational thought.

"It's Bella's," Jasper said, interrupting my thoughts. "She painted it yesterday."

I almost laughed. Of course she did. That woman did nothing but inspire and surprise me.

It took half an hour and a late lunch to talk Jasper into letting me buy the painting. I also had to promise not to let Bella kill him when she found out – or when he tried to give her the money for it. I snorted at that. My brother was a pussy.

I spent the following day cleaning my house. The same thing happened every time I finished a book. I got a ridiculous urge to clean, sort through, throw away, and tidy up. Yep, the sense of accomplishment made me fucking domestic. I also went grocery shopping, stocking up on everything, and even went as far as making a salad to go with my pizza for lunch. I felt like trying my hand at actual cooking again. But since I had made a promise, I had to settle for making a salad since it didn't require the use of the stove or the oven.

I checked my email and spent four hours answered a million emails. Goddamn, that shit was exhausting. Then I headed into town to pick up some take-out and go to the motel. Jasper had sent me a note, telling me how he had blown off work, keeping the gallery closed, and spent the day reading my book. He made some interesting observations about what I had written, commented on a few things, asked a stupid question, and ended up telling me "well done," which in Jasper speech meant that it had made his list of favorite books or some shit.

Smiling to myself, I put my jacket on and made sure I had my wallet, keys and cell phone. Then I ventured outside in the soft light of the early evening. It had been a cold and windy day, but now it was so calm that I couldn't even hear the usual roar of the ocean. The eerie silence engulfed me, making me shiver and want to write a ghost story.

I picked up a couple of burgers, remembering a strawberry milkshake for Bella as I had recently discovered that she loved the shit out of those fuckers. And I loved the shit out of watching her drink them, too – her full lips wrapped around the straw made my mind wander places it shouldn't.

I dodged Jessica as she left the motel just as I swung into the parking lot. I congratulated myself for being a stealthy ninja, although it was more likely that she was just fucking unobservant.

Bella looked exhausted when she opened the door for me, but her smile was wide and genuine.

"You have excellent timing," she told me, ushering me inside. "I finished reading your book like two minutes ago."

I frowned. "I just gave it to you yesterday. I thought you were at work today."

"I was," she confirmed, looking a little sheepish. "I started reading it last night before bed. Then I woke up after a…" She hesitated before sighing. "I had a nightmare, and then I couldn't fall back asleep, so I stayed up reading. It was hell working all day because I still had a chapter left."

"No wonder you look tired," I said, curling an errant lock of hair behind her ear. "I hope it wasn't what I wrote that gave you a nightmare."

She shook her head. "No, not at all. I have them often, almost every night, though they're not always as bad as the one last night."

She put a lid on the conversation by busying herself with finding the plates she had bought recently, and I didn't push her about them.

"You should be proud of your book," she told me with a smile after we had started eating.

Her praise made me smile. I didn't often get face to face comments about my writing as I wrote under a pen name. Very few people knew the real person behind it. A lot of fan mail was sent to me through my agent, and I could always count on my family offering me their honest opinions. Other than that there was only my agent, whose salary I paid, and who had a tendency to be more worried about meeting deadlines than the actual content.

"Thank you," I said.

"It's like you've dug deeper into yourself with this book," she said slowly, choosing her words carefully. "It's so intense, and I love how your characters have matured since the last one."

"You've read them all?" I asked in surprise, remembering how she said she'd read one of them.

"I might have went and bought them, yes," she admitted with a giggle. "And I'm totally going to get you to sign them, too."

I grinned. "I'm flattered." And I was. I would gladly have given her copies of my books, and she had to have known that, too. Instead she had bought them with the money that she was no doubt saving for a place of her own. I was flattered beyond fucking reason.

"I made some notes while I was reading, if you're interested," she offered. "Just general observations and things that deserved a mention. I mean, I don't know exactly what you meant when you asked me to pre-read it, but I thought I'd offer you my knowledge from the courses I took in college."

"I'd love to see it," I said, watching as she found her notebook and pulled out some pages. "In the past I haven't really had a lot of feedback before turning the manuscripts in because I didn't know anyone who could give it. Jasper's the only one who reads it before it's turned in, and his comments are usually something like 'awesome,' or 'that doesn't fucking make sense, man.' It's not very constructive."

Bella giggled, and I glanced down at the pages she had handed me. In her messy scrawl was the perfect example of the constructive criticism I had never really had before. I looked up at my beautiful girl in gratitude. "Thank you, Bella. You have no idea how much this means to me. I can't wait to read through it."

She smiled. "You're welcome. It was my pleasure, and I'm quite honored that you let me read it before it got published. I um, wrote the notes in my notebook so I wouldn't have to give you the manuscript back."

Could she get anymore adorable? I wanted to tell her that I'd let her do anything, give her anything, and do anything for her. However, I settled for smiling and folding the notes up carefully before placing them in the pocket of my jacket.

I left Bella's motel room early that night. I hoped she would get the full night's sleep that she desperately needed. While driving home, I wondered if I should get her to talk to my dad about prescribing something to help her sleep without the nightmares. I knew her well enough to know that it wouldn't be easy to convince, though.

The following day I caught up on some reading, answered all the emails I had been ignoring, and went over Bella's notes – which resulted in a little more editing. Upon printing a final copy, I drove into town to mail it to my agent. He had yet to embrace the amazing invention that was email.

Em wants to go bear hunting tonight...? -J

I frowned. Jasper's text message didn't make a whole lot of sense, and I almost started to worry that he had been inhaling too many paint fumes when he sent me another message.

Em can't spell for shit. He wants to go BEER hunting tonight. –J

I snorted, putting the book down I had been reading and composing a reply for Jasper, saying that as long as the hunting happened at the bar, I was in. I was a little miffed that I wouldn't get to spend the evening with Bella, but fucking Tiny had commandeered her, claiming that they were having girl time, and I could just bugger off.

I wasn't the only one not overly satisfied with the girl time. When I met up with Emmett and Jasper at the bar later that night, Emmett was alternating between pouting and glaring at the bartender while Jasper was chuckling into his beer.

"Evening, guys," I greeted them after deflecting Aro at the entrance. I'd been unable to decipher his ramblings as he had obviously had a bit too much to drink.

"Hello, brother," Jasper drawled. Emmett mumbled something, and Jasper snorted and shook his head. "Hey Em, finish your bear, learn how to fucking spell, and stop crying over the blonde bitch. This isn't a wake."

I shed my jacket and sat down in the booth, nodding my thanks to Jasper when he slid a pint of Guinness across the table to me. He was totally my favorite brother right then.

"Would the blonde bitch happen to be the loveliness that is Rose?" I asked.

"Yeah." Emmett sighed deeply.

"Whatever she did, I'm sure it's not worth your brave tears, Emmett," I told him.

"She fucking chose my sister over me," he whined. "She's off having girl time with Ali and Bella instead of standing behind the bar looking fucking gorgeous and letting me ogle her. It's not fucking fair."

"Could you maybe not talk about ogling my sister?" I asked, cringing. I knew Rose was beautiful, but I just preferred not listening to other guys talk about that particular fact. I knew Jasper was even more sensitive about that shit. I looked questioningly at him, but he just grinned, probably entertained by Emmett's misery. Admittedly, it was pretty funny because it was Rose – the biggest bitch in the state.

Tyler joined us for a beer before hurrying off for a date with Jessica. She was still working down at the motel, and avoiding her when visiting Bella had become an art I was quite skilled at.

"Should we have informed Tyler that his date for the evening is a fucking skank?" I asked after Tyler had rushed off.

"Nah," Emmett said. "He's a bright boy, he'll figure it out."

"Before or after she gives him a STD?" Jasper wondered out loud.

Emmett just shrugged. "I'm his boss, not his fucking mother. The dude is as much of a whore as she is. They're a match made in hell, and I couldn't care less what they infest each other with."

Jasper groaned. "Could we change the topic, please? I'm feeling nauseas after that."

Emmett guffawed. "Aw, Jazzy's got a weak stomach. Should I talk about how fucking perfect your sister's tits are instead?"

"For fuck's sake, Emmett!" I groaned.

"Sorry." He chuckled. "I just thought I'd pick a topic from the top of the scale."

"I'll probably regret this, but what scale would that be?" I asked.

"The ultimate scale: silver, gold, bacon, tits," Emmett replied in an exasperated tone as if this was common knowledge. Which yeah, I supposed it was…

"True words, man," Jasper said, raising his beer to Emmett's. "Just leave my sister completely out of it, please."

Emmett finally listened to our pleas about leaving Rose out of the conversation. The topic drifted from football to baseball to pizza toppings and back again. The pints of Guinness arrived at our table in a steady stream, and by the end of the night I had to call Rose and ask her if I could crash on her couch because I had drunk too much to drive home. Emmett lived next to his garage, and Jasper lived right on the edge of town so they were both able to walk home without any problems, although Jasper bitched for almost fifteen minutes about leaving his bike in front of the bar for the night.

Rose bitched even more when she came over from the girl time at Tiny's and let me into her apartment. I tried getting some details about what exactly girl time was, but she shot me down repeatedly.

"You can take my bed," she offered in a rare moment of sisterly devotion. "I'm staying at Alice's for the night with your little Bella-Marie. She's not as hopeless as one might have expected."

"Of course she's not hopeless," I defended my girl while wobbling dangerously in the doorway. "She's fucking perfect. Hey, can't I stay at Tiny's, too?" I asked pathetically. The steady stream of beer into my system had made me pine for Bella in the worst way, and Emmett had actually found a marker and tattooed her name along with a heart on my forearm. He had tattooed Rose's name on his own hand, and ended his career as a fake tattoo artist with a crooked "freak" on Jasper's forehead, only we told him that it said "stud" instead, which he totally loved. Yep, bear hunting had been fun.

"Go to sleep, Eddie," Rose told me in a perfect imitation of my mom's no-nonsense voice.

I pouted a little, but passed out on the bed without even bothering to remove my shoes.

Not surprisingly, I woke up the following morning with the worst headache of my life. Or at least the worst headache since the last time I had decided to marinate my liver in beer. Motherfucker, that shit hurt.

Rose, of course, was making as much noise as she possibly could. I groaned as she barged into the bedroom and opened the curtains. It wasn't sunny outside, but it was still fucking bright. I almost hoped that my head would explode like it was threatening to, because then she would have to clean up the mess. That would fucking teach her!

"Rise and shine, brother dearest," she sang obnoxiously. "I'm throwing you out in twenty minutes, so if you want a cup of coffee, you better get your ass out of bed."

"Goddamn sister throwing my dying ass out," I muttered, hiding under the covers. "There's just no love."

"None at all," she deadpanned. "Now get the fuck up!"

I dragged myself out of bed, figuring the evil sister witch wasn't going to leave me the fuck alone until I did. I inhaled a cup of coffee and swallowed a couple of painkillers with a glass of water before I was sent on my way.

Outside on the sidewalk I wished I'd had my sunglasses, even though it was late October, in Washington, and dreary as fuck. I wanted to go in and say good morning to Bella, but the boutique looked busy as hell. I peered in through the window only to have Bella and Tiny catch me and fucking laugh at me. I groaned at the thought of what I might have said to Rose last night because I didn't remember. But whatever had come out of my mouth could have been fucking embarrassing, and she would have wasted no time sharing it with Tiny and Bella.

I drove slowly back to my house even though it pained me to do so. I felt a little sluggish and wasn't about to crash my car. I was pretty sure that I was sober, though; drunk people didn't feel so much pain.

I forced myself to shower because I hoped it would make me feel better. I then dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt before collapsing on my bed and sleeping until mid-afternoon. I woke up feeling even more like shit than before passing out. Motherfucker, this was no mere hangover.

I barely made it to the bathroom before emptying the content of my stomach into the porcelain bowl. I heaved until there was nothing left and collapsed to the floor in a not so graceful heap. I groaned, wishing I had the strength to stand up and rinse out the fucking awful taste in my mouth.

An hour later I had dry-heaved a few times, but finally managed to rinse out my mouth and crawl back to bed. I hurt all fucking over, and I was pretty sure that I was dying. However, I wasn't dying so bad that I didn't have the sense to shoot off a text to Bella, telling her that I wouldn't be by that night because I was, in fact, dying.

After that I slept on and off, making a few runs to the bathroom to try to vomit up my lungs. The last time I just gave up and stayed on the bathroom floor, passing out, more or less. The cold tiles were fucking heaven against my burning skin.

In my fevered state I heard a strange sound – a sound that was not me vomiting or moaning, so it didn't make much sense to me. It took a while, but I finally figured out that it was the sound of someone knocking on a door. From there it took me a few minutes to register that it was someone knocking on my door – the door that was a fucking long way from my bathroom floor.

I crawled out into the bedroom and used the doorframe to stand up. I stumbled down through the mile-long hallway, through the vast living room, and wrestled the lock before opening the front door that weighed about a ton. Yeah, okay. So I was a weak fucker.

Outside stood a wide-eyed, frazzled, and worried-looking Bella, laden with two shopping bags that she promptly put down before she hugged me – sweat soaked clothes and all.

"Oh, thank God," she whispered. "I was so worried. You didn't answer your phone, and I've been knocking on your door for twenty minutes."

I wobbled slightly while trying to figure out why I hadn't heard my phone, and also why it had taken me twenty minutes to answer the door. I couldn't come up with an answer.

"Why…?" I rasped, for the first time noticing how sore my throat was.

Bella seemed to understand my question. "You're sick, silly. I couldn't just leave you on your own, and Alice insisted that I leave early after I showed her your text message."

"How..?" I rasped out my next intelligent question, which she also understood. Shit, she was one amazing woman.

"I walked," she said simply. "That's why it took so long."

Oh my fuck. My girl had just walked all the way out to my house just because I was sick.

"Oh shit, you can barely stand on your feet," she fretted, holding me up the best she could. "Come on, let's get you back into bed."

That sounded like an excellent idea, and I nodded my enthusiasm, clinging to Bella as I stumbled back to my bedroom. Like the saint she was, she made me sit in a chair while she changed my sheets and then tucked me in like I was a little kid.

She took my temperature, fussed over me, brought me ginger ale, and fucking stroked my eyebrow until I fell asleep. She had started out stroking my hair, but I was a whiny, needy bastard when I was sick, so I asked her to stroke my eyebrow instead like my mom had always done when I was a kid and not feeling well. Suddenly being sick wasn't as bad as when I had been lying in a sweaty, achy heap on the bathroom floor.

It was dark in the room when I woke up again. I still ached all over, but my head felt a little clearer. I heard the faint sounds of someone else in the house, and knowing it was Bella made me smile.

She showed up in my room a few minutes later, turning on the soft light in the corner and smiling when she saw that I was awake.

"Hey, sleepyhead, how are you feeling?" she asked softly as she sat down on the edge of the mattress.

"A little better," I croaked. She picked up a glass of ginger ale from the night stand and held it while I took a sip, easing the soreness of my throat. "Thank you for taking such good care of me," I said.

"You're welcome," she said, still smiling. "Are you brave enough to try some soup or do you want to go back to sleep?"

I couldn't stop the yawn escaping me, and I smiled sheepishly.

"Okay, that's answer enough," she said and giggled. She felt my forehead and stroked my eyebrow again until I fell back asleep.

Thankfully, I was a lot better when I woke up Friday morning. I hated being sick, although the whole "being taken care of by Bella" was pretty nice. I was relieved that she had spent the night, as I had been too out of it to make sure she didn't attempt to walk back to town in the dark. She would have done it, too, if she had wanted, stubborn as she was.

I decided to muster all my strength and shower. I could smell myself, and I did not smell of fucking roses. When I got back out, clean and dressed, Bella had changed my sheets again and was airing out my bedroom. I could hear the washing machine humming when I passed the laundry room on my way to the kitchen, and the smell of coffee and toast made my stomach rumble like a rogue freight train.

Of course, coffee was off limits for the patient, Bella informed me, so I had to make do with toast and tea with honey.

"You're a saint, you know that?" I said to Bella. She was drinking coffee, and just the smell of it was making me feel a little more human. And the tea wasn't so bad, actually.

She smiled, shaking her head.

"Well, you are," I decided. "Shit, what time is it? Don't you have work? I don't think I'm up for doing any driving, but you can just take my car an-"

"Alice gave me the day off," she interrupted. "My job today is to look after you, so don't worry your pretty little head anymore than necessary.

"Alice actually found a local girl who she wanted to, and this is a direct quote, take for a test drive at the boutique today. So it's not a big deal that I'm getting the day off."

I didn't argue. I craved Bella's company at the best of times, so if she wanted to stay, I wasn't going to complain.

I took a few naps over the course of the day, and in-between I told Bella about the changes I had made to my manuscript before mailing it to my agent. We watched a movie, and she went out to pick late, yellow raspberries that my mom had planted a few years ago. She then made fucking delicious berry cobbler. Even if I did feel scruffy and off, the whole day was fucking perfect.

Bella spent another night in the guest bedroom, and I watched in awe as she just fit into my house and my life. She fucking spoiled me, and I found myself thinking of ways to spoil her, too.

The following night was Halloween, and Bella and I spent it on my couch watching a movie. Tiny had badgered us all about having a party, but none of us had seemed even the least bit enthusiastic about it. She had insisted that we were boring old people and then commandeered the theme night Rose had felt it was necessary to have at the bar. I was just grateful that I didn't have to be involved in anything that required me to dress up as something ridiculous. Bella seemed very pleased to get out of it, too. She had cooked dinner for us earlier and was now snuggled into my side, which felt pretty fucking amazing.

I couldn't deny the fact that my feelings for Bella were growing. I hadn't had the faintest clue what I had been missing in my life, and although she was taking her time letting me in, it was still fucking perfect. As difficult as resisting her when she was snuggled into my side was, the need to make sure that she was okay was much greater. My patience with Bella fucking floored me sometimes; I had no idea I had it in me.

My almost compulsive need to be alone was never in effect when it came to her. The invasion of my peace and privacy was something I often felt when being in the company of other people. Sometimes after only a short while. But it had never once been a factor in the time I had spent with Bella – and I had spent a lot of time with her lately.

I was pulled from my thoughts by Bella's deep sigh. Her head rested on my chest, and I couldn't see her face. I looked at the screen to see if something in the movie had upset her. I had been too lost in her and my thoughts, so we could have been watching anything from cartoons to porn for all I knew. On the screen some kid was having a birthday party, and I noticed Katherine Heigl, which I remembered had been the reason I'd agreed to the movie in the first place.

"What's wrong?" I asked Bella, unable to detect anything in the movie that could be upsetting.

"Nothing," Bella replied softly. "Just an unpleasant memory, that's all."

I didn't know what to say without sounding like I was pressuring her to talk about it. I fucking hated the fact that she even had unpleasant memories, which was ridiculous since everybody did. But my protectiveness was always at its worst when Bella was concerned.

"I really wanted a princess party when I turned four," she surprised me by saying. Her voice was a little hesitant, but she was revealing flickers of her past, and that in itself was fucking huge. I tightened my arm around her, hoping she would continue.

"My parents indulged me. They invited all my friends and decorated the house. They got me a pink princess dress and a pink cake. God, till this day I have an awkward relationship with that color…" She laughed bitterly, turning her face a little so her voice got a little muffled. "My mom left fifteen minutes before the party started and the guests started arriving. She just told my dad she'd had enough and couldn't do it any longer.

"I have no idea why my dad didn't cancel the party and send everyone home. Instead, he threw a party for his crying four year old daughter while dealing with the fact that his wife had just left him. The hired clown threw up on the kitchen floor, and I nearly passed out from hyperventilating with all the crying I did."

"That's a shitty birthday memory, beautiful," I whispered, kissing the top of her head. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Did your mom make it up to you?"

"I haven't seen her since," she said in a flat and surprisingly cold voice. "I've also not celebrated my birthday since."

"I love birthdays," I admitted, almost a little ashamed of the many happy birthdays I had celebrated over the years. "Since I didn't know that it was your birthday the day we met, I'll give you the best birthday you ever had next year. That's a fucking promise, beautiful."

She giggled, and I was relived to hear the sound of it. "You're so sweet, Edward. But you already gave me the best birthday I ever had."

"That's just sad considering I almost molested you that night."

She shook her head slowly. "You didn't. And having you in my life is the best present I could ever dream of."

I fucking choked up. My beautiful girl could probably reduce me to a sobbing mess if she decided to. "I wish I'd known, though," I managed to whisper.

My cell phone rang, effectively ruining the moment between us. I considered not answering, but the damage had been done. Whoever called so late probably had something important to say, anyway.

"Hello?" I said, unable to hide the irritation in my voice. I didn't let go of Bella, and fortunately she didn't make any motion to move away either.

No one said anything on the other end of the line, and my irritation flared up even further. I was about to end the call when I heard what sounded like sobbing.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" I asked. Bella sat up on the couch, leaving me cold as soon as her body was no longer snuggled into my side.

"Ed…Edward, it's…it's M-mom," a broken voice that I hardly even recognized as my mother's finally answered.

"Mom? What's wrong?" Fear replaced the irritation at the sound of her voice. The fear must have showed on my face because the warmth was back when Bella's small hand closed around my own. "Mom?"


	13. He Needs Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Thanks and much love to my amazing betas, nowforruin and Dinx. Thanks and special hugs to lisamichelle17 for pre-reading.

CHAPTER 13

Bella:

He Needs Me

I watched the fear overtake Edward's expression and tightened my hand around his. His fear was lighting my own even though I didn't know what was being said to him on the phone. But Edward was my strength, it was that simple. Seeing him show his anxiety and trepidation was frightening to say the least.

"Mom? Mom, can you hear me?" he asked desperately. "What?" His hand gripped mine hard, and I covered our hands with my other one.

"Shit." He attempted to take a deep breath. "Is…is he…" His eyes closed as he listened. "I'll be right there, Mom. Do Rose and Jasper know yet?"

He ended the call and ran his hand over his face while letting out a deep breath. "My dad had a heart attack," he said softly, his voice breaking slightly at the end of the sentence. He yanked his hand from mine and stood up abruptly, looking frantically around.

"I need to…" he muttered. "Fuck, I have to…" He ran a hand through his hair again, his eyes flickering around as if searching for something.

I stood up, too, and went over to him. He jumped when I put a hand on his arm but finally looked at me, seeming to calm down a little. "Will he be okay?" I asked.

"I…I don't fucking know," he whispered, looking so lost that it broke my heart into little pieces.

I put my arms around him, and he clung to me, burying his face in my hair and breathed deeply.

"Don't leave," he whispered into my hair.

I did the only thing I could. "I won't," I promised. "Anything you need, just tell me."

"Just you," he whispered. "Just you."

From being frantic only moments before, Edward now seemed to be numb. He stood staring at something only he could see. I prompted him to move, having heard him tell his mom that he would be right there, which was probably at the hospital. I found his coat and collected his cell phone, keys and wallet as he managed to put on his boots. He straightened up after lacing them and frowned at me.

"Are you…" He closed his eyes briefly and sighed. "Please come with me to the hospital?"

My hesitation was hopefully brief enough for him not to have noticed. I nodded and grabbed my coat, following him out of the house. I had already promised Edward not to leave, and that meant going with him where he needed to go – even if it did feel awkward.

The drive was silent as Edward was deep in thought. There were a lot of people out on the streets compared to any other night. It wasn't terribly late, so there were still children out trick-or-treating, and music blared from several places where there were parties were being held.

I glanced at Edward as we passed Rose's bar, and the pain and fear etched on his face made him look older than twenty-seven. I had never met Carlisle Cullen, but Edward talked of him often, and the respect and love in his voice when he did was strong. Just as it was in Rose and Jasper's voices the few times I had heard them mention their dad. As Edward pulled into the parking lot at the hospital, I said a silent prayer for the patriarch of the Cullen family. Busy was a word Edward often associated with his dad, but if that was the worst thing that could be said about him, he was not just a good man but a great one. I had enough experience to know that, at least.

Edward dragged me along the hallways at the hospital, obviously knowing his way around. On the drive in, he had only let go of my hand when he absolutely had to, and I squeezed his hand tightly, never letting him forget that he wasn't alone.

He slowed down as we neared a waiting room. Rose and Emmett were standing outside. Rose was obviously trying to keep her voice down as she told Emmett to go home, but Emmett was insisting on staying. Their relationship, or lack thereof, confused me, and asking Edward and Alice about it hadn't helped at all. They just seemed to find great amusement in their bickering. Emmett followed Rose around as if he was on a leash, and yet I had never experienced Rose even just being civil toward him. She was always nagging, yelling, or hissing at the poor guy. Though, for all I knew, he could have done something to deserve the harsh treatment.

Reluctantly letting go of my hand, Edward scooped Rose up in a hug. They whispered together while Emmett and I stayed back, smiling sadly at each other. I felt a little out of place, but had already decided to suck it up for Edward's sake since he wanted me there. Edward and Rose went into the waiting room from where I also heard Jasper's voice.

Emmett and I looked at each other again. "Rose told me to go home, but I'm staying. She's not as strong as she appears," he said softly.

I nodded. "Edward asked me to come," I whispered back. "I just…it's awkward. Have you heard anything about how their dad is doing?"

Emmett motioned to a row of chairs across the way and we sat down, at least avoiding standing awkwardly in the middle of the hallway. "Mrs. C was talking to a doctor when we got here. We were all at the bar, and Rose and Jasper were so out of it that I drove them over here. The doctor told Mrs. C that they were operating on Dr. C. He had a bunch of fancy words for it, too, but nothing I understood. They're basically just waiting right now."

I grimaced. Waiting around for news at a hospital was brutal and my heart ached for all the Cullens.

Emmett leaned in close to me, keeping his voice at a whisper. "I thought people died from heart attacks," he admitted a little sheepishly, wincing at his own words.

"Not all the time, fortunately," I whispered back. I knew that for a fact, and I wasn't just reassuring Emmett – or myself for that matter. My thoughts lingered six years in the past when I had still been in high school and been in a similar situation where the outcome had been bad. My dad's friend Harry had died after having a heart attack. A waiting room full of people, including myself, had sat around waiting for news for hours.

"We should get them some coffee or something," Emmett interrupted my thoughts.

I nodded, and we went in search of somewhere to get coffee. Emmett checked his phone as soon as we got out of the cell phone free area. He told me that Alice was closing up the bar for Rose and had asked him to give her an update when he could.

We finally found a vending machine that sold hot beverages and purchased six cups of coffee, carefully carrying three back each to the waiting room. It probably tasted awful, but it was hot and full of caffeine so it would do.

Edward was pacing when Emmett and I showed up in the door to the waiting room. The Cullens were the only ones in there. Esme and Rose sat with clasped hands on an uncomfortable looking couch, and Jasper was perched on the window seat with his face in his hands.

Emmett cleared his throat loudly, and if we hadn't both been holding scalding hot liquid, I would have elbowed him in the gut.

"Thank God," Edward exclaimed, hurrying over to me. He hugged me awkwardly and almost made me spill coffee all over both of us. "I thought you'd left."

"I promised you that I wouldn't," I reminded him softly. "Emmett and I just went to get you guys some coffee." I handed him a cup, and a small smile graced his features for a brief second. "Any news?" I whispered.

He shook his head and took a sip of coffee. I squeezed his hand and saw that Emmett had delivered coffee to Rose and Jasper, so I took my extra one over to Esme. I had only met her briefly at the boutique when Alice had introduced me to her. She had on the spot insisted that I call her Esme, and I had found her absolutely delightful with her natural grace and motherly smile. And I was a sucker for that kind of smile.

There was no smile on Esme Cullen's beautiful face today, however. She was pale and her make-up was slightly smudged from crying. I kneeled down in front of her, offering her the coffee.

She smiled weakly at me, accepting the cup with one hand and extracting the other from Rose's grip and grasped my hand, squeezing it lightly. "Thank you, dear," she whispered. "And thank you for being there for Edward. He's always alone, that boy…"

I squeezed her hand. "Let me know if there's anything I can do," I told her, and she nodded.

I put a hand on Rose's knee, and although it was small, we shared our first real smile. I stood back up and went over to Edward. Emmett had sat down next to Rose who had stopped telling him to go home, but Jasper still sat alone, staring at his coffee cup. My heart went out to him, and I grabbed Edward's hand, dragging him with me over to Jasper, who seemed grateful that someone had actually approached him.

He was the most talkative of them all at the moment. While Edward clung to my hand and stared down at our clasped hands as if they were the most fascinating thing in the world, Jasper word-vomited in the worst way, obviously needing to get the words out there. He didn't seem to mind that I had no answers for him, only offering a little reassurance. Although his words were jumbled at times, I did learn that they were performing a coronary angioplasty on Doctor Cullen, which would open up the blocked or narrowed coronary arteries that had caused the heart attack.

After a while Edward started pacing again. Emmett was trying to suppress his yawns while Rose and Jasper carried on a weird conversation where they didn't say much. I went on another coffee run, this time also bringing the exhausted Cullens some candy from the vending machine.

Finally a doctor showed up, and the tension in the room skyrocketed. He was a middle-aged man with a mustache and kind blue eyes that swept over the room with genuine concern. I figured that he might know the Cullens since he was a colleague of Doctor Cullen's.

"The procedure went well," he said with a smile as the tension in the room was released, and Edward's knees almost buckled. I heard Jasper mutter something in relief, and Rose let out a big breath. Esme was on her feet immediately, hugging the doctor who chuckled in response.

"Can we see him? Is he awake?" Esme asked.

"Yes, he is awake; he has been through the entire procedure. He has been moved to the ICU where he has to lie very still for a few hours while the blood vessel in his groin seals completely," the doctor said. "I wouldn't normally allow visitors in there, but since it's Carlisle and he knows all there is to know about what he should or shouldn't do, I am going to let you see him. Only you, though. I'm afraid your children will have to wait until tomorrow. By then he will have been moved to a regular room and have had a chance to rest."

"Thank you," Esme whispered.

The doctor nodded. "I'll have a nurse come and get you, Esme. And you all know where to find me if you have any questions." With that he left the room, and all the Cullens started hugging each other, filling the air with their thank Gods and a fuck yeah from Jasper.

"Go home and get some sleep," Esme told her kids.

"What about you, Mom?" Edward asked.

She smiled. "I'm not leaving him, at least not until you show up in the morning. Then I might go back to Rose's place for a shower. Now go on home. The worst is over, and you need some sleep before seeing your father later."

"Tell him we love him," Rose requested.

"Call us if anything happens," Jasper said.

"We love you, Mom," Edward added.

It was almost dawn when we left the hospital. Edward drove through the quiet streets of Evonside and startled me when he spoke.

"Fuck, I know I'm being needy right now, but I just really don't want to be alone…"

I smiled softly at him even though it might have been too dark for him to actually see it. "Can we just make a quick stop at the motel?" I asked. "I promise I won't be more than a few minutes."

"Sure," he said quickly. "Thanks, Bella."

The motel was dark, and the parking lot almost empty. Sometimes my room was the only one occupied, and I'd often felt a little sorry for the people working at reception, which was open twenty-four hours a day. But in that moment, it came in handy.

I unlocked the door to my room and turned on the lights. I was very organized and tidy, so it didn't take me long to gather all my clothes in the box Alice had given me and few dirty items in a plastic bag. I put my toiletries, my cell phone charger, old cell phone, and my pencils into my messenger bag. My mugs and plates, hastily wrapped in paper towels, went into another plastic bag along with my notebooks, sketching book, Edward's books, and his manuscript. I threw my blanket over the box and looked around the room to see if I'd forgotten anything. I took a second to revel in the fact that in one month I had managed to collect so many possessions that I could no longer carry them all alone.

I knew that Edward had only asked me to stay the rest of the night, but it felt like a perfect opportunity to take him up on his offer to stay at his house. He was going through a difficult time, and there wasn't anything I wanted more than to be there for him and offer him whatever support I could.

Edward appeared in the door and took in the scene before him stoically before his eyes flew up to meet mine. "Please tell me you've decided to stay with me, and that you're not skipping town."

"I've decided to stay with you, and I'm not skipping town," I said. "I guess I'm just assuming that your offer still stands. I'd like to be there for you the way you've been there for me."

"Thank fucking God," he said, pulling me in for a hug.

Edward carried my things to the car while I went to check out. It was the woman Edward was avoiding who was asleep behind the desk in reception, while a small TV blared next to her. I tried clearing my throat but that didn't wake her up, so I had to ring the bell on the desk which startled her so much that she woke up with a loud part-snort, part-snore. I held my laughter back and smiled timidly at her.

She was so sleepy that she fortunately didn't ask any probing questions about my rather abrupt departure. I was back in Edward's car within five minutes, and he smiled at me as he started the car and headed toward the beach and his house.

It only took one trip to bring in my things. I wanted nothing more than collapse into bed, but I sensed that Edward wasn't quite ready to go to sleep yet. He hovered in the doorway while I stacked my things in the corner of my new room. I would have to take some time soon to mentally deal with my new situation. Just a few days ago I hadn't felt ready to leave the motel room in favor of Edward's house, but it had been much more than pity that had made me make the decision last night. It felt right, but a little overwhelming.

When I looked back up, he was still standing there, watching me when he wasn't busy rubbing his eyes. Maybe he wasn't ready for sleep, but he certainly was sleepy. I suggested a cup of tea before bed, and he nodded eagerly.

"Go to bed," I told him. "I'll bring it in."

"Bu-"

"Edward, you're exhausted," I interrupted gently. "You were just sick, and you don't need to get sick again so you can't visit your dad. Go lie down while I make the tea."

He mumbled something under his breath, but sent me a small smile. "Okay. Thanks."

He went into his room, and I went to make tea. When I returned with it ten minutes later, he was almost asleep, but fought his eyes open and propped himself up against the headboard. I was a little weary handing him his tea because he looked like a deep sigh would send him over the edge toward sleep.

After a few sips, the cup was wobbling in his hand, and I bit back a smile as I took it from him. He smiled sleepily and slid down on the bed until he was lying down fully. I put the tea cups on the bedside table and pulled the covers up around him.

"Don't go," he whispered, no longer able to keep his eyes open.

"I'll stay a little while until you fall asleep," I promised and sat down on the edge of the mattress again. "And then I'll be right down the hall."

He hummed and wiggled his head further down into the pillow. He was out in a matter of seconds and looked much more relaxed in his sleep. I couldn't imagine the stress he had been through, and I was so glad that his dad would be okay. I ran my knuckles gently down his cheek and smiled to myself. I hoped he would get some much-needed and uninterrupted sleep. Closing the curtains and turning out the lights, I left the room balancing the tea cups in one hand.

After depositing them in the kitchen sink, I turned out the rest of the lights and double checked the locks, forcing myself not to check them a third time. In my room, I glanced at my stuff in the corner, the sight of it making me smile. And then I collapsed headfirst onto the bed.

I must have fallen asleep immediately. When I opened my eyes again, it was hours later and daylight peeked in through the curtains. I got out of bed, cringing when I realized that I hadn't even changed out of my clothes the night before. I went into the bathroom and winced when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked like I had been sleeping outside or something, which was ironic since I had spent the night in the most comfortable bed imaginable.

I showered and dug out some clothes from my box. There was a closet and dresser in the bedroom, but I didn't take the time to put the rest of the clothes away. There would be time for that later.

Instead, I left my room and tip-toed past Edward's bedroom, not wanting to wake him in case he was still sleeping. In the kitchen I started the coffee machine, and since the clock claimed it was almost noon, I didn't even bother making breakfast, but instead just slapped together a tray of sandwiches. I grabbed a cup of coffee and went into the library to curl up in one of the big chairs in there. I had discovered a while ago that there were few better places in the world to think than in one of those.

Edward wandered in with his own cup of coffee about an hour later. His hair was even messier than usual, and he still looked exhausted.

"Good afternoon," I said.

He smiled a little as he returned my greeting and plopped down in the chair next to me.

"I just talked to my mom," he said. "He's been walking around a little this morning, and they're expecting to send him home tomorrow. I'm gonna head in there in a little while."

"That's great news, Edward," I said, relieved.

"Yeah." He nodded absentmindedly before shaking his head instead. "It's madness, though. I mean, the man had a heart attack last night, went through surgery, and now they're almost ready to send him home? It just seems like they're rushing him and kicking him out too soon. He's worked at that hospital for thirty years, and they're tossing him out like fucking trash."

I reached for his hand, across the arms of the chairs. "I'm sure they're doing what's best for him. If all he needs now is rest, I'm sure he'll be more comfortable at home," I said. "Perhaps you should try doing a little research on your own to put your nerves a little at ease."

He looked at me and smiled. "You're right. Of course you're right. I should do that." He stood up and picked up his laptop from the desk, plopping back down in his chair and opening it. A few minutes later he was typing away eagerly, humming and frowning at the things he read.

"It's fucking scary," he said randomly.

"What does it say?" I asked.

"No, not this. It basically says the same thing as the doctors at the hospital, even going as far as to say that most go home the day after the procedure. At least they're keeping Dad an extra day," he said, closing the laptop and putting it on the floor. He turned in his chair and looked at me. "No, I meant this happening to my dad at all. He's always been this pillar of strength to all of us. He has taken care of us, loved us, protected us… Shit, I don't even think I've ever seen him sneeze! It's like…the entire foundation of my family suddenly has these great cracks."

I thought about my own parental situation and knew exactly what he meant, only my foundation didn't have cracks. It was completely gone, and it had never been as strong as the Cullen one seemed to be.

"Those cracks will heal right along with your dad," I said to him. "There's no reason to think that they won't."

"Yeah," Edward muttered thoughtfully. "I hope so."

With another cup of coffee, Edward ate a couple of sandwiches and then went to shower before going back to the hospital. He hadn't asked me to go, but I knew that he would if he needed it. Apparently he wasn't as stupid and stubborn as I was when it came to asking for help when he needed it. I admired that in him.

He came out freshly showered and looking a lot more awake. He handed me a key with smile. "I'm not sure I said it last night with everything that is going on, but I'm really thrilled that you decided to stay here."

"Thank you," I said with a smile. "I am, too."

He kissed the top of my head. "I'm gonna head back to the hospital and see the old man. Jasper just texted me, and both he and Rose are in there. I don't have to tell you to just make yourself at home, right?"

I sighed. "No."

He grinned. "Oh, come on. You're in love with my kitchen."

"True," I admitted, fighting a smile. "In fact, if you wanted to bring everyone back here tonight, I wouldn't mind cooking dinner for you."

A little emotional, Edward accepted my offer with another kiss to the top of my head before he left to go to the hospital.

I spent the afternoon putting away my things. The closet and the dresser were still mostly empty when I had put my clothes away, but it was all I had at the moment. I tidied a little and straightened up before venturing out to look in the freezer to find something to make for dinner.

Edward texted me, telling me that Esme, Rose, Jasper, and even Emmett would all be coming out for dinner, and when they arrived I had the food ready. I had made chicken stew with dumplings and hot rolls. For dessert I was totally indulging Edward with berry cobbler and apple pie.

"Honey, you are a godsend," Esme told me, sniffing the air with a tired smile and giving me a hug as soon as she came into the house. It was obvious even without asking that Doctor Cullen was doing better, as she was much more relaxed than the day before. "Carlisle almost released himself from the hospital when Edward lured me here with the promise of chicken stew and apple pie."

I smiled. "He's doing better then?"

"Oh yes, much." She sighed happily. "It's almost surreal, actually. He's coming home tomorrow which is a relief, but I just can't help but worry."

"Not worrying would be unnatural considering what has happened in the last twenty-four hours," I said, squeezing her arm, and she smiled gratefully at me.

Rose, Jasper, and Emmett arrived just after Edward and Esme. Emmett was still chauffeuring the Cullen twins around, and he leaned down to whisper in my ear when he came inside. "Hello, fellow odd-one-out." He winked at me.

And he was right. We were the odd ones out, but Edward had repeatedly asked me to be there, and Rose had obviously given up trying to order Emmett home.

Rose delivered the biggest surprise of the evening when she pulled me aside in the kitchen. "I just wanted to thank you," she said while she fidgeted with a silver ring on her finger. I had never seen her fidget before. "I know I haven't been very nice to you, and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that because you're really good for Edward, and I think that you might be good for my entire family. So…I'm sorry, Bella."

I smiled at the use of my name. Up until then she had always called me Bella-Marie, never wasting an opportunity to remind me that I had started out lying to Edward about my name. "Apology accepted," I said. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry, too. Not for lying about my name that first night, but for making you think that I did it to hurt Edward."

She tilted her head, studying me. "Are you always going to be a mystery, Bella-Ma-" She stopped and hesitated before smiling sheepishly. "Sorry, Bella."

"I hope not," I admitted seriously. "I don't want to be a mystery, but for now I have my reasons." I then offered her a sly smile. "Would it bother you a lot if I told you that I actually love being called Bella-Marie? My late grandmother, whom I adored, used to call me that, and hearing it now always makes me smile and think of her."

Rose snorted. "Actually that's perfect. I started out meaning it as an insult, but since you didn't deserve it, I suppose it's only right that you never took offense to it. You and I will be friends yet, Bella-Marie."

Dinner was pleasant now that Doctor Cullen was doing better, and his family was able to relax a little. Everybody seemed to enjoy the food; Emmett nearly licking the plate and Esme asking for my apple pie recipe and looking very unhappy when I told her that I didn't use recipes. I had to promise to show her how I made it because she was certain that Doctor Cullen would love it. Apparently he had as big a sweet tooth as Edward.

"Thanks for doing this," Edward said to me in the kitchen while we cleaned up after everyone had gone home. Esme had gone with Rose and Jasper in Emmett's big jeep as she was spending the night at Rose's after another visit at the hospital.

"It really meant a lot," he continued thoughtfully. "I think we needed to reconnect. Well, actually I think we need to reconnect as a family in general, and it's fucking sad that it took Dad getting sick for us to wake up. I mean, it's a twenty minute drive up to their house, and Dad works right here in Evonside, but sometimes months passed without any of us going up there. If he'd died…"

"Don't think like that," I told him. He was drying a pan, and I took it out of his hands and put in the cabinet as it was already dry; he was just too preoccupied to notice it. "You're getting your chance to right things. Not everyone is that lucky."

He finally looked at me and frowned. "Are you not that lucky?" he asked.

"I'm not, no. But that wasn't my point," I said, putting the last things away. "My point is that you are, and you should just grab that chance and hold onto it with everything you've got."

"I will," he replied and held out his hand, drawing me into a hug that we both needed.

I went to bed shortly after, and so did Edward. Before I fell asleep, I lay in my bed thinking about how the chance of reconciliation with my parents was completely out of my hands with a mother who had abandoned me and a father who had disowned me. My last conscious thought was that Edward was lucky.

Hours later I woke up from a nightmare, gasping when I sat up in the bed after turning on the light. My heart was galloping in my chest, and I winced at how sweaty I was as I tried to steady my breath. I hoped I hadn't screamed because I knew that I sometimes did that. When Edward didn't come running, I figured that I hadn't. This time around I had taken to not locking my door at night because I knew that I could trust Edward.

There was no way that I could just lay down and fall back asleep – the fear was still too dominant in me. So I got up and left my nightmare haunted bedroom behind, heading for my favorite chair in the library.

Before sitting down I searched for a book that would hold my interest for a while, as well as keep the memories of the nightmare away. Edward had a very eclectic collection of books, ranging from contemporary mysteries, to classics, to history books, to books on writing. It was in the latter section that I found one about plots that I hadn't read before. Picking up an afghan on my way, I made my way to my favorite chair and got comfortable.

I lost myself in the book, almost finishing it and not realizing how much time had passed until the darkness outside shifted to make room for the brightness of a beautiful November morning. I wriggled free of the afghan, folding it and putting the book on the low coffee table in front of the chairs to finish later.

Edward wasn't up yet, so I hurried back to my room to shower before he woke up. He knew I had nightmares that sometimes kept me from sleeping more than an hour or two. He also worried about me which was sweet, but definitely not what he needed to fill his head with at the moment.

After my shower I dressed in chocolate brown tights and a beige sweater dress, thinking that it would look okay with my boots. I really needed to find another pair of shoes or boots as my trusty brown ones were getting a little worn, and I needed to look presentable at the boutique.

I towel-dried my hair as I was still without a hairdryer, which was something else I needed to consider buying. It was expensive to own practically nothing. I put my hair into a low ponytail over my right shoulder and put on some mascara to please my make-up loving boss.

I almost had breakfast ready when Edward stumbled into the kitchen still half-asleep. He looked utterly indecent in a pair of flannel sleep pants and a crumbled t-shirt. His hair was all over the place, and he was struggling to keep his eyes open, rubbing them adorably like a little kid. I wished him a good morning, to which he muttered something unintelligible before inhaling a cup of coffee. Only then did I get a smile.

"Good morning," he said sheepishly as he offered me a crooked grin.

I shook my head at him and put a stack of banana pancakes on the counter in front of him. He eyed them hungrily as he plopped down on a stool and dug in.

"It's probably not the right time to say this, me inhaling my food and all, but you don't really have to cook all the time," he said between bites and humming noises, both equally distracting.

"I know, but I like to cook," I said and shrugged. I sat down next to him and took a bite of my pancake. "And besides, if you can be stubborn about the rent, then I can be stubborn about cooking and cleaning."

He opened his mouth to argue, but I just pointed to his plate and told him to eat before it got cold. He continued eating, but warned me that the conversation wasn't over. He was damn right it wasn't. I would definitely find a way to pay rent even if he didn't want me to.

I rinsed off my plate and put it in the dishwasher while he was still eating. I had about an hour before I needed to be at work, so I had to leave soon.

"Will you be at Alice's tonight?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied with a nod. "I promised I'd give my mom a ride home sometime today so that she could shower and stuff. Then I'll go and see my dad, but I'll be at Tiny's for dinner. You're going, too, right?"

I nodded. "I'm going to help her cook, so I'll just see you there. And on that note, I'm going before I'm late."

"Oh no, you don't," he said. "I'd offer you the car, but since I need it today to drive my mom home, I'll give you a ride into town. You're definitely not walking."

"Edward, it's really not a problem. I'm used to walking, and I enjoy it," I assured him.

"It's not up for discussion," he stated, rising from his seat and went to rinse off his plate. "I need to get in there soon anyway, so just give me twenty minutes to get ready, and we'll be out of here."

"I hate it when people are more stubborn than I am," I complained, plopping down on a chair.

"I know the feeling," he said and chuckled before disappearing back into his room to get ready.


	14. He Turns My World Upside Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: As always, my biggest thanks and big, sloppy kisses to my amazing betas, Dinx and nowforruin. Also thanks to my sweetheart of a pre-reader, lisamichelle17.

CHAPTER 14

Bella:

He Turns My World Upside Down

Alice had offered to cancel the dinner Monday night, but Rose insisted that she shouldn't. I helped her cook after work, and we tried to make it extra special in our efforts to do something for the Cullens.

We made Italian. Alice grilled pork chops stuffed with prosciutto and cheese to go with a dish of baked vegetables and scalloped potatoes. I made Tiramisu, and we chatted about the boutique and the girl that Alice was considering hiring on a permanent basis. After a while, the topic also drifted to the Cullens.

"How are they coping?" she asked while we worked in the kitchen. "Rose, Edward, and Jasper, I mean. I asked Em, and he just said that they were doing okay. But what does okay even mean?"

We had been busy at the boutique all day, so we hadn't really had much time to talk, other than Alice asking how Doctor Cullen was doing when I showed up that morning. She had taken the time to interrogate me thoroughly after Edward had dropped me off. I told her how he had asked me repeatedly to stay with him instead of at the motel, and how I wanted to be there for him. She had narrowed her eyes at me and asked if that was my entire reason. My blush had been enough to make her squeal excitedly for a bit. I tried to rein her in, explaining that Edward and I were friends and nothing more, but it was like talking sense into a door. She even kept winking at me throughout the day, and I kept ignoring her winks. Edward was my friend, period.

"It was a big scare for all of them," I said thoughtfully, returning to the present. "And I think that right now they're all really shaken up. Edward described his dad being sick as cracks in the family's foundation. It's been a big shock, of course, but even more so because Doctor Cullen has never been sick a day in his life. They were all completely blindsided."

Alice hummed. "Have you met him?"

"Doctor Cullen?" I asked, to which she nodded. "No," I replied.

"I haven't either," she mused. "Rose says that she and Jasper look as much like their dad as Edward looks like his mother. Can you believe how fucking gorgeous that entire family is?"

I laughed. She did have a point.

Emmett and Jasper arrived at Alice's apartment together. To say that Jasper looked surprised to be attacked by Alice, who hugged him tightly when he poked his head into the kitchen to say hello, was an understatement. He patted her back awkwardly as she clung to him, begging me with his eyes to come to his rescue. I was busy trying not to laugh, but Emmett didn't mind letting out his signature booming laughter.

"Good luck with that, bro," he said to Jasper and guffawed. "Once she grabs hold of something, she doesn't always let go again."

"I'm so, so sorry about your dad, but I'm glad he's doing better now. And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you guys, like really there, but I could be if you wanted me to or needed me to. And I would have cancelled tonight, but Rose told me not to, and I thought she'd know best since it's her dad, well yours too, bu-"

"Jesus, girl. Breathe for fuck's sake!" Jasper told her, half-exasperated, half-amused, extracting himself from her clutches.

Alice took in a big gulp of air, as if only then noticing that she was nearly out of breath. It didn't stop her from launching herself in a similar fashion at Edward when he arrived, and even though Alice had spoken with Rose earlier, she got attacked, too.

Alice meant well, though. After being laughed at, she sheepishly admitted that she had felt a little useless not being able to do anything to offer her support to the Cullens while they were going through a difficult time. Emmett and I shared a look, knowing that being odd ones out wasn't the easiest thing in the world. But if nothing else, her attacks brought a little comic relief, and that was greatly appreciated. So was her cooking, and it ended up being an enjoyable evening – even if the mood was a little more subdued than the previous Mondays.

I kept an eye on Edward all night, but he seemed okay – especially when dessert was served. Maybe it was a good thing that he hadn't become a doctor, because I was pretty sure that he thought anything could be cured with sweet treats. Personally, I thought the smile he sent me a few times during dinner, when my hand brushed his under the table, could have possibly cured a lot more than sweets ever could.

I was getting really frustrated with the nightmares that kept me from sleeping more than a few hours at night. They were so real that I woke up with a pounding heart and out of breath. It took hours before I was able to close my eyes without seeing the vivid images.

Tuesday morning, I gave up trying to get anymore sleep around four. I went into the kitchen, turned on the coffee machine, and sat down on a stool staring out the window at the darkness. When the coffee was done, I drank a cupful as fast as the hot liquid allowed me. It made me feel almost human again. Having access to a coffee machine was a great luxury that I was not taking for granted. I was still in my sleep shorts and tank top, figuring Edward wouldn't be up for a while, so I didn't bother to change before deciding to put the next few hours to good use and clean a little.

Edward's place wasn't the typical bachelor pad. His house was actually pretty clean and tidy. But every house needed some attention once in a while, and I had a suspicion that I had to be sneaky about it f I wanted to do it. So, early in the morning seemed like the perfect time.

I decided to tackle the kitchen, and within a couple of hours everything had been scrubbed both inside and out. I finished up by mopping the floor and was lost in my thoughts when I heard a big thump behind me, followed by a string of profanities. I twirled around in shock, accidentally hitting the water bucket, making water splash out on the floor. I readjusted my right foot as it was twisted awkwardly from my spin, and it made me slip in the water and land half on top of a very surprised Edward. Apparently he hadn't realized what I was doing before venturing out on the wet floor.

"Oomph," he groaned, catching me awkwardly. I winced as the mop fell down on top of us, almost hitting me in the head before it clattered to the floor. The spilled water on the floor had drenched Edward's flannel pants and t-shirt, but he just grinned up at me. Neither of us spoke, and his grin faltered as the air between us crackled and the world disappeared.

His eyes held a world of truths and secrets, and they lured me in with their promises. I balanced myself with my hands on either side of his head, but when I made an attempt to raise myself up, his arms circled my waist, and the intensity in his eyes increased. Our faces were so close. I could feel his warm breath on my skin, and I could hear my own breath hitching as one of Edward's hands shimmied up my spine and found purchase in my hair, cradling my head and bringing it down toward his own.

I sighed when our lips met – it was like going home, and I melted into him completely. His hand grabbed my hair tighter, and he nibbled at my bottom lip. I moaned, unable to hold it in, and he ran his tongue over my lips before it met mine, sending tingles through my entire body.

Edward groaned, shifting under me and spreading his legs so I was nestled between them. I gasped into his mouth as I felt his very prominent erection through the thin pieces of fabric separating us. It ignited something inside of me that felt like a raging fire.

It had never been like this before, and with that clear thought, my mind kicked back into gear, and I froze in Edward's arms. Memories swept over me to the point where I couldn't see or hear anything else. I may have whimpered and before I knew it, Edward had us both sitting up. When my senses came back, I heard him calling my name. I opened my eyes slowly, feeling the tears well up.

"Bella? Are you okay? Shit, what did I do, beautiful?" Edward asked frantically. "I swear, I didn't mean to hurt you."

I shook my head and attempted to clear my throat, still fighting the tears. "You didn't," I whispered. "I just… I'm sorry."

He stood up, wincing a little as the wet clothes shifted on his body. He extended a hand to me. "Come on, we both need to put on some dry clothes."

I hadn't even realized that I was soaked, too. I hesitantly took his hand, letting him pull me up. I grabbed the mop, wanting to soak up the water before anymore accidents happened. Edward didn't move, and I let my hair fall down to shield my face from him as I finished up.

"Bella…?"

"I'm sorry, Edward," I croaked and the threat of the tears reappeared with the words. "I don't know what to say right now."

"You don't have to say anything," he said softly.

I didn't look up at him, and after a moment I heard him walk out of the kitchen. I sighed, shaking my head in an attempt to clear it. I put the mop away and went into my room to get ready for the day. And to cry in the shower.

When I came back out, showered, dressed and still as humiliated as before, Edward was nowhere to be seen. He had made breakfast, though. When he came in a few moments later, we sat down and ate in silence. A couple of times Edward cleared his throat as if to speak, but he never said anything. I didn't know what to say either, and I was too afraid of what I would see if I looked up from my plate.

There was more silence in the car when we drove into town, and for the first time ever, it was truly awkward between us. Edward's dad was getting released from the hospital, and he was going to give his parents a ride home. When we arrived outside of the boutique, he told me he would be by at closing time to pick me up. He grabbed my hand briefly and offered me a smile that disappeared as soon as he turned his face away from me. I bit my lip and tried not to cry when I saw him bang his hand angrily onto the steering wheel just as he pulled away from the sidewalk.

I stood on the sidewalk and stared after the car until it was out of sight. I was embarrassed and so frustrated with myself. It had felt so right that morning, lying there on the wet floor on top of Edward, feeling him and tasting him. But then I had stopped feeling and started thinking, sending everything to hell.

I owed Edward an explanation for the way I had acted, but before I could give him one, I needed to explain it properly to myself and find the right words. As right as it had felt to be near him, I wasn't good for him, and he deserved the best. I sighed, fighting back the tears threatening to escape. It was not the time, and Main Street was definitely not the place to start analyzing myself. I took a deep breath and went inside, eager to start working and forget about my problems for a while.

I met Alice's new hire at the boutique later that day. Her name was Angela and she was a shy, pretty girl with dark eyes and dark hair, who I immediately found myself liking. I understood why Alice had chosen her. She had just moved to town to be with her fiancé, who had taken over the coffee shop. He had originally wanted her to work with him, but Angela was much more interested in fashion. When she found out that Alice was looking for someone, she had pushed her shyness aside and approached her with her resume.

I knew that Alice didn't put too much – if any at all – stock in resumes and the usual hiring process. She just wanted someone with the right personality. But Angela was a much better fit for the boutique than I was, even if I was learning every day and had spent an entire day alone when Alice had driven up to Seattle two weeks prior.

Alice gave Angela a box of clothes just as she had with me. I was a little relieved because that meant that she hadn't given it to me out of charity; Angela was much more fashionable than I had been before Alice's box of clothes. She still made me take home an article of clothing every week, just as she took one for herself. It was sweet of her, and it was adorable how excited she got every time I let her choose for me.

"We've got enough business to have you both working full time," Alice said, slipping into business mode after Angela and I had first been introduced. "The orders from the online store have really increased in the last few weeks, so there's a bit of work out in the back, too. Also, it gives us more freedom to take a day off here and there, which you should totally feel free to take advantage of. I know I will."

"Best boss ever," I stage-whispered to Angela, making Alice beam. It was her goal, after all.

Angela fit in perfectly with Alice and me, although she was even shyer than I had been at first. The only difference was the confidence and the knowledge she had when it came to the job.

I had asked Alice if I could leave half an hour before closing time, which she okayed with a flip of her hand. I knew it was a cop-out to beg for Edward's forgiveness with treats for his sweet tooth, but I needed whatever ammunition I could get my hands on after my hot-and-cold behavior earlier. I sped through the grocery store, got what I needed, and was back in front of the boutique when Edward pulled up in his Volvo.

"Hi," I said meekly when I was seated in the passenger seat after stowing the grocery bags in the backseat. I put on my seatbelt and fiddled with my hands in my lap.

"Hi," he said softly. "Listen, I'm sorr-"

"I'm sorry abou-" I said at the same time.

We both stopped abruptly, and the silence hung heavily in the car for a minute before Edward cleared his throat. "I'm sorry about this morning. I never meant to push you or hurt you or whatever the fuck it was that happened." He ran a hand through his hair, tugging a little at it in frustration. "Shit, beautiful, you're just…and I couldn't…fuck. I just really, really like you, and I know I already promised not to push, which I meant by the way, and I promise I won't do it again. Just…please don't run off, okay?"

I was floored and barely registered that we were suddenly parked outside of Edward's house. I wanted to burst into tears, run away, fling myself at Edward, and laugh hysterically all at the same time. With great effort I managed to gather my thoughts a little.

"No, you have nothing to apologize for, Edward. I was the one whose behavior bordered on whiplash-inducing. I…I don't know what to say besides sorry. I just…the memories just crushed me for a moment and I didn't mean to…do what I did.

"It was like that first night at the bar," I said and sighed, needing him to understand, even if I couldn't explain it all. "It was…amazing. But then my mind caught up and was flooded with these stupid memories that I just can't escape. I'm so sorry that you keep getting caught up in my crap. You are so wonderful and amazing, and if anyone should be running away, it should be you."

"You didn't run this time," he said quietly. "That's got to count for something."

I nodded. "I know you now, and I trust you. But it still doesn't mean that I'm any good for you."

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that? You don't see yourself very clearly, you know."

I sighed. "You don't see me clearly either."

Edward exited the car without a word, and my heart dropped. He came around to my side and opened the door, extending his hand to me. I got out of the car and found myself being pulled into his arms. I felt so safe in them.

"We're going to get it right someday," he said, his voice muffled because his face was buried in my hair.

I didn't share his confidence, so I just buried my face further into his chest and enjoyed his warmth.

We broke away from each other, and Edward reached into the car to get the shopping bags despite my protests. When I was unlocking the door, he spoke again. "Those memories, are they the ones giving you nightmares?"

"Yes," I whispered. I took a step inside, turning the light on even though I preferred to hide my face in the dark while on this particular topic.

"Do you think you might be able to tell me about them one day?" he asked quietly. He put the bags down on the floor and took off his coat. I was still wearing mine, fiddling with my scarf and not looking up to meet his eyes.

"It's not that simple," I said, working on the courage to disclose the absolute max. "I mean, it's not just about being ready to talk about it, it would also mean being ready to possibly say goodbye to you and everyone else here. I know it's selfish, but I'm not ready for that."

"Bella, whatever you tell me, it wouldn't change anything between us," he insisted, reaching out to grab my hand. His grip was tight, almost painful, and it made my heart clench to see him become unhinged because of me. "You already assured me that you haven't done anything illegal. Not that that would necessarily scare me off."

"I haven't, no," I said, cringing when I realized the emphasis I'd put on 'I'.

Edward sighed. "Let's revisit this another time. I don't think I'm going to be able to convince you tonight anyway. I just have one little request."

"Anything," I said, wincing at my quick reply. "Except talking about memories."

He smiled sadly. "Trust me?" he asked.

I nodded.

He closed the distance between us. He cupped my right cheek and leaned in slowly, giving me a chaste kiss that brought no other memories to the surface than the amazing kisses we had shared earlier than morning. He took a step back, smiling and studying me for any signs of distress. "I didn't like the way it ended this morning," he admitted.

I couldn't stop the smile, and it only grew when I saw the relief on his face. I was pretty sure we were back to normal.

I cooked dinner while also making peach cobbler and brownies. I listened to Edward shuffle around in the living room, fixing something by the sound of the hammer. I was pretty sure it was the smell of the cobbler or the brownies that made him come sniffing into the kitchen, although he tried to look innocent and asked if there was anything he could do. I just giggled at his bad acting skills.

After peering curiously into the oven and beaming when he saw the cobbler, he grabbed us a couple of beers from the fridge and plates, cutlery and glasses in the cupboards.

"How is your dad doing?" I asked while we ate.

"He was released today as predicted," he replied. "For someone who just had a heart attack and went through surgery, he looks really good. He's been ordered to take it easy, and we made Mom promise to call us if he didn't. If I know my dad, though, he'll be itching to go to work by this time tomorrow."

"You don't think this came as much of a shock to him as it did to the rest of you?"

Edward shrugged. "Maybe. I've just never known anything that could keep him from his work, and that fucking scares me now."

"Well, I may not know your dad, but I very much doubt that he's stupid," I said. "Perhaps taking it easy for a while will make him realize how good it is for him."

"I hope you're right," he said, smiling at me. "And even if you're not, you're doing one hell of a job calming me down. Thank you."

I smiled to myself as I cleaned up the kitchen and made coffee. Edward had kidnapped the cobbler and the brownies and disappeared into the living room after I'd insisted that I didn't need his help. He had put on some music, and I recognized it as one of his iPod playlists with Joshua Radin, Katie Melua, and Norah Jones. They were some of my favorite artists, and I was pretty sure that he was aware of it.

Leaving a spotless kitchen behind, I carried two mugs of coffee into the living room, walking carefully so I wouldn't spill any. There were still many things that I was not taking for granted after my two months of being homeless, and powering down in a warm and safe house with coffee and brownies after a day of honest work was definitely one of them. Two months of being all alone in the world also made me appreciate having someone around. The fact that it was someone as amazing as Edward only heightened the pleasure.

In every way, he had been a blessing in my life, and I couldn't believe my luck. I owed him so much, and I could only hope that I would someday be able to pay him back; the man honestly had no idea how much of an impact he had made on my life.

Said man smiled at me when I handed him his coffee and patted the seat next to him on the couch. I put my mug on the coffee table before sitting down, and, as I did, noticed something new on the wall above the fireplace.

My painting.

Before I formed any words in my surprise, I had already thought of several very painful and very slow ways to kill Jasper.

"What…? Why…? How…?" I sputtered, looking wide-eyed at Edward.

He smiled, looking very satisfied with himself, and if he hadn't still been holding his coffee mug I might have slapped him. "Jasper let me buy it," he said simply.

"Buy it?" I nearly growled. The nerve of Jasper Cullen! "You might want to say goodbye to your brother because I'm going to kill him. He promised me that he wouldn't put it where anyone would see it."

Edward looked a little nervous. "Technically he didn't. He just invited me out back to the studio. He showed me Rose's kindergarten painting first, and then I saw yours on the wall."

"This is so embarrassing," I complained. "What the hell possessed you to buy the damn thing?"

"Bella, it's fucking beautiful," he said. "It wouldn't matter if someone else had painted it, I would still have convinced Jasper to let me buy it, and it would also still be hanging right there."

I hid my face and my blush. "You're clearly blind. And Jasper is dead."

Edward laughed, pulling one of my hands away from my face. "Aw, come on. Jasper said that he really liked it, too. In fact, that was why it was so difficult to wrestle it away from him. And he might be dead because of it, but when it comes to art, he fucking knows his stuff."

"You should have bought Rose's," I finally said with a giggle.

"Jasper actually offered to pay me to take it off his hands," he snickered.

After an evening full of brownies and laughter, the heavy mood that had weighed me down all day had disappeared by bedtime. I was glad that the awkwardness was gone between Edward and I, and I would have to be careful not to let it come back. I got almost four hours of sleep, which was a lot for me considering the nightmares. And I finished the latest book from Edward's library I had borrowed. Not sleeping meant a lot of time for reading.

Wednesday passed without incident. It rained all day, but the boutique was surprisingly busy I had no idea how Alice attracted such a crowd, but I was in complete awe of her. Now that Angela was there, I often let her handle the customers, as that was her forte; I handled the online orders and made sure that everything was tidy and stocked. Alice didn't mind.

Edward and I had dinner with Alice and Emmett at the pizza place. Emmett entertained the whole restaurant with funny stories, unable to keep his voice down. Fortunately, no one seemed to mind as he had everyone laughing again and again. He even got a free pizza at the end of the night because the owner had enjoyed himself so much. Emmett promised to come back and tell more stories another time.

Edward settled down with a book when we came back to the house, and I went to my room and sketched a little before going to bed. I drew Alice in the dress she had been wearing earlier, and Angela in her tunic, skinny jeans, and long boots. My dad used to say that sketching someone was my way of taking their photo. I grimaced at the thought of him and closed my sketch book. Even so far away, he could still ruin my mood.

As I got ready for bed, I tried to evict him from my thoughts. I knew that the nightmares would probably come sooner if I fell asleep thinking about one of the main characters in them. It didn't work, and I woke up only an hour later with a scream, shaking and terrified out of my mind. I blindly reached for the light on the bedside table, but before I could turn it on, the one in the corner flickered on, and I screamed again.

"Shit, sorry," Edward apologized from the door. "It's just me, Bella."

My heart was hammering in my chest as I tried to catch my breath. Edward walked over and turned on the light beside the bed before turning the one in the corner off again. He sat down on the bed and reached his arms around me, hugging me to his chest. "It fucking kills me to hear you scream and putter around the house unable to sleep every night," he whispered.

I couldn't talk. I just clung to him, hating the fact that I hadn't been able to hide my nightmares as well as I thought I had.

"Do you think you can go back to sleep?" he asked after a while.

I shook my head even though my eyes were burning and my body was begging for sleep. I knew that as soon as I closed my eyes, I would be seeing everything from the nightmare again. "But it's okay. I'll just go into the library and read for a while or something."

"Not good enough. You need your sleep or you'll wear yourself down completely. Trust me?" he asked, echoing his words from earlier.

I nodded.

"Good. Get under the covers," he said, reaching over to turn off the light. He, too, crawled under the covers and pulled me close, my back against his chest. One of his arms was around my waist, holding me close, and the other one was under my head. My body molded against his naturally, and I sighed.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

"Yes," I whispered. "Thank you."

I fell asleep quickly even though I had planned to just stay awake and enjoy feeling so safe. And when I woke up the next morning, still wrapped in Edward's arms, I realized that I had slept an entire night for the first times in many, many weeks.


	15. She Is Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: I love my betas, Dinx and nowforruin – they are awesome, amazing, and fantastic. Thank you for prettying up Mysteryward and making me look less of an imbecile. All the hugs in the world to my sweet pea and and pre-reader, lisamichelle17.

CHAPTER 15

Edward:

She Is Home

I was woken up by the sound of my phone blaring, and as tempting as throwing it at the wall was, I didn't. The memory of Saturday's phone call was to fresh to ignore. I had brought it with me last night when I'd heard Bella screaming again, planning to stay with her if she wanted me to, but not wanting to risk missing any important calls.

Yawning loudly instead of saying hello, I was greeted by the sound of my mom's laughter. "Good morning, dear. I apologize if I woke you up, but it was important that I caught you before you made a lot of plans for today," she said.

"I've got no plans," I croaked, my voice still heavy with sleep. I looked around and saw that Bella was already up. Damn, I had really wanted to wake up with her in my arms. It would have been fucking perfect. "Everything okay?" I asked my mom.

"It will be, hopefully," she replied. "I need you up here for lunch with Rose and Jasper. I'm staging an intervention for your father."

"A what?"

"An intervention," she repeated. "He needs to hear some things that he already knows. Doctor Dunne said that it was probably stress that caused his heart attack, and if we..." Her voice broke, and it took her a moment to get herself back under control. "If we want to keep him, we need to make sure that he cuts back on work. He works more hours than anyone at that damned hospital!"

"I'll be there," I promised quietly. I hadn't heard Doctor Dunne say that, but I wouldn't surprised if it was indeed stress that was the culprit. "We'll make him listen, Mom."

"Thank you, Edward," she sniffled. "I'll see you at lunch. Could you pick your sister up on the way? I just talked to her, and she said there was something wrong with her car. She hasn't had time to look at it with everything that's been going on, and she refuses to take it to Emmett's shop for some reason. Is he not a good mechanic?"

I snorted. "Emmett is a great mechanic; his business is already blooming. Rose is just being her stubborn self. I'll pick her up. See you later, Mom."

"I see," she said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. "Drive carefully, dear."

"I always do," I replied, editing the truth for my dear mother's sake.

We ended the conversation, and I got out of bed, stretching and yawning again. I peered out through the curtains and saw the rain drizzling down. Had we even seen the sun since July? I glanced at my watch and cursed when I saw that it was already almost ten AM.

Shit!

"Bella?" I called loudly, tearing out of her bedroom and down the hallway, searching the too quiet house. "Bella?"

Fucking hell.

There was a note on the kitchen counter next to a plate of freshly baked croissants, and I had the eeriest feeling of déjà-vu. I picked up the note that luckily didn't tell me that Bella had run off again, but just that she had gone to work. Gone as in walked all the way to fucking town in the fucking rain.

I groaned at my own hopelessness. Just because I hadn't set my alarm and slept late, my beautiful girl had had to walk all the way to town in the rain, and by now she was probably cold, wet, and fucking miserable. Why did she have to be such a stealthy ninja that she could get up without me noticing anyway?

I went back to her room to retrieve my phone, first calling Bella's cell phone, though not expecting an answer as she usually left it in the back room at work. She didn't pick up, so I scrolled down to the number for the boutique instead. I got a growling Tiny on the line who yelled at me for ten minutes straight. I let her, because I fucking deserved it. I was not happy, however, that she wouldn't put Bella on the phone.

She told me that she had deposited Bella in a warm shower the moment she had shown up for work. She had been cold and wet after the strong wind had put her umbrella out of commission about half way between my house and town. Bella, in her usual Bella-way, had not been too bothered, but Tiny made me promise never to let her walk to town in weather like that again. It was an easy promise to make, because I had already made it to myself.

I smiled a little sadly at the croissants. Bella was so fucking good to me, and I needed to up my game. Even at my best I would never be good enough for her. I just had to hope that she would want me anyway. She had also made coffee, and I downed two mugs and ate a couple of croissants as I contemplated the fucked up start my day had gotten. After rinsing off my plate and mug, I went to shower.

Bella was on my mind as I stripped off the clothes I had slept in and let the hot water wake me up completely. It was not the first time Bella was in my thoughts in my shower, nor was it the first time my hand drifted to my cock for some much needed relief while my imagination ran amok with images of anything and everything it could conjure up about her. It was heaven and hell to be around Bella, though only hell because of the torture it sometimes was not to be able to just give her a simple kiss. I fucking knew how perfect the feeling of her lips against my own was, not to mention the feel of her body pressed against mine. Those thoughts were hell. And heaven.

Those thoughts spurred me to whack off in the shower, imagining and remembering our much too brief encounter in front of the bar the very first night. I stroked myself while thinking about how her jean-clad pussy had felt against my hand, how her body had melted against mine, and how she had felt on top of me the other day on the kitchen floor. And as something new, the way she had felt pressed against me last night.

I groaned, and the back of my head made contact with the wall as I steadied myself, nearing release and at the same time fighting back my guilty conscience. Here I was whacking off to thoughts about Bella when I'd made her walk in the rain, getting cold and possibly sick. I cursed, and not just because of the orgasm that left me breathless.

When I drove to town half an hour later, the rain was still coming down heavily, drumming against the roof of the car. I attempted to drown out the sound with my iPod, but couldn't find any music that suited my weird mood before pulling to a stop in front of the deserted coffee shop and sprinting inside. I got a couple of cappuccinos for Bella and Tiny, as well as some of their sandwiches and two brownies for them to have for lunch. I had a lot of making up to do.

Tiny glared at me as soon as I entered the boutique. She was busy with a customer, and Bella was tagging some clothes at a table near the back of the boutique. She smiled at me when she looked up and saw me. Fucking smiled.

I quickly made my way over to her, put the cappuccinos and lunch down and pulled her into a hug. "I'm fucking sorry that I slept so late this morning," I breathed into her hair. It smelled wrong, and it dawned on me that it was because she had used Tiny's shampoo when she had showered after arriving there, wet and cold.

Bella just laughed and hugged me back without even tensing up. "Edward, don't be silly. I'm not expecting you to chauffeur me around all the time. It was no trouble walking, though I may need to invest in a raincoat as it turns out that umbrellas are a bit too unreliable."

"I am going to chauffeur you around, at least when I need the car during the day. And if I don't, you can drive it in here yourself," I said. "There's no reason for you to get fucking sick. And since you're so stubborn, I'll be setting my alarm from now on."

"Edward." She sounded exasperated as she sighed. "I'm fine. And I will be fine walking to and from work. If I had needed a ride, I would have woken you up, but I saw no reason to when I have two legs in perfect working order."

"Bella, please," I begged.

More customers arriving put a stop to our conversation as Bella needed to go do the job she was hired to do. I sighed and told her I'd put the lunch I had brought for her and Tiny in the back room, and that I would pick her up after work.

She gave me a beautiful smile and thanked me before going to tend to the customers. I waved at Tiny on my way out, but she just glared at me again. Great. For all I knew, she'd be cutting off the cobbler. And it wasn't even like I could argue.

I picked up Rose from next door and listened to her bitch all the way up to our parents' house about how Emmett had kidnapped her car and was now fixing it for free. Oh, the horror. I might not have been too sympathetic, as I could think of worse things than someone fixing my broken car for free.

Jasper was already there when Rose and I arrived. He had taken the paint splattering to an extreme today. He had blue paint all over his clothes, on his arms, and even on his face. I shook my head as Rose started berating him about not cleaning himself.

I greeted my mom, who was setting the table for lunch and asked if I could help with anything. She shooed me off, telling me that the farther away from the kitchen I was, the safer we all were.

My dad was dozing on the couch in the living room, but opened his eyes and smiled when I came in followed by Jasper, who had gotten the same message as me. He was only marginally better than me at cooking.

"Hey, Dad," I said. "How're you doing?"

"Hello, boys," he greeted us, sitting up a little on the couch. "I'm fine. I had just forgotten how boring doing nothing is. Your mother won't even let me read a medical journal, and daytime TV is not really my thing."

Who could blame the guy? Daytime TV made me fucking shudder, too.

Lunch was pleasant enough, if not a little awkward, as it was obvious that this intervention thing had not been mentioned yet to my dad. I almost felt bad about the way we were going to ambush him, although he was a doctor, so he should have known these things without anyone pointing them out to him. I glanced over at him a few times, and he looked like he was deep in thought, picking at his food and frowning every so often.

After we had eaten we looked at each other, nobody wanting to broach the topic first. Finally Rose sighed loudly, a sigh that said more than the worst insults ever could. "Dad, we have to talk to you about something," she started.

"Okay," he said carefully. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes," she replied before continuing with her usual lack of tact. "You have to stop working so much."

Jasper groaned and slapped his palm against his forehead.

"What?" Rose huffed. "It's not like any of you pussies were eager to say anything."

"What Rose meant is that we are worried about you, dear," my mom said, trying to smooth things out a little and ignoring Rose and Jasper, who had started one of their twintastic things.

"Could you fucking shut up or leave?" I hissed at them, and they thankfully simmered down to an occasional glare at each other.

"You must know this, too," my mom continued. "You have been working far too much for too long, and Doctor Dunne said that it was likely stress that caused your heart attack. Carlisle, I'm going to be completely selfish and beg you to cut down on your hours. I want you around for many years to come." A tear rolled down her cheek, and Rose reached over to squeeze her hand.

"You could pick up a cool hobby," Jasper suggested helpfully.

I looked over at my dad, who didn't look like he liked our ambush. He was pale, and his hand resting on top of the table was clenched into a fist while he looked like he was trying to hold some sort of tirade in.

"Dad, we're only saying this because we love you and like having you around," I said, trying to make him see that we just wanted what was best for him. My mom smiled gratefully at me, but Dad still didn't look convinced.

"I…" he finally said tersely.

"You could at least try," Rose interrupted. "That's what you used to say to us when we were kids and didn't want to go to the dentist or taste broccoli or whatever. You always insisted we at least tried."

"Yes, honey, but…" he said.

"I know! You could collect stamps," Jasper exclaimed. "The National Postal Museum is at The Smithsonian. We should totally take a trip to DC when you're better. They've got exhibitions with stamps."

"Jazz," Rose hissed and smacked the back of his head the way she and Tiny always did with Emmett. I almost laughed.

"Please, Carlisle?" my mom begged softly.

"I…" He took a deep breath, wincing and closing his eyes for a moment. "I'll do anything you ask me to as long as one of you will drive me down to the hospital right now. Something's wrong."

My mom gasped, and I stood up so abruptly that my chair flew back and fell over.

"Should we call an ambulance?" Rose asked, but my dad shook his head.

"All right. Come on, Dad," I said, helping him up from the chair. He nearly doubled over in pain, and I wondered if Rose hadn't been on to something with the ambulance. He slowly stood up, though, and leaned on me as we slowly walked out of the house.

I helped him into the passenger seat, and my mom came running with his coat and her own, flinging herself into the backseat. Rose was locking up the front door as Jasper started his car and waited for her.

My mom fretted the whole way down to Evonside, and while I wanted to fire off my own questions and apologies for not realizing that he was in fucking pain, I figured that he had enough to deal with as it was. He barely even answered my mom's questions, just nodded or shook his head tersely.

It appeared that you couldn't just throw your car right at the ER entrance without a welcoming party. Several security guards came running and started yelling at me to move my car, but I just ignored them, exiting the car and going around to help my dad out. As soon as they saw him, they fucking shut up, and one of them ran inside to get a doctor. My mom went with them as they took my dad away, and I found it best to move my car. When I had done that, Rose and Jasper had arrived, and we went into the hospital together.

It became another waiting game, only this time there was no Bella to cling to. I considered calling her, but decided to be a big boy and let her do her job. I was pacing the waiting room again, and this time Rose joined me, also without the security blanket that was Emmett. It was just the three of us as my mom had been allowed to stay with Dad.

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" Rose asked me quietly. Jasper was sitting in a chair, and he looked up at us when he heard her speak.

I drew Rose in for a hug and looked at Jasper over her shoulder as I mentally went back to medical school. "I think so, yeah. He didn't grab his chest or anything, so it probably wasn't another heart attack. It could be an infection or something."

"I concur with your diagnosis, Doctor Cullen," a voice said from behind me. I let go of Rose and turned around to see Doctor Dunne standing there. He smiled at us before walking further into the room. "You should have finished medical school, Edward."

I grimaced. "Yeah, maybe. So an infection?"

Doctor Dunne nodded. "Yes. There's nothing to worry about. I've given him antibiotics and will be keeping him here a day or two just as a precaution, but really, he's fine."

"Thanks, doc," I said with a relieved smile, chuckling as Rose attacked Jasper with a hug.

"You can go see him if you want. He's down in Three-twelve."

Doctor Dunne left, and we walked down the hallway to find the right room. Dad already looked better than before and managed a tired smile when he saw us.

"Okay, you can quit it with the shocks now, Daddy," Rose said as she rushed to hug him.

"I'll try," he said with an indulgent smile. "And I promise to cut back on work. I like being around, too."

A collective sigh erupted from us, and it was fucking freeing when we all laughed. He insisted that we all went home. He was tired and fighting to keep his eyes open, so we said a quick goodbye and left him to rest.

Out in the hallway my mom stopped. "I'm not going home," she said. "I'll go get a cup of coffee and then go back when he's asleep. I just can't leave him…I'll be fine here tonight. I've got good connections, so I'll get a cot brought in or something."

"Are you sure?" Jasper asked.

She nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

We all nodded and hugged her before leaving the hospital. I took Rose home as it was almost time to pick up Bella from the boutique anyway. It felt like a fucking century since I had stopped by with lunch earlier.

The boutique was empty of customers when I arrived, and there were just a few minutes left till closing time, so I went inside. I couldn't see Bella, but I did see Tiny who glared at me again when she saw me. She looked fucking annoyed when I just smiled tiredly at her.

"I get it, Tiny," I said to her, watching her hang up a blue dress. "You're mad at me, and I deserve it. But I'm going to make it up to her, so you can cool it with the glares."

Tiny sighed. "I know you didn't oversleep on purpose, but she just looked so miserable, all wet and cold. She's my best friend, you know."

I chuckled. "I thought that was Rose."

"Rose is my best friend too, at least when she's not being a total bitch," she replied seriously. "Emmett is also my best friend when he's not emptying out my fridge or talking with his mouth full. And you're my best friend when you're not letting Bella walk all the way in here in the rain."

"Never again," I vowed. "But no Jasper?"

"No Jasper," she confirmed. "He's too boring to be my best friend."

"Why is it that you think Jasper is boring exactly?" I asked curiously. I had heard her say it before, but boring was never an adjective I had associated with my brother.

"Oh, come on. Vacuum museums and feeding a tame bear, you think that's interesting?" Tiny huffed.

"No, not particularly," I admitted. "But in his defense, I've never met anyone who has traveled more or had more spectacular experiences than him. Maybe after seeing most of the world he thinks Oregon is the coolest place of them all. Is that necessarily such a bad thing?"

"He has traveled the world?" Tiny asked.

I nodded. "Name it and he's done it. He's run a marathon on The Great Wall of China, bungee jumped at Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, scuba dived at the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, explored the pyramids in Egypt, danced fucking naked at Stonehenge or whatever. He's been everywhere doing just about everything. Including a vacuum museum in Oregon."

"Wow, I had no idea," Tiny mumbled. "But why is he still boring, then?"

I laughed. "I give up. I've defended him enough today. Where's Bella?"

"She just ran over to the post office before they closed with a few orders to be sent out," Tiny replied. "She should be back any minute."

Tiny was right. Bella entered the boutique not twenty seconds later with a troubled look on her face, although she smiled when she looked up and saw me. God, she was fucking beautiful.

"Hi, Edward," she said, back to looking troubled. "Clear up a mystery for me?"

"Mysteries are my forte," I said with a grin.

"The lady at the post office, you know the gray-haired one with the colorful scarves who gossips like it was an Olympic discipline? She said that your dad had been readmitted to the hospital. Is that true?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I was up there for lunch, and he suddenly started feeling bad, so I drove him down to the hospital. It's just an infection, though, should be cleared right up with some antibiotics."

Bella surprised me with a fierce hug. "You should go back to the hospital then," she said. "I'll just walk-"

"Absolutely not," I interrupted. "You've done enough walking today. And besides, he sent us home. Even Mom, but she didn't listen and was going to sneak back in after he fell asleep. "He's okay. They're only keeping him as a precaution until they're sure the antibiotics are working."

Once I had convinced Bella and Tiny that Dad was going to be okay, Tiny locked up the boutique, and we said goodbye to her before she disappeared up the stairs on the side of the building. Bella and I made a trip to the grocery store before driving home. I tried to talk her into picking up a pizza for dinner so she wouldn't have to cook, but she was adamant about trying a new recipe Tiny had given her. I gave in, but only after getting her to admit her favorite ice cream flavor and then getting four tubs of it. Spoiling Bella was hard work, and making something up to her was even harder.

Bella made her salmon and pasta dish while I put away the groceries and went out to get some firewood. It was a cold evening, and I lit up the fireplace. It wasn't cold inside, but I still felt chilled to the bone and could only imagine how Bella was doing after her cold morning. Luckily, she had told me on the way home that she had slept like a baby all night which pleased me to no end.

Dinner was fucking fantastic, and I secretly hoped that Tiny would give Bella some more recipes to try out. I insisted on cleaning up afterward, figuring that I couldn't make too much of a mess of such a simple task.

Bella had curled up on the couch, staring into the fire. The room was mostly dark, save for the fire and a few tea light candles on the coffee table. The flickering shadows, along with the glow from the flames reflected in Bella's hair, made me wish that I was an artist like Jasper and could draw her. She was so fucking beautiful it almost hurt to look at her.

I threw myself on the couch next to her, startling her a little, but she was soon smiling again. I was exhausted from worrying for most of the day, first about Bella and then about my dad. My thoughts were just about to go off on another tangent about my dad when Bella snuggled up to me, smiling shyly at me with a faint blush covering her cheeks.

"Is this okay?" she asked.

"It's fucking perfect, beautiful," I replied as I put my arm around her, drawing her closer. She rested her head on my chest as she continued to look into the fire, and I buried my nose in her hair. It still smelled wrong, but not as much as earlier. She was just like a piece of fucking heaven right there in my arms, her warmth warming me more than the fire in the fireplace.

"Do you have an idea for your next book?" Bella asked softly after a while. The silence had been comfortable, but the sound of her voice was even better.

"Not yet," I said. "I usually have a new idea lined up even before I finish the writing process, but not this time."

"What about the ancient Rome one?"

"I'm not sure I'm brave enough for that one," I admitted. "I have no idea where to start."

"I could help you with the research if you wanted," she offered, tilting her head and looking up at me. "If you have a detailed idea, then the research won't be as much work as you might think."

"It's tempting," I allowed. "Are you sure you wouldn't mind? I mean, you could just point me in the right direction or something. Or just tell me where to search. I'm sure I could do most of it myself…at least I think so. I don't really know how to use the databases, bu-"

"I don't mind at all," she interrupted my rambling and sent me a smile. "It will be fun. We could learn a lot from each other."

"Thank you, beautiful," I said. I was pretty sure that I would never touch the ancient Rome idea with a ten foot pole if it wasn't for her. But I wanted to be as brave as she was every single day, dealing with a past that I knew very little about, but could see haunted her a lot.

We sat in comfortable silence a while longer until Bella started yawning. She smiled sheepishly and said goodnight. As much as I wanted to sleep next to her, I hoped her sleep would be free of nightmares. Grabbing a notebook, I returned to the couch where I stayed up writing down ideas for half the night. Just after three AM the book was almost full of notes, crappy sketches, and crossed out words. I was yawning to a point where I nearly dislocated my jaw.

The fire had long died out, and I checked the doors before pausing outside Bella's door. I couldn't hear anything, so I hoped she slept peacefully. I stumbled to bed, only just remembering to set the alarm on my phone before passing out and dreaming of gladiator fights and senate debates in ancient Rome.

I was impersonating the living dead the next morning when I dragged my sorry ass into the kitchen after showering and dressing. Bella was all beautiful smiles as usual, and with a dose of them and a mug of coffee, I slowly woke up while I ate my eggs and bacon. I asked her if she had had any nightmares. She admitted that she had been up since four AM, but claimed that she had gotten enough sleep. I still thought it fucking sucked.

I drove toward the hospital after dropping Bella off at Tiny's. She had insisted, again, that she would be fine walking, but there was no way I would let that happen. I would have to find a way to convince her to take the car when I didn't need to use it myself, and when I did need it, I would drop her off and pick her up. I was more stubborn than her, and I intended to prove it to her.

Arriving at the hospital, I parked and made my way to my dad's room, nodding at the familiar faces on my way. It was a little strange not to be heading for his office as usual. I had never liked visiting him there, but at least he had been okay. Now I wished he was in his office instead of being a patient.

My dad was relaxing when I entered his private room, something that I could barely remember ever seeing him doing before. It was a pretty fucking foreign concept for him.

"Hey, Dad," I greeted him. "How are you doing?"

He looked a little startled as if he had been deep in thought. "Hello, son," he said and smiled. "I'm good. There isn't anything wrong with me that a few antibiotics can't take care of. You just missed your mother being kidnapped by your sister by the way. It was quite entertaining."

I chuckled, sitting down on the chair next to the bed, taking a moment to look at him. He looked a hell of a lot better than the night before, that much was certain. "Watching the Cullen women battle it out is always entertaining. I'm just surprised that Rose won," I said.

"Well, she did bring reinforcements. That dimpled giant of hers just had to smile at your mother, and then she was suddenly all for being kidnapped. If he had eyes for anyone else than Rose, I would be worried about getting replaced," he said, the smile fading as he continued. "Tell me honestly, is he good enough for my little girl?"

I snorted. "The real question is whether or not your little girl is good enough for him. Emmett is loyal to her even when she doesn't deserve it and puts up with every insult she hurls at him."

"Being thick-skinned is a necessity if you want to be around Rose," he said and nodded thoughtfully. He then studied me carefully. "How are you doing, Edward? I heard you all loud and clear last night despite the circumstances, and I'll admit that I've been so caught up in my work that I have neglected my family. I honestly don't know how you are, how any of you are, and I've never been more embarrassed in my life."

I didn't even try to argue because he was right. He had fucking worked too much, so much in fact that his body had given him the wake-up call of a lifetime by trying to end him. But I wasn't going to hold it against him because I knew how easy it was to get caught up in something you were passionate about, and at least now he knew and would change whatever needed to be changed.

"I'm good, Dad," I said instead. "I have a new book coming out soon, and my previous ones are all still doing great."

"And your girlfriend, Bella is it? She makes you happy?"

I smiled wryly. "She's not my girlfriend, but yes, she does make me happy."

My dad frowned, prompting me to elaborate. "She's… well, she's fucking amazing, and I'm definitely falling for her, but there's some crap in her past that is forcing us to take things slow. And that's okay because she's worth it. And whatever it is that's haunting her…it just doesn't matter. She's perfect."

My dad smiled. "I'm glad that's the way you're looking at it. It will be worth it in the end," he said with certainty. "Your mother seems to like her, not to mention the fact that she's keeping you from attempting to cook again."

I rolled my eyes as he chuckled at his own words. "Of course Mom likes her. There's nothing to dislike – even Rose has found that out by now."

He chuckled again. "So you are waiting for your girl to come to terms with her past, and Rose has someone waiting for her to wise up. What about Jasper?"

Great, I was gossiping with my dad like we were teenage girls. Thank God Rose wasn't there to hear. Or Jasper. "He's busy avoiding Tiny, who still occasionally feels like demonstrating her ball crushing ways using him as a prop."

We laughed together at Jasper's expense, and I spent a long time with my dad that day, really talking for the first time since I had dropped out of medical school. It was amazing, and I hadn't realized how much I had missed him.


	16. He Chases Away the Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: This story would be a big mess without my beta goddesses, Dinx and nowforruin, and my pre-reading sweetpea, lisamichelle17. Love you!

CHAPTER 16

Bella:

He Chases Away the Nightmares

There were eyes everywhere. Brown eyes looking condescendingly at me while words of disgust hailed down on me. Another pair of brown eyes turned from begging to ice cold in a second, and the fear nearly choked me before the hard and calculating blue eyes targeted me. The familiar, paralyzing terror engulfed me, making valuable seconds tick by before I could scream.

And that was when I woke up – mid-scream, shaking, and sure I was going to lose my mind completely. A sob escaped my raw throat. After that the tears came, clouding my eyes so much that I nearly screamed again when a dark shadow appeared in front of me.

Edward.

He didn't say anything, just crawled into bed next to me, engulfing me in his embrace and whispering soothing words so softly that I couldn't decipher them. But it didn't matter. The tears stilled and the fear faded as I found serenity in his arms. Before long, I fell back asleep as if the nightmare hadn't happened at all.

It was light out when I woke up the next morning. I didn't know what time it was, but it was definitely later than the time I usually woke up. Luckily it was Saturday, and Alice's boutique was closed on the weekends during the off season, although she did open it up on her own if anyone called ahead.

My body was pressed against Edward's, and I couldn't think of one single reason to move away from him or get out of bed. My face was partially buried in the crook of his neck, and my arm was slung around his torso. His arm hugged me close to him with the hand splayed out on the small of my back. I was toasty warm, I felt safe, and if he had been awake and asking me questions that I normally wouldn't answer, I would have spilled every single little detail about my life. It was a perfect moment.

Edward was kind of perfect, too; at least he seemed to be perfect for me. It broke my heart that I wasn't perfect for him. He might have had the false impression that I was, but I knew if he ever learned my secrets, his opinion of me would change pretty quickly. And just like that, I had managed to single-handedly ruin my perfect moment. Sometimes I really hated myself.

I stayed completely still, trying to enjoy the moment as much as possible. After a while, Edward shifted and groaned softly, burying his face in my hair as he hugged me even closer. The hard planes of his body were pressed against me, and I felt everything – even his very defined morning erection pressed against my stomach. I waited for the panic to set in, taking over and reducing me to its usual prisoner.

It never happened.

I nearly cried in relief. The panic had been my constant companion, and I had tried to suppress it since my life went to hell. I hadn't done a very good job of succeeding, especially not when I was close to other people. Lately though, Edward had been able to hug me without it rearing its ugly head, when even a hug from Alice had me stiffening – even if only for a second. Maybe I was healing, just a little – though, no amount of healing could ever erase what had happened, and it would be the cross I would drag around with me forever.

Edward shifted again, mumbling something into my hair. I giggled softly, which made him mumble again. Finally he pulled his head back and looked down at me with sleepy eyes. "Morning, beautiful," he said hoarsely.

"Good morning. Thanks for coming to my rescue again."

He smiled at me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I just…sometimes I almost miss sleeping outside, because I was so much on guard that I rarely slept deeply enough for the nightmares to come."

He groaned. "Shit, don't even say that. I hate the thought of you having to do that."

I sighed and closed my eyes. I hadn't liked having to sleep outside either, and sometimes my fear of the nighttime sounds had scared me as much as my nightmares had. But not always. "Your presence makes me feel safe," I admitted softly. "You keep away the nightmares."

I opened my eyes again to see him smile down at me. "Good. At least I'm good for something," he said. He kissed my forehead and untangled himself from the covers. "Just call me The Nightmare Catcher."

I giggled, getting out of bed, as well.

"No, wait. The Dream Fighter," he corrected himself with a teasing grin.

"Should I find you some tights and make you a cape?" I asked.

"Um, no to the tights," he said. "But a cape would be cool. I always wanted to be a superhero."

He disappeared into his own room to get dressed while contemplating the best name for his new alter ego. I heard him muttering to himself as he went down the hallway and smiled as I showered and dressed.

When I got into the kitchen afterward, Edward was already there, looking like he thought that glaring at the coffee machine would make it have the coffee ready sooner. He grinned when he saw me. "I've got the perfect name now. Are you ready for it?"

I nodded, biting my lip to avoid laughing.

"The Nightmare Warrior," he stated confidently.

I giggled. "Very manly."

We joked and laughed as I made breakfast, but I made sure to thank Edward very seriously again for staying with me the night before.

It rained the entire day. After breakfast, Edward presented me with a synopsis of the mystery set in Ancient Rome he wanted to write, looking at me like a little boy waiting to get scolded while I read through it. It was very thorough, and the idea was excellent, so I spent a couple of hours in front of his laptop helping him target his research properly.

"Why is everything in German?" he complained, reading through a list of antiquity encyclopedias.

"Antiquity is a big history research field in Germany," I replied. "Just ignore the German titles. There are plenty of English ones to cover what you need to know. Besides, you're writing a novel, not a dissertation."

"Accuracy is important," he muttered, pouting a little when he tried to read a title, but failed to pronounce the words properly.

"I wasn't implying that it wasn't," I said. "It's just too easy to get so caught up in the research that the writing comes second, you know?"

He nodded. "I would either have trusted Wikipedia too much or buried myself alive in irrelevant books without your help, Bella. You're a fucking godsend."

"It wasn't God that sent me here," I said with a sigh, ignoring the look he sent me after my slip and changed the subject. "I'm not familiar with the local library, but I doubt they have all the titles you need."

Edward snorted. "They probably don't have any of the titles. If it isn't easily read, it's just not there. The people of Evonside Bay are not the most literary in the world. I'm just going to order them online."

"All of them?" I asked.

"Yeah." He shrugged. "It'll be worth it having them within reach the whole time."

I shook my head at him, but he just grinned. I borrowed his second laptop and started going through the synopsis while I searched for information about what he needed to read up on. Edward sat next to me, looking through the online resources I had shown him. He made a lot of notes, and so did I in case he needed my help later. I loved doing research. I was a complete geek that way, and if he wanted my help, I'd be there with bells on.

Jasper came by for dinner Saturday night. I cooked and listened to Jasper and Edward telling embarrassing childhood stories about each other, but especially about Rose. Edward told Jasper about his new book idea, and Jasper took it upon himself to offer plenty of suggestions for the plot, each more ridiculous than the previous one. I surprised everyone, including myself, by sharing a few stories from my college writing classes.

I recognized the look in Edward's eyes; it was the same intense one as every other time I had shared something, even the tiniest little details, about my past. It made my heart ache.

I said goodnight and retreated to my bedroom with a book from Edward's library just before eleven, giving the brothers time alone time, like they'd had before I had invaded Edward's home. I changed into my sleeping shorts and a tank top and made myself comfortable under the covers. Sitting with my back against the headboard, the book in my lap suddenly wasn't interesting anymore.

I reached for my sketch book on the bedside table and opened it. Flipping through the pages, I smiled at the familiar faces and places. Each and every sketch was of someone or something in Evonside. Like the rest of my life there, it held no evidence of my past before arriving in the small seaside town.

I contemplated that for a little while thinking maybe a sketch from my past among the sketches of my present wouldn't hurt – maybe it would have even done some good. But I didn't know what to draw. Each face that popped up in my mind was followed by the familiar pang of panic. I managed to hold it in, but they were not faces I wanted to look at next to the dear faces of the people who had become my friends. With a sigh, I reached for a pencil. No faces, just a safe sketch of the cliffs down at La Push. A beautiful place filled with bittersweet memories. That had to do for the time being.

When I was satisfied with my sketch, I flipped the page over to a blank one. I tried to do what Jasper had told me the day I had visited his gallery. I emptied my mind and sketched what my soul wanted to share, barely even registering what I was sketching before it was almost complete. I smiled as I looked down at the abandoned boathouse I had spent a few nights in after running away from Edward. It was no luxury cabin, but it hadn't been that bad.

There was a knock on my door, and Edward stuck his head in after I had told him that it was okay to enter. "Time for bed," he told me. He had already changed into a pair of flannel bottoms and an old t-shirt.

I nodded slowly, unable to keep the smile in. "I know. Out of the two of us, you look like you're the one not getting sleep."

He chuckled. "Oh no, I get it. And I get that The Nightmare Warrior will be doing his duty again tonight, but my bed is bigger and a lot more comfortable, so I repeat: time for bed."

I stared at him. "What?"

He chuckled and came over to me, taking the sketch book and pencil away and raising an eyebrow as he looked at my sketch. "Nice," he commented with a smile. "You really do have talent." He put the book away and held out his hand. "Come on."

"Edward, it's really not necessary," I protested, not as brave about admitting my need for him when I wasn't scared out of my mind. "I don't want to ruin your sleep. It's bad enough that I've already done it twice this week. I'll be fine."

"Yes, you will. In my bed," he said, pulling me out of mine and offering me a crooked smile that was simply too adorable for words. "And this is to avoid ruining anyone's sleep, so get a move on, beautiful."

He dragged me along with him out of my room and turned off the light.

"You don't have to do this," I said, following him hesitantly.

"Bella, trust me. I'm a selfish bastard. I don't do things out of the goodness of my heart – I do them because I want to. And I like sleeping with you in my arms, so unless you really find the idea completely revolting, you should just stop objecting. You know I won't force you," he said.

We had stopped in the middle of the hallway, and he looked pointedly down at me. I sighed and smiled. Closing the distance between us, I hugged him. "You're the most amazing man in the world, you know that?"

"Yep," he said, hugging me back and kissing the top of my head. "And I'm also a superhero."

I snuggled down with my own personal superhero in his admittedly bigger and more comfortable bed. Edward turned off the light and pulled me close. "This is nice," he said softly.

I nodded into his chest. "Very nice," I agreed.

I felt him shift, and our lips met in the dark as if on their own. There were many kisses, but they were chaste, slow, and just a few steps above innocent. No more words were spoken out loud, and only the sound of our breathing filled the room.

The kisses stopped as naturally as they had started. Sleep came to me easily as I listened to Edward's breathing, taking in his familiar scent, and feeling his body against my own. I felt safer than I ever had before. I slept all night, never waking once, and the next morning I couldn't even remember dreaming.

Edward drove up to his parents' house the following day for Sunday brunch. He extended the invitation to me, but I declined because I wasn't entirely comfortable with it. I had also made other plans, so Edward dropped me off in town where he picked up his siblings. I made my way to the grocery store where I met up with Alice. Together we filled a cart with food before going back to her place to cook.

We were going to fill up Emmett's freezer with precooked meals, because the poor guy couldn't boil water on his own. He had moaned about the narrow selection of take-out for weeks, and Alice hoped the meals would get him out of her hair once in a while. As she said, sometimes a girl just wanted a salad or a cup of yogurt for dinner without having to listen to someone complaining about the lack of meat.

Alice and I worked as well together in a kitchen as we did down in the boutique. When Emmett showed up for lunch, he entertained us with funny stories until we had made him enough food to last him for a good while. He was beaming like a lit up Christmas tree and would have gotten us the moon if we had asked for it.

After two days of begging, Alice had finally talked Rose and me into another night of girl time that Sunday. Sometimes Alice was so social that it was downright exhausting, but I couldn't deny that it had been fun the last time – even if Rose had been a little hostile toward me back then. Alice also had her own ideas about what girl time included, but she was on her own when she brought out nail polish, The Notebook, and ice cream. Rose and I retreated to the other couch with a bottle of tequila while she pouted and painted her own nails while muttering that we sucked.

"Can we at least play a game?" she asked after Rose and I had taken our first two shots, and her nails were bright red. She held out a shot glass of her own for Rose to fill, temporarily ignoring the ice cream.

"Depends on the game," Rose said, pouring the shot. "We're not in high school, you know."

Alice sighed and downed the shot, wincing a little but not much. "Some sort of game that reveals our sordid sexual past?" she suggested with a grin.

I kept my face passive while Rose snorted. "I'm not sure I trust you with that kind of information. Eddie says Bella-Marie here writes, and I don't trust writers. God knows I've seen myself mirrored in Eddie's characters a few times in the past. And you'd probably tell your stupid brother all my secrets, Alice."

"I wouldn't!" Alice exclaimed. "And Bella wouldn't write about you, isn't that right, Bella?"

I nodded, fighting to keep my laughter in. "My imagination works just fine," I informed Rose. "I can come up with my own characters without borrowing too much from real life."

"I'll even start," Alice offered, holding her shot glass out to be filled up. She downed the shot quickly and held her glass out again. "Except I don't really have a sordid sexual past."

Rose and I laughed as Alice looked a little sheepish. "Okay, another game then? Or a movie?"

"No games," Rose decided. "And I don't like your movie collection. There's nothing but romantic comedies."

We continued talking instead, the topics varying from serious to silly. I didn't contribute with as much as Alice and Rose, but I had always been a little tentative, so that was nothing new. Rose told her version about how her dad was doing, proving that she was a daddy's girl through and through. We argued about movies, Alice with her love of romantic comedies, Rose preferring epic dramas or action movies, and me claiming that movies were a waste of time when you could just read the book instead.

"He's the most infuriating man I've ever met," Rose complained suddenly. "And trust me, I've met a few! I mean, he just sweeps in and takes over, thinking he knows what I need and want. I just want to slap him!"

She looked at Alice and me. We were both staring at her wondering where that had come from; I had even been clueless until Alice had mouthed Emmett to me. "I'm sorry, Alice. I know he's your brother, but he's a giant pain the ass."

Alice looked a little conflicted, apparently not sure whether to agree with Rose or defend Emmett. "Well…" she started, hesitating a little. "At least he's not as boring as your brother. Jasper makes me want to yawn."

"Jasper's not boring," Rose insisted. "He's an internationally known artist who has traveled all over the world and experienced the most amazing things. How does that translate into being boring?"

"Then he should talk about that instead of talking about vacuum museums and cheerleaders," Alice huffed. "And he should also stop going out all splattered in paint. It looks ridiculous."

"Have you seen Emmett's t-shirts?" Rose asked with raised eyebrows. "They always have some rude words on them. The other day it was 'blow me' and last Monday it was 'I donate sperm directly'. I'd take a little paint over that any day."

"I was the one who bought the 'blow me' t-shirt, thank you very much," Alice stated, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

I was looking on in fascination, wondering when they were going to realize how ridiculous they were being.

"You really shouldn't be encouraging him," Rose lectured. "The man is rude enough on his own, he doesn't need your help. He swears like a sailor."

"So does Jasper!" Alice claimed.

Rose smirked. "At least Jasper doesn't eat like an untrained dog. Watching Emmett shovel in food and speak with his mouth full makes me lose my appetite."

"So he's a little eager…" Alice winced. "Yeah, okay. He is pretty disgusting when he eats. He's always been like that, and he's always eaten a lot. My mom used to lock the refrigerator, but he just learned to pick locks."

"Jasper used to eat the piece of pie my mom always left out for my dad when he came home late from work," Rose said. "And then he'd blame it on Edward. It even worked until he showed up with blueberry filling down his shirt."

"Oh my God, I have to tell Em constantly to wipe his mouth when he eats because he's got food all over his face. At least Jasper isn't like that," Alice said.

I bit my lip to keep the laughter at bay. I wished I had recorded their talk so Emmett and Jasper could get a good laugh at their sisters' expense.

"Another good thing about Jasper is his Harley. It's so hot," Alice continued. "Em's big ass Jeep is just ridiculous. I can't even get into the damn thing on my own when I'm wearing a skirt, and Em just tosses me in like a rag doll if he has to help me."

"Jasper isn't exactly the gentleman our mom raised him as. I mean, he can be, but he usually isn't." Rose sighed wistfully. "It's kinda nice when Emmett opens the door for me or holds out my chair."

"Jasper does that, too!" Alice insisted.

"Emmett sometimes comes by and helps me with the early morning deliveries before he goes to work," Rose said with a little smile and a faraway look in her eyes. "He's actually very sweet."

Alice opened her mouth to speak, but then Rose's words registered, as they did with me, and we both stared at Rose. Apparently she had come to her senses too, because she smiled sheepishly. "I have no idea where that just came from. He's annoying really."

I couldn't hold my laughter in any longer. It came out as a snort, and then I laughed until Alice - and even Rose – joined me.

"Men." Alice giggled. "They make women stupid. Especially brothers."

"And other people's brothers," Rose added with a snort.

"I'd defend your brothers anytime," I said, trying to keep the giggles down. "Whether or not they talk with their mouths full or wear paint splattered clothes, they're still good people."

"Yeah, I guess they are," Rose allowed. "Do you have any terrible brothers, Bella?"

I giggled again as Alice shot daggers at Rose. Everyone had been far too uninterested in me and my past, so I wasn't surprised if there was some kind of consensus not to ask me about it. I had no doubt Edward had been the one to warn them not to ask too many questions. It was sweet…and at the same time it was sad that it was even necessary.

"It's okay, Alice," I said. "No, I don't have any brothers, or sisters for that matter. Seeing you guys kinda makes me a little jealous. When I was a kid I was always very regretful that I wasn't a twin, actually. I had this notion in my head that nothing in the whole world was better than having a twin."

Rose laughed. "Trust me, you didn't miss out on much. As nice as it is to have Jasper around because he just gets me and my moods all the time, it's equally annoying because it's impossible to keep anything private. Actually, with Jasper, it's even worse than usual I imagine, because he's so freakishly good at reading people, and he reads me better than anyone else."

Rose regaled us with stories about some of the times Jasper and Edward had embarrassed her, messed with her, and saved her ass while growing up. She had us laughing so hard that Alice almost choked on her drink when she told about how first and second graders, Jasper and Edward, crawled down a sewage pipe with a pizza and a couple of their mom's scarves to play Ninja Turtles, only to get stuck down there and bawl their eyes out until their dad rescued them.

"Hey, we should totally go up to Seattle for a shopping trip sometime, perhaps a weekend?" Alice said excitedly, though rather randomly, to which Rose nodded enthusiastically.

Alice and Rose's excited voices as they made plans faded to a dull roar in my ears as the panic took over control of my body. There was no way I could go to Seattle. I could feel the memories resurfacing dangerously just thinking about it. Seattle used to be my home, but now even the name made me want to run and hide.

"Bella-Marie?"

"Bella!"

"Bella, for God's sake! You look like someone put you in a trance. Are you okay?" Rose asked.

I shook myself out of it, hiding my shaking hands. I knew I was being ridiculous, but my fear was irrational, and I couldn't for the life of me control it. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Hey, it's okay," Alice said soothingly and took my hand. "What happened? What did we say?"

"Nothing really." I sighed, finally past my tiny anxiety attack and not really knowing what to say. "I just…I just freaked when you mentioned us going to Seattle. I can't go back there."

"Oh," Alice said. "Well, we can just go somewhere else. Like Portland maybe?"

"No, you should go to Seattle," I protested. "I don't want to ruin your trip."

"The point was all three of us going," Alice argued. "Angela can handle the boutique on her own, and we get a whole weekend of shopping and…well, whatever we want."

"Drinking," Rose said and sighed. "I'm sick of drinking in my own bar."

"Alright, shopping and drinking," Alice said with a determined nod. "Please, Bella? You have to come. We'll have so much fun!"

"Besides," Rose said slowly, smiling slyly. "You simply cannot miss a visit to the city that is the home of the one and only visited-by-Jasper-Cullen vacuum museum!"

Alice snorted, and I laughed.

"Please?" Alice begged, kneeling on the couch and folding her hands while giving me her best puppy eyes that she knew would win me over.

I nodded reluctantly, not sure it was the best idea, but unable to resist the begging.

"Yay!" she squealed, launching herself at me with a tight hug, almost making us both fall off the couch. Rose laughed at us, but squealed when Alice launched herself at her, too.

"Get off me, you little gnome," Rose said, giggling.

We made some plans for the following weekend in Portland, although it was difficult to agree on much since we had very different ideas as to what the weekend should be spent on.

"Okay, I'll probably regret asking this," Rose said, once again quite randomly, a while later. "But what's the deal with you and Eddie, Bella-Marie? He's being so tightlipped about the whole thing that you'd think it was about national security or something."

"Yay, gossip!" Alice giggled, looking at me expectantly.

"Um…" I said, biting the inside of my cheek. "I'm not sure that there is a deal at all."

"Oh, come on," Rose complained. "Anyone with eyes can see the way you two look at each other. There's definitely something."

I sighed. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you that you have an amazing brother, Rose. And someone that amazing deserves a lot more than I can offer him."

"Who's to say what anyone deserves?" Rose shrugged. "I can see that you make him happy, and that seems a lot more important."

I half-smiled, but didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say anyway. Instead, I launched a counterattack. "What's with you and Emmett? Are you ever going to be nice to him?"

Rose snorted. "Nothing and no, easy as that."

"There must be something wrong with Evonside," Alice complained. "Or at least the guys in Evonside. I was expecting to find the love of my life here, but the only one who has even asked me out is stupid Tyler, and I'm definitely not going back to him. I dated him briefly in high school, and he was as terrible then as he is now."

"There's a shortage on a lot of things in Evonside," Rose said and sighed. "Except alcohol."

"Cheers to that," Alice said, raising her shot glass.

I raised my glass, but couldn't really find it in me to agree. Evonside seemed to have just about everything I needed.


	17. She Is Mine in a Moment Like This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: A million times thank you to super-betas and loveable darlings, Dinx and nowforruin, and to sweet-pea pre-reader and Love Day co-founder, lisamichelle17.

CHAPTER 17

Edward:

She Is Mine in a Moment like This

"Dude, stop cheating!" Emmett whined as he threw down his cards on the table, glaring at Jasper. He had thrown a snickering Tyler out an hour before because he kept winning, and it looked like he was ready to do the same to Jasper. Emmett was really bad at poker. And a very sore loser.

"No one's cheating," Jasper told him.

"You're all cheating," Emmett insisted. "Except maybe Eddie."

Jasper shook his head, laughing. "Nah, he's just almost as bad as you at playing poker."

I knew I was no card shark and that agreeing to a poker night with the guys meant losing money. But I usually ended up having a great time, and tonight was no exception, even with Emmett's entertaining kindergarten fits. Tyler had won every game until Emmett had sent him on his way. After that, Jasper, and occasionally Seth, had been winning. I had managed to win one fucking game, and that was enough to save my night.

"Well, I'm not playing anymore," Emmett stated. "And you just see if I ever invite you over to steal my money again."

"You will," I said, patting him on the back. "In a week you'll have forgotten about how much you suck at playing poker and invite us all over again. That's what usually happens, you know."

"You may not cheat, Eddie, but you still suck," Emmett informed me.

Seth bowed out for the night, and Jasper and I helped Emmett clean up. It only took a few minutes for Emmett's good mood to return. He dug out a bottle of whiskey and raised his eyebrows at us. "It's not your bedtime already, is it?"

Jasper grinned. "Not if there's whiskey."

"So, what do you think the girls are doing?" Emmett asked with a faraway look in his eyes that I did not want to know the source of.

"Oh Christ, Em," Jasper complained. "Can you not go five minutes without thinking about Rose?"

"It's fucking difficult," Emmett admitted with a grin.

I snorted, which turned out to be a fucking bad idea as my traitorous brother turned on me. "Like you're much better when it comes to Bella," he accused with a grin. "And now that we're on the topic, what the hell is up with you? All your life you've been a loner, craving solitude, and preferring your own company most of the time. Now you're clinging to Bella like she's your only chance to breathe."

I shrugged. I didn't really understand it myself. "All my life, people in too large doses have been annoying the fuck out of me, and I don't know why, but it's just different with Bella. Even when I write, her presence just fuels my flow. I can't explain it."

"You know, you're really stupid for an internationally known author," Emmett told me.

I chuckled. "Thanks, Em, I love you, too."

"Of course you do. Everyone loves me. Except Rosie," he said, sighing and draining his glass.

"I think what Emmett is trying to say is that you're too stupid to see what's right in front of you," Jasper said. "You're in love with the girl."

"Since when did you become Doctor Love?" I asked while my mind attempted to process what my brother had just said. Was I in love with Bella? Was that really why I craved her company the way I used to crave being alone?

Fuck me…

"Having two eyes and using them isn't being Doctor Love," Jasper argued.

"I don't think I'd mind being Doctor Luuurve," Emmett pondered. "Maybe then I'd find a way to get Rosie to like me. I don't get it. I'm a likeable guy, aren't I?"

He and Jasper continued talking, but I tuned them out as I thought about whether or not I was in love with Bella. How was I even supposed to fucking know? I had never been in love before. Sure, spending time with her was as natural as breathing, and I had long ago promised myself that even if it was the last thing I ever did I would get her to tear down all her walls and let me in. She had these crazy ideas that telling me what was haunting her would make me hate her. It was fucking blasphemy. I could never hate her.

"Hey, I was thinking that we should cook Monday night dinner tomorrow and show the girls how it's done, so they don't think they're the only ones who can cook," Jasper said, breaking me from my thoughts. I didn't mind; they were giving me a headache. Besides, if the answer wasn't obvious in my head, was it really love?

"Um, Jazz?" I said, trying not to laugh. "They are the only ones who can cook."

"So you can't cook," Jasper huffed. "Me and Em will cook. Right, Em?"

Emmett chuckled. "I can't cook either. Ali and Bella just spent most of the day filling my freezer with meals like Ali and Mrs. C did for Eddie before he got a live-in cook."

"And you can't really cook either, Jazz," I added. "Remember the meatloaf disaster? Or the lasagna tragedy? Or even better – the barbecue fire?"

"Hey, it's not my fault that Rose thought it was a good idea to throw alcohol at the barbecue! And honestly, why the fuck do you guys get your freezers filled with food when I don't?"

"Because we're just special," Emmett stated, straight-faced. "And because Ali likes us better than she likes you."

"Well, that's just fantastic," Jasper muttered. "But I still think we should cook dinner tomorrow night. How hard can it be?"

Those last words would come to haunt Jasper in the worst possible way less than twenty-four hours later. He marched down to Tiny's boutique Monday morning and announced that he and Emmett, and possibly me, would be in charge of the dinner that night. Tiny might have been in shock, but she offered the use of her kitchen as long as I promised not to cook anything; she didn't want her building burned down. She even called and made me promise solemnly that I would not cook. I was only allowed to maybe make a salad and set the table. I could also watch, but she preferred if I didn't offer Jasper and Emmett any advice.

Jasper was the mastermind behind it all, and he had Emmett and me meet him at Tiny's at three in the afternoon. That would give us three hours before any of the girls showed up.

At two, he called frantically, having forgotten that we would need groceries, and had us meet at the grocery store as soon as possible. I laughed to myself as I drove into town. My brother had no idea what he was getting himself into.

If I had thought Tiny had been exaggerating about Emmett's grocery shopping escapades, I certainly didn't think so anymore. Having him tag along was much worse than one of those hysterical kids I sometimes saw wailing and screaming in the aisles. He threw stuff into the cart so fast that Jasper made him get his own. It didn't take him long to fill it with the strangest things. It was no fucking wonder that Tiny did his shopping for him. At one point I even saw him throw a box of tampons into the cart. I thought it best not to ask.

Jasper marched through the store with a list in his hand. I was surprised that he didn't have a clipboard with the way he was carrying on. He didn't falter once as he picked out the items on his list, and it was entirely possible that he had missed his true calling as a housewife – except I knew for a fact that he couldn't cook, rarely cleaned, and ruined all his white t-shirts by washing them with dark colors.

Emmett took his mountain of groceries home while Jasper and I made our way to Tiny's apartment. I went into the boutique to get the key and a glimpse of the most beautiful girl I knew. Once again I had to promise Tiny that I wouldn't attempt to cook in her precious kitchen, which I did happily. It was bound to end in disaster, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I was just going to sit back, possibly set the table if I was feeling generous, and then make as much fun of them as they did of me after my little kitchen incident.

Emmett joined us soon enough, and I perched myself on a stool at the breakfast bar, ready to watch the drama unfold.

Jasper had decided on a simple menu consisting of steaks, potatoes, vegetables, and gravy, with Esme Cullen's famous chocolate mousse cake for dessert. If he messed it up, I was going to kill him, because anything but perfection was not allowed when it came to my mom's chocolate mousse cake.

First they bickered about who should do what. Emmett claimed that he didn't know how to clean vegetables, and Jasper insisted that it was the easiest part of the whole dinner making process. Then they stumbled around like dogs chasing their own tails trying to figure out how Tiny's cupboards were organized. It was hilarious to watch and so far from the fluent way Bella, Tiny, or my mom moved around the kitchen.

Jasper poured the egg whites from the carton into a bowl and instructed Emmett to beat them while he took on the project of melting the chocolate himself. Emmett had obviously never beaten egg whites before as a great portion of them ended up on the wall, himself, and pretty much everything else in close proximity.

"Fucking hell, Em!" Jasper groaned. "Could you keep it in the bowl, please?"

"Apparently not. And I can't keep it in my pants either," Emmett said and guffawed.

Jasper started cleaning the egg whites off the wall, forgetting the chocolate until it started to smell pretty fucking bad. "Fuck!" he yelped, abandoning the wall. He had to throw out the burned chocolate and start over. Fortunately, he had anticipated failure and bought enough for a second try.

"Can you peel the potatoes instead, Emmett?" he asked. "I'll make the cake myself."

"Why can't Eddie do that? It doesn't involve actual cooking," Emmett argued. "I'd much rather cook the steaks. Or taste-test the cake."

"Sorry, Em," I said, attempting not to laugh and failing miserably. "I've had to promise Tiny several times today that I would not get involved in your little adventure. I'm only allowed to set the table."

Emmett grumbled but started peeling the potatoes. He was fucking slow and before he was done, Jasper had finished the cake and started cleaning the vegetables. Their bickering and stumbling around continued as Jasper started the steaks and the gravy at the same time. Emmett continued pestering him about taste-testing the cake.

"Em, shut the fuck up or get out of my kitchen!" Jasper finally snapped.

"It's not your kitchen," Emmett protested. "It's my sister's kitchen, so it's actually more my kitchen than yours, meaning that I should totally taste-test the cake."

"Your logic if seriously fucked up," Jasper said with a snort. "Hey, check that recipe for me, will ya? This gravy doesn't actually look like gravy. I don't know what's wrong with it."

Emmett picked up the recipe from the counter, peering at the gravy and wrinkling his nose. "You can taste-test that, and I'll do the cake," he told Jasper. He read through the recipe, and Jasper checked off the items, slapping his forehead when Emmett got to the instructions. Apparently stirring was supposed to be involved when you made gravy.

"Shit," he muttered, looking at the gravy. "How the hell do I salvage this?"

"Need me to call Ali and ask?" Emmett asked.

Jasper glared at him. "No! She'd just think that we can't cook."

"And that would of course be way off base," I said sarcastically, unable not to offer my opinion.

"Shut up, Ed," Jasper said, digging out his phone. "I'll just call Mom."

Emmett bellowed out a loud laugh. "That's even more pathetic than calling Ali, man."

Jasper pocketed his phone with a sigh, glaring at Emmett, the gravy, and me.

I couldn't hold back my laughter for long, so I picked up the plates and cutlery and escaped into Tiny's dining room before I exploded. I could still hear the morons bickering in the kitchen as I set the table.

Suddenly there was a scream – a girly sounding scream that didn't sound like it belonged to any of the males currently in the apartment with me. It did, though. Back in the kitchen I looked on as a dripping wet Emmett held his hand under the cold water while Jasper was on his knees, mopping the floor.

"Um, so how's it going, guys?" I asked.

"I burned my hand," Emmett unnecessarily informed me. "And Jasper threw a bowl of water at me when I screamed."

Jasper snorted from the floor. "Apparently it's a surprise that the steaks on the stove are hot."

"I just wanted a taste," Emmett muttered.

I rolled my eyes and took in the battle scene that was Tiny's kitchen. It looked like a small bomb had exploded, and something smelled really fucking bad, probably the gravy. The floor was covered in flour and potato peelings, there were still traces of egg whites on the wall, and bits of chopped vegetables were spread unevenly all over the place. Plus, Emmett was dripping wet and Jasper had chocolate in his hair.

"Dinner's almost ready, though," Jasper said proudly, running a hand through his chocolate hair, not even realizing that it was there.

"Right." I nodded, wishing I had brought my camera for when Tiny saw the state of her kitchen.

I soon found out. I was putting glasses and napkins on the table when I heard it.

"Jasper Cullen! Emmett McCarty! You pathetic, disgusting, and completely worthless little pieces of no good shit and absolute crap piles! What the hell have you done to my kitchen?"

I managed to hold back my laughter when I saw a very red-faced Tiny scolding the two poster children for shame. Bella and Rose had also arrived, and while my beautiful girl managed to hold the laughter in, too, Rose didn't even waste her breath. She snorted out loud and then laughed her ass off.

Tiny was stewing in her anger all through the meal, only opening her mouth to mutter her lack of appreciation for the overdone steaks, the almost raw vegetables, the mash-imitating potatoes, and the slobber-formerly-known-as-gravy that tasted of ass.

Jasper and Emmett didn't say much either, and I watched with amusement as Rose and Bella did their best to avoid each other's gazes, biting their lips to avoid laughing and grimacing every time they took a bite of the food. It was hands down the most awkward dinner ever.

And then the dessert was served.

Everyone eyed the cake. It didn't look very appetizing, and it was thrown together rather randomly. We all took a small slice, even Emmett who would normally have argued that he was entitled to half the cake all by himself.

Everyone looked down at their plates, sneaking glances around to see who was brave enough to take the first bite. Jasper busied himself by taking a sip of his wine, Emmett was studying his fingernails, and Bella looked like she was two seconds away from bellowing out a laugh to rival Emmett's usual guffaws. Rose had been wiping her mouth with her napkin for the last four minutes, and I hadn't even picked up my spoon yet.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," Tiny muttered and shoveled a spoonful of cake into her mouth. She winced when her lips closed around the bite, but she bravely started chewing. Then her face transformed in the most remarkable way. At first I was sure she was going to fucking vomit all over the table because her eyes widened and she stopped chewing. Then she closed her eyes and moaned.

"Holy fuck," she said in awe after she had swallowed the bite of cake. "I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you guys can come over and ruin my kitchen any damn time you want as long as you also make this cake. It's chocolate, orgasms, heaven, and Manolo Blahnik shoes on sale all rolled into one. Oh man, I think I'm in love."

We all stared at her like she had lost her mind completely. Tiny just ignored us and attacked her piece of cake with fervor. The rest of us looked at each other, shrugged, and followed her example.

And fuck me if she wasn't right. Well, kind of right. While the cake was fucking amazing, it still wasn't as good as my mom's, a fact which Rose also noticed and felt compelled to share with the class. Jasper just smirked at her, and Tiny, Emmett, and Bella stared at her as if they didn't believe her. She just nodded. I backed her up, and Tiny looked like she was going to cry.

"It's not possible," she muttered, taking another bite of cake.

The chocolate mousse cake saved the night, and after a healthy laugh at Jasper and Emmett's expense, we were back in our usual groove.

At one point during the dessert, with conversation flowing freely around me and laughter ringing in my ears, I looked at Bella. Her head was thrown slightly back as she laughed at Jasper telling the story of a thirteen year old Rose, who had stuffed her bra with toilet paper, used her pocket money to buy bright red lipstick, and borrowed Mom's heels, thus resulting in earning herself the nickname Virgin Hooker in school.

Bella's brown eyes were twinkling, curls bouncing a little around her face while she laughed. As she struggled to breathe through her giggles, I couldn't avoid my gaze drifting to her chest, which was draped in soft blue cloth that wasn't nearly as revealing of her curves as the tight tank top she wore at night, yet tantalizing all the same.

I fucking loved the tight tank top and the little scraps of nothing, that she lovingly referred to as shorts, she wore to bed. Thoughts of her sleepwear led to thoughts of the feel of her curves; her hip under my hand, her bare legs against my own, her back against my chest when we fell asleep at night, and her face tucked into the crook of my neck when we woke up in the mornings. I knew her. My girl was beautiful on the inside and on the outside. And she took my breath away.

It was late when we finally said goodnight. On the way home Bella told me about the trip the girls had planned, and I didn't like that shit one bit. I kept quiet, though, as she appeared pretty excited about it. It wasn't until we were back at the house that I finally opened my mouth, doing my best to keep my little-girl anxiety at bay.

"Will you be safe in Portland?" I asked her, placing my arms around her. She melted willingly into my chest, and I buried my face in her silky hair.

"There's no reason why I shouldn't be as safe there as I am here," she said softly into my chest. "The girls wanted to go to Seattle, but I kind of freaked, so they changed the destination to Portland because they wanted me to go, too."

"I don't like the fact that you're going away," I admitted.

"It's only for a weekend."

"And you're coming back?" I had to ask, feeling like a complete girl, but desperately needing to hear her say it.

"Of course I'm coming back," she said, tilting her head back and looking up at me. "I don't think I can leave anymore. Not until you tell me to."

"Not gonna happen, beautiful," I said to her and kissed her forehead. "Not gonna happen."

We went to bed, by now already in an established routine with her sleeping in my bed. I fucking loved my bed these days since I got to hold Bella all night. I would lie awake for hours reveling in the feel of her body spooned against my own, just listening to the sound of her deep, even breathing. She didn't have any nightmares, and I selfishly believed it was because I held her tight all night.

She felt so fucking perfect in my arms, and in the dark our kisses were almost as natural as breathing, safely hidden away from the bright light of day with its consequences and fears. It never got out of hand, even though I wanted the girl more than I wanted to breathe, and the pure pleasure it was to hold her was also fucking divine torture. But I did my best not to pressure her too much, marveling at my own strength, resistance, and patience. Saint Edward was in the house.

Tuesday morning was totally victorious. Not only did we manage to squeeze in ten full minutes of the sweetest kisses before my beautiful girl got out of bed and made me banana pancakes, I also managed to talk her into taking the Volvo into town for work. It was raining, and I didn't plan on leaving the house all day.

My editor had contacted me about some minor changes to my book, and it only took me a day to accomplish everything, leaving a satisfied editor in my wake. Her accompanying notes showed me just how much Bella's comments and notes had been spot on. The changes I made with her comments in mind were changes my editor would have had me make anyway. My girl was fucking smart.

Bella had the afternoon off on Wednesday, so I bailed on my research at noon, and we went for a long walk up the beach, making me feel marginally better about completely blowing off my running routine lately. Besides, walking with Bella's warm mitten-clad hand safely encased in my own was a lot nicer than running alone with only Tiesto's beats as company.

It was windy and pretty cold, but we were bundled up so it wasn't uncomfortable. Bella seemed to be drawn to the ocean. She often stopped and stared at the foam-capped waves crashing against the shore, and in her eyes was a look of something that looked like longing; it was a look that I would have given anything to have directed at me.

"I think I may have been a mermaid in a previous life. Or a pirate," she finally said, barely audible above the roaring ocean and the wind. "Does it draw you in, too? Is that why you live all the way out here?"

"The ocean calms me," I replied. "And I just wanted solitude."

She looked up at me, big brown eyes shining and her cheeks red from the cold. Curls peeked out from under her beanie, and she shuffled closer to me to avoid the wind in her face. "Will you answer something honestly?" she asked.

I nodded, cupping her face with my glove-clad hands. "I always answer you honestly."

"Why did you want me to move in with you if you crave your solitude so much that you live miles away from your nearest neighbor?" she asked, biting her lip. "You can't possibly pity me that much, can you?"

"Shit, beautiful. I don't pity you, not at all," I assured her frantically. Did she really believe that? "I told you, I'm selfish. I want your company, no fuck that, I need it. God Bella, you have no idea…" I pulled her close, which wasn't close at all because of the way we were bundled up, but it would have to do. She wrapped her arms around my waist, and I leaned my head down so that she could hear what I said. "Please tell me that you believe me when I say that I never pitied you for a second. It is not pity that makes me want to give you the whole fucking world."

"I believe you," she said softly. Her face tilted up, and as the wind, the cold, and the roaring ocean disappeared around us, I leaned down and kissed her cold lips, warming us both up in the process. I didn't care if there had been some kind of unspoken agreement between us that our kisses were limited to the dark just before we fell asleep. I needed to kiss this devastatingly beautiful girl or I would go fucking mental.

I relaxed into the kiss when she hummed in contentment and returned the kiss earnestly. She tasted and smelled of home, and I never wanted to let her go, not even to come up for air. It was amazing how one petite girl could make the whole world fucking disappear.

It was starting to get dark when we made our way back to the house. Bella was tucked into my side, and most of the time she had her face buried in my chest, letting me lead her. It was a small thing, but I treasured every little hint of the trust she was beginning to afford me.

Safely back in the warm house, I lit up the fireplace while Bella started dinner. I made a couple of trips outside for firewood and set the table. We sat down to a steaming hot meal of fettuccine Alfredo with ham and those fucking delicious rolls of hers that she always made in no time at all. I usually finished them just as quickly.

"You should have your own restaurant," I said, nearly moaning in delight after the first bite. It was fucking amazing the way it was the easiest thing in the world for her to prepare a bordering-on-orgasm-inducing meal, while I almost burned down the kitchen just trying to make noodles and marinara from a jar.

Bella laughed. "No need for flattery. I made sure there was an extra helping for your lunch tomorrow."

While I pumped my fist, she turned to me with serious eyes. "So, about rent," she started.

"I told you, there is no rent," I interrupted her, definitely not wanting to have that discussion again.

"Edward, please. I feel really bad just freeloading off you," she said. "It's wrong and unfair."

"Let me ask you something. Apart from the fact that you think you should pay rent, are you happy here? I mean, fuck! You cook and clean and do laundry, you put up with my family drama, and you're helping me with my research. I feel like I should pay you to stay here," I said, looking across the table at her.

"Of course I'm happy, Edward. As sad as it may be, I don't remember being this happy before, and I honestly enjoy the cooking and cleaning and stuff. And the research, too," she insisted. "As for family drama, yours is nothing. Trust me."

"Then can't we just agree that things are fair enough as they are?" I asked. "I sure as fuck don't want you to leave, and I'll let you pay rent if that's what I have to do to keep you here. But please, it's not necessary at all. I'd much rather that you spent your money on yourself."

Bella was frowning, looking like she was considering her next words. I reached my hand across the table, taking hers in mine. "Please?" I begged.

She groaned adorably. "Could you please stop looking at me like that? No one has probably ever uttered the word no to you when you turned on those dazzling eyes, so it's hardly fair to use them right now."

"Dazzling eyes?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't even try to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about," she warned me. "And don't change the subject either."

"Yes, ma'am." I saluted her playfully, making her stoop to my level and poke out her tongue at me. We both laughed.

"It just doesn't seem fair," she said softly when we had finally stopped laughing.

"If you start paying rent, I start cooking every other day," I threatened, pulling out the big guns.

She looked at me incredulously. "You wouldn't."

I nodded seriously – or at least as seriously I could, knowing that there was no fucking way in hell that I was going to cook. I'd have to rely on take-out and frozen pizzas from the grocery store, but there was no need to tell Bella that.

"Please, Bella?" I begged again. I held a hand over my eyes, which elicited a giggle from her.

"Your voice is kind of dazzling too," she informed me.

"Bella!" I whined.

She giggled. "Okay, on one condition."

"Anything," I said quickly.

"Well, two actually," she amended. "You don't ever cook, and I get to buy groceries."

"Deal," I said and nodded, knowing that I had gotten the better end of the deal, but the grocery part allowed her to feel better about the situation. I loved the way her little condition made her beam. She didn't need to know that I would be insisting on paying for the groceries anyway.

The sound of my cell phone ringing jolted me from my thoughts, and I went into the living room where I had put it on the coffee table earlier when I was lighting the fireplace. I checked the caller ID, and the by now familiar fear crept into my chest when I answered.

"Hey, Mom. What's up?"

"Hello, darling," she said, the smile noticeable in her voice making me relax. "Am I disturbing?"

"No, not at all, just finished dinner," I replied.

"Good," she said. "I wanted to talk to you about something. You know your dad and I have our thirtieth wedding anniversary coming up, and we agreed a long time ago that we didn't want a big party or anything. In fact, we talked about taking a trip somewhere, maybe Italy or Greece.

"I'm not sure traveling is the best thing for your dad right now, so a trip will have to wait," she continued. "But I thought a nice family dinner would be appropriate. It might cheer your dad up too. He's going stir crazy I think."

"That sounds nice, Mom," I said. "It's the weekend before Thanksgiving, right?"

"Yes, it is. You'll ask Bella, won't you?"

"Sure," I said with a smile.

"Excellent. I'm hoping your brother and sister will bring dates as well," my mom gushed.

I held back my laughter. None of us ever brought home dates, as she had so eloquently put it, nor did Rose or Jasper have any potential candidates lined up, especially not the way Rose kept pushing away Emmett, and the way Jasper kept sleeping around. He had always been worse than me, but now I was thrilled just to have Bella…even though I didn't really have her.

My mom saying goodbye interrupted my inner musings, and I hung up while wondering how to ask Bella. I had a feeling asking her on a date would not be a good idea, no matter what my mom insisted on calling it.


	18. He Is My Safe Haven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Thanks to my wonderful betas, nowforruin and Dinx. Mwah! Also thanks to my sweetpea, lisamichelle17, for pre-reading

CHAPTER 18

Bella:

He Is My Safe Haven

The drive to Portland Friday afternoon with Alice and Rose was the most entertaining ride I had ever taken. Rose had insisted on driving, and Alice had packed enough snacks for a trip across the country. The music was loud but our laughter was louder, and I sat in the backseat thinking that agreeing to go was one of the best ideas I'd ever had.

Alice had wanted to plan everything, but Rose had taken over booking the hotel, and I had flat-out refused to shop according to a schedule. That meant that Alice had only been able to plan what she would be purchasing in Portland – which she did in great detail and with running commentary all through the week leading up to the trip.

"So, I got us a room with two doubles, I hope that's okay," Rose said as she pulled up to Hotel Fifty right across from a scenic park with a waterfront.

We assured her that it was perfect. And after we had checked in and saw the room, we assured her once again, because the room was absolutely beautiful. We had a couple of hours before dinner, and we each had different ideas on what to do. Alice wanted to go shopping immediately, and Rose wanted to check out the hotel bar, but when I revealed my idea, they were both game.

Half an hour later, we entered the highly recommended and much talked about vacuum museum and stumbled through it like giggling teenagers. Not because the exhibit was the least bit interesting, but because of the various pictures we took with Alice's cell phone. We got a few strange looks as well as a few comments, but we finally got someone to take a picture of the three of us together pretending to be asleep in front of the entrance.

Alice instantly sent it to Jasper, thanking him for recommending the most exciting experience ever. I told her to send it to Edward, too, since he always enjoyed a laugh at Jasper's expense. Emmett got it as well so he wouldn't feel left out, and as I had once pointed out to Alice, he actually needed to go see the museum so he could figure out what a vacuum cleaner looked like.

We ate a delicious dinner at a small Italian restaurant and had a few drinks at the hotel bar, H5O, making fun of the staff at both places flirting with Rose. Then we called it a night, excited and ready for a whole day of shopping the next day, only to lie in bed and chat until well after midnight.

I woke up with a scream, my heart hammering in my chest and completely out of breath. The haunting images from my nightmare were still so clear in my mind that it took a few moments for me to realize that I had woken up. That's when I heard Alice's scream, and seconds later the light flicked on. She was sitting up in the bed next to me, eyes wide and clutching her chest.

"What the fuck?" Rose grumbled, rubbing her eyes and glaring over at us. "Are you guys killing each other? If so, please get your own room so I can get some sleep."

I was still too locked in my own little bubble of terror to form words, and I desperately wished that I wasn't in Portland, but back home in Evonside where I could be safe in Edward's arms.

"Sorry," Alice rasped. "It's a stupid reflex I have. When I hear someone scream, I scream, too." She turned her head to look at me. "Bella, are you okay?"

I nodded and focused on my breathing. "Nightmare," I finally got out. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, we're just a little startled. You can't help having a nightmare," Alice assured me, reaching over to hug me. I drew as much strength from the hug as I could. It wasn't Edward, but it still made me feel better.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Rose asked.

I shook my head. Silence engulfed us, and I felt bad for waking them up and keeping them awake. "I'm sorry I woke you up, just go back to sleep."

"Are you going to be able to go back to sleep too?" Alice asked, concerned.

I shook my head. "It's okay, I'm used to it. I'll just read the book I brought with me for a while."

Alice frowned, and Rose got out of bed, muttering under her breath. She came over to my side of the bed and motioned for me to scoot over toward the middle, crawling in under the covers herself. "We're all getting some sleep. Otherwise we'll never survive the marathon shopping trip tomorrow. There are boots out there somewhere calling my name."

Alice's frown disappeared, and she offered a little smile before turning off the light. "You heard her, Bella."

"Thanks," I whispered into the darkness. I closed my eyes and was grateful that the images from my nightmare had disappeared. I forced myself to think of pleasant things – like the amazing people in my life who chased away my bad dreams. They might not all have claimed to be Nightmare Warriors, but in truth they were, and it was nice to have someone helping me with my battles, even if it were just nightmares.

"Sleep, Bella-Marie," was the last thing I heard before falling back asleep.

"Marathon shopping trip" turned out to be the correct term for what Saturday had to offer. Rose and Alice had pretty similar ideas of what stores and boutiques they wanted to visit, and I followed their lead since I didn't plan on spending too much money. I needed some new boots and maybe a pair of shoes, a few new books, some underwear and a few items of clothing so Alice wouldn't feel like she was the only one interested in me looking presentable at the boutique. Rose's, and especially Alice's, plans were a lot more elaborate.

I found a pair of black boots that I really liked early on. Alice said they were pirate boots, but Rose disagreed and called them riding boots. I didn't really care what they were called, only that they were comfortable and beautiful. I also gave in and got a pair of black shoes. They were nothing fancy, but dressier than my boots, and I wasn't born to wear stilettos anyway.

Alice was, however, and she seemed to be on a mission to find the pair with the highest heels. The ones she finally decided on had thin heels that could probably puncture a lung. We ended up waiting a long time for Rose. She couldn't decide between three pairs of knee-high boots, and Alice and I were no help as we had very different tastes.

"Oh, to hell with it!" Rose finally exclaimed. "I'll get them all." The shop assistant looked as pleased as Rose.

Then followed four clothing stores from which I came out with two bags in total, containing a pair of jeans, a sweater and two tops. Alice came out with a bag from each store, and Rose had six in total.

We agreed to go back to the hotel to unload our purchases before getting lunch. We ended up in a crowded café where I was so busy trying to keep my panic at bay that I barely ate anything, even though my salmon sandwich looked delicious. Too many people still bothered me more than I cared to admit, and once again I missed the calm that Edward always gave me.

"You two are totally coming with me into every single bookstore we pass by from now on," I told Alice and Rose after lunch. We were outside, and I finally felt like I could breathe again.

They made unhappy faces since a store without clothes, shoes, or accessories wasn't their kind of store. "All right, Bella-Marie," Rose said and sighed. "After all, how many bookstores can there possibly be in Portland?"

"Plenty," I replied with a smirk, pointing ahead to the first one.

I ignored the deep sighs and muttered protests as I lost myself in a world of books. I smiled when I saw Edward's books on a prominent display before I made my way to the poetry section to find myself some Tennyson. I had had to leave my copy of his collected poems behind when I ran, and I was desperate for a new one. It had been much too long since I had had the chance to let the happy flow of The Brook make me smile and sigh happily. Many times Tennyson had been my best friend in a world full of people who didn't necessarily want what was best for me.

After finding Tennyson, I wandered to the non-fiction section and looked at all the history books I longed to own. I drifted toward the antiquity shelves without even realizing it. I grinned to myself as I looked at the spines. I might just have found something to spend some of the money I'd saved for rent on.

Research books for Edward.

I scoured the shelves looking for some that would be useful for his research and that I hadn't already recommended to him. I found two that I promptly bought for him, and later in the day I found an additional four books in other bookstores.

In between, I also bought some much needed new underwear, bras, and camisoles as well as two new tank tops and shorts to sleep in. It had been a long time since I had spent that much money in one day.

We spent Saturday night at Biddy McGraw's Pub listening to jazz and getting drunk, drinking plenty of Baby Guinness shots in between the regular pints. Rose was in a peculiar mood, and it only got worse the more she drank. At one point she was nearly crying, and Alice and I rushed to console her while attempting not to fall off our chairs.

"I'm just so grateful," Rose sniffled, completely out of character. Her eyes were glistening, and she wobbled slightly in her seat. "Oh God, I'm crying. I'm sorry. It just hits me hard sometimes. I'm so grateful that my dad didn't die, and that I got him back, you know? He was so busy all the time, and even when he was there, he wasn't really there, you know?"

"Totally," Alice replied and nodded seriously even though she was wobbly too. She then frowned. "Although I never really had a dad. So maybe I don't know, but I totally believe that you're right."

"You never had a dad?" Rose asked with wide eyes. "Aw, that's just sad. We need another Baby Guinness to feel better."

We downed our shots which the bartender very wisely kept pouring for us. He looked like he might do just about anything for the teary-eyed Rosalie. She really managed to turn heads wherever she went, but she barely acknowledged the attention.

"Do you have a dad, Bella?" Rose asked, licking her lips to capture a rogue drop of Baileys.

And suddenly, in a haze of Guinnesses in various sizes, opening up about my past was the easiest thing I had ever had to do. "I used to, yes," I replied and nodded, ignoring the faint sound of a warning bell in the back of my head. "But then he didn't want me anymore."

"Your dad didn't want you anymore?" Rose sniffled again. "Aw, that's just sad. We need another Baby Guinness."

Three Baby Guinness shots later, Rose tilted her head and looked at Alice. "How come you don't have a dad?"

"He left my mom and Em a few months before I was born," Alice said. "Then when I was around ten years old, my mom told me that he had died in some kind of accident down in Mexico. I used to ask about him, but my mom would get sad, and Em got mad and told me not to waste my time on a bastard like him. And he's right.

"My mom died a few years ago from breast cancer, and apart from some cousins down in Texas or something like that, Emmett is the only family I've got left," she said and sighed.

"We'll be your family," Rose offered. "Right, Bella-Marie?"

I nodded. "Absolutely."

We celebrated our new sisterhood with another round of Baby Guinnesses.

"Why didn't your dad want you anymore?" Rose asked me.

There was a man standing right behind her, and he distracted me so much from the question that Rose finally noticed him. He lit up with a smile when she turned around in her seat, but she just told him to get lost. Alice and I laughed to the point of crying, although none of us could answer Rose when she asked what was so funny. When we finally stopped laughing, she looked at me pointedly, eyes a little crossed and looking like she might vomit.

"Um, right," I mumbled, remembering her question. The alcohol was still serving as a lack of filter between my mind and my mouth, and I felt no panic when I spoke. "Someone made me do something that he didn't approve of. Instead of helping me, he disowned me," I admitted in a tone of voice that surprised me. It wasn't subdued or detached, it sounded almost normal to my own ears.

"What an idiot," Alice muttered.

"What did your mom say when he did that?" Rose asked. "I hope she kicked his fucking ass."

"No idea," I said and shrugged, always more comfortable talking about my mom than about my dad. The wound she had left on my heart was not nearly as fresh as the one with my dad's name on it. "She left me and my dad on my fourth birthday, and I haven't heard from her since."

"Shit," Rose said softly, a tear escaping and rolling down her cheek. She sniffled and brushed it away. "I'll share my parents with you guys. They're only slightly used, and my dad may not be functioning properly right now, but they're good people and they'll totally love you, I promise. Mom is always asking for grandkids; maybe one of you guys would be a better parent than me or my brothers. We can barely keep plants alive."

We looked at each other for almost a minute before the giggles erupted. Rose slapped her hand on the bar counter to get the attention of her loyal bartender, and we celebrated once again with Baby Guinness shots.

It was late when we finally stumbled back to the hotel and collapsed into bed, sleeping like the dead until late the following morning. When I woke up and established that I was not, in fact, dead even though it felt like it, it took me a few moments to pick up on the fact that I had had a night free of nightmares…without Edward. That was kind of huge, but it hurt to think too much about it since my brain was fried after the previous night.

Rose and Alice were still snoring lightly, so I stumbled into the bathroom, swallowed a couple of aspirin before brushing my teeth to get rid of the awful taste in my mouth. I avoided looking in the mirror, afraid of what I might see. God, my head hurt. I only just managed to stop myself before I shook my head at my own stupidity. Such movement would not have helped any. With a sigh I shed my clothes and attempted not to drown myself while I showered.

I felt almost alive after my shower, so I dressed and wrote a quick note to Rose and Alice in case they woke up before running out to get breakfast and, most importantly, coffee. Lots of coffee.

It didn't take long to scrounge up some breakfast, and when I got back to the room Alice was just getting out of the shower. Rose was also awake, impatiently waiting for the promised coffee. They both nearly inhaled the first few sips.

"Okay, I have a pretty good memory of last night, but please let's never talk about it, okay?" Rose said as she sat on the bed holding her head with one hand and her coffee cup with the other.

"Why not?" Alice frowned. "No one did anything embarrassing like streaking or vomiting or running off to Vegas to marry the bartender. I almost did that once, actually, but that's a story for another time."

"I cried," Rose said, cringing. "I don't cry."

"And you don't share your parents," I added, holding back a laugh.

"Oh no, that I would offer even sober," Rose replied. "I just don't cry."

"I don't remember you crying last night," I said seriously.

"I do," Alice claimed.

"No, I don't think you do. That must have been someone else," I insisted, winking at her.

"Oh. Yeah, you're right. No tears in sight," Alice agreed.

Rose chuckled. "Yep, even sober I'd claim you two as sisters. Think I could get a refund for my brothers?"

Alice shook her head. "At least not for Jasper. Edward is not so bad when he's not attempting to cook. I'll trade you Emmett for Edward, and maybe then we can pawn off Jasper on Bella. They've got that whole art bonding thing."

"Yeah, not interested in having Emmett as my brother either, thanks," Rose said, wrinkling her nose.

"It's kind of adorable how you're both using your family as chess pieces, moving them around without their knowledge," I commented dryly, to which they just laughed and then winced at the sound.

After some more coffee, we went out to buy the sunglasses that none of us had thought to bring. With them safely in place on our noses as protection from the clear light of day, which our hangovers weren't cooperating with, we did a little more shopping.

That managed to cheer us all up, and after a while our wicked hangovers seemed to slowly evaporate. I ended up buying more clothes than I had planned, and I couldn't help thinking about how many boxes I would end up having to use in case moving my things became necessary. The days where everything had fit into my messenger bag were long gone. Not that I was anxious to leave Edward's house, but there might come a time where it would be necessary. No one could predict the future – something I knew as well as anyone. Instead of regretting where my thoughts took me, I smiled a little to myself. I liked that leaving would be difficult. I liked that I, at least for now, had put down something resembling roots.

The drive home was not as loud as the one two days earlier. I sat in the backseat trying to tune out Alice and Rose's discussion about what kind of music we should listen to. I was busy admitting to myself how much I had missed Edward and analyzing what that meant exactly.

More than ever, I wanted the more that I had promised him that I would work toward, and now knowing exactly how much he meant to me, I could let go of some of my baggage. But I was still stuck in my own personal catch twenty-two. I could never have a healthy relationship without sharing my past, but sharing my past meant that no one would want to be in a relationship with me. I just couldn't win.

I sighed, amazed at my ability to drag myself down. But as we neared Evonside my anxiousness to see Edward won out.

The narrow winding dirt road leading from the road through Evonside and down to Edward's house by the ocean had never seemed so long before. Each second literally seemed longer than the previous one, and I could not for the life of me figure out how I had made it through the weekend without going absolutely crazy.

When Rose finally pulled up by the house it was nearly twilight. I extracted all my bags from theirs and thanked them for a great weekend before waving goodbye as they disappeared down the same way as we had just come.

The porch light flickered on as I attempted to gather my stuff. I looked up, and Edward came out through the door, smiling widely and looking absolutely perfect with messy hair that shone in the light like a halo around his head. I let go of my bags and turned to fully face him. My smile matched his and then some. Before I knew it, I was running up toward him, slamming into him with very little grace, feeling like I was finally home when he caught me effortlessly and laughed into my hair.

"I've missed you," I said into his shirt, inhaling deeply and wishing I never had to leave his embrace.

"I've missed you too, beautiful," he said. "So fucking much."

I leaned back and looked up on his face. I stood up on my tip-toes and cradled his face with my hands, dragging it down to the same level as my own. I smiled before crashing my lips against his forcefully.

His arms tightened around me, and I felt my feet leave the ground. He hummed, and the vibrations from his lips transferred to mine, sending fire through my entire body. The kiss continued until we were out of breath, and we broke apart with matching gasps.

"I might have missed you, but you should seriously go to Portland and shop more often if this is how you react every time you come back," he said and grinned.

I smiled sheepishly. "I just really missed you, and on the way back I was thinking about that whole more thing, and then there you were, looking all kissable…"

He chuckled. "I need to look kissable more often, then. How exactly did I do that again?"

I shook my head at him and went to gather my bags. He reached out and took most of them once I came back up on the porch and followed me into the house.

Edward offered to heat one of his mom's dinners from the freezer, but even after just a few days I missed cooking. I rustled up a quick meal, and we sat down to eat while he questioned me about the trip.

I told him what we had been up to, omitting some of the more embarrassing things, such as the drunken conversations at the pub and the nightmare. He grinned as he told me about how Jasper had called him to complain about the vacuum museum picture we had sent him. Edward thought it was the funniest thing ever, but now Jasper was determined to prove that he was not as boring as some people thought.

We cleaned up after dinner together, and then I went into my room to put away my things. I wanted to dig out the books I got for him, so I asked him to come with me. He complied soundlessly, settling down on the bed and watched me in silence. When I got to the bag with the books, I smiled to myself and took out the ones I had gotten for myself before going over to the bed to give him the bag.

"I got you something," I said, giving him a small smile.

"If you got me a cooking book, then I really hope there are instructions on how to avoid burning down the kitchen," he said with a chuckle.

"Yeah, those were all sold out. Maybe for Christmas if you've been a good boy," I said, giggling.

"I'm always a good boy," he insisted and finally peeked into the bag. His eyes widened, and he took out the books, studying the covers. "Shit, Bella…" He looked at me with a peculiar look on his face. "Do you know what this means?"

"Um, that you've got more research to do?" I guessed, confused at his reaction.

"Yes, and that is fucking cool. Thank you. But besides that?" he said, putting the books down on the bed and holding out his hands for me.

I shook my head, allowing him to envelope my hands in his own.

"It means, my beautiful girl, that you thought of me while you were in Portland," he said, smiling widely.

I nearly snorted. If he only knew how much I had thought about him the last three days. "I actually thought about you quite a bit. How could I not?"

He tugged me closer so that I was standing between his legs. We were face to face, and I bit my lip as I looked into his stunning, green eyes. "I've been making myself crazy all weekend," he admitted. "I had to tell myself over and over that you were indeed coming back."

"I told you I was," I said softly. I hated that he doubted me, but in the end it was my own fault. "I'm sorry that I-"

"No, no apologies. I didn't doubt your words, I just… Fuck, Bella, I just couldn't handle you leaving again."

"I'm not leaving," I promised again. "Not unless you tell me to."

"I told you, that's not going to happen," he said. He grabbed both my hands in one of his, freeing his other hand which he used to cup my cheek.

I took a deep breath, shuddering a little as I exhaled at the feel of his hand against my cheek. I mobilized all my courage, preparing myself to be brave because that was what he deserved. "Edward, this whole more thing we talked about a while ago. I want that so bad, but there is just stuff that… I… There are things that I'm still uncomfortable with. It's got nothing to do with you, it's all me, but…"

"I want you to be mine so badly," he said when I stalled in my nonsensical words. "I don't need to know about your secrets until you feel comfortable telling me. Don't let them be the only reason that we're not together for real. I don't want you to be anything else than what you are, and the pace is yours to set."

He held my gaze in a fierce lock, and I felt an invisible pull that was stronger than anything I had ever felt before. I melted into him, my lips landing on his and our hands breaking free, his snaking around my waist and mine cupping his beautiful face and lacing into his hair.

"I'm already yours," I mumbled against his lips. And it was true. I had never really been anything but his.


	19. She Is Mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Dinx and nowforruin make Mysteryward look pretty, and lisamichelle17 holds my hand.

CHAPTER 19

Edward:

She Is Mine

Bella was asleep, tucked into my side and breathing evenly. The lamp on the bedside table was on, and I was able to look down at my beautiful girl. My beautiful girl. Everything with Bella was different, but tonight had been fucking monumental. All along I had seen the way she had battled with herself, lowering so many walls and letting me in even though she was afraid. I would do anything to make her feel better, but most of the time I had no idea what I could do except for reassuring her and letting her know that I wasn't going anywhere.

My need for her was overwhelming on so many levels. I needed her presence just to feel calm and to be able to write; I needed to protect her and know that she was safe; I needed her touch, and yeah, I needed her sexually, but the way she tensed, if only just a tiny bit, when things got too heated, brought on a stronger need – the need to make sure that she was comfortable. And as much as I wanted to bury myself in her, she would not be comfortable with that. But I would wait. With her, my patience seemed unlimited, and I didn't doubt for one fucking second that she was worth it.

I couldn't help but wonder what the hell had happened to her. Part of me was absolutely terrified that she had been raped. The thought alone broke my fucking heart and summoned all my rage simultaneously. I'd kill any fucker who messed with my beautiful girl.

My beautiful girl.

She had said that she was mine. And I had been hers the moment I first saw her at the bar. With that in mind, we would be fine. The pace of our relationship could never change that. I pulled my girl closer. The sound of her content sigh was music to my ears, and I buried my face in her hair, inhaling and letting her sweet scent calm me until sleep took me.

After the slice of heaven it was to wake up with Bella in my arms, her legs entangled with mine and my face buried in her hair, I had to accept the fact that she would be gone all day. Fucking Tiny couldn't even give me one single day with my girl after kidnapping her all weekend. Tiny people sucked sometimes.

I drove Bella into town, but not until we had managed to almost make her late for work due to a not so short kissing session. I fucking loved kissing that girl. Once I was back at the house, I settled down on the couch with a notebook and the books she had gotten me. I didn't like that she had spent her money on me, but she had been more excited about the books than any of the stuff she had bought for herself. Besides, I could use them in the historical endeavor I was attempting. I still wasn't sure if I had been temporarily insane or dazzled by Bella when I'd decided to delve into historical fiction.

I spent the morning reading and making notes, seeing more and more of my story unfolding in my mind as I added crucial details. I took a break for lunch, throwing together a sandwich and washing it down with coffee. While I ate, it struck me how much more organized my days were since I had met Bella.

When I had started writing for a living, I had lived for the bouts of inspiration hitting me at all hours of the day. It didn't matter to me if I wrote all day or all night. As long as I slept sometimes, ate, and at least once in a while caught up with my family, I had been great with jumbling up the days and nights as I saw fit.

Now I didn't stay up all night writing, only to sleep the entire day away, forgetting to eat and getting confused about what day of the week it was. I snorted out loud just thinking about the sacrilege it would be to stay up all night when Bella was sleeping in my bed. Not to mention, there was a lot to be said about getting a good night's sleep every night instead of random naps. Bella could testify to that, too. She had always been fucking beautiful, but getting rid of the dark half circles under her eyes suited her.

After lunch I called my parents, first listening to my mom go on and on and fucking on about the anniversary dinner next weekend, which she wanted to be perfect for my dad. She told me that she had persuaded, blackmailed, and threatened Rose to bring that fine young gentleman who had been at her side the whole time at the hospital. It was an interesting way to describe Emmett, as there wasn't a whole lot of fine gentleman qualities to Emmett. He had been a fucking pillar of strength for Rose, though, even if she hadn't been very appreciative.

My mom had also been on Jasper's ass to get him to bring someone, even going as far as suggesting Tiny because she adored the shit out of that little ball of fire – and her boutique. Jasper, unfortunately, hadn't been too crazy about that idea, but my mom confided in me that she hadn't given up yet. I had a feeling that Jasper was in for a rough week with a lot of phone calls and/or summons from Mother Dearest.

Shit. I hadn't even asked Bella yet with all the Portland crap that had been going on. I would have to rectify that soon.

I also spoke with my dad, who seemed to be in high spirits. He was contemplating various relaxing hobbies now that he wouldn't be working as much as before. He was more than cutting his hours in half when he went back to work, which I was fucking thrilled about. Shit, we all were. And while we were all still shaken up about what had happened, it was amazing to see him relaxed, smiling, and present in body as well as in spirit. Hell, he even made jokes now.

After saying goodbye to my dad on the phone, I went outside for a few hours. It was dry out. At this time of the year that was rare, so I took advantage of it and swept the fallen leaves off the porch and chopped some more wood, as I had discovered that Bella liked when I lit the fireplace in the evenings. Or maybe she just liked snuggling on the couch. I knew I fucking did.

Once the outside was taken care of, I went back inside to shower and dress a little nicer for dinner at Tiny's. I left as soon as I was ready, even though the boutique hadn't closed yet. I was just too anxious to see Bella again. I chuckled to myself as I drove toward town – I had no idea being whipped could be so fucking pleasant.

I parked outside the boutique, and before I was even out of the car, my cell phone was vibrating with a text message from Tiny, telling me to go on upstairs as Bella was already up there cooking. I laughed when I looked up to see Tiny waving through the window, which she was decorating with new clothes or whatever.

I waved back and ran up the outside stairs. I found my girl in the kitchen, elbow-deep in some sort of dough. Her cheeks were flushed, a rogue lock of hair had escaped her ponytail and kept falling into her eyes after she pushed it away with the back of her hand, and there was a smudge of flour on her left cheek. Fucking adorable.

Her face lit up in a beautiful smile when she looked up and saw me.

"Hello, beautiful," I said, grinning. I went over to her and put my arms around her waist, kissing the back of her neck, chuckling as she shuddered, and just breathing her in. She had bought a new perfume in Portland, and after smelling it this morning, it had bugged me all day that I couldn't figure out what it was that it reminded me of. Now it hit me. Bella smelled of spring – like lilies-of-the-valley.

"Hi," she said softly, seemingly content as she melted back into me. She had stopped kneading the dough, and we stood in silence, just reveling in the closeness until she suddenly tensed and straightened up.

"Shit. Edward, I need to finish this."

"I'll just stand here and watch since I'm not allowed to do anything cooking related in Tiny's kitchen," I said, smirking. I didn't move an inch and kept my hands on her hips.

"Edward, you're distracting me," she complained, unable to completely suppress the smile threatening to break out on her face. "You'll be the one explaining to Emmett why there are no cherry pies for dessert if you don't move away and let me finish."

I raised my hands in surrender and stepped away from her. She laughed at me, but I wasn't stupid enough to get between Emmett and dessert. And besides, I really wanted some cherry pie myself.

I kissed her cheek and tucked the rogue lock of hair behind her ear. I sat down on a stool on the other side of the counter. If I wasn't allowed to touch, I sure as hell was going to watch.

"So, I've got a question for you," I said, watching as she rolled out the dough.

"Shoot," she said, looking up briefly and smiling.

"It completely slipped my mind with Portland and everything, but my parents' thirtieth wedding anniversary is coming up next weekend. They were originally going to travel somewhere to celebrate it instead of having a big party, but with my dad not being a hundred percent yet, they've postponed the trip and are having a family dinner instead," I said. "I was hoping that you'd go with me as my date."

Her eyes widened a little, and I hoped to God that this wasn't some unknown minefield. Then she smiled, and I relaxed a little.

"I'd love to," she said.

"Thank you," I said, smiling and already imagining her in a beautiful dress. Then another thought hit me. "Fuck me, I should take you on dates, shouldn't I? I just wasn't sure if you'd freak out. And I should buy you flowers and…and…and fucking ask you properly to be my girlfriend. Or wait, is that too high school? Shit, I'm twenty-seven years old, and I have no idea how to even be in a relationship! This is a relationship, right?"

I was so focused on how much of an idiot I was being, that it took me a moment to realize Bella was fucking laughing. When she calmed down again, she washed her hands, put the pies in the oven, and came around to stand in front of me between my legs.

Her eyes were still twinkling, and she bit her lip adorably. "Does it really matter how the rest of the world thinks certain things should be?" she asked. "I kind of like how we're doing things our own way, even if you should still be running away as fast as you can from me and all the crap I'm dragging around."

"I told you, it's not happening," I said firmly. "When will you finally believe that?"

She shrugged, thoughtfully tracing my left eyebrow with her finger.

"I'll prove it to you, I promise," I said, taking her hand and pulling her closer so that our noses were touching. "I like doing things our own way, too, beautiful. And I know you don't want to go out on dates, but can I please buy you flowers and call you my girlfriend?"

"I'd rather you didn't spend any money on me, but you can call me whatever you want," she said softly just before the final distance between us disappeared and our lips met.

I circled her waist with my arms. Her hands cupped my face as the kiss deepened, and we lost ourselves in it – in each other and in the moment. Barely coming up for even the most necessary air, it took the timer Bella had set for the oven going off loudly to make me aware of the rest of the world again. We both groaned at the interruption, but made no move to separate our lips. I held onto Bella even tighter, and she fisted her hands in my hair until the next interruption came.

"Edward Cullen! What the hell is wrong with you?" Alice screeched as she catapulted into the kitchen. "If you're not burning down your own kitchen, you're making someone else burn something. Get out of my kitchen! You are banned from it!"

I reluctantly separated myself from Bella who groaned. I looked over her shoulder at Tiny, who was standing with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot against the floor while she glared at me with narrowed eyes. Out, she mouthed.

Chuckling, I raised my hands in surrender and backed slowly out of her kitchen. Bella was blushing as she rushed over to take the pies out of the oven. "They're not even burned, Alice," she huffed and showed her a fucking perfect-looking pie.

"I don't care," Alice said firmly. "He's a danger to himself and others in a kitchen, and he is not going to be the reason for my kitchen being damaged."

I caught Bella's eyes and winked before going into the living room to find my brother and Emmett. I knew they were there as I could hear them arguing about football. Hell, half of Evonside could probably hear them.

During dinner, Jasper was clearly on a mission to prove that he was not as boring as someone obviously thought he was. I thought it was fucking funny the way it bothered him so much, but I could also see how ironic it was that Tiny especially had it in her head that Jasper was boring.

I didn't know anyone who, at twenty-six, had traveled more than Jasper, and normally he had no problem talking about his experiences from those travels. Tiny, and Bella and Emmett for that matter, had unfortunately just come into our lives at a point where his latest expedition had taken him no further than Portland and that fucking vacuum museum.

"I spent the summer traveling through Europe a few years ago," Jasper shared. "I thought doing the whole backpacking thing was too boring, so I scouted out the strangest and weirdest hotels I could and spent a night in each of them.

"Like there were these tiny cabins twenty-five feet up in the trees in Norway, and a big-ass old wine barrel converted to a hotel room in Normandy. I also spent the night at the Chapel of Rest in England, in a converted movie theatre in Spain, and in a water tower in Germany. One of my favorites was a lighthouse on a tiny island. Well okay, maybe just a rock sticking out of the water, actually. It's called Porer and is in Croatia. Talk about fucking privacy!"

"These were all hotels?" Emmett asked. He had actually stopped eating, which was rare unless the topic was my sister. Tiny was also hanging onto his every word, and it almost made me laugh out loud.

Jasper nodded. "There was also a gypsy wagon in France, an observatory in the Pyrenees, a railroad station in England, a goddamn brewery in Belgium, which was actually fucking cool, a former prison in Finland, and these pretty awesome stone caves in Italy. But I have to say that the place I felt the most inspired was probably one of the most boring places of them all. There's this small island in England called Herm, where cars and bicycles are not allowed. There's only one hotel, and there are no clocks or TVs or anything, just peace and quiet and beautiful surroundings. As interesting as all the other stuff is, inspiration is what I'm really looking for when I travel."

"So you found inspiration in Portland? That's why you've been talking about it?" Tiny asked.

"I did, yes," Jasper confirmed. "Portland showed me that I don't have to travel halfway across the world to find something unique. It's why I haven't traveled since, actually. I usually travel every few months, sometimes just a few days, other times weeks at a time. But lately I have been relying on local inspiration and found that it works just as well as The Great Wall of China, Stonehenge, or the pyramids. It doesn't mean I'm boring, though."

"Yeah, I think I get that now," Tiny admitted with a small laugh. "But I'm still going to tease you about the vacuum museum."

Jasper chuckled. "I figured as much."

I drove Bella to work the following morning. It was Rose and Jasper's birthday; the twintastic morons were turning twenty-six, and the three of us drove up to our parents' house for a celebratory lunch. We had a great time, and for the first time in years we were all there both physically and mentally. Our dad had been greatly missed, and it seemed like he had just discovered that he had missed us, too.

Returning back home in the afternoon, I couldn't seem to concentrate on the stack of books waiting for me. Instead I prepared a surprise for Bella, hoping like fuck that she was going to like it.

I picked her up after work, and she threw together a quick dinner of potato soup with bacon and rolls. After we had eaten, she went into her room to change as we were in for an alcohol-filled night at the bar celebrating Rose and Jasper. I braced myself for her reaction and didn't have to wait long.

"Edward!" She came running out with the blue, formfitting shirt she had worn over her pants that day half unbuttoned. I tried very hard not to stare at the swell of her breasts and the white lace peeking out. "Where are my clothes?"

"In the closet," I replied. "And in the dresser."

"Um, no they aren't," she said, shaking her head.

"Yes, they are," I insisted and took her hand, leading her into my room. I pulled her over in front of my closet and opened it, revealing her clothes hanging next to mine. I pulled out the three top drawers in the dresser, also revealing her things. And then I prayed to God that she wouldn't fucking castrate me or run out.

She stood looking at the closet, not saying anything. Her silence was beginning to make me sweat, and I realized that asking her first might have been a good idea. "I'm sorry, I can put it back if you want," I offered when I couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"You really want me to stay here, don't you?" she asked softly, slowly turning to look at me. There was a look of awe on her face that made my heart ache.

"God yes," I replied quickly, taking a step toward her and wrapping my arms around her. There were so many things I wanted to tell her, but I didn't know how. Ironic when I made my living stringing words together, really.

"Thank you," she whispered.

I had no idea what she was thanking me for. I was the one eternally grateful for having her in my life, and I would do anything to keep her there.

Everyone was already at the bar when we arrived. Tiny had wanted to decorate, but Rose had all but tied her to a chair to stop her. Bella had graciously been allowed to make a cake, though, which she had spent part of the afternoon accomplishing at Tiny's.

Several tables were pushed together to accommodate everyone, Bella's cake was perched on top, and we had a designated waitress to cater only to our large group. It consisted of the usual six of us, Tyler and Seth from Emmett's shop, Angela from Tiny's boutique, as well as her boyfriend Ben, some of Rose's people who had the night off, and Jasper's new hire who worked at the gallery so he could focus on his art. All in all, the night had great prospects.

Aro came over with a half-wilted flower for Rose, bowing and nearly toppling over. "Birthdays are good for you," he said. "The more you have, the longer you live."

Rose snorted and thanked him with a drink on the house. I was pretty sure that she only tolerated Aro and his drunken friends because they were good for business.

Rose and Jasper opened their gifts while we ate Bella's delicious cake. Laughter rang out more than once as people had been very creative and downright funny in their gift choices. There was an album with pictures from the vacuum museum for Jasper and the book on manners for Rose.

"Guess what!" Tiny exclaimed after downing her third shot of the evening. She, Rose, and Bella had ordered a tray of Baby Guinness shots and were hogging them all to themselves.

"You're pregnant," Emmett guessed, earning himself the usual slap in the back of the head. He barely even flinched.

"You are hopeless guessers," Tiny complained. "I might as well just tell you and spare us all the embarrassment of what you might come up with next."

I tuned her out as she prattled on about some semi-celebrity from some TV show who had visited her boutique earlier that day. Bella was seated next to me, her thigh pressed against mine, and even through my jeans and hers, I could feel the heat of her skin. Her beautiful laughter rang out at intervals, and sometimes she would look at me and smile.

I grabbed her hand under the table and earned myself another smile. Her skin was warm and soft, and her fingers curled around my own as she kept her attention on Tiny, who was still chattering excitedly. And although I wasn't listening to what she was saying, I completely understood her excitement. I might not have the faintest idea who she was talking about, but the fact was that Tiny was making her dream come true with that boutique of hers. With the economy being what it was, and more businesses closing than opening, she had every reason to be proud and excited.

I was brought out of my train of thoughts by Jasper. "For the love of fucking God, Alice! Would you shut the hell up for just two fucking minutes, please?" he hissed, rubbing his forehead.

Tiny stared at him openmouthed with a strange look in her eyes. The rest of us tried to suppress the laughter, but eventually Emmett just couldn't hold it in and let out a booming laugh that made everyone in the room look at him.

The rest of us started laughing as well, except Tiny, who was still staring at Jasper, who by now was starting to look a little sheepish.

He went with Emmett, Tyler, and Ben to play pool, but Tiny was being unusually quiet while she kept looking over at him.

Seth was keeping us entertained with stories about Emmett's alternative customer service when a waitress came over and whispered something in Rose's ear. My sister frowned but followed the waitress up to the bar. She spoke with a dark-haired guy who gestured wildly with his hands until Rose put her no-nonsense face and waggled a finger in his face. She was no doubt telling him a few truths about something or the other.

"Where's the Rose of my life?" Emmett asked when he, Jasper, and Tyler returned to the table.

"I really fucking hope you're not talking about me," Rose said, coming up behind him after having dealt with the customer at the bar.

"Well, I'm not talking about Jasper," Emmett said, grinning. "Aw, come on, Rosie. Can't you just be nice to me for one fucking night? It's your birthday, show some humanity."

"It would help if you were human and not a dumb puppy following me everywhere," she said sweetly, patting his head. "Now be a good boy and go drink your beer."

Emmett pouted pathetically, but was soon grinning again as our waitress brought over a tray of shots. Rose sat down on the other side of Bella and leaned into her. "There's a guy up at the bar asking for you. I told him to take a fucking hike, but he insists that he'll just come over here himself, and I thought that might cause trouble for you," she said softly.

Bella turned her head sharply to see who Rose was talking about. Her whole body tensed, and she was unresponsive when I squeezed her hand. "Fuck," she whispered. I looked, too, and the same guy who Rose had talked to before was standing there, drinking a beer and watching our table over the rim of his glass.

"Should I call the sheriff?" Rose asked her.

Bella shook her head. "Asking to speak to someone isn't illegal unfortunately."

"You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to," Rose insisted. "Do you even know him?"

"Yeah, I know him. He probably won't leave until I talk to him," Bella said, biting the inside of her lip. "God, I'm an idiot. Just when I've let down my guard and stupidly thought I'd gotten away from all that crap…"

"Bella, if you don't want to talk to him, I'll go tell him that," I said to her, stroking my thumb across her palm. "I'll make sure he goes the fuck away." After I'd kicked his fucking ass for removing the smile from my girl's face.

She relaxed a little and turned to face me with a small smile. "I know," she whispered. "But if I go deal with him now, I only have to freak about two people coming after me, not three." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly. "I'd really like if you came with me, though. I don't want to talk to him in here, and I don't want to talk to him alone."

I nodded. "Anything you need, beautiful."

She stood up and I followed her. Rose grabbed her hand and squeezed it briefly. "I'll kick his ass if he hurts you, Bella-Marie," she said with a small smile.

Bella smiled at her, grabbed her coat with one hand and my hand with the other, and dragged me along as she went up to the bar. Her grip on my hand was almost painful, and I wondered who the hell this guy was to make her react this way. I also wondered if I should just kill him. Prison would probably give me a lot of peace and quiet to write my next book. Of course, there would be no Bella in prison, so maybe I needed to reconsider.

Bella didn't stop, just walked past the dark haired guy, hissing "outside" to him. Up close he looked a lot younger than he had from a distance. His hair was dark, and his eyes were locked fiercely on Bella and my locked hands. Fuck, I really hoped this wasn't an ex-boyfriend of hers, because the thought of her with someone else was just fucking revolting, and I was pretty sure that I would have to kill him if it turned out that he had ever had his paws on my beautiful girl.

I shrugged on my coat and helped Bella with hers before we went out of the door. She stood on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear, "I'm sorry for what you might hear. I'll do my best to explain later if you'll let me."

I nodded, and we went outside.

"I need to talk to you alone, Bells," the guy said when he joined us outside under the very same streetlight where I had been standing when I saw Bella again after she'd run from my house.

Bella's back straightened. She snorted, suddenly braver than I had ever seen her before. "I don't care what you need, Jake. I catered to your needs long enough, and I owe you absolutely nothing! Now say what you need to say and just leave."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you drunk?" Jake, as the fucker was apparently named, asked.

"That's what you came all this way to ask me?" Bella asked, eyebrows raised.

"Come on, Bells. Can't we just talk alone?" he asked impatiently.

"No," she replied sharply, and I couldn't help but wonder if she wouldn't be able to match Rose in bitchiness if she wanted to. It wasn't a quality I expected from my beautiful girl, who had spent months afraid of her own shadow. I realized that there were a lot of things that I didn't know about her.

Jake growled, taking a step forward. On pure instincts I stepped half in front of Bella and narrowed my eyes at him. "You might want to rethink that, asshole."

He held up his hands and stepped back, glaring at me. "Could you call off the bodyguard at least, Bells?"

"No," she spat again. "Now talk or I'm going back inside. It's bad enough that you're taking me away from celebrating my friends' birthday, but now you're just wasting my time."

"Okay, I'll talk," he seethed, suddenly angry, and I kept standing next to Bella, ready to intervene if the fucker tried anything. Anything at all.

"Why the fuck did you just run off like that? Do you have any idea how much time I've spent looking for you? And fuck, Bells, you went spilling your guts to the Chief? What the hell were you thinking?" he spewed. "Not to mention, I've still got James breathing down my neck, and you're just...just…just here fucking enjoying yourself!"

Even in the sparse light I could see Bella's face turn pale, and I felt her tense up beside me. I wanted to beat the shit out of that fucker so badly, but I had honestly no idea what I was in the middle of or even what Bella wanted.

"You…evil…heartless…ungrateful…mean…bastard…son of a bitch!" Bella ground off with so much venom that it made me want to cower. "Are you for real? Shit, Jake! You are so fucking messed up that you belong in a straightjacket in a padded room."

"I'm not the one who just ran away from my responsibility," Jake argued, and even though I had no idea what they were talking about, I could still hear that he was fucking pathetic.

"No," Bella said. "I ran away from your responsibility after you'd pathetically pushed it onto my shoulders and, together with my dad, brainwashed me into accepting it. I'm just glad that I woke up. I owe you nothing, Jake. In fact, you owe me so much that we'll never be even."

Jake was silent, looking like he didn't know what to say. Bella didn't have the same problem, though.

"You can start paying me back by not telling James or my dad where I am," she said.

"The Chief and I are not…speaking," he muttered.

Bella snorted again, but softer this time. "He's a lonely man these days, then."

Jake shrugged and stared at the ground for a long time. "About James, he's fucking breathing down my neck. Are you sure that I can't get you to-"

"Finish that sentence, and I swear to God that I'll make you regret it somehow," she hissed. "The same goes if you tell him where I am. I am done being taken advantage of."

Emmett came out of the bar just then, looking at me with raised eyebrows after taking in a feral Bella and a pathetic looking Jake. "Rose sent me out to check on you guys. Is everything okay, Bella?"

"Everything is fine. Thanks, Emmett. Jake was just leaving and never coming back. Right, Jake?" Bella said evenly.

Jake just nodded, defeated, taking one last look at Bella before he walked down the street to a parked car. I put my arms around Bella, who stood emotionlessly with an empty look in her eyes. I caught Emmett's eyes. "Make sure he actually leaves town, please?" I asked him.

He nodded, running down the street to get his car.

I focused on Bella, tightening my hold on her but not having any idea what to do for her. We stood in silence for a few minutes before she melted into me and fisted her hands in my coat. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for," I assured her. "Are you okay, beautiful?"

She shrugged. "I hate the way he makes me feel," she said softly. "I'm not usually a mean person, but God I hate him."

"I'm sure he deserves it," I said. I was itching to ask what he had done to her, but I knew that now was not the right time.

"Can we go home?" she asked, leaning against me heavily, exhausted from her emotional outburst.

"Absolutely," I said, leading her toward the car. I started the car and turned on the heat before texting Rose to tell here that we had gone home. She would understand after seeing Bella's reaction to Jake inside.

Bella didn't say anything on the drive home. She went directly into the bathroom to change into her pajamas, crawling into bed and hiding under the covers. I locked up, changed out of my clothes, and joined her. She curled up against me, and my heart fucking broke as she cried herself to sleep even as I did everything I could to comfort her. I entertained myself with thoughts of various ways to kill Jake as I listened to her breathing even out. I wiped the tears from her cheeks and tightened my hold on her. There was no fucking way that I would ever let anyone hurt her again.

Before I fell asleep I got a text from Emmett assuring me that the stupid fucker really had left town; Emmett had followed him more than twenty miles just to make sure. At least that was something. I texted him back, thanking him and giving him permission to fuck Jake up if he ever saw him again. Emmett was all over that idea.


	20. She Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Love and hugs to Dinx and nowforruin for beta'ing and to lisamichelle17 for pre-reading.

CHAPTER 20

Edward: 

She Hurts

I was already awake the next morning when Bella's cell phone rang. We were still in bed after a long night filled with nightmares on her part and frustration on mine. Her head was on my chest, her arm around my waist, and my arms wrapped tightly around her. I could tell by the sound of her breathing that she was awake, too, but we had not yet acknowledged the fact that neither of us were sleeping. I had no idea what to say to her. I wanted her to be okay, but after the nightmare-filled night, I knew that she wasn't. And there was nothing I could do about it.

Bella made no move to answer her phone. I reached over her to grab it from the bedside table, reading the caller ID. "It's Tiny," I said.

Bella turned her face further into my chest, and after a minute the phone stopped ringing. My own rang only a moment later, and I knew Tiny well enough to know that she wasn't going to give in easily. I grabbed it from the bedside table and answered it.

"Morning, Tiny Alarm Clock."

"Edward, thank God. Bella's not answering her phone, and Em said that she was pretty upset last night after she talked to that guy outside. How is she?"

"Still sleeping," I lied.

"Oh, well that's good, I guess," Tiny said. "I just wanted to let her know that I don't need her at the boutique today. I figured she might need some time to herself. Will you tell her?"

"Of course. Thanks, Tiny," I replied.

"And make sure she's okay, Edward," Tiny said softly. "I worry about her. I don't think I've ever been as frightened as when she woke up screaming with that nightmare in Portland. It was like she was being tortured. Does she talk to you about it? No, wait. Don't answer that, it's none of my business. Just…let her know that I'm only a phone call away if she needs a willing ear. Besides yours, of course."

"I'm sure she already knows that, but I'll tell her," I promised.

"Good. Take care of her, Edward. I'll talk to you later."

"Always." Ending the call, I put the phone back on the bedside table. I tightened my hold on Bella and dropped a kiss to the top of her head. "You heard all that, didn't you?"

She nodded and cleared her throat. "You're all too good to me," she rasped, her voice raw from all the crying. "Especially you. I…I need another favor, though."

"Anything," I promised her.

She pulled away from my embrace enough so that she could look up at me. Her eyes were swollen and red, her face pale, and she looked exhausted. "I know I promised I'd explain about last night with Jake, but can it wait a little while? I'd just really like a strong cup of coffee and then maybe to take a walk on my own to make heads and tails of my thoughts. Everything is just…jumbled up and confusing, and if my thoughts aren't making sense to myself, I doubt they will to you, either."

"You got it," I said, stroking her pale cheek and leaning down to give her a chaste kiss. "Go take a shower or whatever. I'll go put some coffee on and make breakfast. Then you can take your walk. It doesn't sound like it's raining, so you might be in luck."

She nodded and slipped out of bed, finding some clean clothes and disappearing into the bathroom. I stretched and yawned before getting up as well. I padded to the kitchen and put the coffee on before finding some bread, bacon, and eggs. It wasn't anything fancy, but it would do. I briefly wondered why it was possible for me to make breakfast, but as soon as I attempted a simple dinner, I made a complete fuckery of it all.

I looked out of the window and saw that it was indeed dry outside. It was windy as hell, though, and I figured a walk in that wind would surely clear Bella's mind. I hoped it would bring her the relief she needed. I was glad Emmett had checked that Jake had really left town last night, otherwise I wasn't convinced that I would have considered it safe to let Bella take a walk alone.

Bella joined me silently a little later, dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater. She was still pale and had a haunted look in her eyes, but she looked a little more awake. She sat down on a stool, and I handed her a cup of coffee before fixing us both a plate.

We ate in silence. There were so many things I wanted to ask her, starting with the banal question of how she was doing. But it was plain as day that she wasn't okay, and my firing questions at her would not help at the moment. I did hug her before she went outside, though. Twice. One just didn't feel like enough. Unfortunately, two didn't either.

After Bella had left, I sat down at the desk in the library. I looked at the stack of books and couldn't really find it in me to open any of them. I always hit this point when I was researching for a new book, and this time it was even worse because there was so much more reading to be done.

I was itching to write. It was the same cycle every time. I would finish something; spend some time being all domestic and shit; start researching for the next project, and before that part was complete, I would be itching to start writing. I would always end up forcing myself to complete the research first, but today I ended up giving in after looking at the books for fifteen minutes. I could have worked on the plot, developed my characters, or outlined the chapters, but instead I opened my laptop. When I had a new document opened, I just started writing. Not the book, just an insignificant idea I had been playing around with for a while.

It was a couple of hours and about four thousand words later when I finally came up for air. I stretched and looked at my watch, frowning as I realized how long Bella had been gone. For once, I didn't like my ability to get caught up in my writing. I stood up and went over to the windows facing the beach, but there was no sign of her.

I knew that she needed time alone, but I was worried about her, so I put on my boots and coat and went outside. Down at the beach I looked in both directions while burying my hands deep in my pockets. The wind was bone chilling. I could see Bella standing still, staring out over the water, and I trudged down toward her. She had her beanie on, but her hair was loose under it, whipping around her head in the harsh wind. She seemed completely lost in her own thoughts.

She startled slightly when I put my arms around her from behind and kissed her cold cheek. She relaxed against me, covering my hands with her own and leaning her head back against my chest. We stood there for a while until she started shivering in the cold. Only then did we make our way back to the house hand in hand.

Once back inside, I put on some more coffee while Bella curled up on the couch with a blanket. I brought over two mugs and sat down next to her, handing her one. She smiled weakly at me and curled her fingers around the warm mug.

"I can't tell you everything, Edward," she whispered, avoiding my eyes. "Not yet. It's so painful to even think about it."

"You don't have to tell me anything unless you want to," I told her. "I just wish there was something I could do. I hate seeing you like this."

She looked at me. "Just knowing you and being around you makes me less afraid. I don't know if you can even imagine how much of a difference that makes for me, but it's huge. And I'll get out of this funk, I always do."

I stroked her cheek with the back of my hand. It was still cold, and she shuddered under my touch, smiling softly. Then she took a deep breath and a sip of her coffee.

"Jake and I grew up together," she said softly, warming her hands on the coffee mug. There was a faraway look in her eyes, and her voice seemed void of all emotion. "Our dads were best friends, and after my mom left, my dad became extremely overprotective and wouldn't always let me spend time with my friends from school. Instead, he'd take me with him when he went to see Billy, Jake's dad, and I'd spend time with Jake while our dads watched sports, fished, or whatever."

She sighed. "Jake used to be my best friend – the one who would cheer me up when I got frustrated with my dad and the short leash he always had me on, but in time Jake became just as bad, and by the time we left for college I wasn't on my dad's leash anymore, but on Jake's, which was just as short.

"I guess I put up with it because it was all I knew," she admitted, rubbing her forehead in frustration. "I don't know…it's difficult to explain even to myself. I guess it's why an abusive husband isolates his wife so that he makes up her entire world, making it hard for her to leave. Not that Jake was abusive like that, but he was the reason that I was isolated, which in turn made it easier for him to control me."

She took a shuddering breath. "It's embarrassing."

I was fighting my temper by that point. That motherfucker had hurt my girl, and if I had had any idea where to find him, he wouldn't have been safe. I took the mug out of Bella's hands and put it on the table with my own before I pulled her into my arms, into which she went willingly. There were still a lot of things she was leaving unsaid, that much was clear, but my heart was already fucking hurting.

"You shouldn't feel ashamed, beautiful," I told her. "He may not have hit you, but he still abused you. And you were strong enough to get out of there."

She shook her head, her voice tearful when she spoke. "It wasn't strength that made me run, it was fear. Humiliation. Disgust. Sometimes I was trying to run from myself."

"You were running to me," I whispered into her hair. "And if you run again, I'll run with you, Bella."

Her grip around my waist told me more than words ever could, and I continued to hold her until she fell asleep. She managed almost two hours before she woke up with a gasp, still safely encased in my arms. She sighed and smiled sadly at me before getting up to use the bathroom. I looked after her disappearing form while I mentally filleted fucking Jake.

Bella insisted on making lunch for us, and afterward we spent the afternoon cuddled on the couch, watching movies and napping from time to time. Bella talked on the phone with both Tiny and Rose before dinner, and by the time we were seated at the table with plates of steaks and baked potatoes in front of us, my girl was smiling again.

"Are you okay?" I couldn't help but ask her. I didn't want her putting up some front with me.

She nodded. "He's gone, isn't he? Even if he ever comes back, he doesn't have any hold over me anymore. I must be stupid since I hadn't realized that before talking to Rose. She mentioned something about female power and control over your own life…or something like that. I sometimes tune her out when she goes off on a tangent," she said, smiling sheepishly.

I laughed. "We all tune her out sometimes," I assured her. "But I'm glad you realized that. I hope you also know that I won't let anyone hurt you again. I don't care who the fuck is after you. They won't get anywhere near you if you don't want them to. I'll sit outside Tiny's all day if I have to."

"You'd freeze to death," Bella said, smiling a little. "But thank you. It's nice not having to face my battles alone anymore."

I didn't tell her that I'd fight any battle for her, because that shit just sounded gay, but I would have. We ate while discussing lighter subjects, such as the upcoming weekend and my parents' anniversary dinner.

After dinner I sat back down with my laptop and the short story I had started earlier. Bella went off on a baking kick that left the house smelling like a bakery and me salivating like a goddamn dog.

Bella seemed completely back to her old self, going into work Thursday and Friday while I worked on my research and character development. Jasper stopped by Friday afternoon in his beloved old, piece of crap truck, which I always stubbornly claimed I could hear all the way from the opposite side of town every time he started it. It belonged at the scrap yard, but Rose had spent countless hours working on it to make it run because he was too damn sentimental to get rid of it.

He was unusually jittery, bouncing his leg, fidgeting with his sleeves, and lost in thought, making me repeat almost everything I said.

"I think I might have fucked up, Eddie," he suddenly blurted as I was answering his question about how my research was going. "Or maybe I did the best thing ever. I can't decide which."

"There's no in between?" I mused.

He shook his head somberly, looking like he was in pain. "What do you think, bro?"

"About what?" I asked with a snort. I had never seen him like this before, except maybe that time in high school where what's-her-name with the bad perm had falsely claimed she was pregnant with his kid. "It would help if you let me in on the secret about what the hell we're talking about, Jazz."

"Oh. Right." He laughed nervously, making me even more curious as to what had my usually calm and levelheaded brother so on edge.

"Well, um. I might not have gone home Tuesday night," he said slowly.

"Okay…? And where did you go instead, if you don't mind me trying to get a fucking clue here?" I probed.

"Um…Alice's?"

Well fuck.

"Are you making it sound like a question because you're not sure if you went to her place or because you know that I'll kick your ass if you treat Tiny like one of your usual sluts?" I asked. "And by the way – what the fuck? Did she threaten to crush your balls if you didn't go home with her or what?"

"No. Shit, Eddie," he said and groaned. "I know where I was, and she didn't threaten my balls as much as…um, never mind. It's just…she's Alice, you know? But then she's…well, not."

"She's not Alice?" I asked, unable to refrain from having a little fun at his expense, even if he did look like a stressed-out yuppie.

"You know how she is…but then she wasn't," he said, gesturing wildly with his hands.

"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. She's Tiny but she's not?"

"She was different. She is different when it's just the two of us together and…" He trailed off.

"And what?"

"And I kind of like her," he said, sighing.

"You kind of like her? Are we back in high school now? And does you kind of liking her mean that she won't receive your patented slut treatment?"

"She's not a slut, and I am definitely not going to treat her as one," he stressed. "So you can stop abandoning your real brother and adopting Alice as your new sister. I'm not gonna hurt her."

I didn't say anything as I let the thought fester, all the time fighting my twitching lip. It was kind of funny now that I knew that he wasn't going to just ditch her like he usually did with the women he hooked up with.

"I'm gonna go with the latter," I finally decided.

"What?" he asked.

"That you did the best thing ever, not fucking up," I clarified. "Tiny is fucking awesome."

"I know," he said and nodded with a faraway look in his eyes. "I may also have invited her along to Mom and Dad's anniversary tomorrow."

I laughed to the point of crying. It was fucking hilarious, and it would be even more hilarious tomorrow if my mom thought she was some kind of master matchmaker, and that it was her doing that Jasper was bringing Tiny as his date. When I finally calmed down, I looked over at Jasper, who sat staring out of the window with a silly smile on his face. Then I started laughing again.

Jasper had disappeared in his crappy truck by the time Bella came home. I was attempting to do a little outlining when she came up behind me and put her arms around my neck, pressing her cheek against mine.

"Hey, you," she said softly into my ear and pressed her soft lips against my neck.

I reached for her hands and managed to pull her around onto my lap. She giggled and put her arms around my neck again as I pulled her closer and brought her lips to mine. "Hello," I said against her lips. Then I decided that talking was overrated and just kissed the shit out of my girl, who tasted fucking spectacular.

When we pulled away to breathe, her eyes were shining and her cheeks flushed. And then I just had to kiss her once more. We were both laughing when we pulled apart again, and she wove her hands through my hair as we sat and smiled goofily at each other.

"I saw Jasper at the boutique just before I left," Bella said after a while. "He said he just came from here."

I chuckled. "Yeah, that was a very interesting visit to say the least."

"I have an idea what he might have told you," she said with a snicker. "Especially after listening to Alice yesterday and today. I have to admit that I didn't get it yesterday, but after she had called Jasper every single word she could think of, good and bad, it finally dawned on me what had her rattled."

"It's kinda funny, the two of them together," I mused. "And it's probably not a very nice thing to say, but it's even funnier that they don't even know what to make of it."

"Did Jasper tell you that he invited Alice along as his date for your parents' anniversary dinner?" Bella asked. After my nod she continued, "When Rose originally told her about the dinner, Alice insisted on sorting out a dress for her. She did the same when she heard that I was going, and now she's going completely crazy trying to find the perfect one for herself. She's changed her mind at least ten times today."

"I bet you'll be fucking beautiful," I said, grinning. "But then again, you always are. Tiny could put you in a garbage bag, and you'd still be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Bella blushed and shook her head. "I think Alice is all out of garbage bags at the boutique fortunately."

The following night, my jaw almost hit the fucking floor when I saw Bella in her not-so-garbage-bag-looking dress, high heels, and the bracelet I had gotten her for her birthday. She was more than beautiful – she was a fucking vision. The dress was strapless, giving me a full view of her creamy neck, shoulders and arms. It was beige, covered in lace and with a satiny sash and bow around her waist, hugging her like I wanted to. It reached her knees, giving way to creamy calves that ended with her fucking perfect, little feet encased in strappy heels covered in glittery stones.

I had never wanted any woman more than I wanted Bella right at that moment.

Her hair hung in soft, shiny waves around her face and down her back, and her face shone with excitement under the minimal make-up she had put on. A blush spread on her cheeks and down her chest as I stood staring at her like an idiot. I had never seen her so dressed up before, but I was going to brainstorm for ideas as to how I could make her do it again. I'd even put on my suit every time, even though I fucking hated it.

I held out my hand, taking hers in my own and squeezing it. "I'm a poor writer – I don't have the right words to tell you how beautiful you are, Bella."

Her blush intensified, making her look even lovelier. There was a distinct possibility that I would spontaneously combust before the evening was over.

After a heated make out session that left Bella having to fix her makeup, we finally made it out the door. She fiddled with my iPod on the drive up the coast while I fought to keep the grin off my face. I was ridiculously excited to bring Bella home to meet my parents. It didn't matter that my mom already knew her – it was all about bringing a girl, my girl, home, which I hadn't done since my first girlfriend in high school. She had lasted about two weeks.

Jasper pulled up just behind us when we reached my childhood home, parking among the surprisingly large number of cars lining the long driveway. He was driving Tiny's car, and I held back a snicker as he rushed around to the passenger side and opened the door. Tiny jumped out of the car and latched onto his arm, from which she didn't fucking move all night.

The porch was lit with lanterns, and the big white house looked inviting in the flickering candlelight, lit up warmly with lights in every single window. Bella's eyes were shining, and I only just caught myself before I started gaping again when I helped her shrug out of her coat once we were inside.

Laughter and soft music came from deeper inside the house, and I wondered what exactly my mom had meant when she had called this a nice family dinner. It looked like she might have adopted a large portion of the local community as her family just for the occasion. Jasper looked at me with raised eyebrows, but all I could do was shrug. Tiny was bouncing a little next to him, and I couldn't help but smile. The girl was vibrating with excitement, and she looked cute in her red dress, red heels, and sparkly clips in her hair.

I took Bella's hand and lead her into the living room, which was filled with people. There was a gift table brimming with gifts and flowers, and I put the one from Bella and me down with the rest.

Inspired by the anniversary trip that was now postponed until my dad was one hundred percent back to his old self, I had purchased airline tickets to Venice for them to travel in April. I had also booked a luxurious hotel room and stuck the printed out confirmations in an envelope. Then I had showed it to Bella.

My girl had then gone and purchased a travel guide and a map to go along with the gift, as well as spent several hours last night transforming my print-outs in an envelope into a elegant-looking gift box, complete with beautifully scripted cards instead of the prints, pictures showing the hotel, and recommendations for restaurants, museums and local sights.

Bella, in true Bella fashion, had refused to put her name on the card, which in turn made me insist on just sticking with my boring envelope. An hour's worth of discussion later, I was the proud winner, and Bella's name was on the card.

Jasper and Tiny also deposited two gifts on the table just as the couple of the night made their way over to us, smiling widely and looking more like teenagers in love rather than a couple who had been married for thirty years. My mom was looking beautiful in a green dress and her hair held up by a fancy clip in the same color. My dad was looking at her like she was the only woman he had seen in a while, and I had to avert my gaze as that shit was just uncomfortable.

"Darlings," my mom sang, hugging us all.

My dad officially met Bella and Tiny, and he turned on his charm, making them both blush and giggle. And then he fucking winked at Jasper and me, telling us that our girls were as beautiful as his. If I hadn't known that he was banned from alcohol these days, I would seriously have suspected that he'd started the evening with a couple of bottles of champagne.

Rose and Emmett were already there, and they came over to join us after Rose had escaped old Great-uncle Felix who had a tendency to rest his hand on Rose's ass and then claimed to be senile when she called him out on it.

"Fuck, did you guys know that Mom had invited this many people?" Rose asked wide-eyed, looking spectacular as usual in a white strapless dress with a black sash and her hair up on top of her head like a fucking bird's nest. A fancy bird's nest, but a bird's nest all the same. She was holding onto Emmett's arm as if that would save her from the friendly creeps. Emmett looked comical in his suit, standing straight as a board and fiddling with his tie as if it was choking him.

"Nah, I might have stayed home if I'd known," Jasper grumbled. He snatched an abandoned tray filled with champagne glasses and offered us each one glass as a smile spread on his face, and he suddenly looked like he didn't mind being there so much.

I knew my mom would be over any minute and tell us to mingle. It was one of her favorite words, and she used it as soon as she saw a crowd, teaching Rose, Jasper, and I the fine art of it as soon as we were old enough. So I grabbed Bella's hand and started the daunting job of saying hello and introducing Bella to an ass-load of people that I couldn't care less about.

Great-uncle Felix consequently called me Jasper, but took a real liking to Bella, whose name he had no trouble remembering, even after only hearing it once. I gracefully kept her at an angle where he would be unable to so much as look at her ass, whispering under my breath to her why. She fought to keep in the giggles, and we quickly excused ourselves, pointing him in the direction of Rose, who was still not doing her mother proud by mingling.

Doctor White, one of my dad's colleagues at the hospital, shared his rather unique opinion of president Obama with us, and one of my mom's snobbish friends, whose names I couldn't for the life of me remember, pinched my cheek and told us all about her grandchildren before not so subtly hinting that my mom wanted some, too.

Hastily escaping her, we found my Aunt Carmen standing by herself near the fireplace, watching my parents as they talked and laughed with their guests. She was sniffling and dabbing her red-rimmed eyes, sighing softly, and downing one glass of champagne after the other.

"They look so beautiful together," she said with a teary sigh. "They always have. I can't believe it's been thirty years since they married. I swear it was the most beautiful wedding I've ever seen." She tore her gaze away from my parents and looked at me. "And look at you, a grown man already. It seems like only yesterday that you were toddling around in diapers."

I cringed and Bella giggled, Aunt Carmen taking that as her cue to launch into several embarrassing childhood tales starring yours truly, which I would have preferred never to have Bella know about. I saw no good coming of her knowing that I stripped in front of everyone my first day of kindergarten because I had a fever and was hot. Or knowing exactly how old I was before I stopped wetting my bed.

I tuned my aunt out and just looked at Bella laughing instead. She was so fucking beautiful, and it took everything I had to keep my hands and lips off her.

I sat between Bella and Rose during the very elaborate dinner. I had a feeling that my mom was going all out simply out of gratitude that my dad was still around and doing so well. Thankfully, she had hired caterers, or else she might have been the one in danger of having a heart attack caused by stress.

"I overheard the most curious thing earlier," Rose whispered to me during the main course. "Mom and Dad are planning a trip for New Years."

I frowned, not really seeing the curious thing about that since they had been planning a trip all along. "Dad could probably travel now if he had to, they're just taking precautions. New Years is six weeks away. There's honestly nothing to worry about, Rosie."

"I'm not worried about that," she whispered back. "They're going to Las Vegas to renew their vows in a fucking Elvis chapel, Eddie! And we're not even invited!"

"What?" I said out loud, catching the attention of the people around us. That included Jasper, who looked at us curiously across the table, never one to miss a fight between us.

"Sshhh!" Rose hissed. "It's a secret! I'm not even supposed to know. I just overheard Mom and Dad clearing it with Doctor Dunne earlier."

"Well, fuck me," I said slowly, wondering when the fuck my parents had become teenagers again.

"No thanks, Eddie," Emmett guffawed from Rose's other side, and I would have flipped him off if I hadn't been sitting at my mom's dining table. There were just certain things that you didn't do, even if your mom's sanity was up for evaluation.

After absorbing Rose's news, I decided that I was proud of my parents. After thirty years of marriage they still loved each other – so much that they wanted to confirm it in front of God and a guy impersonating Elvis. If that wasn't love, I didn't know what was.

After dinner we hit the alcohol to escape the weird crowd. Rose and I also let Jasper in on our parents' little secret. After a drink or two too many, the three of us made the decision to go over and congratulate them.

"Tell the truth, Dad," Jasper said, giggling as he usually did after drinking too much. "Did you go down on one knee again?"

"It's so sweet that you're renewing your vows," Rose said with a dreamy sigh before Dad could answer. "But honestly, what's the deal with not inviting us?"

I was about to ask them why they had chosen an Elvis chapel of all things when I noticed the look of surprise on their faces and started laughing instead. I, too, could feel the effect of the alcohol in my body.

"How do you know about that?" my dad asked.

"Aw, don't be mad, Daddy," Rose said and attempted to pout. "I might have overheard you talking to Doctor Dunne earlier."

Our parents looked at each other with such love and devotion that Rose, Jasper, and I let out a collective sigh. "It's just something we'd like to do for us," my dad said softly, looking all lovingly and shit at my mom. "I was still in medical school when we got married, so we never really had a honeymoon. It's taken much too long, but now we're going to do something about it and travel to see some of the places we've always talked about visiting."

"I'm getting nauseous," Jasper complained, and Rose slapped the back of his head.

Although the evening had been nothing like I'd expected, with the too many guests and lovey-dovey parental unit, I couldn't help but smile on the way home. Bella was driving as she and Tiny had been smarter than the rest of us and not violated the bar in the kitchen at my parents' house. I didn't remember much from the past couple of hours and had barely been able to walk down the stairs from the porch, while Tiny and Bella almost had to carry Jasper out to Tiny's car.

Rose and Emmett were snoring in the back seat of my Volvo, and I couldn't wait to give her hell about that later. I smiled at Bella, who offered the most beautiful smile in return, and I couldn't help but let my thoughts fly on their own alcohol-induced wings. I wished it was me who was going to Vegas and getting married by Elvis, and I also wished it was me snoring in the backseat because I was fucking exhausted. While I was at it, I also wished it was me that was Bella's pretty dress because I wouldn't fucking mind hugging her the way it had been all night. And more than anything I wished that I hadn't drunk as much as I had because I was going to have one motherfucker of a hangover tomorrow.

Fuck me.

I might have said that out loud because Bella looked strangely at me as she pulled up to the curb in front of Rose's place. And then I might have passed out because everything went black and warm and fuzzy…


	21. She Wants Me Want to be Shakespeare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: If I haven't made it clear yet, my betas, Dinx and nowforruin, are amazing and full of win. I love them for putting up with my grammar fail. Big thanks and smooches to my pre-reader, Lisa – this chapter is for her. :)

CHAPTER 21

Edward:

She Makes Me Want to be Shakespeare

A million and three jackhammers were pounding in my head when I woke up. I was afraid to open my eyes in case my brain shattered and all my memories of Bella wearing that beautiful dress from the night before were lost forever. That would be fucking sad.

I scrunched up my face, trying to muster enough strength to will away the pain. Then, the bed sagged next to me, and before I even had time to worry about my stomach content making an appearance, I felt soft, cool fingers caressing my eyebrow and soft lips kiss my forehead. I relaxed instinctively at the heavenly feeling, a smile fighting off the grimace currently on my face.

"Feels nice, don't ever stop," I said, coughing a little as the words irritated my throat. I bravely opened my eyes, blinking as I took in the blurry and dark bedroom.

"There's a bottle of water and aspirin on the bedside table," Bella said softly.

"You are fucking perfect," I told her, gingerly sitting up a little so I could reach for the bottle and the pills. I took a hesitant sip of water, hoping my stomach wasn't going to rebel on me, before swallowing the pills and finishing off the bottle. "Shit," I said, groaning, dizzy from tilting my head back to drink. "What the hell did I drink last night? I haven't felt like this since a frat party that Jasper dragged me to in college. I think they'd made punch out of an entire liquor store, and it tasted fucking great. Unfortunately it nearly killed me the next day."

Bella giggled, which didn't irritate my head as much as the sound of my own voice, or even the sound of the waves crashing against the shore outside. But then again, very few things she ever did irritated me, even if I did have the mother – and father – of all headaches.

"I think the real question is, what didn't you drink," she said. "You and Jasper were intent on having every drink you could possibly think of, no matter how much we warned you about the consequences. He's spent the night on the bathroom floor, by the way. Alice called a little while ago and shared all the gory details."

"That makes me feel a little bit better. There are few things better than knowing that your brother can't hold his liquor as well as you can." I sighed. "I just wish I didn't owe my parents such a motherfucker of an apology for ruining their anniversary party. Were they mad?"

"Not at all," Bella assured me. "Your dad thanked you for the great entertainment, and after most of the guests had left, your mom tasted quite a few of the drinks with you while showing Alice and I yours and Jasper's baby pictures. She also tried to show Emmett Rose's baby pictures, but he kept seeing double and asking who all the babies were. Alice, your dad, and I agreed that staying sober can be as much fun as getting plastered."

"Fuuuuck. I'm never drinking again," I swore and groaned, hiding under the covers. In my mom's stupid photo albums there was actually a picture of the stripping story my Aunt Carmen had told Bella, and honestly – drinking with my mother? No more alcohol for me. Ever.

Bella just laughed. "I made breakfast. If you'd rather get some more sleep, I'll put your plate in the oven for later. I'm gonna take you up on your offer and borrow your other laptop to try and write something today."

"Good idea," I mumbled, already half-asleep again. "I'll just sleep. Wake me up for Thanksgiving. I don't wanna miss the pumpkin pie."

I slept until early in the afternoon, waking up without a headache, but still feeling like I had been hit by a fucking truck. Or a train. Or Emmett. I staggered into the bathroom for a much needed shower, letting the warm spray soothe my achy, old bones. I dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, declaring my hair a lost cause, and went to find Bella. The house was quiet, so that told me nothing. She wasn't in the kitchen, although a plate with sandwiches and two brownie muffins was sitting on the counter next to the coffee machine. My stomach rumbled in response to the sight, but I decided to find Bella first.

She wasn't in the living room or in the library. After searching all the rooms in the house and not finding her, I concluded that she wasn't there, and as always when I couldn't find her, the panic bubbled up in my throat, making it difficult to breathe. Her sketch book was lying on the dining room table, and although I was in a hurry to find my girl, I couldn't help but stop on my trek to the front door and open the book.

Bella had never showed it to me directly, so looking through it wasn't the nicest thing I could have done. But I did it anyway, marveling at her talent as I looked at the familiar faces and places she had sketched. I wondered if she had any idea that she could probably make a living off it. She was fucking brilliant and perhaps the most creative person I had ever met. I also couldn't help but wonder if she had ever showed Jasper her sketches during their art bonding times; in my uneducated opinion, her sketches were better than the painting that I loved the fuck out of.

My heart beat funnily when I reached the last sketch she had made. It was of me, and the detail was breathtaking. She had captured me with a faraway look in my eyes, and I had a feeling it was a moment where I was lost in thought, plotting or thinking about Bella.

Bella. Who I couldn't find. The panic returned, and I dashed to the front door, swinging it open with so much force that it hit the wall with a loud thud. My eyes searched the porch frantically, and I nearly collapsed with relief when I saw Bella leaning against the railing. Her head turned when she heard me. She was smiling, but the smile faded when she saw me.

"Edward? What's wrong? Are you still feeling sick?" she asked, coming over to me and reaching up to rest her mitten-covered hand against my cheek while her eyes searched mine for answers.

I wasted no time wrapping my arms tightly around her and breathing her in deeply. "Fuck. I'm just an idiot," I said, sighing.

"No, you're not," she argued, wrapping her other arm around me.

I snorted. "Then tell me what you call me for having a panic attack every fucking time I don't know where you are."

She turned her head a little and kissed my, unfortunately t-shirt-covered, chest just above my heart. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "That's my fault for running off on you twice. Never again, though, Edward. I swear."

"I know. I believe you now, and I believed you the first time you said it, hence me being an idiot for panicking anyway."

"Fear is irrational," Bella said. "I know all about that. So please stop calling yourself an idiot, I don't like it."

"Anything for you, beautiful girl. I'll just think it from now on."

She swatted my back, and I laughed into her hair. She smelled fucking amazing, felt even better in my arms, and once I knew she was right where she belonged, everything was right in my world again.

I ate my late lunch in the kitchen while I watched Bella make a pumpkin cheesecake for Tiny's Monday night dinner. After I'd begged pathetically, she made an extra one just for the two of us. Life was fucking good.

I did a little research in the late afternoon, sitting at the dining room table with one of the books Bella had gotten me in Portland opened in front of me, but in reality researching Bella. She was sitting across from me with one of her notebooks, alternating between scribbling furiously and staring into thin air with a dreamy look in her eyes. I would have given my left arm for a peek into her mind, but had to settle for just watching her.

When she finally caught me staring, she winked. "Okay, you can stop that now. I think it's time for your first cooking lesson."

"Cooking lesson?" I questioned. "Um, I'm not sure that's such a good idea. My dad's not working these days, and I don't think any of the other doctors would pump me full of drugs like he did last time I attempted to cook."

She laughed. "Thanks for the vote of confidence. Do you really think that I'd let you get hurt?"

"No, but I might just find a way to get hurt anyway. I'm talented that way."

"Okay, you wuss. Stay here with your book, then," she said with a smirk as she rose from her seat, picked up her notebook, and went into the kitchen.

I groaned. Fuck me if the girl didn't know exactly how to play me. I rose from my seat and followed her like the whipped man that I was. "I'm not wearing that frilly apron my mom left here the last time she cooked for me," I warned her, trying to keep my lip from twitching when Bella giggled in victory.

I mostly watched in awe as she made everything look so easy. She made me stir the sauce, chop the vegetables, and as the grand finale, set the timer for the oven. I'd kind of wished my mom or Tiny had been there to see me in my proud moment.

When dinner was in the oven, the table set, and everything cleared away, I backed Bella up against the counter, resting my hands on the small of her back and smirking down at her. "So, do I get a grade or a diploma or something? I'd like some kind of physical evidence to show people so they don't think I'm lying when I tell them about my big accomplishment."

Bella bit her lip, clearly fighting a smile, and pressed herself against me in a move bolder than anything she had done since the first night in front of the bar. I groaned, feeling her soft curves, her warmth, and her wandering hands that found their way up in my hair as I slid my hands down to cup her ass, pressing her even closer. I leaned down to kiss those inviting lips that enticed me just about every fucking second of every day.

I picked her up and placed her on the counter as the kiss intensified. She spread her legs and pulled me closer until I was standing between them, scooting to the edge of the counter and meeting my hardening erection with her blissful heat. I had never hated jeans and sweats as much as in that moment.

Bella broke away for air, her gasp giving way for a moan as I kissed down her jaw, nipped at the skin on her creamy neck, and licked above her collarbone. Her hands were busy migrating from my hair to my chest, down to my waist, and up under my t-shirt. I broke away from her skin for a second, gasping as her fingers caressed my skin. This girl was making me fucking crazy, and I loved every second of it.

Our lips met again, and my hands involuntarily found their way to Bella's tits. I had fantasized about them to the brink of insanity during the past three months, and only fear of my girl bolting had kept me from touching them even at our most heated make out sessions. But they were The promised land, looking all spectacular under the tight coffee-colored, long-sleeved t-shirt she was wearing. Hell, even more so in the tank tops she wore to bed that showed her nipples through the thin fabric because she didn't wear bras at night. I had been a fucking saint, and the way she was now pushing into my eager touch had to be my reward – and what a reward. She was fucking perfect, filling my hands, all soft and warm with her throaty moans as the perfect soundtrack to my long-awaited explorations.

My t-shirt was the first casualty of our tryst – soon followed by hers. Her bra was pale green, lacey, and sexy as fuck. I lowered my head to kiss the blushing skin above the lace, and Bella's hands once again found purchase in my hair, holding my head in place and making sure I didn't stray from my path. Like that was even possible. I trailed kisses down over the lace, biting down gently on a hardened nipple and listening to her cry out.

"Edward," she said as she exhaled, tightening her fists in my hair. I grinned against the lace, looking up at her without stopping the assault with my mouth. Our eyes met, and I silently asked her for permission to remove the bra, putting my fingers over the clasp on her back to let her know what I wanted. Most of me, anyway. My cock was so hard that I was in fucking pain, and it had its own agenda, but the rest of me was determined to take things at Bella's pace.

She nodded, wide-eyed, blushing, and slightly out of breath, arching her back when I flicked the clasp open. I took a step back to remove the bra completely, and my heart just about fucking melted when she instinctively moved her arms up to cover herself. I discarded the bra on the floor and stepped back in front of her, cradling her face in my hands and smiling down at her.

"Hey, it's just me, beautiful," I said softly and captured her lips again. She moaned, and I kept kissing her until her arms were back on me instead of on herself. I kissed my way down her neck and further down, stopping only when I reached her boobs. There were now few places left that I had not seen on my girl, and she was fucking beautiful all over. I circled a nipple with my tongue, and she arched her back as I felt the peak harden further under my touch. I had to touch with my hands, too, and they agreed with my tongue that my girl was fucking perfection, spilling deliciously out of my hands and tasting like home, heaven, and Bella all in one.

"Shit, beautiful. I wanna write your tits a fucking sonnet," I said distractedly against her skin.

She giggled, only to abruptly stop when I flattened my tongue against one of her nipples and licked it until she threw back her head and moaned. I kissed her exposed throat and shamelessly ground my hard cock against her, once again cursing the damn jeans and sweats.

I found her lips again while fondling my two new favorite playthings. One of Bella's hands was on my lower back and the other cradling my cheek. She murmured something against my lips, though not pulling back completely. I straightened up and looked at her, caressing the sides of her tits and wishing I could talk her into going topless in the house at all times.

The thirty-seventh blush of the day covered her cheeks and her chest as she bit her lip and avoided my eyes. I had a feeling what she wanted to say, and I chuckled as I kissed her forehead while overruling my cock that had different plans for the evening.

"I promised you a while ago that whatever happens between us happens at your pace, remember? Don't be embarrassed to tell me to stop," I told her gently. "While I may be able to read your body language, I can't read your mind, so you have to tell me, okay?"

She nodded. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't apologize. There's absolutely nothing to apologize for," I insisted, cradling her face to make her look at me and see that I was serious.

"I just feel like such a hypocrite," she admitted with a sigh. "Being with you like this…it feels so amazing, Edward. And more than anything I want to continue, but I'm so afraid of freezing up like I used to, you know? That would be even worse than asking you to stop. And it's stupid because I don't know for sure if I will freeze up, and yet I need you to stop…and I can't even tell you why."

I pulled her close, trying to ignore the feel of her naked chest pressed against mine. "I'm not always a very patient man, but with you, beautiful girl, my patience seems to be never-ending. I don't know why that is, it just is. So take all the time you need, both with the intimacy and whatever happened to you that makes you react the way you do.

"But Bella, I have to ask you this. And perhaps I'm the hypocrite now, as I've just told you to take your time, but it's fucking killing me. Were you…fuck. Were you raped?"

That's when she froze up, looking at me wide-eyed. Everything in her reaction confirmed my suspicion, and I felt my heart break and the rage build inside my body. But then she shook her head, and the words coming out of her mouth disagreed with her body's reaction.

"No."

At the undoubtedly desperate look in my eyes, she shook her head again. "I wasn't raped," she said, her shaky voice telling me that she was lying, but the truth shining in her eyes telling me the opposite.

"I'm not lying," she insisted. "I haven't told you everything about my past, but I have never lied, and I'm not lying now."

I silently nodded and kissed the tears from her cheeks. Her words should have comforted me, but they didn't. And I didn't want to upset her more by asking more questions after promising her that I wouldn't.

"Shit, the food!" Bella exclaimed, pushing me away and hopping down from the counter, tits bouncing and distracting me for several moments more until she covered herself with her shirt, and a fucking gross stench invaded my nostrils.

I looked over at the oven and saw the tell-tale smoke coming from it. Goddamn, we had been so engrossed in each other to actually miss the dinner finish cooking and the oven almost catching on fire.

We had managed to completely miss the timer for the oven going off, and, once again more food died a terrible death thanks to me being in the kitchen. I'd have given up dinner on a permanent basis, though, for frequent glimpses and touches of Bella's magnificent tits.

Bella put her shirt back on properly and threw out the ruined meal before banishing me to the other side of the counter where I couldn't cause any more damage. As I watched, dreaming about her topless and not feeling as guilty about the ruined meal as I probably should have, Bella threw together a quick pasta dish and a salad.

I grinned sheepishly as we sat down to eat and promised to clean up afterwards. Bella burst out laughing, and while we ate, we agreed that some people were just born without the dinner cooking gene.

Jasper called me just as I was finishing cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. "What's up, bro? I hear you've had a rather intimate encounter with the bathroom floor," I said and cackled without mercy into the phone.

"Fucking Alice," was his reply as he groaned.

"I wholeheartedly approve of your relationship with her," I said. "With the way she talks, I'll get so much more dirt on you to give you hell about."

"How the hell are you so chipper? The way I've heard it, we both drank our weight in a million different drinks, so why am I the only one dying?"

"I was only dying about half an hour this morning. It was about as bad as that whole punch disaster in college, remember? I managed to sleep most of it off, though."

"So unfair," Jasper whined. "Dad called me earlier. He's considering renting us out as live entertainment because we're apparently funny as hell when we're drunk. I just told him to keep searching for a hobby because stand up comedy isn't it for him either."

I snorted.

"Okay, I don't wanna talk to you anymore since you're obviously doing much better than I am," Jasper told me. "I was hoping that giving you hell about your hangover would cheer me up, but since that's out…goodbye."

I laughed and pocketed my phone after my brother had hung up on me. There was nothing like a crazy ass family to liven up your life.

Later that night, Bella asked if she could use my printer.

I kissed her soundly. "You can do whatever you want, and you don't have to ask. Whatever I have is yours," I told her.

She smiled at me, thanked me, and ducked into the library to do her thing. I desperately wanted her to understand that I would give her the moon should she ever find any fucking use for it.

A little later she came back out to the living room where I was lounging on the couch under the pretense of reading. I hadn't bothered to open the book, though. Somewhere in the background I could hear that Bella had turned some music on, and I was doing nothing but being a lazy ass while I attempted not to think about the encounter in the kitchen that had led to the destruction of our original dinner.

She sat down next to me, curling into my side and holding out a stack of paper. "I was hoping you might want to read this," she said shyly, avoiding my eyes. "I spent the morning typing it up from my notebook while you slept, and while it's quite daunting to let you read it, I just don't want it to become another secret that I'm keeping from you."

"I wouldn't consider you keeping something you wrote for yourself a secret," I said slowly. "I'll admit that I'm curious as hell, and I'd be fucking honored if you'd let me read it, but I want it to be because you want to, not because you feel you have to."

"I do want to," she insisted, finally looking up to meet my eyes. "It's just that you're having your sixth novel published soon, and I'm a big nobody. And I'm nervous, okay? Well, maybe freaked out is a better description, actually."

"You're the creative writing major," I protested. "I'm the untrained, rogue wannabe who somehow managed to catch a lucky break. You know more about how to write a story than I do. I just write it and hope for the best."

"But you do that very well," she said dryly, holding out the papers again. "Would you read this please?"

"I would love to," I said, smiling widely.

I took the papers, and Bella got up and busied herself elsewhere. I rid myself of the book I had been holding onto and delved into a story full of historical drama, natural flow, and memorable characters. I wondered if there was anything that she couldn't do. She created magic with a paint brush and a pencil as well as with a spatula. She obviously mastered the written word well, knew what she was doing, and there was no denying that she also loved writing. That shit always showed.

I stood up and went in search of Bella, finding her in the laundry room folding clothes. She bit her lip when she saw me, and although I knew what it was like, I wished that she wouldn't be so insecure about the things she did so well. I wanted to shower her in the praise that she so definitely deserved, but I needed to make sure that she knew that I was one hundred percent serious.

"Promise me something?" I asked instead.

She nodded.

"Don't hide your talent for writing anymore. You're already hiding what an exceptional artist you are – at least share your writing with the world," I said, holding up her story. "This is fucking brilliant, and while I'm honored to be the first to read it, I don't want to be the only one."

"But I-"

I shook my head. "Promise me. I don't believe you majored in creative writing only to write for your desk drawer."

"I don't have a desk drawer, let alone a desk," she said weakly.

"I'll buy you a fucking desk. Hell, I'll buy you ten desks. Just promise me that you'll at least give it a shot."

"I promise," she said softly. "But if you had let me finish before, I would have said that I don't know where to even start."

I shrugged. "We'll find out. I've got an agent who can be a huge idiot, but he does know his stuff. I'll ask him if we come up short on ideas."

"Do you really think it's good?" she asked, fidgeting with her sleeve.

I laughed, and we spent the next hour on the couch going through her story. By the time we were done, I was fucking pleased that she had stopped doubting me when I told her that she had written a brilliant piece of fiction.

A little later I went to bed, still a bit bombed after last night. I was definitely too old to drink like that. Bella climbed into bed in her tiny shorts and tight tank top. Tonight they were both blue, and she looked good enough to eat. I held open my arms for her, and she smilingly engulfed herself in my embrace. I breathed her in, feeling everything that had ever been wrong in the world right itself automatically. My lips found hers, and very soon I had my hands on her tits again. I fucking loved them.

Bella moaned against my lips, and I shifted against her, placing one of my legs between hers so that we both could get some much needed friction. We broke apart briefly for air, and she tugged at my t-shirt until I removed it along with her tank top. I looked at her even though it was dark, and she must have felt it, because she wove her hand in my hair and guided my face down to her tits.

I showered them in kisses as my own personal homage to the perfection they were, while words formed in my head. I had told her I wanted to write her tits a fucking sonnet, after all…

"'Tis soft; creamy white and mine, moonlight kissed. Let my lips worship this beauty of yours…" I said between kisses. I only managed two lines before running out of concentration.

Bella laughed, but gasped when I gently bit down on a nipple and decided that there was no fucking way she was putting her tank top back on tonight. Sleeping was now a topless affair.


	22. He Loves Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Betas are awesome. Dinx and nowforruin are mine, and they are the most awesome of all. My pre-reading sweetpea, lisamichelle17 is sweeter than sweet.

CHAPTER 22

Bella:

He Loves Me?

"Ugh!" Alice groaned and shook the tangled necklaces she was trying to sort and add to the jewelry display. "Stupid, stupid things! Would it be so difficult to put them in separate bags before shipping them?"

I hid my smile as I sorted through the matching bracelets. It was still early, so there weren't many customers yet, and the ones that had come in were being well taken care of by Angela or intent on browsing through the racks by themselves. I had been in the backroom going through the online orders that had come in since yesterday when Angela had stuck her head in, warning me that our boss was in the middle of completely destroying the jewelry display while muttering crazily to herself.

I had joined Alice out front and picked up the tangled bracelets thrown on the floor, quietly asking if she was okay. She had blamed her irritation on the tangled jewelry that had come in that morning, and while I agreed that it was a bitch to untangle, I knew there was more to her bad mood. My suspicions rested solely on one blond, blue-eyed Cullen male whose name was not Carlisle.

"He's just so…so…so…" she finally blurted out. She shook her head exasperated and blew out a breath. "You know what I mean? He's so…that I can't even find a word for it! It's frustrating the hell out of me!

"We are so wrong for each other that we might be right for each other. Does that even make sense?" She never waited for me to reply, which I was rather thankful for, as I had no idea what to say. "He's just so calm and cool and suave and…and…annoying. And I annoy him. We annoy each other so damn much, but then we don't, and everything is perfect."

"Maybe you just need some time to figure things out together," I suggested, not exactly an expert on relationships. As it was, Alice and Jasper as a couple didn't make a lot of sense as they were just about polar opposites, and I had never really believed the bullshit about opposites attracting. Though, if Alice and Jasper could make it work, I would be willing to change my mind.

"Maybe," she said and sighed, shaking the necklaces with a little less force.

"Anyway," she said, turning to me with sparkling eyes and a smile to match. "I have something exciting to tell you. It's been so difficult to keep it a secret, but I just had to make sure that I could actually do it."

I smiled at her mood shift. "Sounds intriguing."

She giggled. "Okay, so it isn't much yet, but I'm hoping that it might be soon. I've always dreamed of having my own boutique and selling my own designs, but I realized that starting out doing both at the same time was practically impossible, so I started out with the boutique, which has been great as you obviously know. But then I started dabbling with a sketch book and some fabric…"

"And?"

She bit her lip, but had to stop when her smile widened. "I wanted to tell you before the weekend, but I chickened out. The dress you were wearing Saturday night was my design. Rose's too, although she doesn't know either. I would have made one for myself, but stupid Jasper asked me so late that I didn't have time."

"Alice!" I squealed and hugged her. "Oh wow, that is… I don't even have the words. You are so amazingly talented! I adore that dress, and I wish I'd known that you'd actually made it. Some doctor's wife asked me about it, and I might have burst with pride if I had been able to tell her that it was an Alice original."

Alice giggled. "Whew, it was nice to finally get out. I'm gonna tell Rose later."

I laughed with her, and she told me how she was planning to add an item here and there of her own designs to the boutique's selection. In time she wanted to hire seamstresses to sew the clothes, as quality was not something she wanted to compromise on. But for the time being she was just going to fiddle with it herself as a hobby.

I spent most of the morning working in the back with the online orders and untangling more of the jewelry that had arrived. Alice was right – why couldn't they bag it separately before shipping it?

Around lunchtime Rose came into the boutique, cornering me when she saw that Alice was with a customer. "Hey, Bella-Marie," she said with a smile. I couldn't help but smile back, remembering how cold she had been with me at first. "Can you and Alice sneak away for lunch? My parents drove down here today because my dad wanted to go to Jasper's and try out painting as a new hobby. I swear, he's as busy hunting for a hobby as he was with work. But anyway, Mom will be spending the afternoon in here, but first she's requesting your company for lunch. She's over at my place cooking right now."

"Yeah, it shouldn't be a problem. It's not so busy today, and Angela is taking her lunch right now, so she can handle things alone for a while," I replied.

"Great. See you in fifteen minutes?"

I nodded. "Definitely."

Rose waved at Alice and left. When Alice finished up with the customer I went over to her. "I promised Rose we'd be over for lunch in ten minutes. Esme is in town and asked for our company."

A little later we were seated in Rose's apartment eating Esme's delicious lunch. She had made a feast of chicken and gnocchi soup with garlic bread and salad. We talked mostly about the anniversary dinner, and Esme apologized for her behavior after most of the guests had left.

"I don't normally drink to the point of intoxication, far from it actually, but I guess I needed a little release after everything that's been going on," she said and sighed. "Carlisle looks at me several times a day and bursts into spontaneous laughter."

"I found Emmett sleeping on the floor in my kitchen Sunday morning, and according to Alice, Jasper spent the night on the bathroom floor. I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about, Mom," Rose said with a snort. "I still have a slight hangover, too."

Alice and I looked at each other and laughed. It had been a lot of fun watching and making fun of the drunks Saturday night. While they had gotten steadily drunk, we had gotten to know Carlisle a little and agreed that the Cullens were lucky to still have him around. In our limited experience, he was a king among fathers.

"Alice and Bella, I'd like to invite you up for Thanksgiving. Emmett too, when I manage to catch him," Esme said with a mischievous smile. "I promise not to drink, although I can't speak for my children."

"Lock away the alcohol!" Rose suggested enthusiastically, looking like a member of the I'm Never Drinking Again Club started by Edward and Jasper.

"Thank you, Esme. We'd love to, right, Bella?" Alice said eagerly, to which I nodded. "And you should know, Esme. My brother never turns down a meal."

She and I had talked about celebrating Thanksgiving together if the Cullen half of our little group went up to spend the holiday with their parents as expected. Edward had talked about Thanksgiving like it was a given that I was going with him to his parents' house, and while I loved that he so naturally included me in his life, it was nice to have Esme ask.

"It's nice of you to include us, Esme," I said.

"Of course, honey," she replied. "It wouldn't be the same without any of you."

We finished up lunch, quickly helping each other clean up while Alice and I managed to convince Esme to let us bring something for the Thanksgiving dinner. I was in charge of the pies, and I could already hear Edward pleading for his very own pie to taste test.

"Bella, might I have a word with you before I declare myself a prisoner of shopping?" Esme asked with a smile that showed exactly how much she was going to enjoy her imprisonment.

"Sure, Esme," I replied. "If Alice doesn't mind, that is. I am officially working."

I looked at Alice, who grinned and nodded. "Take as much time as you need. I'm sure Angela and I won't be too overwhelmed," she teased.

We went downstairs – Alice returning to the boutique, and Rose disappearing into her office behind the bar. Esme and I sat down in a booth, and I smoothed down my shirt nervously as I waited for her to say something. I wondered what she wanted to talk to me about, and I struggled to keep the paranoid thoughts at bay. She couldn't possibly have known anything about my past, but on the other hand, she could have easily decided that I wasn't good for Edward for reasons that had nothing to do with it. Was she going to tell me to leave and stay away from Edward? Would I even survive that?

"I honestly don't know how to say this without sounding like meddling old bat," Esme finally said with a frown. "But something tells me that I have to. I just hope you'll forgive me if it comes out wrong, because you must trust me when I say that I am only here because I care. Some might say that I am meddling, but Carlisle, bless his precious heart, insists that it's my mother gene that's twice the normal size."

I suddenly felt very overwhelmed. I was both terrified that she was going to tell me that she didn't think I was good enough for her son, as well as comforted by what might be what she referred to as her mother gene.

"Bella, I have been referring to you as Edward's girlfriend much longer than he has," she said slowly. "I may not see my children as often as I'd like, which is partly my own fault for having an irrational fear of driving alone, but even with everything that has been going on with Carlisle, Edward's newfound happiness has not passed my nose by. And it's because of you."

She smiled at me with that smile. The smile that I had grown up imagining a real mother would smile like. A real mother who made cookies, sang you to sleep, and didn't leave you on your birthday never to come back. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Esme reached across the table, opening her hand. I hesitantly placed my own hand in hers and bit the inside of my cheek as I felt the tears threatening to well up in my eyes. I looked down at our clasped hands as she spoke again.

"Edward has always been a recluse, content in his own company, and Jasper especially has always fought to keep him from forgetting what other people looked like. Starting his writing career has only made it worse, and I never thought I'd see him happy with someone, living with someone, and loving someone. I'm just so grateful that he has met you, Bella."

A tear made its way down my cheek. This beautiful and kind woman had it all wrong, and I had no idea how to even begin to tell her that.

"But," she continued, blissfully unaware of my predicament. "And this is the part where I might sound like a meddling old bat, I have a feeling that the reason that I have been referring to you as his girlfriend for longer than he has, lies with you?"

I nodded and wiped a second tear away from my cheek.

She smiled at me gently and squeezed my hand. "You have shadows in your eyes, honey. You can tell me to shut up, and I promise that I will. But, Bella, we all have pasts. And if they include something that we had no or little control over, then we shouldn't punish ourselves for it. And yes, I know that is easier said than done. But it's true.

"My own past, before I met Carlisle that is, includes physical abuse, the death of my firstborn, and me jumping off a cliff," she said matter-of-factly, and I felt my eyes widen. "I have only shared the full story with my husband, even my children know less than you now. I guess what I am trying to say, is that our past tragedies and mistakes don't have to dictate the rest of our lives."

"I…" My voice broke, and I took a deep breath. "I just…I don't know how to not let it dictate my life, or at least influence it."

Esme sighed. "No. It is very difficult, I'll admit. But if you have made a mistake, there are always second chances, and if it was someone else's mistake, then you're not to blame. I'm not going to ask you what haunts you, Bella, because it's none of my business. I'm just going to tell you that if you do need someone to talk to, then I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Esme," I said softly. I took a deep breath and willed the tears away. "It really means a lot, much more than I can put into words, what you've said. It's given me something to think about."

She smiled brightly and squeezed my hand again. "Anytime, honey. Now let's go find Alice so she can convince me to spend a lot of money on clothes and shoes that I don't need."

I contemplated Esme's words all afternoon. I didn't want to be the girl with shadows in her eyes, as Esme had put it. And I certainly didn't want to give the men who had broken me in the first place the satisfaction of ruining the rest of my life, too. I just hadn't been aware that I had much choice in the matter.

Esme's words made me think differently, though. What had happened to me had been as much my fault as it had been Jake's and James' – and deep down, even my dad's, too. Dared I hope for a second chance? Dared I hope for that second chance to be Edward?

I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head before going over to help a customer. Thoughts about second chances and Edward were dangerous and would no doubt only cause me heartache in the long run, so I did my best to push them aside and focus on my job.

By the end of the day, Alice asked me – already knowing the answer – if I wanted to go upstairs and cook or stay down in the boutique and help close. I gratefully escaped upstairs and set to work on the chicken pot pie Alice had planned for dinner. I had brought the cheesecake I had made the day before, and I smiled to myself as I prepared the vegetables, remembering Edward begging for his very own cheesecake.

That man could honestly make me do anything. It was only because he was a complete saint with never-ending patience and didn't ask questions that I hadn't blurted out what a horrible human being I was. I knew that if he asked me, looking me straight in the eyes, what the hell my problem was, I'd probably be unable to do anything but answer him truthfully, effectively ruining my life in the process. If only he knew the power he had over me…

Emmett was the first one to arrive, and he joined me in the kitchen, sitting at the counter and begging to taste whatever I was making while telling dirty jokes and laughing loudly. I adored Emmett – he was my personal mood accelerator. It didn't matter how much I was wallowing in my own dark thoughts, he was always able to make me laugh with the way he could twist a punch line in even the most mundane story.

When Rose arrived fifteen minutes later, she immediately started bickering with Emmett, and fortunately they took it into the living room so I didn't need to listen to it. It was amusing, but only in small doses.

I was lost in thought when a throat cleared behind me. I knew it was Edward before I even turned around, and I promptly went into his arms. He was taking Alice very literally and didn't move beyond the threshold to the kitchen, although just distracting me from cooking dinner could easily turn out as it had the night before. I blushed just thinking about it.

His lips were soft against mine, and he smelled heavenly. There was no better place on earth than in his arms, and I cherished the feeling as long as I dared before reluctantly returning to my cooking.

When everyone had arrived, and we were seated at the table, Jasper entertained us by telling us about his day, which he had spent at his studio with his hobby searching dad.

"He's just not the hobby type," Jasper said with a snort and shook his head. "You have to enjoy a hobby, but he was all business and crap. He produced no less than five paintings, taking exactly one hour per piece as he fucking timed himself. They're only marginally better than Rose's."

"Hey!" Rose exclaimed, flipping him off. "Come run my bar for a week, and I'll tell you how much you suck, too."

That started a rather heated discussion between Rose and Jasper about who had the most talent while Edward first baited one of them, then the other. It was obvious he had done it a lot over the years as he wound them up perfectly, only to reverse and attack the other one instead. It was hilarious, and Alice laughed so much that she nearly choked on her wine.

The topic of conversation shifted from Christmas, to Esme and Carlisle's anniversary and the fact that they were going to Las Vegas for New Years to renew their vows, and finally to pizza toppings. The last one was Emmett's doing and earned him two slaps in the back of his head – one from Alice and one from Rose. They were getting good at tag-teaming.

"Your fucking awesome parents came by the garage on their way home and invited me up for Thanksgiving," Emmett said, looking at Rose as if to judge whether or not that would make her blow up in his face.

"I know," Rose said a little condescendingly. "Mom told us during lunch that she was going to ask you. Alice informed her that her Neanderthal of a brother never turns down free food because he's a greedy bastard like that."

"That's not a direct quote, but she caught the gist of it," Alice said with a giggle and a shrug. "Esme also invited Bella and me."

Edward reached for my hand under the table, squeezing it before caressing the back of it with his thumb. "You could have come anyway, you know," he whispered while the others started talking about the wonders of Thanksgiving food. "I always want you with me, and my mom is always asking me about you."

I smiled at him. It seemed as if he had figured out what I had been thinking. He was good at that – sometimes a little too good. I squeezed his hand back and was rewarded with a crooked smile. I loved those little moments in the middle of everything else where we just connected without the assistance of words.

It was late when we came home from Alice's. It was a clear night with very little wind and no rain for a change. It was so quiet with only the sound of the relatively still ocean and our boots meeting the wooden porch. I wrapped my hands around Edward's waist while he dug through his pocket for his keys.

He chuckled, and his chest vibrated against my cheek, even through his coat. He stuck the key into the keyhole and put his arms around me without opening the door. I leaned my head back and looked up at him. The porch light was on, making his hair shine like it was on fire and his eyes twinkle mischievously as he closed the distance between our lips.

The world around us disappeared when he kissed me. I wasn't cold anymore, the sound of the ocean was replaced by the sound of our breathing, and I felt his hard body against me all the way from my knees to my lips.

I moaned against his mouth as his hands moved to my backside under my coat. I was reminded by the first night we met, and for a fraction of a second I was afraid of freezing up because of the memories, but I didn't. Edward was safe, warm, and wrapped so closely around me that nothing else existed.

He turned us a little, pressing me against the door as his lips moved down my throat. I fisted my hands in his hair, and the moan escaping my mouth was embarrassingly loud. I nudged his face back up, and he chuckled deep in his throat, kissing me again.

"I can't get enough of you, beautiful girl," he panted as we finally broke apart for air again.

"Funny," I told him, also out of breath. "I can't get enough of you either."

He groaned and kissed me again, nibbling on my lower lip and making me weak in the knees, as well as a little dizzy. It was a good thing he had me pinned against the door. He shifted against me, and between us, we managed to jostle the door handle enough for the door to open.

I fell backwards with a shriek, clutching Edward's coat in my hands as he fell on top of me. I lost my breath from landing on the hardwood floor with Edward on top of me, and for a moment I was too winded to speak.

Edward scrambled away, cradling my face. "Shit, beautiful. Are you okay? Talk to me. Did I hurt you?"

I managed to shake my head.

"Are you sure?" he asked frantically, looking me over as if expecting to spot a big, bleeding wound or something.

I nodded, feeling the air return to my lungs and the tears well up in my eyes. I wasn't hurt at all, but within seconds laughter overtook me, bubbling up in my throat and making it even more difficult for me to breathe. I fanned my face as Edward sat on his knees and looked incredulously at me.

Looking at him made me laugh harder, and when he finally realized that I wasn't hurt, he joined me. I heard the faint sound of the grandfather clock in the library striking midnight while we lay laughing just inside the open front door as the cold night air breezed in. I felt free and incredibly happy.

Tuesday night I had wrapped myself in a blanket in my favorite chair in Edward's library. I was reading Tennyson, letting the familiar words fall inaudibly from my lips and soothe me with their age-old beauty. Poetry, Tennyson in particular, had always had a calming effect on me, and I knew that it wouldn't take me long to have my new volume of his works looking as tattered as the one I had left behind in Seattle.

Edward joined me after a while, leaning down for a kiss before plopping himself down on the rug in front of my chair. He looked up at me and smiled that soul-stealing, crooked smile of his, fidgeting with something in his lap. I put down my book and raised my eyebrows.

"What?" I asked.

"I've got something for you," he said, grinning.

"Christmas is still a month away," I reminded him teasingly.

"Yeah, thanks for the reminder. I need to finish my letter to Santa soon. I think it's gonna be my year this year. I've been such a good boy," he deadpanned, managing to keep a straight face almost the entire time.

He handed me a parcel wrapped haphazardly in crinkled brown paper, shrugging sheepishly but his twinkling eyes gave him away. Whatever this was, it obviously meant something. I slowly unwrapped the parcel and found a book inside. Before I even had time to take in what kind of book it was, Edward was talking a mile a minute.

"They expedited this motherfucker like you wouldn't believe. My editor said they've been pushing it like crazy because they wanted it out for the Christmas rush. I just got it in the mail today, and I wanted…needed…you to have the first copy because I still wouldn't have finished it if it wasn't for you and-" He stopped abruptly, having run out of air.

I took the opportunity to look at the book in my hands. The picture on the cover was of a black silhouette running in the mist between dark trees. It was painted, and I recognized Jasper's touch immediately. Across the top was the title and further down Edward's penname in bold, dark green letters with thin silver edges. It was in itself a piece of art, and I already knew that the book was a piece of art, as well.

"Open it. Read the dedications," Edward said softly, obviously having calmed down.

I did as he asked, all the while a little in awe that I was holding a book that I had witnessed being written. When I found the right page, my heart just about stopped.

To –

B, my muse. And my family (September additions included) who I am nothing without. 

I love you all. 

"Edward…" I whispered.

"It's true, you know," he said.

It didn't escape me that there was more than one statement in the short dedication that could be true. I looked up, too late realizing that I had tears in my eyes.

"You are my muse," he elaborated softly, taking my hand from my lap and squeezing it. His gaze was so intense, and like the coward that I was, I was glad that he didn't comment on the other thing in the dedication that could be true. It was worded as if it could be true, anyway.

"Thank you," I whispered, clearing my throat and managing a smile. "This is…wow. I mean, I know you've had books published before, but this is amazing. I'm so proud of you."

He chuckled as I wiped the tears from my eyes and slid down on the floor next to him. "I'm serious, Edward. This is…" I gestured to the book, struggling to find the words. "Do you remember the first time you saw your first book? The first time you held it in your hand or saw it on a shelf in a bookstore?"

"Yeah, I remember," he said softly.

"You may never have dreamed of that moment, but I have…my entire life, in fact," I admitted. "And this…this is just as good. It's the process, you know? I saw this as an unfinished manuscript that you struggled with daily, and now it's a book. I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, beautiful," he said, smiling and grabbing my hand. He studied our clasped hands as closely as I studied his book as we cuddled up on the floor under my blanket.

The next night I found myself in the kitchen after dinner, elbow-deep in pie dough. As expected, Edward was perched at the counter, begging to taste test the filling and telling me stories about past Cullen Thanksgivings. Like how he and Jasper always helped Carlisle hang up the Christmas lights outside the day after Thanksgiving while Rose and Esme went Black Friday shopping, and how Rose and Carlisle would always polish off the pecan pie on their own.

Monday night when Alice had let slip that I would be making the pies, everyone had been eager to let me know what kind of pie they preferred, so I was making four different kinds to cater to everyone's needs and preferences – pumpkin, apple, sweet potato, and pecan. And, of course, Edward wanted a pumpkin pie all to himself without having to fight off anyone to have a slice.

So, I started out with the pumpkin pies and presented Edward with the first one. The crooked smile he sent me made me want to make him pumpkin pie everyday. Somewhere along the way, it had become my greatest ambition to make Edward smile.

Could I fulfill that ambition? So far, it had been a success, but a growing part of me wondered just how long I could keep it up.


	23. She Handles Me With Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Thank you to the world's most amazing betas, nowforruin and Dinx. I love how they kick my ass and make me better. A special thank you to nowforruin who really whipped this chapter into something a lot better than it originally was. I love you, ladies! Also a big thank you to lisamichelle17 for pre-reading.

CHAPTER 23

Edward:

She Handles Me with Care

Thanksgiving had always been one of my favorite holidays, mainly because it represented the best of both worlds. I got to see and spend time with my family who I loved dearly, but on the other hand it was a quick holiday that only required me to show up for football on the TV, a fucking awesome dinner, and bonding time with my dad and brother the following day. Then I could go back to my solitude the way I liked it best.

Then things changed. I changed.

Bella was the main reason that I wasn't as addicted to solitude as I used to be, but if I was honest with myself, I had to admit that Tiny and Emmett, as well as my dad's recent illness, had also contributed.

So, Thanksgiving this year was a little different. I actually take some time to really think about what I was fucking thankful for – Bella and my dad topping my family orientated list. And to me, family was the people you could count on, loved, and who put up with you, meaning that Bella, Tiny, and Emmett were family, as well. I also found myself looking forward to the random chaos the holiday would no doubt entail with our recent additions.

And then there were the pies. My girl was a divine pie maker. I had already inhaled my very own pumpkin pie before the holiday even started officially, only leaving Bella a small piece – a fact she had yet to stop teasing me about.

Bella went straight for the kitchen when we arrived at my parents' to see if my mom, and Tiny by the sounds of it, needed any help. And since I was banned from even entering, I found my way to the living room where Rose and Emmett were alternating between bickering and shouting at the TV, where a football game was currently on. My dad watched them with an amused look on his face, and Jasper had his head in his hands.

Ah, blessed family.

We had never done the whole thing with taking turns at the table expressing our gratitude in sentimental words, but this year it hung heavily in the air what we were grateful for. After my dad had said grace, something he only ever did on Thanksgiving – that was as sentimental as we usually got – I met my mom's gaze across the table, and in one soft smile we said it all. We were grateful for still having Dad around.

I also squeezed Bella's hand under the table and leaned over to kiss her temple. I was really fucking grateful for my girl.

"So, I'm thinking about taking up hunting," my dad said during the fucking awesome pie, continuing his now week-long search for the perfect hobby. Even when he was supposed to be resting and recovering, he had his head full of ideas, plans, and thoughts. Work had taken the backseat to the quest to find the perfect hobby. Carlisle Cullen was not made to sit around doing nothing, and he was nothing if not thorough in everything he did, researching and keeping lists of pros and cons.

"What does Mom think about that?" Jasper asked amused, glancing over at our mom who was shaking her head, exasperated.

Dad narrowed his eyes at Jasper, and I snickered. I knew my mom well enough to know that she wouldn't be thrilled about my dad going off into the forest on his own, armed with a weapon.

"She'd rather I started collecting stamps," Dad said sheepishly, looking at Mom. "But we came up with a compromise. She's okay with me going hunting if I don't go alone. She's convinced I'll keel over the moment I'm alone."

"And that's where your sons come in, right?" Jasper asked, not looking as if he was totally on board with that particular idea.

"Well, yes," Dad admitted. "If it's something you'd be interested in, of course."

"You should team up with Emmett, Dad," I said. "He's been talking about wanting to go hunting. And he knows what he's doing, too."

"That's right, Doc," Emmett said between pie piece number three and four. "I used to hunt with some buddies up north. Jazz and Eddie might end up shooting each other if they went. Don't you worry, Mrs. C, I won't let the Doc shoot himself in the foot or anything."

Dad laughed. "Thanks, Emmett. I'll be taking you up on that."

"Yes, thank you, Emmett," Mom added, glancing at Jasper and me. "I have a feeling you're right about my sons. I certainly wouldn't feel safe sending them off with weapons."

I considered being offended, but then I looked at Jasper, and we laughed. We totally would shoot each other. Or an innocent tree.

Emmett shared some hunting stories, and in a very convoluted way, he tried to explain how you snuck up on your prey. Bella took everyone by surprise when she corrected him.

"What?" she asked, blushing. "My dad used to take me hunting and stuff with him. I know more about hunting and fishing than I do about fashion and girly things. Sorry, Alice."

Alice laughed. "No offense, but I'm not surprised."

"It sounds like we should be a hunting party of three," my dad said with a smile.

"Oh, no. I…well, he brought me with him and taught me a lot about it, but I never really liked it. To me, nature is peace. Shooting just disrupts that peace. Sorry," she said sheepishly and reached for my hand under the table. There was too much attention on her, and she was asking for my help. I felt ten feet tall.

"You barbarians go destroy something with your guns or whatever," I said. "You don't need my girl for that. Take your own!"

My mom shook her head, and the way Emmett looked over at Rose made us all laugh. Except Rose. She practically had steam coming out her ears.

I normally put up a few strings of Christmas lights on my house. I liked Christmas as much as the next guy, but had never cared for those overly decorated houses where everything was blinking ridiculously and looking like fucking Santa Claus vomited all over it. I just liked a few white lights to brighten up the heavy winter darkness in my lonesome little part of the world.

But, once again, Bella changed everything.

The day after Thanksgiving, Jasper and I had helped Dad with the Christmas lights as usual. Mom had left after giving us strict instructions not to let Dad overdo it, nor let him climb any ladders, and under no circumstances were we to allow him onto the roof. Dad had asked if he was allowed to switch the light on at the end, which had earned him a perfected Esme Cullen glare and a lecture about how important his health was.

Mom had gone going shopping with a very excited Tiny, an almost as excited Rose, and a rather reluctant Bella, who they had all but blackmailed to tag along to some mall up in Aberdeen, where Mom and Rose always went Black Friday shopping.

"There are few questions I'd like the answer to more than this one: how the hell do these strings of lights get so tangled when we put them away so carefully every year?" Jasper had grumbled as he struggled with them. He sung the same song every fucking year. He liked it best when Dad bought new ones, as they were never tangled like the old ones we had put away by ourselves. The Christmas lights were one of the few things Dad had insisted on making time for over the years when he had been busy, stressed, and hardly mentally present.

As it was basically the only thing apart from untangling the strings my mom had allowed him to do, my dad had made a big show of lighting them. And it did look pretty with the white icicles along the edge of the eves, the ice flowers on the roof, and the two rows of light-covered spruces leading down the winding driveway.

The only thing prettier in that moment had been Bella with her awed smile and sparkling eyes, looking like she had just caught a glimpse of heaven.

So there I was, attempting to make her look like that again by decorating my own house in the same manner. I had gone into town that morning to add to my collection of Christmas lights and was now, by late afternoon, perched on a ladder attaching a string of lights to the edge of my roof.

I was grinning like a fucking idiot while I worked, anticipating Bella's beautiful smile when she saw the result. I loved her so much that she could make me do absolutely anything just by smiling.

I paused with the stapler in one hand, gripping the ladder with the other one.

Loved.

I fucking loved Bella.

I laughed at myself and my stupidity for not realizing something that fucking obvious sooner. Just thinking it was liberating, and I ran a hand through my hair, a little in awe of the overwhelming feelings one petite, beautiful girl could evoke in me.

Too late I realized that the hand I was running through my hair was the one belonging on the ladder. I panicked and reached for the ladder again, but it was too late – I had already lost my balance and fell backwards, landing on the ground on top of the stapler that I had lost as I was flailing my arms trying to latch onto the ladder. The air was squeezed out of my lungs, and I closed my eyes, waiting for the ladder to fall on top of me.

It never did.

Just as I was rejoicing in that fact, the air partly returned to my lungs, and excruciating pain shot up through my back. I would have groaned, but I didn't have enough air in my lungs.

I didn't hear Bella come out, so when her beautiful face appeared in my line of vision, for a second I thought I was looking at an angel. And I loved this angel. I think I smiled while Bella looked more and more concerned. I think she was also talking, but I had to concentrate to actually hear what she was saying.

"Oh my God! Edward, are you okay? Edward? Edward!"

A warm hand touched my cheek, and despite the pain in my back, I smiled again at my beautiful girl. At least until I saw the tears in her eyes, and I realized that I hadn't answered her yet.

"I'm…fine," I managed to get out. And I was pretty sure that I really was. It was probably just a contusion or a pulled muscle.

I scrambled to my feet as Bella looked at me with concern, wide-eyed, and tears escaping down her cheeks. She reached out her hand, but looked afraid to actually touch me.

"Are you sure you should be getting up?" she fretted. "I should call an ambulance."

"No ambulance," I objected and tested my back by stretching a little. It hurt like a motherfucker, but I had gotten up on my own, so I wasn't worried.

"I'll drive you to the ER then."

"It's not necessary," I said, chuckling and wincing a little. "I'm fine."

"Edward, you just fell off a ladder," Bella said exasperatedly, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"I know, I was there," I said, sighing. I pulled my beautiful girl into a hug which she returned hesitantly, barely even touching me at all as if I would break in half if she did. "But I'm fine, beautiful, I promise. I went to medical school, remember?"

"That doesn't mean you should be self-diagnosing," she chided me, pulling back with a softening expression. "I need you to be okay, Edward."

"I am okay. Nothing a few painkillers won't fix. I just don't want to waste hours in the ER just to be told to go home and rest. It doesn't even hurt that much anymore. I think I just pulled a muscle."

"No more ladders for you," she decided. "And I'm reserving the right to drive you to the ER later, but for now let's just get you inside."

My back did hurt as Bella guided me inside, but nowhere enough for her ever to convince me that the ER was necessary. Now that my dad wasn't working, at least not at the moment, I wasn't going to get any special treatment at the hospital like the night I had burned my hand.

She marched me into the bedroom and told me to take off my shirt. I had a million different comebacks and innuendos ready but figured it wasn't the time. I flopped face first down on the bed at her command and decided that I rather liked lying down since it didn't hurt as much. In fact, it felt so nice that I might just never move again.

"You've got a huge bruise," Bella said with a gasp.

"I landed on the stapler," I said into the comforter. "And I think I pulled a muscle."

She kneeled on the bed, and her fingers ghosted over my back. I bit back a groan, not of pain but because my beautiful girl's touch was divine.

"Don't move," she said, getting off the bed.

I chuckled humorlessly. "I plan on never moving again."

A few moments later Bella was back, once again kneeling on the bed. She warned me before pressing a towel full of ice against my back, but I still jumped at the cold sensation. I turned my head and smiled sheepishly at her. She laughed softly and lay down next to me, our faces just a few inches apart.

"Thank you for taking care of me," I told her.

"You always take care of me," she replied with a smile. Her eyes were brimming with emotions, and the sheer beauty of those brown orbs that I could happily drown in, made me remember the reason I fell down from the ladder. I would wear my wound with pride, and I almost wished that bruises left scars behind. That was one scar I would have actually wanted on my body to commemorate the exact moment where I finally pulled my head out of my ass and realized how much I loved my girl.

As if sensing that I was lost in my own thoughts, Bella traced my eyebrow with her finger, and I let her touch guide me back to the present. I so badly wanted her to be safe – to feel safe – after running for so long. It hit me that I didn't even know how long she had been running, and the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"How long have you been running, Bella?"

Her finger froze against my temple, but she thankfully didn't remove it like I had expected. I hated it when I thoughtlessly pushed her and she retreated back behind the walls that were steadily crumbling around her.

"I ran from Seattle three weeks before we met the first time," she replied almost inaudibly. Her gaze flickered, but she didn't look down. "The first week, I zigzagged all over the state to make sure that no one was following me. I even had to ditch my truck. I was here for two weeks before we met at the bar. Something drew me here and also kept me here…"

I cupped her cheek, drawing her in for a kiss. "I won't give you a reason to run, and if something or someone else makes you run, I'll run with you. Or just kill the fucker," I told her.

"You're very sweet, but you're not running anywhere right now," she told me with a smile. "You should rest. I'll get you some Tylenol."

I sighed. "I think I have some painkillers left from when I burned my hand. My dad was pretty generous with the fuckers."

"I'll get them. Are they in the medicine cabinet?" she asked.

"Yeah. Somewhere."

She disappeared into the bathroom and returned moments later with a pill and a glass of water. After I'd downed it, my beautiful nurse told me to take a nap. She covered me with a blanket and threw away the melting ice. Once the painkiller kicked in and Bella had tucked me in, I was pretty much in heaven. I was asleep in minutes.

When I woke up, an hour had passed, and my back felt a lot better. Bella was sitting with her back against the headboard, reading her beloved Tennyson. After I'd stared at her for a minute, she put the book down and smiled at me.

"Did you have a nice nap?" she asked.

"Yeah. My back just needed some sleep," I replied with a grin.

"Or a painkiller," she said dryly.

"Or that," I allowed. "But whatever it needed, it's much better now."

"I'm glad. Did you finish?" she asked. "With the lights outside, I mean."

"Almost," I replied. "Do you wanna see them? It's dark enough to get the full effect."

"Please," she said, smiling shyly, although I had no idea why.

We shuffled off the bed, me slower than her. I picked up my hoodie from the floor, groaning as my back protested. Bella narrowed her eyes at me, and I shrugged sheepishly.

We bundled up, and I lead her outside before disappearing into the garage to plug in the last lights. "Are you ready?" I yelled.

"Yep," she replied.

I turned on the lights and went outside. Bella was taking in the spruces, the roof and the porch railing, all wrapped in small white lights. Her eyes were sparkling, and she turned her head and smiled at me when I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her.

"Does it pass inspection?" I asked.

She laughed and nodded. "It's beautiful, Edward. I think I'm going to be spending a ridiculous amount of time in the window seat the next month or so, looking out at all this."

"I'm glad you like it," I said, not mentioning that it was all for her. She had to know that already.

It had gotten cold, so we quickly went back inside. Bella thought I needed to lie down again, and I thought that she needed to lie down with me. After I'd convinced her that my logic was almost as good as hers, I got the cuddle I wanted. And the kisses. If a fall from the roof didn't earn me an extra kiss or two, I didn't know what would. However, Bella also had other plans. After far too few kisses, she sat up. She located the pulled muscle in my back, which was a little lower than the contusion from the stapler, straddled my thighs, and massaged the muscle gently.

I buried my head in the covers, unable to bite back the moan. Not only was she working miracles on my back with her light touch, but I'd be fucking lying if I said that I hadn't imagined multiple scenarios in which Bella was straddling me. In fact, it was one of my favorite dreams to engage in, especially in the privacy of the shower. In none of those dreams, however, had I ever been face down on the bed and in pain. Of course, that didn't mean that it didn't feel fucking amazing. With Bella, I would take what I could get.

"I didn't know you had a tattoo," she said through the haze that was my obvious pleasure.

I was busy trying to keep my moaning to a minimum, so I didn't reply, which left her to ponder on her own while her talented little fingers soothed my aching back.

"I guess I do usually become rather distracted when you take off your shirt," she said slyly. "And often it's dark." Her words were light, but I knew, even without looking, that her face was scarlet.

I chuckled, but it turned into another moan under her skillful administrations. While one of her hands continued to work on my back, the fingers on the other one lightly traced the tattoo on my shoulder. It felt heavenly to have her touching me that freely.

"Why a sun?" she asked and stopped the massage, making it possible for me to string an answer together.

"I had it done just after I dropped out of medical school after Garrett died. I was pretty depressed, so Jasper and Rose dragged me up to Seattle one weekend. After way too much alcohol, Jasper had the epiphany that we should all get tattoos. Yeah, I know. Sometimes his ideas suck. Anyway, he got some sort of Chinese symbol tattooed on his ass or something, Rose chickened out and had her bellybutton pierced instead, and I was so depressed and drunk that I decided that I needed some constant sunshine in my life. I was a really sentimental drunk that night, but it's a good reminder to look at the positive sides of life and get the most out of it."

Bella was silent, and I nudged her so I could turn over and look at her. My back protested slightly as I turned over, but it brought sweet relief to the hard-on I had been trying to hide. I focused on my beautiful girl who was on her knees on the mattress next to me, looking at me with a penetrating gaze while she bit her lip. "I should get a reminder like that," she said softly, almost as if just to herself.

As I entertained the thought of a tattooed Bella, she suddenly straddled me again, only this time I was looking right her, and the pain in my back had miraculously disappeared.

"Or maybe I already have one," she whispered, looking at me intently. Her gaze never faltered as she slowly lowered her head and kissed me with a fervor I had never experienced from her before.

I shifted to return the kiss with as much intensity, but fell back with a groan as pain shot through me. Fucking piece of shit back.

"Just lay still and let me take care of you," Bella crooned against my lips, and I easily complied. Her lips were soft and warm and assertive and just fucking amazing.

She kissed my jaw and trailed more kisses down my neck while her small hands wandered with surprising confidence all over my upper body. All rational thought left my mind, and everything but Bella ceased to exist.

Her lips reached my chest, and I groaned loudly and reached out to put my hands on her thighs when her tongue flicked over my right nipple. I thrust up against her, desperate for a little relief while she nibbled, sucked, and drove me absolutely fucking nuts in the most delicious way possible. She grinded back down on me, and I cursed the layers of clothing between us.

Bella sat up, scooting back a little. I tried to regulate my breathing and looked up at her, afraid that she had pushed herself too far and was getting ready to bolt. I was so fucking hard and teetering on an edge, but through my lustful haze I still had my eyes on the prize, which was making sure my beautiful girl was happy and comfortable. I wasn't going to put any pressure on her, even if my balls were going to turn blue and fall off. Nothing mattered more than her.

Her face was deliciously flushed, her eyes bright, and the hint of a smile tugged at her lips. She brushed an errant curl behind her ear, bit her lip briefly, and then reached out for the waistband of my jeans.

My eyes widened and my cock twitched under the denim. "Bella…" I breathed, half pleading, half in warning.

"Let me take care of you, Edward. Please," she begged.

I groaned and covered my face with my hands. How the hell was I supposed to deny her anything when she fucking begged me?

She didn't wait for confirmation, perhaps taking my silence as such. She had my belt and my fly open before I could figure out how to react, and when she grabbed my hard cock through the thin fabric of my boxers, I surrendered to her mercy completely. She could do whatever the hell she wanted with me. I trusted her enough to know that she would be careful and not do anything she wasn't comfortable with. I just hoped that I would get to touch her, too.

Between the relief of not being confined in my jeans anymore and Bella's divine touch, I was quickly losing the battle with my restraint. She pulled at the waistband of my boxers, but stopped suddenly.

"Can I…?" she asked softly, suddenly not so confident anymore.

"You can do whatever the hell you want with me, beautiful," I replied honestly, trying to ignore the fact that her hand had faltered so fucking close to my cock.

She smiled, tugging down my boxers as I tried to lift my hips, once again reminded of my stupid back. I wasn't going to let it get in the way, though. I wasn't dead or dying, so I was fine. Shit, better than fine. My cock sprang free, and her eager hand grasped it.

"Fuck," I cursed, thrusting up into her hand. Her thumb swept over the head, spreading a drop of pre-cum, and I couldn't help but wonder why it had never felt like this before when someone had touched my cock.

"Shit, beautiful," I rasped as she teasingly ran her hand up the length of my cock before grasping it more firmly and slid her hand up and down, rotating slightly. Her touch was like nothing else, and the sight of her small hand wrapped around my cock was making me want to cum something fierce.

Then her other hand reached down to cup my balls, and motherfucker if I didn't go straight to goddamn heaven. She caressed and scratched, and I probably let out the worst string of profanities ever, but I couldn't even decipher my own words at that point.

With a force I couldn't remember experiencing before, I came. Every muscle in my body tensed, my back arched but the pain it caused only heightened the orgasm, and my eyes clenched involuntarily, even though I really just wanted to look at Bella.

I felt like a chain smoker as I attempted to catch my breath afterward. I opened my eyes to see a smug Bella who winked at me before getting up from the bed and disappearing into the bathroom. I still didn't possess the ability to form actual words, so I just lay back and listened to my heart hammer away in my chest. Fucking hell.

Bella came back out with a washcloth and cleaned me up as I struggled to sit up. I felt like a rag doll or some shit. When she had gotten rid of the washcloth and came back, I had successfully tucked myself back into my boxers but had not bothered to get rid of my jeans. I held out my arm for her, and she happily climbed into bed next to me.

"You are fucking amazing, beautiful," I told her, cupping her face so I could kiss the shit out of her. "Thank you."

She giggled against my lips and tangled her fingers in my hair as we kissed. I managed to roll over so I was hovering over her, and as I looked down at her, I knew that there was nothing or no one in the world prettier than my girl.

I tugged at the hem of her shirt, looking down at her for her permission. She smiled and shook her head. "Today is about you," she said.

"You're wrong," I told her. "Every day is about you. Everything is about you. It's a fact."

"Just because you're some sort of knight wielding words better than a sword doesn't mean that you're right," she pointed out.

"Sure it does," I protested and leaned down to kiss her again. "I just want to make you feel as good as you made me feel."

She tightened her arms around my neck and buried her face in the crook of my neck. "You always make me feel good," she said, muffled against my skin before she placed a series of small kisses just above my heart. When she looked back up at me, her face was serious. "It's not that I'm afraid or anything. I meant it when I said that today is about you. You got hurt, Edward, and I needed to make you feel better. Well, that and I just had to touch you," she said, blushing a little.

"Touch me anytime you want, beautiful girl," I chuckled and kissed the tip of her nose. "Please just promise me that I can touch you, too."

"I want you to touch me so badly," she said softly, looking down. "I just… not right now. Please?"

"I'd never do anything you're not comfortable with," I hurried to say. "You know that, right?"

She nodded, and I held her close as we lay in the slowly darkening room. We were both silent, and I did my best to push my suspicions away and focus on my earlier epiphany that had lead to my now painful back. Knowing what I knew now was totally worth a little pain. And it had gotten me a fucking amazing hand job, so all in all I was a lucky bastard.

"I can help you with the last string of lights tomorrow," she offered suddenly, referring to the lights I had been hanging on the roof when I fell down.

I thought about the last dozen lights on the string were hanging loosely, halfway down to the porch. Admittedly, it looked a little crooked, but considering the significance it held, I wasn't about to fix it. "Nah, I'll leave it the way it is."

Bella looked up at me questioningly, and I chuckled. "I'll tell you why some other time."


	24. He Wants All of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Big thanks and epic smooches to Dinx and nowforruin from Betaville and lisamichelle17 from Pre-readertown.

CHAPTER 24

Bella:

He Wants All of Me

It happened gradually – so gradually, in fact, that I didn't even realize it until it hit me like a ton of bricks one day without any preamble.

I had lowered all my defenses, or maybe Edward had lowered them for me, and now I was ready. Ready for anything and everything – ready for Edward.

At that realization, I forced myself onward with careful but steady – at least in my opinion – steps.

The first one was allowing myself to be completely at ease and fully enjoy the Cullens' Thanksgiving dinner. It turned out to be an eye-opener when it came to my knowledge and experience with family holidays. Tense dinners with my dad and the Blacks seemed like something close to torture in comparison.

The second step was both significant and beyond anything I had expected of myself, even just a few weeks prior. And above all, it was perhaps the most intimate and erotic experience I had ever had – and Edward had been the only one to have an orgasm.

It had been tame as far as sexual encounters went, but for me, with my horrendous past and all, it had been everything. It had also brought Edward and me closer. I wasn't looking for intimacy fuelled only by sex, because that never held much meaning. So, I had spent a lot of time analyzing it. It was a hobby of mine – analyzing and often overanalyzing things until they made sense to me.

The sense of this particular situation was me finally letting Edward in, sexual intimacy included. But we had so much more than that as the past few months had proved. I had never been treated the way Edward treated me. No one had ever gone out of their way to make me smile like Edward had, with things like the Christmas lights, his never ending patience with me and all my issues, and even just something small, like the way he held me protectively in his arms at night, entwining his legs with mine and cradling the back of my head in his hand like I was made of the finest china.

Also, with Edward, everything was different than I had experienced before and even different from what I expected. For so long I had been afraid, freaking out over simple kisses and letting the fear have the final say over my actions. But finally, having let go as much as I could and initiated intimacy, I couldn't get enough of Edward or the intimacy. I wanted more. I wanted Edward. It was exhilarating, and a little bit scary, to feel that way.

Living with Edward was amazing, intimacy or not. We got along effortlessly, though we continued to disagree about whether or not I should pay rent. As long as he refused to let me, I had to do something else to avoid feeling like a complete freeloader. Alice let me slip away early from work once or twice a week, as that was the only way I could get away with paying for groceries on my own. Whenever Edward was around, he insisted on paying, no matter how much I objected.

He found out what I was doing, of course, and then started picking me up from work earlier. Sometimes he even walked into town when I had the car, claiming he needed the exercise because of all my cooking, but I knew what he was doing, and if he hadn't been so amazing in general, I would have complained to him about it.

My latest plan was to slip out during my lunch break to do the grocery shopping, and then store the perishables in Alice's fridge until I went home at night. Edward had yet to come up with a defense against that, and I couldn't see how he could, save from spending whole days in town.

Other than that, living with him was as easy and comfortable as breathing.

Another result of my mental work was that I had forced myself to stop worrying all the time about my dad or James finding me. Being on my own had done me a world of good, even if it had been hard at times. Jake's spell over me had mostly evaporated when he had come to Evonside to confront me, but my dad's had stayed even after our last encounter in Forks. But not anymore – I was finally free. At least that's what it felt like.

That left James, and while I definitely preferred never seeing his ugly face again, in time I had realized that he held no power over me. In fact, he never had. His hold had only ever been on Jake, and I had just been a pawn in their game. Besides, if he ever did find me, I knew I had people willing to stand up for me and protect me.

I only had one major issue left, and that was telling Edward what had happened to me – telling him what I had done. Even as far as I had come, I still didn't know how to find enough courage for that. After everything I had done to allow myself closer to Edward, losing him would be losing everything – possibly even myself.

"If you think any harder, your brain's going to pop like popcorn," Alice teased me, breaking me from my heavy thoughts.

She had just let the last customer of the day out of the door, and I was sorting out some misplaced hangers on the racks while letting my thoughts wander. I smiled weakly at her, and she came over and gave me a hug.

"You know I'm here if you wanna talk, right?"

"I know. Thanks, Alice, but I'm fine. I have myself more figured out than ever, I think," I replied.

"Oh, wow, lend me some of your clarity?" she asked and giggled. "Or just give me some pointers on what the hell to do with a Cullen man? Mine's driving me nuts, and he didn't come with a manual, unfortunately."

I laughed. "I wish I could help you, but Edward has never been a problem. It's all me, and I didn't come with a handy manual either."

"Let Edward prove he's a good writer, and have him write one," Alice suggested.

I shook my head while Alice just laughed. We said goodnight to Angela and went upstairs to Alice's apartment to make dinner before the others arrived. Rose had been feeling a bit under the weather since Thanksgiving, so we made two different kinds of soup – Minestrone and potato soup with roasted mushrooms and bacon. We made bread and, at Rose's request, the dessert was chocolate cake with ice cream. Feeling flu-ish sucked, so we indulged her with chocolate. It was the least we could do, after all.

It was an enjoyable night where Emmett regaled us with stories about his often hopeless customers, Jasper and Alice bickered like Rose and Emmett usually did, Rose ate four pieces of chocolate cake, so she was obviously feeling better, and Edward held my hand through almost the entire evening.

Time passed at its own pace, and December embraced us with all its vibrant anticipation, familiar traditions, and new heart-tugging happenings that I could only hope would become traditions. Like spending evening after evening baking cookies, and Edward eating them so fast that he had to break in a dusty treadmill in the basement that he had never used since buying it three years before. Cuddling on the couch while looking at the Christmas lights and delightful evenings spent with Edward's parents, or Rose, Jasper, Alice, and Emmett, where I served churros and hot cider spiced with cinnamon, were also part of the fun. Before the holidays had even arrived, I realized that I'd never really known the real spirit of Christmas.

As Edward and I continued to grow closer, both physically and emotionally, I had to dig pretty deep to find the right words to explain to him why I kept offering him hand jobs and even blowjobs without letting him reciprocate. The first time I had given him a blowjob, it had brought forth a sexy as hell dirty-talking Edward. Mid-orgasm he really was a magnificent sight – just as magnificent as his cock, and I had thoroughly enjoyed getting acquainted with it.

The control was necessary for me, at least initially, but the more intimate we got, the clearer it became to me that I had nothing to worry about concerning flashbacks and suppressed memories popping up. Nor did I have to worry about surrendering the control to Edward, I realized as I pondered it again and again. He would never hurt me.

The awkward explanation I had had to give him made him ask me again if I had been raped. The expression on his face when he asked that question broke my heart, and I did my best to reassure that I hadn't. Which was the truth, but unfortunately, it was all the truth I had to offer him because I was still being a coward. It humbled me that such a great man cared so much for me. In no time at all he had become the most important person to have ever entered my life, and I hated that I caused him grief and caused him to worry about me just because I wasn't brave enough to tell him the last part of my story.

Like everyone else, my life was full of good and bad elements trying to outweigh each other, but lately the good elements had been better and the bad worse. It was enough to take my breath away and leave me winded and confused.

"Need a taste tester?"

I smiled at Edward's question because it was the same one he asked every time I cooked or baked. And I did that a lot to accommodate his sweet tooth, as well as the sometimes visiting sweet teeth belonging to certain other Cullens and a few McCartys thrown in for good measure.

"Don't I always?" I asked with a smile, watching as he grabbed a too hot sugar cookie that I had just put on the cooling rack.

He hopped around, shifting the cookie between his hands, grimacing and looking ridiculous, yet the thought of letting go of the cookie never seemed to enter his mind. Edward never removed his eyes from the prize when it came to baked goods.

"Mmmhhh." He moaned with a blissful expression on his face once the cookie had cooled enough for him to take a bite. "I think this batch is even better than the one you made last week."

"Yeah, I wonder what happened to that," I teased.

Edward grinned a lot less sheepishly than he should have. "It's not my fault that you work fucking wonders in a kitchen. I just can't resist."

"Don't expect any sympathy from me," I said, laughing. "You're the one giving me the puppy eyes when there are no more cookies."

"Yep, addicted and unable to resist," he said, smiling crookedly at me in a way that suggested that he was talking about more than just the cookies. He sat down at the counter with a glass of milk, stealing cookies and spewing out suggestions for what I should bake next. And just like when he was writing, the man was just full of good ideas.

As I finished with the cookies, Edward turned from a kid on a sugar high to the gentleman Esme Cullen sometimes doubted she had raised him as and helped me clean up. When he had made sure he knew exactly where I stored the cookies, he tugged me into the living room where he had started a fire in the fireplace after dinner. We snuggled down on the couch, and I escaped reality in the safety of his arms.

I buried my face in Edward's chest and inhaled. He always smelled divine, made me feel safe, and looked at me like I was important, cared for, and at times even cherished. I had never been cherished before. I had also never been important to anyone before, at least not in a way that mattered. No one had ever chosen me before.

I felt Edward kiss the top of my head. I had a better idea for where his lips should be, however, so I looked up at him and shifted a little, raising myself on my knees. I looked into his eyes; those hypnotic, green orbs that could make me do absolutely anything. His gaze was smoldering, and I didn't even think as I straddled his thighs and locked my hands in his perfectly messy hair.

"Beautiful girl," Edward breathed. His arms encircled my waist, and he pulled me closer until our lips met. The first few seconds the kiss was slow and sensual, but then it got frantic, and I unashamedly moaned into Edward's mouth while hands wandered, tongues met, and breaths mingled. He invaded my senses and consumed me so completely that I was sure that he was the very air I breathed. I let go, surrendering myself completely. It was amazingly liberating.

Edward attempted to be a mind reader, shaking his head when my hands migrated toward his fly. "No more, beautiful. Not until we both get something out of it," he said softly, slightly out of breath as he rested his forehead against mine. "I'm not pressuring you, Bella. I'm just saying that as much as I fucking love it when you touch me, I'm waiting for you now."

"No more waiting," I said determinedly, no hesitation in sight. It was right, and I wanted it. I wanted him.

"Are you sure?" he asked, cupping my cheek and looking into my eyes for doubt or hesitation. I hoped he saw the truth there.

"I'm sure," I assured him, leaning back in to kiss him.

Edward smiled crookedly. He stood up and picked me up easily, cupping my ass as he went down the hallway toward the bedroom. His touch was scorching even through my clothes, and I felt like I was seconds away from catching on fire.

Just next to the bedroom door, he suddenly pressed me against the wall and attacked my mouth hungrily. My weight was partly supported by the wall, and I squeezed my legs around his waist, leaving his hands free to roam. As always, they ended up on my breasts. With them, my man was like a kid with his favorite toy, and I admittedly enjoyed the attention.

I clawed at his clothes, and he put me down on my feet, only reluctantly breaking off our frantic panting and kissing long enough for us both to lose our shirts. I could not get enough, I could not get enough fast enough, and I unashamedly grinded against his thigh as I worked on his fly. Edward, on the other hand, seemed more occupied with finding the bed, so if we hadn't been in such a frantic need for each other, it would probably have been awkward and completely laugh-worthy. We stumbled, limbs entangled, lips fused, and nearly falling in our half-discarded clothes. Under different circumstances it would definitely have been worth a laugh or three.

Edward kicked off his jeans and boxers and sat down on the bed while simultaneously taking off his socks and watching me hungrily. He had unhooked my bra, and I summoned all the courage I had never used before and looked him in the eyes, momentarily hypnotized by the smoldering, green orbs once again, and slid down my bra. It was one of my Portland purchases, a dusty pink lace one, and I would be lying if I claimed that Edward hadn't been in my thoughts when I had tried it on at the store.

I bit my lip and shimmied out of my panties, too, for the first time completely naked in front of Edward, who was devouring me with his eyes. I never even had time to fret about not measuring up to his expectations or not being good enough before he held out his hand, silently accepting me even if I couldn't accept myself. Before my shyness could claim me again, I reached out and took his hand. He slowly tugged me closer until we were face to face with only an inch of space between us.

God, I wanted this man.

Maintaining eye contact, he ran his hands over my heated skin – down my arms, entwining our fingers briefly, caressing my sides down to my hips and around my thighs. Tiny explosions were left in the wake of his touch. I shuddered with such intense desire that I was sure I was going to burst as his hands came around to cup my ass and he pulled me flush against himself between his spread legs.

His erection pressed against my stomach, and I cried out when his lips closed around my nipple. It was a good thing that he was practically holding me up because my knees buckled as he sucked, nibbled, and teased my nipples. I clamped a hand down on his shoulder and the other one found purchase around the back of his neck as I searched for friction against him. In the process, I rubbed his cock until he moaned and bit down on my nipple.

"Shit," he growled. "You are so fucking delicious all over, beautiful girl."

One of his hands left my ass and ghosted over my hip and around to my front. With his mouth still around my nipple, he looked up, a question in his eyes as his hand hovered over my clit.

"Please," I breathed.

He grinned up at me and hoisted my foot up on the edge of the bed, exposing me completely to him. He kept one hand on my hip and with the other one played me as effortlessly as he played his piano on rainy afternoons where he was too restless to write.

He slid two fingers into me carefully, sliding teasingly in the wetness accumulated there, pumping slowly at first before picking up a little speed while his thumb brushed repeatedly over my clit. Then he slid down and leaned in to use his tongue instead of his thumb. I threw my head back and squeezed my eyes shut as the rawest form of pleasure washed over me.

"Oh God…"

It took him an embarrassingly short time before I cried out as such an intense orgasm that I could barely breathe washed over me. Edward pulled me down on his lap while I trembled, attempting to regain contact with the world and catch my breath. He held me close, kissing the side of my neck and repeatedly telling me that I was fucking beautiful. 

He tugged me down on the bed where we lay next to each other. He traced an unidentifiable shape on my hip while he smiled. "You know, I could do just about anything justice with my words before I met you," he said softly. "But now, I can't seem to find words that can do your beauty justice. None of them are powerful enough. And when you just came, Bella – that was beauty in its rawest form. Even if I write till I'm a hundred years old, I could never describe it in words."

I felt the heat rise in my cheeks, and I fought the urge to look away. Edward was always honest, and it baffled me that he saw me that way. I didn't question it, perhaps only his eyesight.

His lips fused with mine again, and my body jumped back alive under his roaming hands. He nudged my legs apart as he hovered over me. Breaking the kiss, he looked down at me with such a sweet, but slightly misplaced, tender expression on his face that my heart clenched. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

I cupped his cheek and leaned up to kiss him as my legs fell open wider for him. "I'm sure," I assured him, backing up my statement by grabbing his hard cock. "I want you."

"Fuck!" he hissed, dropping his head to the crook of my shoulder, panting into my skin.

I stroked him slowly, reveling in the brief power trip.

"Condom," he managed to get out, grunting when I reached down to cup his balls. And yes, I had definitely caught onto the fact that he loved to have his balls fondled. Such sweet power.

"I'm covered," I whispered, suddenly very thankful for a panic-filled clinic visit somewhere between Seattle and here. "And clean."

"Clean…too…" he ground out and groaned as I continued to stroke him. He took control then, oddly enough not freaking me out. He entered me slowly, emitting a deep rumbling moan in the process, filling me, stretching me, and completing me. He paused when he was all the way in, holding completely still and looking down at me.

I shifted against him in encouragement, running my fingertips down his spine and lifting my face to his. Edward moaned into my mouth and moved inside me, sliding effortlessly in and out, creating the most spectacular sensations.

"God, Edward…!"

My second orgasm of the night approached rapidly, and I arched my back as I came, clenching around him and made him spew out a string of very colorful words. While I was still coming down from my high, he flipped us over, never breaking contact. I was straddling him, but unable to move a single limb after my intense orgasm.

"I fucking love your tits, beautiful," he told me. He thrust up into me hard and latched onto my breasts while picking up his pace.

I moaned, overwhelmed at what he made me feel. Eventually I found the strength to move above him, only to feel my third orgasm ascending on me.

Edward's thrusts were delightfully hard and became sloppy before he groaned loudly and came violently, emptying himself in me and sending me thrashing into another orgasm myself, where everything ceased to exist completely for a moment or two.

I flopped down on top of him, and with a breathy moan he slipped his arms around me, flipped us slightly so we were on our sides, nose to nose with me cradled in his arms. I moaned deep in my throat when he slipped out of me, unable to get the sound all the way out.

We lay panting together, legs entwined, breaths mingling, and our eyes saying so much more than we ever could with words. As soon as I could string two thoughts together in my head again, I instantly realized that this was as content as I had ever felt and as happy as I had ever been.

I wished I could somehow share with Edward the intense relief I also felt. There had been no ugly flashbacks, which would not only have ruined the most intense and erotic experience of my life, but quite possibly ruined everything between Edward and I, as well as definitely ruined me. After all the work I'd mentally put into overcoming all my crap, I knew that I would have been crushed if I had overestimated myself and how far I had really come, messing up the greatest thing that had ever happened to me in the process.

Sweaty fingertips traced invisible lines on my damp skin, and I shuddered involuntarily. Edward chuckled softly, ghosting his index and middle fingers down over my hip. My nipples hardened in response when his adventurous fingertips reached them, and I bit my lip to keep the moan in that threatened to escape as wonderful sensations shot through my hyper sensitive body.

"You are a piece of art, beautiful girl. I can't get enough of touching your skin. The way your body curves is divine. I wish I was a fucking artist like Jazz so I could paint your portrait or make a sculpture that would do you justice."

I hid my blush in the pillow and heard him chuckle again as he continued to caress my skin.

"I'm no artist, Bella. I'm just a writer with no words to adequately describe your beauty," he whispered against my hair. "But I hope you'll have me, anyway."

"Always," I breathed without hesitation and looked up at my beautiful and suddenly vulnerable man. The sweet smile on his face was breathtaking.

"I might just hold you to that," he said, grinning. "Because it seems that the more of you I get, the more I want. You are addictive, my beautiful girl."

"You already have as much of me as I am capable of giving," I replied softly. And it was true. I was his completely, save from that last secret of mine that took more courage to share than I possessed in that moment.

"I want all of you."

Those were the last words spoken before his feather light caresses became the sweetest lovemaking; where words were unnecessary, and breathy sounds mixed with a thousand touches telling the entire story.


	25. She Runs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: My "I Love You And Thank You For Bothering With Me List": nowforruin, Dinx, and lisamichelle17. They beta and pre-read better than anyone else. *nods* It's a fact.

CHAPTER 25

Edward:

She Runs

If I ever bothered looking it up, I was pretty sure I would find a picture of Bella's tits in the dictionary next to the definition of "perfect."

That was a thought that entered my mind more often than I'd ever admit to anyone. They could be spilling out of my hands while we made love, shown in profile as the fabric of whatever shirt she was wearing stretched across them, or cushioning my head as I snuggled with my beautiful girl. It didn't matter, they were always fucking perfect.

And yeah, I was just such a guy.

They were even more glorious wet, though. I had found that out after Bella had talked me into a bubble bath that smelled like strawberries. It wasn't actually that difficult for her to talk me into it, because I had had a sneaking suspicion about the wet tits thing, but did the stuff have to smell of fucking strawberries? That shit just got me thinking of real strawberries and that made me hungry. Until Bella stripped out of her clothes – then I was back to being horny, and my mind entertained thoughts of licking strawberry juice off Bella's tits instead.

Being a guy was great.

It meant that after spending half an hour feeling the most glorious tits in the world up, I got rid of the fucking bubbles and nudged Bella up on her knees. She went willingly, smiling at me over her shoulder and reaching back to grab my cock. My beautiful girl was a fucking vixen.

I entered her slowly, drawing out a moan from both of us. Her palms rested against the edge of the tub, arms stretched, back arched, and her wet skin glistening. She looked like a mermaid. My hands found purchase on her hips, hips that were gloriously fuller than when I had met her and she had been too fucking thin, and I traced her spine with my tongue as she shuddered beneath me. I slid into her, groaning at the slick tightness and sliding my hands around to her front and up to cup the tits that could distract me from absolutely anything.

Bella leaned back against me, nearly sitting in my lap. She hummed with pleasure, stroking not only my cock but also my ego. Fuck. Okay, and maybe also my heart. I moved slowly, wrapping as much of my body around her as I could. I slid my hands down her arms and entwined our fingers. Turning my head, I kissed the hot, damp skin on her throat, eliciting a drawn out moan from her as her head fell back on my shoulder.

"Fuck, beautiful," I said breathily. "You feel so fucking good."

I loved her sounds, her smell, and the feel of her skin. I loved the way she drew me in, enveloped me, and made me feel whole. I loved pleasing her. I brought our entwined hands down to her clit, stretching out my index finger and making sure hers followed suit. We drew circles around her clit together, applying firm pressure, and it was fucking mind-blowing. Her back arched, and I followed her movements, loving the way our bodies molded together. I moved our left hands from the edge of the tub to her glorious tits. I didn't know why, but the fact that we were both touching her was incredibly erotic.

A low chant of my name signaled her impending orgasm, and I sped up my thrusts, wanting to be there right along with her. Breathless chants, deep moans, and the sound of wet skin slapping against wet skin spiraled us to the end. It was a glorious finale where I hugged my beautiful girl close while she trembled after a breathless scream, and I emptied myself inside of her while biting down into her shoulder.

Fucking hell.

As soon as I had enough strength, I turned Bella round on my lap. Her arms circled my neck, and I settled my hands on her ass and attacked her lips. We were still breathless, but it didn't matter. We could breathe tomorrow.

Tomorrow turned out to be a dreary-looking Monday with lots of wind, rain, and procrastinating. I drove Bella into town in the morning after a steamy shower involving the most delicious kisses, Bella's glorious tits, and one mind-blowing orgasm. Unfortunately the day didn't continue to be as fucking amazing as it had started out.

The research books on the dining room table mocked me every time I walked past. I was busy doing things that didn't really need my attention, such as looking out the window, looking out the other window, and looking out the door. The books mocked me so much that I willingly went out into the rain to chop some wood that wasn't needed, as I had spent a whole day chopping just the week before in another fit of procrastinating. After lunch I found it necessary to go grocery shopping, even though we didn't really need anything, buy cappuccinos for the girls at the boutique, where I received a smirk from Bella, who knew plain well what I was doing. After returning home with the unnecessary groceries, I also just had to reorganize my CDs, make a pot of coffee that I forgot to drink, and search through the library for a copy of a book I had misplaced three years ago. And then it was time to get ready to go into town again for dinner at Tiny's.

Yep, I was the king of procrastination. I really fucking wished it was an Olympic discipline.

Arriving in town, I met Emmett outside Tiny's boutique. Tiny was in the window looking like she was wrestling a mannequin, and Emmett and I had a good laugh at her expense. It turned out that she was only trying to dress the damn thing in new clothes or some shit, and she stuck her tongue out at us and gestured for us to get lost.

We did so happily, because the smells emanating from her apartment could have had most of Evonside flocking to the place. As we went up the stairs, Emmett and I made a bet about what we would be having for dinner. His unoriginal bet was lasagna, whereas I claimed that it was scalloped tomatoes, stuffed mushrooms, grilled steaks, and rolls.

"Dude, way to be detailed," Emmett scoffed.

I just smirked. It wasn't particularly nice of me to bet with Emmett about the evening's menu since Bella had told me what she was cooking that morning, but I knew the big guy would have done the same. And he would forgive me as soon as he discovered that there was caramel cranberry apple pie for dessert. Bella had tried it out at home the day before, and it was fucking delicious.

Rose and Jasper were already there when we came upstairs. They were having a twintastic conversation, and Emmett went out to get a bag of popcorn from the kitchen cabinet and sat down on the couch to watch them. He thought their twintastic thing was the most entertaining thing next to Simon Cowell making people cry and watching pies bake. My theory was that he just liked to watch Rose.

I stopped at the threshold to the kitchen and watched Bella prepare the meal. She hadn't noticed me, and she was humming to herself as she worked, making me smile like some deranged idiot. I fucking loved it when she was happy, no matter what the reason was.

And fuck me if my heart didn't fucking flutter or some shit when she turned around and finally spotted me. A big smile lit up her face, and she came over, smirking at the way I refused to cross the threshold, and wrapped her arms around my waist, standing up on her tip-toes to kiss me.

"Mmmm, you taste of caramel," I said, enveloping her in my arms and wishing we weren't in Tiny's apartment, but at home – alone.

Bella giggled, wriggling free from my embrace and picking something up from the counter. "I saved you the spoon."

Taking the caramel-covered spoon, I dared to step into the kitchen and sit down on a stool. Feeling like I was six years old again and back in my mom's kitchen, I happily licked my spoon and watched Bella laugh at me, returning to preparing the meal.

Tiny glared at me when she came in, and after giving Bella a sticky kiss, I hightailed it out of the kitchen, Bella's laugh ringing in my ears. Caramel-covered spoons were the best entrées ever, and I was going to tell Emmett all about it since he had missed out on the experience. He was probably going to cry like a girl.

It was around the middle of December when my patience finally ran out. I had been doing my research like a good boy for weeks, and I was bored to tears. Not that it was boring, but because all I really wanted was to write.

I moaned to Bella about it while I watched her make a batch of gingerbread cookies for fucking Emmett. The guy really needed to find himself his own girl who could bake for him instead of hogging mine. I almost laughed at the thought of Rose baking him gingerbread cookies, but it really wasn't my fault that he had to choose the bitchiest woman in Evonside Bay to lavish his affection onto.

My beautiful girl just rolled her eyes at me like she had the first fifteen times I had complained about my research – which I had taken to calling my homework, as it seemed appropriate. She might also have rolled her eyes because I glared at the gingerbread cookies that I knew weren't for me. But hey, she knew that I didn't just have one sweet tooth; I had a whole mouth full of them, so what did she expect, baking for Emmett in my goddamn kitchen?

"Just start writing then," she finally said with an indulgent smile, handing me a plate of cookies.

I lit up like a Christmas tree, nearly running over to the fridge to get a glass of milk before swallowing the first cookie. I looked at her with a raised eyebrow while I chewed the second one responsibly. I knew I didn't need her fucking permission to start writing, but I knew she was right when she had advised me to complete the research before starting to write. I hadn't needed to do this much research before, so I trusted her judgment, as she was the one who had majored in creative writing, whereas I had never taken as much as an online course before diving headfirst into my first novel.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" I asked. "Be honest."

She laughed. "I know I said that finishing the research before starting the writing process was the best approach, but it seems like it's not the best approach for you. I'm only telling you what I was taught – you're the one with the experience. You should do what you feel is best. And it appears that you're more than ready to write."

"I am itching to write," I admitted with a grin.

"Then what are you waiting for?" she asked.

I was on my feet not a full second later. I grinned at her and went over to give her a very thorough kiss, as I didn't expect to come up for air the next couple of hours. I then grabbed a few extra cookies from the cooling rack just so Emmett wouldn't consider trading Rose in for Bella, picked up my cookie plate and my milk, and was out of the kitchen before Bella could even chastise me about the extra cookies. I heard her tinkling laugh as I sat down at the dining room table and opened my laptop. I was ready to kill someone in ancient Rome.

It was hours later when Bella sidled up behind me and circled her arms around my neck. She rested her chin on my shoulder as she watched the screen.

"How's it going?" she asked.

Her breath tickled against the skin of my neck, and I turned in my chair so that I could grab her waist and settle her in my lap. She giggled and buried her face in the crook of my neck.

"I've got almost half a chapter," I replied, pretty fucking satisfied to finally get out all the words that had been milling around in my head lately. "How long have I been at it?"

"A little over three hours," she said. "I was on my way to bed and just thought I'd check if you'd lost touch with the world completely."

"It's a good thing you did," I admitted with a chuckle. "I would have been here till dawn with a crick in my neck and missing out on sleeping with you in my arms should be fucking illegal, beautiful."

"You're cheesy," she told me, turning her head and giving me a much too chaste kiss. "But I like it."

She got up before I could do something about the too chaste kissing, and with a sigh I heaved myself up from the chair, as well. I stretched, wincing as my neck cracked loudly. Bella disappeared down the hall, and I shut down my laptop and went around the house, making sure everything was locked up.

It felt good to be writing again, I decided while brushing my teeth. The familiarity of the processes involved were comforting as well as exciting, especially with this slightly different plot.

I spent the entire day Friday writing, barely coming up for air at all. Bella had the day off, and I had wanted to take her out somewhere, but Rose had commandeered her for a trip up to Aberdeen to do some Christmas shopping, to which I knew well enough that no man could ever compare.

So I wrote – and spent the whole day trying to figure out what it was that kept nagging me in the back of my head. It was somewhat of a familiar feeling, but I couldn't for the life of me identify it. It made me smile, yearn for cookies, and wish for snow. And I hated snow. If only the shit would shovel itself, but it never did.

And then it suddenly hit me. Christmas was sneaking up on me, making me feel all jolly and shit.

I blamed Bella. Shortly after Thanksgiving she had taken one look at my meager collection of Christmas decorations and sighed. Since then, no day had passed without some sort of new Christmassy addition to the house – sparkling Christmas glass bulbs and twigs of evergreen in a glass bowl on the coffee table, red felt hearts in the windows, the stocking with my name on it that my grandma had made when I was a kid now hanging at the fireplace, and countless poinsettias all over the house.

Last weekend we had gone out to get a Christmas tree. When Bella had started talking about going into the lot next to the grocery store to buy one, I had confessed to her how much of the land surrounding my house I really owned, including large areas of the forest. That had her beaming; not the fact that I owned a lot of land, but the fact that we could head over to the spruce forest and pick out our own tree.

I had never bothered to get a Christmas tree before. One year my mom had given me a small plastic one with colored twinkling lights, but it hadn't seen the light of day since. She had also given Rose and Jasper one – Jasper's also ending up in his attic, and Rose's sitting at the bar counter every year making it clear to everyone that she was a complete suck-up. The trees were fucking hideous.

Going Christmas tree hunting with Bella was pretty amazing, though. It reminded me of the Christmases of my childhood where Rose, Jasper, and I would spend several days spread out over the entire year searching for the right tree in the spruce plantation just east of my parents' house. We would then mark it with a ribbon and come back with our dad on one of his rare days off and collect it just before Christmas.

Bella admitted to me that she had never had a real Christmas tree. Her dad had a plastic one, because he initially didn't want to bother with the clean up. But even after she had taken over the cleaning duty, she had been unable to talk him into getting a real tree.

That naturally meant that I had to get her the best tree in the forest, and I went all Clark Griswold and chopped down a tree too high for the living room. Bella laughed until tears ran down her cheeks while I went twelve rounds with the tree before defeating it with a good knock-out with my axe. Fucking tree needed to learn who the boss was.

We had decorated it together while listening to crazy Christmas songs and drinking hot cider. The result was pretty fucking spectacular, in my honest opinion, and just looking at it made me smile.

I hadn't felt this Christmassy in years, and Christmas was still more than a week away. My beautiful girl and her magic touch had many talents.

When Bella came home from the shopping expedition, she came over to where I was hunched over my laptop to give me the kiss I had been looking forward to all afternoon. She smiled serenely at me before going over to deposit a few gifts under the Christmas tree, smirking at me over her shoulder.

The girl knew she was fucking teasing me, as it had been only last night that we had laid on the floor, looking up at our masterpiece of a tree and shared Christmas memories. I had admitted that I couldn't help myself when it came to presents lying around, taunting me, calling my name, and disrupting any sense of concentration I might have. I was basically seven years old as far as presents were concerned.

I groaned. As if she wasn't teasing me enough with her glorious body and the delicious things she cooked and baked in the kitchen, now she had to add presents to the mix. I was fucking doomed.

I did the only thing a man could do under the circumstances. I tackled her to the floor under the tree and kissed the shit out of her. That seemed to be the best way to distract myself. The noises she made, and the way her hands moved under my shirt told me that she liked the distraction, too.

I fisted my hands in Bella's hair and maneuvered so that I was lying between her legs. Her small hands were ghosting up and down my spine, and it was so fucking easy to lose myself in her. She tasted faintly of coffee and sugar, her lips were soft and willing, and she drew me in completely.

We ended up making love right there on the floor under the Christmas tree. It was soft and gentle, and not one word was spoken. It wasn't necessary. Her breathless moans, sighs, and gasps told me everything I needed to know about loving my girl properly.

Afterward we stayed entwined on the floor, me worshipping her tits the way they deserved, and her making a fucking mess of my hair by twirling it around her fingers like I was her personal Barbie doll or some shit. I loved every second I spent with Bella, but these quiet times after such an intense connection were some of my favorites. There was no outside world, no secrets or unhappy pasts – nothing except the two of us.

And then a good laugh when Bella declared that we needed to get up because her ass was getting cold.

After dinner Bella settled down on the couch with her sketch pad. I sat back down in front of the laptop, but I didn't write. My thoughts strayed to the previous night and the holiday memories Bella had shared with me. They hadn't been very happy, at least not to me, but she seemed content enough. That fucking broke my heart, because she didn't know any better.

I wanted to give my beautiful girl a lifetime of happy memories. I didn't want her to associate Christmas with memories of her father working so her twelve year old self got up alone on Christmas morning – or plastic trees and finding out at age five that Santa wasn't real. I couldn't give her the magic of Christmas back that she should have had as a child, but I could make sure that her Christmas this year was a proper one. And there was no such thing as a discount version of Christmas with the Cullens. My mom went all out.

Satisfied with that thought, I turned to the laptop screen and lost myself in the fascinating life of ancient Rome. And when I needed a moment to think, there was the even more fascinating sight of my beautiful girl sketching and looking fucking beautiful in the light from the fireplace and the Christmas tree.

It had snowed a little during the night, and when we got up Saturday morning the world outside looking like a fucking Christmas card. Bella sighed and looked all blissful and shit when she opened the curtains and looked out of the window.

"It's so pretty," she said dreamily.

I smiled because she was fucking adorable. "Not as pretty as you."

"Edward," she whined with a pout. "You can't compare me to the weather."

"I disagree, beautiful. I can compare you to anything I damn well please, and you'll always be the prettiest."

She narrowed her eyes at me, and I couldn't help but laugh. She had no fucking clue how adorable she was when she became a feisty kitten. I watched unashamedly as she dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie before she left the bedroom without a second glance at me.

I dressed in jeans and a hoodie, picking my t-shirt from the day before up from the floor and throwing it in the hamper as Bella had finally taught me. Took me fucking long enough to get that shit right. Soon enough I could smell the coffee from the kitchen, and I took a detour out there just to see if Bella was still pouting. She wasn't. When she heard me approaching, she turned around from the pancake batter she was mixing and smiled brightly at me. I closed the distance between us and cradled her face in my hands, leaning in to kiss her. She tasted just as good as she had fifteen minutes ago in bed.

After I had been shoed out of my own goddamn kitchen because I was apparently too distracting, I put on my coat and boots to go sweep the snow off the porch. It would probably melt soon anyway, but I didn't want Bella to slip in it before then.

It was a beautiful morning. The sun wasn't out, but there was no wind, and even if it was cloudy, it was still bright enough out because of the snow. The gentle swooshing sound of the waves meeting the shore could have lulled me to sleep if it wasn't for the fact that I had just gotten up. I fucking loved it out here, and I couldn't imagine living anywhere else.

When I came back inside and kissed Bella again, she tasted of blueberries. She had coffee and blueberry pancakes ready, and I smiled at her as we sat down to eat. I couldn't even fathom how empty my life had been before her.

In the middle of a pancake, her smile faltered suddenly. "Aw, it's raining," she said with a sigh. "And I never even got a chance to get outside and feel the snow – smell it. Snow smells amazing, don't you think?"

I frowned. "I've never really noticed that snow had a distinct smell…?"

"It smells clean and fresh and cold," she stated.

"If you say so." I chuckled. "It's all gonna be mud soon now, though."

Bella just sighed, glaring out at the offending rain that had obviously ruined her plans. That was one thing that set us apart from each other. Whereas Bella saw the beauty in something like a simple layer of snow outside, I had a tendency, especially after meeting Bella, to worry more about its impracticalities than its beauty. Had it not been Saturday, Bella would probably have insisted on walking to town in the snow because it was pretty and smelled good. She still wasn't too sold on the idea of taking the car herself when I didn't need it during the day.

"We should get you a car," I blurted out without thinking.

Bella started, no doubt ripped from a dream with lots of smelling snow or some shit. "A car?" she questioned.

I nodded, completely sold on my own brilliant idea. "Emmett is selling cars now, you know. We should stop by next week and see if he has something you'd like."

"I don't need a car, Edward. I can walk to town," Bella said. "I don't have enough money saved for it anyway."

"I'll get it for you, it's not a big deal," I argued. Money meant nothing compared to her being safe and comfortable. I had enough of it.

"No, you won't," she said decidedly. "I don't want you spending your money on me. If I need a car, I'll save for one."

That would take forever. It was now, this time of year where the weather was so bad, that she needed one. "Bella, I just don't like you walking to town this time of year. You need to either take my car when you're going somewhere or let me get you your own. Please? I'll even compromise with you and lend you the money if you're so dead set against me buying it."

I saw her eyes widening in what looked like fear, but I didn't understand why. I went through what I had just said in my head but couldn't find anything wrong with it. She was struggling to breathe properly, and she got on her feet shakily.

"No," she whimpered.

"Beautiful, what's wrong? What did I say?" I got up, too, but when I took a step toward her, she shook her head frantically and held out her hand to stop me.

"What the fuck did I say?" I asked, as much to myself as her. I even looked behind me to see if there was something else than me that could be the cause for her freak-out. There wasn't, of course.

"Bella?" I tried nearing her again, but she backed up against the counter and wrapped her arms around herself as tears started rolling down her cheeks. She still didn't say anything, just struggled with her breathing. I wanted so fucking bad to take her in my arms, but I was sure that something I had said had caused this, and I didn't want to unknowingly make it worse.

"Bella, please just answer me. I don't know what the fuck I did or said, but whatever it was, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, okay?" Frustration quickly overtook me as I watched my girl become more and more distressed. As she continued to press herself into the counter and look at me like I was the devil reincarnated, that frustration also took over what came out of my mouth. "Bella, I fucking love you, but I can't read your mind. I don't know what I did wrong, and I can't fix it, whatever it is, when I don't know what's wrong. Just let me fix it, please!"

Her eyes widened even more, and I felt like hitting myself in the head with a sledge hammer. "Bella," I pleaded. I took a step toward her, watching as she bit her lip, a sob escaping.

"I can't," she finally whimpered softly.

"You can't fucking what?" I asked desperately. "Because I sure as hell can't maneuver this goddamn minefield we're in! I have no fucking clue what to do or say! I'm not a mind reader, Bella, I'm just the idiot who loves you!"

"I…I can't!" she sputtered angrily as color spread in her pale cheeks. "I…you…fuck! Borrowed money made me a whore, is that what you want to know, Edward?" Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she didn't bother to wipe them away. Anger had taken her over, and again I just had no fucking clue. At all.

As I struggled to understand, she shot past me, running out of the kitchen, still crying. I didn't reach out to catch her as her words started dawning on me. Borrowed money had made her a whore, she had said. I had offered to lend her money. But a whore…Bella?

I was no less frustrated, and I took it out on the unsuspecting wall, which got punched thoroughly. I didn't even register the pain until afterwards – about the same time as I heard the front door slam shut.

Fuck.

My heart stopped for a moment as realization washed over me.

Bella had run again.

I fucking hoped it wasn't for good this time.


	26. She Kept Her Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: Thank you to my wonderful miracle workers, nowforruin and Dinx. I love you, ladies, and your patience with me and my mistakes is extraordinary. Mwah! Thank you to my sweet pea, lisamichelle17 for pre-reading.

CHAPTER 26

Edward:

She Kept Her Promise

My world was fucking crashing around me as I tore through the house – that was all I knew. I had to find Bella – she couldn't fucking leave again. Without her, there was only emptiness, and I didn't want goddamn emptiness when I could have everything – when I could have her.

I stopped to grab my coat and shove sloppily into my boots. I couldn't find my keys, but I figured I'd be able to catch up with her on foot, and as for locking the door – it just wasn't important. If I returned to a house that had been robbed of everything, it wouldn't matter. Bella was the only thing that mattered.

"Fucking hell!" I swore and bit my lip hard enough to draw blood when I thoughtlessly grabbed the door handle with the hand I had just punched a wall with. Motherfucker that shit hurt. I didn't even try to flex my fingers, because it already hurt enough. When everything had calmed down – if it ever calmed down – I would have to go to the hospital to get it x-rayed. Something was definitely wrong.

I opened the door with the other hand, running out onto the porch and slamming the door behind me. I had almost made it to the stairs when I skidded to a halt, almost falling on my ass on the slippery porch.

Crouched down in the far corner on the porch was Bella, holding onto the rail with white knuckles and sobbing into her arms as the rain soaked her.

My heart fucking broke at the sight.

Relief followed, shooting through me and igniting small flickers of hope. She hadn't run. She was still here. Only, I still had no fucking clue how to deal with her heartbreak and monster freak-out. At that point, it wasn't even important what had caused it; I just needed her to understand that it didn't matter. Whatever it was about the borrowed money and the part about her being a whore, it didn't fucking matter to me.

"Bella…" The sound of my own voice surprised me. It was shaky, and I hadn't even been aware that I had spoken.

Her head whipped up, fear evident in her wide eyes. The rain had soaked her hair, and it hung limply down around her pale face. She wasn't wearing her coat – actually she wasn't even wearing shoes. I shrugged out of my coat, instantly feeling the cold wind, and I knew that she had to be fucking freezing. This time, I ignored her gestures for me to stay away. I went over to her and draped my coat around her. I crouched down in front of her, and she backed even further into the corner.

"Come inside, beautiful. You're going to catch your death out here in the rain without your shoes."

"I can't, Edward," she cried. She was already shaking, though that could be from any number of things. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't understand," I admitted. And I really fucking didn't. All I knew was that I was shattering inside seeing her like this. "Just please come inside. I won't touch you, I won't say anything, just please…you can't stay out here like this."

I stood up and held out my hand before I thought better of it and let it drop back down. I had just promised not to touch her, after all.

Bella stood up, too, a little shakily and walked past me as I held out the door for her. She hung up my coat when she came inside before disappearing through the house and into the bedroom. I followed slowly, sliding down with my back against the wall outside the room. I didn't know what to do with myself – I just couldn't bear to be too far away from her. She could still run away, and I'd never see her again.

She came back out shortly after, still in her wet clothes, but holding a dry set of clothes and a towel in her arms. I didn't think she noticed me, and if she did, she didn't acknowledge me. I watched her as she walked down to her old bedroom, and just when she was about to enter, I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"You didn't run."

She started, looking up with her hand on the door handle. She quickly looked back down and stood still for a few moments. "I promised you that I wouldn't," she said softly. Her voice was all wrong. It was flat and a little hoarse. It was as lifeless as the rest of her.

"Thank you," was all that I could think of to say.

"I'll leave as soon as you want me to," she continued, still not looking up.

"What?"

"I always knew you wouldn't want me to stay here when I told you the truth."

I clumsily got to my feet, once again forgetting about my hand. "Bella, the absolute last thing I want you to do is leave. Shit! I'll never want you to leave."

"But you… I said… you know now," Bella stuttered. She hesitantly looked up, and it took everything in me not to close the distance between us and hug the shit out of her.

"You said that borrowed money made you a whore? I don't know what that means, but even if it's literal, it doesn't fucking matter to me," I said, groaning in frustration with myself for not being able to find the right words when it mattered. So much for being a successful writer. "You could have fucked a thousand guys for money and it wouldn't make a difference to me. I mean, shit. I wouldn't like it, of course, but it doesn't change the woman I know you as. It doesn't change who we are together. Don't you see that? What happened before we met doesn't have to dictate what we have together, as long as we work through it together."

Bella opened her mouth as if to speak, but nothing came out. I noticed her shivering in her still wet clothes and I sighed. Talking would have to wait.

"Go take a shower and put on some dry clothes," I said to her. "We'll talk when you're warm and dry. I'll make some tea."

"I… " She bit her lip and clutched the dry clothes to her chest. "I'm so ashamed."

I couldn't stay away from her any longer. I walked up to her and reached out to cup her cold cheek, making her look at me. "I won't make you bare your soul to me, beautiful girl. All I ever want is for you to be happy, okay? Whatever you want to tell me is fine. And it doesn't matter what you did or what happened to you. I'll always want you. Now off to the shower. Your skin is freezing," I said.

"You won't ask me to leave?" she whispered.

I shook my head. "Never. You won't run?"

She shook her head, too. "Never," she whispered.

"Then we're good, beautiful."

She disappeared into her old bedroom. I didn't know why, but I wasn't questioning it. If she needed it, she should do it. I took a deep breath before going into the kitchen to see if I might be able to make tea without further incident. I wasn't necessarily going to bet on it.

I slowly flexed my fingers while I waited for the water to boil, wondering whether the crisis had been averted or if it had just begun. My hand hurt, but my heart hurt even more. I couldn't remember experiencing a pain greater than the pain it was to helplessly see Bella so broken and miserable.

One of Aro's fortune cookie lines popped up in my mind. It was only a few days ago that he had said it as he caught me when I was going to the bathroom. I hadn't given it a second thought until now.

"Sometimes patience is just cowardice," he had solemnly told me, reeking of booze and looking in bad need of a shower.

Had I been so patient with Bella and her secrets that I had done us both a disservice by turning into a coward? I groaned, shaking my head in the hopes of clearing it. The world was coming to a fucking end if I started listening to Aro and his clichés. I still believed I had done the best I could for Bella by being patient; if I hadn't been, it was very likely that she would have run away a long time ago. So, patience was still the way go to.

I went over the words we had said to each other earlier, cringing and frowning as I remembered them. And that was when I realized that I had told her that I loved her. Motherfucker, how much more of an idiot could I be – shouting it out for the first time in frustration in the middle of a fight, a fight I didn't even understand to begin with. My mother would be so proud.

There were many things about this whole fuck-up that I didn't have the slightest clue about, how to make better, but I could attempt to make up for telling her that I loved her so thoughtlessly. I had been entertaining thoughts about how and when to tell her. None of them had included big romantic gestures with candles and fucking rose petals, because that shit was just not me. More importantly, it was not Bella, either. However, none of the scenarios I had entertained myself with included a fight and shouting.

I was going to fix that first. Not just because it was important that she knew that I meant it, but also because it was one of the few things I actually knew how to fix.

I was nursing my hand with an icepack when Bella came into the kitchen. Her hair was still wet, and she was dressed in jeans and a white sweater with a teal camisole peeking out in the deep V of the sweater. Her eyes were downcast, and she sat down across from me at the table without looking up or saying anything. Her hands cradled the mug with her favorite kind of tea I had put on the table for her. She looked more subdued than I had ever seen, and I fucking hated it. I also fucking hated that I didn't know what to say. I reached my uninjured hand across the table, palm upward and hoped.

"I love you."

Big brown pools of sadness looked up at me, and the tears she had held back began slowly rolling down her pale cheeks. "Please don't say that," she begged, her voice barely above a whisper and containing so much misery that it fucking broke me.

"It's true," I told her. I inched my hand closer to her, and she slowly placed her own small hand in it. Her fingers were cold, and I wrapped my hand around them while she looked at our chaste union with tears still rolling down her cheeks. She never made an attempt to wipe them away.

Several times she took a deep breath as if preparing to speak. I was dying for some answers, but just like she had kept her promise and not run away, I, too, had to keep my promise and not push her. It was fucking difficult. I squeezed her hand, because if nothing else, my beautiful girl was sitting across from me letting me hold her hand. Small victories and all that crap.

"Jake's dad, Billy, died last year," she said finally, the tone of her voice back to being fucking dead. "He was diagnosed with ALS about five years ago and went from being this active man who was really into fishing, hunting, hiking, and stuff like that, to a recluse bound to a wheelchair. It sounds awful, but it was a relief when he died. He was so miserable, shut almost everyone out of his life, and just sat in his chair with his bitter thoughts.

"Among the people he shut out of his life and refused to see were his daughters. I'm not sure why, because Jake didn't want to talk about it, but ultimately Jake was left having to pay for Billy's funeral and the hospital bills on his own. And since he didn't have that kind of money, he borrowed it."

Her voice caught, and I rubbed my thumb over the back of her hand as she got herself back under the control she seemed to so desperately need. I wanted to hold her so fucking badly, but I was almost afraid to breathe as she looked so skittish and fragile that I might scare her or break her.

"Jake being Jake didn't go to my dad or to the bank. Instead, he borrowed the money from a man named James – a shady sleezeball who acted like Jake's new best friend until he realized that Jake couldn't pay back the money as fast as he had expected."

Bella's voice was fading, and her hand that was wrapped in mine curled into a fist. She made an attempt to retract her hand, but I held onto it stubbornly. She sighed and picked up her story where she had left off, only now her voice was shaking.

"James started threatening Jake when he couldn't pay the money back. I told Jake to go talk to my dad. I mean, he was Billy's best friend, and I'm sure he would have helped Jake out, but Jake was stubborn. He kept saying that he had to show my dad that he was responsible or something like that. I…I had met James a few times when he sought Jake out to pressure him about the payments, and he…he made my skin crawl. He'd come on to me in such repulsive ways that if it had been anyone else, Jake would have been at his throat. But he was too afraid for his own ass to say anything to James."

I had a sudden urge to kill that fucker James. I had a feeling that making her skin crawl wasn't all he had done, and the want to hurt people who messed with my girl came as easy as breathing by now.

"The last time, the only time, I said this out loud, my dad called me a whore and told me I wasn't his daughter anymore," she said, almost to herself. She shook her head slightly and tried to control her breaths that were coming quicker.

"The only way he would extend the loan to Jake, and consequently not chop his fingers off or whatever, was if I had sex with him," she blurted, a soft whimper escaping her after she had said the words.

And now I wanted to kill Jake, too, because suddenly his words to Bella outside the bar started to make sense. The fucker had actually made her do it!

"My dad is right. I am a whore," she whispered. "I was so used to my dad controlling me that I let Jake do it, too, and although I begged him to find another way, I still did it when he said I had to do it. I let him…I…he…he hurt me…it was awful, and I only have myself to blame. I'm so sorry I stole all this time with you without telling you, but I just couldn't…"

I released her hand and stood up, leaving the icepack on the table. I couldn't stand anymore of her misery, and although I couldn't just fix everything for her, I had to do something. A sob escaped Bella, and she wrapped her arms around herself and cried. As I rounded the table, I realized that she thought I was doing what she had expected – rejecting her.

"I still love you," I told her, kneeling down next to her and startling the fuck out of her.

"No, you don't," she cried. "You can't."

"I do, and I can," I assured her. Doing what I could to be careful with my stupid motherfucker of a hand, I picked my girl up and carried her into the living room where I sat down on the couch with her on my lap. She didn't resist, but she also didn't look up at me as her tears kept falling. I put my arms around her and let her cry. After keeping everything in for so long, she probably needed some kind of release.

As I held her close and tried to keep my temper at bay, I mulled over what to say to her – how to assure her that I didn't see her as a whore, because I sure as fuck didn't. I wanted to subject the motherfuckers Jake and James, and her dad too while I was at it, to every single way of killing someone that I had ever thought of when I had plotted my books. And after that, I'd come up with even more ways to end them. To hurt an innocent, sweet, beautiful, and trusting girl that way, whether it was making her do it, suggesting it, or judging her for it afterward, was the most disgusting thing I had ever heard.

It didn't sound like she had had much of a choice, and even if she had, she had basically made one of the most ultimate sacrifices for someone she loved, even if he was a fucking bastard.

I told her that.

She shook her head, still not looking at me, but her face was buried in the crook of my neck like it was most nights. "I didn't love him. I just didn't know anything else," she said, her voice defeated and muffled.

"Was that when you ran away from Seattle?" I asked.

"Yes. James told Jake that he would shave a thousand dollars off his debt every time I… like having me cost that exact amount. The definition of a whore, right there."

"You're not a fucking whore, Bella." The word was such a far cry from what she was, and even if two perverted fuckers had told her or made her feel differently, she was still one of the most innocent people I had ever met.

"I got fucked, and I got paid for it," she said harshly. "What else are you going to call it?"

"You were abused – mentally by Jake and physically by James. And your dad didn't help matters much. You're the victim here, Bella," I argued. Surely she saw that.

"I don't want to be a victim, and I don't want to be a whore," she cried. "I just want to be…"

"To be what?" I asked her softly. I felt like she was shattering right there in my arms, and I was desperate to make it better somehow.

"Yours." It was so soft and so obscured by tears, whimpers, and the fact that her face was pressed into my shirt. But I heard it.

"You are mine, beautiful girl," I said softly, sighing as some of my relief poured out. I instinctively tightened my grip around her.

"I'm so disgusted with myself. Both for letting myself be controlled that way, and also for actually doing it. My dad is disgusted with me, and Jake was, too, even if he never said it. He just wanted to get out of his debt without getting hurt himself. Why aren't you disgusted, too?"

"Because there is absolutely nothing that is even remotely disgusting about you, beautiful girl. You said it yourself. You were raised by a controlling father, and when Jake took over, it was all you knew. Standing up against that shit…fuck, Bella. I'm impressed and fucking proud that you had the courage to turn your back to it all because you knew that it was wrong.

"And yeah," I added, hoping to lighten the mood just a little. "I'm also fucking grateful that you ran away from those fuckers and ended up right here with me."

Her eyes finally met mine, full of tears, red, and fucking beautiful. "I…"

"You're still my beautiful girl. Only now I know how brave you also are, and that I'll need you to bail me out of jail if I ever see those assholes. They not only hurt you, but also made you think that you're worth less than you are."

"I never in a million years expected you to react like this," she admitted.

"That'll teach you to underestimate me again," I said, smiling crookedly.

"Yes," she replied seriously.

We sat in silence for a while, taking everything in and just connecting, until the throbbing in my hand forced me to consider a new icepack and a trip to the ER. I kissed the top of Bella's head and eased her down on the couch next to me. "Sorry, beautiful. I need another icepack and possibly a ride to the ER."

I flexed my fingers a little and stood up. Bella followed me as I went to the freezer for the icepack.

"Oh my God, what happened?" And just like that her entire focus was shifted onto me as if a potentially broken hand was worse than the shit she had been through. Her selflessness wasn't a fault, but like with asshole Jake, it might get her hurt if the people around her didn't treat her right. As I rummaged through the freezer with my good hand, I promised myself that I wouldn't let anyone hurt her ever again. My mind still hadn't properly caught up with her revelations, and a new surge of anger tore through me as I reminded myself to answer Bella's question.

"I might have punched the wall when you ran out." I shrugged a little sheepishly, because as good as it had felt in the moment the fist connected with the wall and a load of anger and frustration had been released, it was also a fucking stupid thing to do. I did need my fingers to type, after all. Emmett's suggestion after I'd burned my hand that I needed to learn how to type with my nose was just not gonna fly.

"Edward…" she said softly. I turned around and looked at her as new tears pooled in her eyes.

"Hey, no, don't cry," I begged her. "When you hurt, I hurt. Those fuckers did a number on you, and I just...I needed to release my anger in some way, okay? It was a stupid thing to do, but I needed it. And now I need an x-ray."

"I'm sorry. I'll drive you," she said, wiping her eyes. "I just need to wash my face. I'll be right back."

I nodded and she left the kitchen. My anger was still simmering just below the surface, and as I recapped everything, it boiled over again. Jake the asshole ex-boyfriend with the control issues had rented my beautiful girl out for sex because he couldn't pay the sleezeball he had borrowed money from, and when she had told her sorry excuse of a dad, he had called her a whore and disowned her instead of ridding the world of the scumbags that were Jake and James.

Mother fucker!

Before I even realized I had reacted, my fist had once again connected with the wall, and I let out an embarrassing howl of pain. My arm was nearly numb, and white hot pain shot through my knuckles. Blood seeped out where the skin had been broken, and I didn't even dare to move my fingers.

Typing with my nose it was, then.

Bella came running, surveying the scene silently before realization showed in her eyes. She bit her lip and stubbornly held her tears in while she pushed me out of the house, only stopping to pick up our coats, draping mine around my shoulders, and helping me back into my boots before putting on her own. She picked up her messenger bag and keys while I tried to distract myself from the pain by coming up with ways of killing Jake and James and disposing of the bodies afterward. It helped.

My dad wasn't working yet; he wasn't scheduled to return to his reduced number of shifts until after New Year's. That meant I had to wait in the waiting room like everybody else in the ER and not just go to my dad's office like I usually would have done.

The ER wasn't terribly busy, but there was still a bit of a wait. Bella sat quietly next to me, lost in thought and seemingly seeing nothing as she stared a hole in the opposite wall. I figured it was best for both the walls and my hand if I kept distracting myself, so I people-watched.

There were plenty of people coughing and looking flu green. They annoyed the shit out of me, because I didn't see the necessity of going to the ER because of a cold or the flu. Didn't the idiots realize that they'd be much more comfortable at home in their own beds? It wasn't like the doctor would be handing them a miracle pill anyway.

A man holding his back and dragging his feet came in with a worried looking woman trailing after him. When they were seated, she started word vomiting to anyone in her near vicinity. She told anyone who would listen, as well as a few who wouldn't, how her husband had fallen down from a ladder while cleaning out the gutters, and now she was worried that it might be broken, that he would be paralyzed, that he would suffer permanent damage and a fuckload of other stuff – including cancer and blindness. She didn't even notice her husband being well enough to roll his eyes and smile apologetically at his wife's victims.

I smirked, remembering my own fall from a ladder weeks earlier. I glanced at Bella and was surprised to find her smiling softly at me. She had probably been yanked roughly from her thoughts by Mrs. Word Vomit.

"You never did tell me why you didn't want the last string of lights fixed," she said, referring to the string of Christmas lights I had been stapling to the gutters when I had fallen down. I had refused to fix because it was a reminder of what had happened, and I liked looking at it – even if it was crooked.

Looking into her beautiful brown eyes, knowing how brave she was for having endured what she had, I fucking loved her more than ever. And since I had already told her so, I figured that I could finally tell her that was why I fell down from that stupid ladder.

"It reminds me of my not so graceful fall," I said. A chuckle escaped me, and it felt almost foreign after that long and utterly crappy morning we'd had.

Bella arched an eyebrow and a blush spread on her cheeks before I could continue, and I laughed out loud, knowing what she was thinking. "No, I didn't mean what happened afterward inside, although that was fucking fantastic, I was referring to the actual fall. I lost my grip on the ladder when I suddenly realized that I loved you. I got pretty exasperated with myself for not realizing it sooner, nd then I was on the ground."

Her full, pretty lips formed a surprised and fucking adorable "o." Then she smiled. "I'm sorry you hurt yourself realizing that," she said.

"I'm not," I stated. "I kinda wish it had left a scar, because that's one scar I would have worn with pride."

Bella shook her head, a faint smile dancing on her lips. Then she looked at me with a sudden determination. "Edward, I'm sorry about this morning," she said softly. At my attempt to interrupt, she silenced me by putting her fingers on my lips and shaking her head. "Please just let me say this. I didn't handle it very well, crying and running and all that. I just need you to know that I didn't keep it from you because I wanted to lie to you; I was just too ashamed and convinced that when you found out, you wouldn't want me anymore. Sometimes, especially right after it happened, I could barely look at myself in the mirror, and I couldn't fathom anyone else wanting to if they knew."

She took a deep breath before continuing. "I love you. So much. I think I have from that first night at the bar when you smiled at me. And if you really mean that you still want me, then I promise you that I'm done freaking out, hiding, running, and keeping secrets."

I did what any man would have done. I let out a chuckle. And then I cradled my beautiful girl's pink cheek with my good hand and kissed the shit out of her.

Naturally that was when a stupid nurse, apparently aspiring to become a fucking corpse, called out my name. I detached myself from Bella, looked into the eyes I wanted to be looking into forever, and smiled at her. "I'll always want you, beautiful girl. Always."

I reluctantly followed the nurse, focusing on Bella's breathtaking smile and hoping to God that I'd be seeing a doctor who didn't know me. Or else I'd be fielding calls from my parents in no time. The medical personnel at the hospital gossiped more than old ladies.

By some small miracle I hadn't broken any bones in my hand. That was good news since a cast would have been a bitch to type with. I couldn't help but being just a little bit disappointed, though, because I sure as hell hadn't held back when I had punched the wall, and if I had to relay the story to anyone, it would be pretty embarrassing that I couldn't even crack a stupid bone when giving it my best punch. Maybe I could somehow blame the wall for being soft? I'd have to look into that.

An x-ray, a bandage, and a few painkillers later, I was back out in the waiting room where Bella waited for me patiently. Mrs. Word Vomit had now moved onto worrying about rabies, and I watched Bella bite her lip and fight a smile. She hurried out of her seat as soon as she saw me, meeting me halfway.

"How bad is it?" she asked, looking down at my hand.

"It's fine, nothing broken, but it does have rabies," I said straight-faced.

Bella's eyes widened, and I grabbed her hand, tugging her toward the exit as we fought off the laughter. We succeeded to hold it in until we reached the parking lot. We burst out laughing, and I wrapped my arms around my girl. It felt great to laugh after everything that had happened that day. And it was barely even noon.

"Let's go home," Bella said, fighting off the last giggles. Her arms were around my waist, and she looked up at me with a beautiful smile.

I nodded and leaned down to kiss her. Home sounded fucking great at the moment. And it was a home now that Bella was living there. Her colorful flowers in the kitchen windowsill, the smell of freshly baked bread, and the warmth of a woman had transformed my house to a home.


	27. He Has a Generous Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: For beta'ing and pre-reading, I thank Dinx, nowforruin, and lisamichelle17. You're amazing.

CHAPTER 27

Bella:

He Has a Generous Heart

I fussed over him. How could I not? He had messed up his hand because he was frustrated and angry about the past of the woman he loved – and that woman was me. But he wasn't angry with me. That baffled me.

Edward had not reacted the way I had expected him to when learning the ugly truth about me. Naturally, I hadn't planned to blurt it while freaking out, nor had I expected to freak out because he had mentioned borrowing money. I honestly didn't know why it had made me react so violently after all the hard work I had put into overcoming everything. Maybe I had just needed to erupt like a volcano after keeping everything in for months. Still, it was far from the ideal way of telling Edward…if there even was an ideal way of telling someone something like that.

Thinking about what had happened with James, and the cold and calculated way Jake had seemingly sacrificed me, still gave me chills. Thinking about how easily I had been talked into it made me nauseous. Thinking about Edward accepting me, my past, and my poor choices so easily made me dizzy. All those thoughts made me play catch-up with my feelings, and I was getting a little tired.

We spent the afternoon that followed our overly emotional morning cuddled up in one of the big comfortable chairs in the library. We'd talk and drift away in our own thoughts randomly, and I finally understood that Edward was serious about accepting me – faults, past, and everything. It was a staggering realization.

After we had eaten dinner, our cell phones started ringing at almost the exact same time. Edward frowned as he fished his out of his pocket, and I went into the living room to find mine. Alice's name flashed on the screen.

"Hi, Alice."

"Did yours or Edward's phone ring first? Jasper and I had a race, and we have a bet going, too," was Alice's inventive greeting.

I laughed. "I think mine went off first. Are you two really that bored?"

Alice giggled and gloated to Jasper for a moment before returning her attention to me. "Well, the bet wasn't boring, I'll tell you that much. But I actually wanted to talk you into joining us at the bar tonight. It's been a while since we were all there."

"Um…" I hesitated. I wasn't sure that Edward and I were up for a night at the bar after the day we had had. But then again, maybe a few drinks and a good time with our friends was exactly what we needed.

"Oh, come on, Bella. Please?"

"All right. If Edward's up for it, we'll be there," I said.

"Jasper is talking him into it right now," Alice promised.

That turned out to be true, and about an hour later we found ourselves shuffling into a booth with our friends at the bar. They already had drinks waiting for us.

"Dude, did you try to cook again?" was the first thing out of Emmett's mouth when he saw Edward's bandaged hand.

Edward smirked at Emmett, and I bit my lip, wondering how he was going to handle the situation. Edward and I had spent parts of the afternoon getting everything out, and I had no more secrets from him – expect for what I was planning to get him for Christmas. We were amazingly solid after the horrifying morning, and I had vowed never to doubt or underestimate Edward again.

"Nope, no more cooking for me," Edward said easily. "I just felt like punching something, and the only thing around was the kitchen wall."

Rose and Jasper both looked suspicious, but Emmett just laughed. "You really are a danger to kitchens everywhere, Eddie."

"Why did you feel like punching a wall, brother-o'mine?" Rose asked sweetly.

"Well, the fuckers I wanted to punch weren't around, so I settled for the next best thing," Edward replied just as sweetly, sending a not so subtle glare his sister's way, telling her to shut up.

I felt horrible. I had, in a round about way, already gotten between Edward and his siblings once, and the last thing I wanted was to cause another rift. Edward squeezed my hand under the table and shook his head. "It's none of their business, beautiful," he whispered in my ear.

I sighed. I suddenly felt completely spent and couldn't help but wish that we had stayed home. It didn't end with just telling Edward, even if that was the only thing my one-track mind had focused on.

Edward's hand was quickly forgotten, though. My mood improved as we all amused ourselves by watching Rose swat away her fanboys, who were unusually annoying tonight. As the drinks continued to flow, Alice and Emmett started a petition for Rose to have karaoke nights at the bar. They got a grand total of seven signatures on the cocktail napkin they had jotted down their demands on. Emmett told a new batch of jokes, refusing to reveal his source of the never-ending hilarious stories, and between one of Rose and Jasper's weird half-conversations and the daggers Rose shot as Jessica from the motel tried hitting on Emmett, I realized that I had changed my mind and was glad that we had gone out.

Edward didn't drink much as he was on painkillers prescribed by the ER doctor he had seen earlier. I didn't ration my alcohol, though. I didn't want to get completely wasted, but I was all for taking just the edge off reality. Soon Edward was reaping the rewards as much I was, as I let go of my inhibitions and made out with my clearly pleased boyfriend. Emmett was practicing his catcalls very loudly, but for once I didn't care. I was done holding back with Edward.

Sunday was a really lazy day for both of us. Edward pretended to do some of his research for about ten minutes, and then claimed he couldn't type with his bad hand. Instead, he watched while I spent a few hours in the kitchen making him some Christmas treats that he'd have a tooth – and stomachache – If he ate them all at once. After lunch we lounged on the couch, not even bothering to put on a movie. We spoke a little about what to get his family, Alice, and Emmett for Christmas. And then Edward turned the conversation in the direction I had been expecting, only he didn't ask the questions I had thought he would.

"Do you have stuff back in Seattle that you left behind? You know, things like books or clothes?"

"I did leave most of my belongings behind," I replied. "Though, I imagine most of it is gone now. Knowing Jake he's sold everything he could for cash to pay off his debt, and I wouldn't be surprised if he tossed the rest away after he was down here.

"Anything I had of importance like photos, personal papers, and stuff like that is back in Forks at my dad's house. I never brought it with me to Seattle. I have no idea if it's still there or if he sacrificed it to a bonfire down at the beach."

I sighed and smiled sadly to myself. "It's very cleansing for the soul to try the humbling experience it is to own only what fits into a bag, though. You stop taking things for granted."

"Don't take this the wrong way, okay? But you know I'd give you the world, right?" Edward's voice was careful but sincere. "I only suggested the car because I want you to be safe and comfortable. I know you don't want me spending money on you, and I know we've never really talked about it, but I'm making a good living at what I do, and since both Mom and Dad come from money, I was also set up with a trust fund. It all boils down to the fact that money's never going to be an issue for me. For us. Because I want to share everything with you, and as spoiled as it sounds, money is for spending on something that makes you fucking happy. Nothing makes me happier than you, Bella. That's just how it is."

"That's just how it is…" I repeated softly to myself. Letting out a breath, I wondered what I was supposed to do with a declaration like that. Money made me uncomfortable – that was just how it was, too.

"Do you trust that I love you no matter what?" Edward asked, perhaps sensing my struggle.

"Yes." That much I was finally certain of.

"Then the rest doesn't fucking matter."

But it did. And it dawned on me that I was being a hypocrite. Edward had accepted me with all my baggage. The least I could do was accept everything that was Edward, too, money included. Suddenly it was very clear and very easy.

"I love you more than anything, Edward. That's just how it is. And I'll consider the car, but I'd much rather have some of those nifty silicone muffin cups, preferably in red, if you're so intent on spending money on me."

Edward laughed. "I'd give you anything in the whole damn world, and all you want are muffin cups. No doubt to make muffins that I'd eat ninety percent of. I think you're the definition of low maintenance, beautiful girl."

I nodded and gave him a satisfied grin.

I had buried myself in online store business in the back of the boutique as soon as I had gone in Monday morning. After completing all the orders that had come in during the weekend, I found myself untangling jewelry again. Alice offered to take over, but I could sense that my patience was better than hers, so I declined. And I preferred the quiet solitude to the buzz of dealing with the customers out front, anyway.

It wasn't until Angela took off for lunch that I came back out, helping a nice older lady pick out a dress and some jewelry for her granddaughter for Christmas. When Angela returned, Alice and I went next door to the bar. Rose had opened up early today and served lunch to accommodate Alice's lunch meeting with some people from Seattle about her designs.

The creepy guy, Aro, stopped us on our way in. Alice pirouetted past him, but he was blocking my path. I remembered him from my first visit to the bar, and I had never been there without seeing him and his creepy-looking friends in their usual booth.

"Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination," he said solemnly and bowed slightly before he sat back down with his friends.

I frowned, recognizing the words as Voltaire and not for the first time wondering who the man really was. I had asked Rose about him once, but all she knew about him was that he was good for business, since he and his friends were always drinking steadily.

I joined Rose in a small booth in the corner. When Alice had asked her to open up early for her lunch meeting, Rose had insisted that I joined her for lunch, too. Never expecting to call Edward's sister a friend after the icy start we'd had, she was now just that. And a good one, too.

"Hi, Rose." I smiled at her as I sat down.

"You're looking good today, Bella-Marie," Rose said with a grin, eying the gorgeous brown leather jacket with short sleeves Alice had given me last week. "Your boss hiring? With her fringe benefits, I'd totally moonlight for her."

"I'm pretty sure she'd say yes if you asked," I replied, laughing.

We discussed the upcoming holidays while eating lunch and spying on Alice, who was talking a mile a minute to the people she was meeting with. I started to feel sorry for them, because I knew very well how overwhelming Alice could be when she was excited about something, so I got Rose to send over a drink for the poor men. Alice glared, but the guys seemed relieved as they gulped their whisky.

"You're making my brother smile like a loon these days, Bella Marie. I like it." Rose smirked at me and took a bite of her sandwich after we had left Alice to her meeting.

I felt my cheeks heat up slightly at her words, but it was a thrilling thought that I was making Edward happy.

"He knows everything, doesn't he? Whatever it is that you're hiding. There was definitely something different about both of you the other night," she continued, studying me thoughtfully.

I nodded. One day I was going to have to tell her and Alice about it, too. I felt it deep in my heart that they were people I could trust with anything, and I figured if Edward wasn't going to judge and shun me for my past, Rose and Alice wouldn't either. "He's so amazing, Rose," I heard myself say. "I didn't know anyone could be as patient as he has been with me. God knows that's exactly what I needed."

"Edward has never been particularly patient, except perhaps with his writing, so that's how we knew how strongly he felt about you, even early on," Rose said. "I may have acted like a total bitch in the beginning, but I'm glad you stayed around."

"Me too," I said with a smile. "I wanted to thank you, actually. It may not seem like my business, but when you asked about Edward's hand the other night…I just… Well, thank you for backing off. It was my fault that he punched the wall, and he was just trying to protect me and my stupid secrets by deflecting the questions."

I sighed. "I freaked out because of something he said and involuntarily told him some things about some stuff that happened just before I left Seattle. That was what made him angry and frustrated and punch the wall."

Rose thoughtfully studied me. "I won't pry," she finally decided. "But I do need to know one thing. Was he angry with you?"

I shook my head. "No. I had expected him to be, but he wasn't. He told me he loved me instead."

"Well, I'll be damned. He might just turn out to be the most mature of the Cullen brats after all. Who would have thought?" Rose chuckled, almost to herself. "But in any case, I'm happy you guys are figuring it out. I'm not even going to ask if you love him, too, because it's written all over your face that you do. We'll be sisters yet, Bella-Marie."

She laughed as my eyes widened and my cheeks heated up. In my eyes, being in love and getting married didn't necessarily equal each other.

The conversation drifted from topic to topic until it settled on Rose's favorite hate-subject: Emmett.

"I don't know what the fuck to do with him," she complained, spearing an olive from her plate as if she imagined it was the man she was complaining about. "It doesn't really matter that he's so hot when he never listens to a word I say, does it?"

Without waiting for a reply, she continued, "He's like the fanboys in some ways. I swat them away like those annoyingly lazy bluebottle flies, and they just don't get it. Why are men so fucking stupid?"

"You can't compare poor Emmett to the fanboys," I said, standing up for my big, dimpled friend. "You all but kick the fanboys in the balls to make them back off, whereas you're sometimes borderline polite to Emmett. It's like dangling a piece of apple pie in front of him."

Rose fought it, but couldn't keep the snort in. She laughed at herself. "God knows he looks at me like I'm a piece of pie."

"Apple pie," I corrected, as that was Emmett's favorite. "With homemade vanilla ice cream."

She laughed again. Then she sighed. "And what is a woman to do with a man like that?"

"Indulge?" I suggested. Rose could bitch and moan about Emmett all she wanted, but we all knew her weakness for his dimpled smile and impish charm. The only one who believed she could resist him was herself.

Rose half-smiled, half-frowned, but didn't say anything.

After my lunch with Rose, I went out to get groceries for the dinner I was going to cook that night. I enjoyed cooking for everyone, and Alice enjoyed spending all her time at the boutique, so it was a good deal for both of us.

I was in the middle of preparing the potatoes for the menu when Emmett showed up, looking for test tastes, as usual. I was making chicken in brandy sauce, twice baked potatoes, and baked vegetables. I had beer bread in the oven and coffee brownie trifle in the fridge. Emmett was positively salivating.

"Damn, Bella, you could make even the toughest man beg on his knees with your cooking. The smell alone makes me want to start chewing on my own goddamn arm," Emmett said with a sigh, looking longingly into the oven.

The look on his face did me in, and I dug out a few pieces of left-over brownie, handing the plate to Emmett while mentally apologizing to Edward. I would make him a batch of brownies tomorrow night to make up for giving Emmett the pieces intended for him.

Emmett's smile was blinding. "If it wasn't for Rosie, I'd marry you in a heartbeat, Bella," he promised me. He hummed in approval as the first piece of brownie disappeared.

"I'll teach you how to make brownies," I told Emmett. "I made my first batch when I was like ten years old. My dad yelled at me when he found out, but once he'd tasted them, he let me make them every Saturday. There's really nothing to it."

"I'd rather eat them than make them," he replied cheekily, popping another piece into his mouth and chewing before he cocked his head and looked speculatively at me. "You know, you never do that. Talk about what your life was like before, I mean. Ali told me not to bug you about your past, but I just had to say that, sorry."

"It's okay, Em. I've had a difficult time accepting some things that happened over the summer."

"I'm sorry you had to go through something that was obviously unpleasant, but I'm glad it made you end up here," Emmett said seriously. Then his eyes sparkled and dimples appeared in his cheeks. "It would have been a tragedy to have to do with Ali's cooking all the time. I like yours better."

"I'm touched, Em."

He hummed and continued to polish off the plate of brownies while commenting on my cooking, straight-faced telling me to add more salt to the sauce and lower the oven temperature as if he even knew what he was talking about. Emmett McCarty was a giant pick-me-up.

When Edward joined us later, he grinningly presented me with a basket covered in red cloth dusted with little white snowmen. I arched my eyebrows at him, but he just turned up his grin another few degrees.

"I bet it's a puppy," Emmett said excitedly.

"I bet it's not. I don't like dogs, and Edward knows that," I said.

"Just look inside. There's nothing in there that bites," Edward teased.

I removed the cloth, uncovering dozens of red silicone muffin cups. A wide smile stretched on my face and tears stung in my eyes. "Edward…!" I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me, and I threw my arms around his waist, burying my shaking head in his chest. "You are the sweetest man in the whole world, and I'll make you a million muffins while I practice keeping my mouth shut about things that I think I need or want."

A chuckle shook Edward's chest, and he leaned down to kiss the top of my head. I turned my face up so that he could aim for my lips instead, and luckily for me he was a bright boy.

"Aaww, I'm sweet, too. Can I also have a million muffins?" Emmett asked. He picked up three muffin cups and started to juggle. He was surprisingly good at it.

"Buy Rose some muffin cups and ask her to make you some," Edward suggested. I once again buried my face in his chest to muffle my laughter as I imagined how that would go over with Rose.

"Are you kidding me? She'd skin me alive before making me into a muffin," Emmett said with a snort. Then his own words reached his ears, and he shuddered. "I'm not meant to be a muffin," he decided. "I'm meant to eat them."

He continued his circus act, and I looked up at Edward. "Thank you for the muffin cups. I'm glad it wasn't a car."

"I'll convince you yet," he promised me with a grin and stole another kiss.

That was when Emmett found it necessary to ask if there were anymore leftover brownies. Edward, who was all over the idea of pre-dinner dessert, pouted for a bit when he discovered that Emmett had eaten them all, but gloated when I promised to make him a batch of his own tomorrow night. Boys would be boys.

I continued preparing dinner, every now and again stealing a glance at the basket with the muffin cups. He was annoyingly sweet, that one. I would have to up my game for Christmas, and as I put the finishing touches on the meal and heard Jasper and Rose arrive in the middle in one of their weird silent arguments and Alice laughing at them, I thought of the perfect thing for Edward.

He would be going on a treasure hunt.

Through dinner, I struggled to keep my attention on the conversation around me as I added details to my plan. I hoped I would have enough time to get it all done, and also that I could keep Edward's nose out of it. He was like a little kid when it came to presents. I really wanted to do something fun and special for him.

"Pay attention, Bella-Marie! We're discussing the Christmas Eve dinner, and Alice is the only one who has ever tried to make an entire festive meal. We need your expertise," Rose called me out of my planning. She winked at me for some reason.

"Um. Festive meal?" I asked.

"If you hadn't been so far away in your lusty dreams of Eddie-boy, you might have noticed that we were discussing what to put on the menu for Christmas Eve," Alice told me cheekily.

I managed not to blush, as I had nothing to blush about, but everyone did laugh, and Edward looked extremely pleased. I decided to leave him in his ignorant bliss and just smiled serenely at Alice. "Well, he is just dreamy. Now what's this about the menu?"

As the laughter died down, Alice managed to reply, "The boys want turkey two days in a row, but Rose and I thought it might be more fun with something completely untraditional."

"I made steaks one year for Christmas. That was before I started buying the groceries myself. My dad forgot to buy a turkey, so when it was time to cook, there were only steaks and fish in the freezer," I said, remembering how I had flat out refused to include fish in the Christmas dinner. "I don't even think he noticed."

"I could eat a steak," Emmett said.

"You just had a full meal, you pig," Rose said, exasperated.

Emmett wasn't deterred. "So?"

My thoughts shifted from planning a treasure hunt for Edward to planning a meal for my friends. I would make them steaks for the Christmas Eve dinner and hopefully substitute a good memory for a bad one. My dad had been extremely absent mentally the Christmas I had served the steaks. I had been around thirteen years old, and I remembered sitting under the shabby plastic Christmas tree crying when he had gone off to work, even before I had cleared the plates off the table after dessert.

"Can we have the dinner out at your place?" I whispered to Edward as Rose and Emmett went into full bickering mode and Alice and Jasper were distracted, staring creepily into each other's eyes.

He seemed to consider it. "On one condition," he whispered back.

"What?"

"That you stop calling it my place. You live there, too, which makes it our place. And since it's our place, you don't even have to ask. You want to invite people to dinner, paint the living room, or put a car on the roof, you just go ahead and do it."

"Why would I want to put a car on the roof? I don't even want a car. And if it's our place, then I should pay rent," I said, smiling widely at the brilliance of my own argument.

"Nice try, beautiful. You start paying rent, and I buy you a car," Edward countered.

"Damn."

Eventually everybody's attention shifted in the same direction, and I managed to invite everyone out for dinner at our place on Christmas Eve. It made Emmett start composing a disturbing song about steaks and Christmas. That was when I escaped to take care of the dishes.

I was woken up Christmas Eve morning by kisses trailing over my shoulder all the way down my arm to my hand. I smiled before I was even fully awake and buried myself further into the warmth of Edward's arms with a very sleepy moan.

A low chuckle made Edward's chest rumble, and his lips shifted to my neck. His warm hand closed over my naked breast under the covers, and I could feel his impressive morning erection against my ass. I wiggled a little, coercing a deep, rumbling moan from him. His hands explored my body, still naked from the previous night's escapades. I loved waking up naked with Edward. I had never been so comfortable being naked as I was with him, although there was no need for him to know that I was considering going along with his suggestion about Naked Sundays. Not only because I was comfortable, but also because he was a glorious sight anytime, but especially in the nude.

Before I was done thinking about Naked Sundays, his talented fingers drifted down my stomach and started lazily circling my clit. All thoughts fled my mind when he pushed two fingers into me and had me thrashing in an orgasm a lot quicker than the unhurried tempo of the morning so far.

Even as I was still trying to catch my breath, I turned around in his arms and gave little thought to morning breath as I leaned in to kiss him. His lips and tongue were as eager as his fingers, but he stopped me as my hands started to wander.

"Shower," he gasped as he shamelessly rubbed himself against my thigh. "We should…fuck…conserve water…and…oh God…I need to fuck you in the shower, beautiful!"

I saw no reason to move. Sure, I needed to get out of bed and start preparing dinner for the evening, but it was very difficult to make that a priority when Edward was naked and humping my leg. I willingly let him tug me out of bed, though. It wasn't as inviting after he resolutely had jumped out and disappeared into the bathroom to turn the shower on.

He picked me up the second I entered the shower, crashing his lips against mine and roughly slamming my back against the wall. I felt nothing except the heat of his body and the desire eating me up from the inside. I gasped when he entered me, filling me completely. It had never been like that before. There had always been an undeniable passion between us, but it had never been as consuming and wild as now. Edward had sure as hell never slammed me against anything before, always careful and in control. But he was even more magnificent when he wasn't in control and just let go completely. I felt every nerve ending tingle and burn bright with passion, and I decided that control was overrated. And then I just stopped thinking all together. Slippery touches and moans, echoing around the tiles, and the raw desire to touch more, love more, and feel more shoved me under until I could barely breathe.

And then the world shifted. Before I realized what was happening, Edward had hit the tiled floor with a pained 'oomph', landing on his hip and cradling me so I ended up on top of him instead of the floor.

I was breathless and stunned, not able to catch up to reality after the violent stop to the passion. The water pelted down on my back and while I tried to figure out if I was hurt, I felt Edward's hand on my cheek.

"Fucking hell. You okay, beautiful girl?"

I couldn't feel anything wrong, just the touch of his skin against mine and the water on my back. I decided that I was okay, so I nodded. "What about you? You took the brunt of the fall."

"I'm…" He hesitated. "I'm okay I think. I just landed on my hip. I fucking slipped! Who knew shower sex was dangerous?"

I bit my lip. The hilarity of the situation was definitely catching up with me, and I struggled not to laugh as Edward ranted on.

"I mean, when the fuck did I become so uncoordinated? Damn it all to hell! And just in the middle of the most awesome sex ever. How the fuck is that shit fair?"

I was losing the battle to the laughter, and I shook with the effort to hold it in, because Edward was obviously upset and possibly also hurt, even if he wouldn't admit it.

"Bella? Shit, beautiful. Are you sure you're not hurt?" he fretted, distracted from his ranting now.

I hid my face against his wet and thoroughly delicious chest as the laughter bubbled out. I was pretty sure there were tears leaking out of my eyes and breathing became difficult again. "At least it didn't happen in the kitchen," I said. "You would never have lived that one down."

Edward snorted before he also had to succumb to laughter. We lay entangled on the floor of the shower stall and just laughed. What else was there to do when a not so graceful fall put a stop to passionate sex?

It was difficult maneuvering around on the slippery and very hard floor, but Edward managed to sit up with only a quick grimace after our laughter had finally died out. I moved to get off his lap, but he held on to my hips and grinned as he bit down gently on my nipple without any warning.

"Oh God," I breathed. I arched my back and felt him hardening again as I shifted. He thrust up against me and groaned.

"I'm getting too old for this shit," he complained, but didn't stop grinding his cock against me. "I need a fucking bed, and I swear to God that if you even mention a trip to the ER, I'm gonna tell everyone that I'm limping because you rode me too hard."

I giggled and leaned in toward him. I bit down on his ear lobe and enjoyed the shudder that rippled through his body. "How are you going to explain a possible limp?"

Mid-groan he pulled away and stared at me. "No fucking clue, but it's not gonna be the truth, that's for fucking sure."


	28. She Indulges My Inner Kid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just claim the way I have strung my words together.
> 
> A/N: I have the most amazing betas in the world. It's a fact. I love them even when they're bossy and laugh at me because I apparently can't spell Rob's name. (It was a typo!) So, Dinx and nowforruin – thank you for putting up with me. ;) Also big thanks to my Sweet Pea, lisamichelle17 for pre-reading.

CHAPTER 28

Edward:

She Indulges My Inner Kid

"I got run over by a reindeer."

"Very funny, Eddie," Rose said, rolling her eyes.

"I wrestled with a crocodile."

"Argh! Stop lying and just tell us already! What's the big secret anyway?" Jasper asked, exasperated.

"I was attacked by killer chipmunks."

"I bet it was something kitchen related," Tiny said thoughtfully. "That's how he usually gets hurt."

I held back a grin when I heard Bella cough in the kitchen. She was putting the final touches on the Christmas Eve meal while I was busy entertaining our guests by telling lies about why I was limping like a fucking cripple.

"Eddie can hurt himself outside the kitchen, too," Rose said with a big grin. I knew that grin, and it meant humiliation for me. When Jasper smiled widely, too, I knew that I was powerless to stop their trip down memory lane.

"He almost electrocuted himself at age five when he thought Grandma's knitting pins fit right into the light socket," Rose continued, settling herself into her story telling mode. I glared at her, which didn't help, and I wondered if Bella needed any help burning the house down out from the kitchen. It was about all I could do in a kitchen.

"And when he was eight, he ran away from home because Mom wouldn't let him eat apple sauce every day for dinner," Jasper picked right up. "He wandered into the woods and attempted to play with a bear cub. Let's just say that Mama Bear wasn't so pleased, and that it was a good thing that our neighbor was out hiking that day."

"It was also around that time that he went sledding down the stairs from the second floor," Rose said with an exaggerated sigh. "It didn't go very well. He face-planted right into the wall after he had miscalculated the distance to the front door. He broke his nose and wailed for hours."

"Not to mention when he thought he could fly," Jasper said and snickered evilly. "I don't remember how old he was, but I do remember that after several attempts all he had was a broken arm, a sprained ankle, and a nasty bump on his head. Plus, he got grounded."

"Are you two done?" I asked, not even trying to hide my annoyance. Tiny and Emmett had been very amused, and I swore that I'd heard at least one giggle coming from the kitchen. There was just no loyalty anywhere – even in my house. these days.

"Just fucking tell us what you did to yourself this time!" Rose demanded.

I snorted. I'd give them the fucking truth. "Okay, okay. I'll tell you the truth. I slipped in the shower," I said. There, all the truth they deserved.

"How boring," Tiny said, wrinkling her nose. "I liked the other versions better."

Bella grinned at me when she put the last few items on the table and announced that dinner was ready. She had slaved all afternoon, going as far as banishing me from my own goddamn kitchen when I'd tried to help her. All I'd done was accidentally throw out the potato peeler with the peelings and make her burn the herb butter for the steaks. It wasn't my fault I was fucking kitchen cursed.

Instead, I had stocked up on the firewood, picked up the bananas for the dessert she had forgotten to buy, and unsuccessfully tried to come up with a good reason to give the others as to why I was limping.

Dinner was great. We shared Christmas stories, and I managed to get Jasper to team up with me to embarrass Rose instead of them continuing to embarrass me. Rose had a colorful past, mostly due to her extreme stubbornness, and especially Emmett was particularly entertained by our stories. He didn't seem to notice the glares Rose sent his way while he laughed loudly.

Bella didn't participate much as far as stories went – only a few that went into the Christmas Disaster category, and it bugged the hell out of me. I was happy to see her smiling, because everyone deserved to be happy at Christmas. Except the fuckers responsible for Bella's past Christmases, of course.

After the meal, it was my turn to evict Bella from the kitchen. I cleaned up with Jasper's help and Emmett had his nose buried in the leftovers. The girls had disappeared into the living room with a bottle of wine. I could hear them giggling, and only Emmett's constant chatter distracted me from wondering what they might be talking about. I did enjoy the sound of Bella's giggles, though.

"So, on a scale from one to ten, how good is your mom's Christmas dinner?" Emmett asked, all business with whipped cream from the banana pie on his nose.

"Ten," Jasper immediately replied.

"Twelve," I corrected.

"Hm, so that would be an eleven. Cool," Emmett said with a satisfied nod. "My mom couldn't cook for shit, but Ali makes a mean Christmas turkey."

"Do you ever think about anything besides food?" Jasper wanted to know. "And if you say anything about Rose's body, I'm gonna call my mom and tell her to make you some kind of tofu meal for tomorrow because you're on a diet."

"Now that's just plain cruel, threatening a man's Christmas dinner like that. Karma's gonna get you, Jazz," Emmett said, narrowing his eyes. "But if I can't mention Rose's body, I can't answer your question. Wait. Yes, I can. I do manage to squeeze in a few thoughts a day that involves cars."

"How lucky for your customers," Jasper said dryly.

"I bet you're no saint when it comes to my sister's body, anyway," Emmett countered.

I took that as my cue to leave. The kitchen was spotless, and I had no desire to get caught in their sister discussion. The topic of discussion in the living room was much cooler. The girls were talking about their favorite lingerie, so I settled down comfortably to listen while I tried to block out the fact that I was listening to my sister talk about her underwear. Goddamn sisters.

There was something special about waking up Christmas morning. Even then, at age twenty-seven, I still felt a rush of excitement even before I was fully awake. I knew it was Christmas before I knew that I was awake. The next thing registering in my sleepy brain was the warm body pressed against me, and that was even better than fucking Christmas.

As it often was when I woke up in the mornings, my hand was cradling one of Bella's spectacular tits, and I resisted the urge to squeeze it. No reason to wake up Bella just yet and ruin my chance of some early morning ogling.

There was little light coming in between the closed curtains, but as my eyes got used to the darkness, my beautiful girl became clearer. Above the covers there was very little skin visible, only her face, half covered by her hair, and the top of one creamy shoulder. I leaned down and kissed it. The skin there wasn't as warm as the rest of her pressed against me, so I pulled up the covers around her. She sighed softly, and it seemed as if there was just the hint of a smile on her lips.

I closed my eyes again. I tried to ignore my eager cock that was more awake than I was at that point, as I enjoyed the warmth of my girl and the peace of the moment. I briefly contemplated getting out of bed to make breakfast, but since that meant untangling myself from Bella, I quickly decided against it.

I was lost in thoughts centering on Bella when she shifted and let out a low moan that always signaled she was awake and not liking it. I chuckled, and she turned around in my arms, giving me a sleepy smile. Her eyes were still stubbornly closed, and she buried her face in the crook of my neck.

"I don't wanna wake up," she mumbled.

I kissed the top of her head. "Then don't. We can sleep a little longer."

"What time is it?"

I leaned over to pick up her cell phone on the bedside table to check the time. "A little after eight."

She sighed. "With the way you've been sniffing around the gifts under the tree the last few days, I'm surprised that you're not up and about like you no doubt were when you were a kid."

"Good things come to those who wait," I replied, grinning. "My dad taught me that when I was eight and he caught me up before dawn on Christmas morning inspecting the gifts rather closely."

"Your parents must have had their hands full with you and the twintastic team," she said, giggling sleepily.

"There's nothing worse than being bored," I stood up for myself and my siblings. I had to smile though, because we really had gotten into any scrape we could possibly have found.

Eventually, after inventing a few new Christmas morning traditions in bed, we got up. Bella made breakfast while I built a fire and found the Christmas play list on my iPod Bella had entertained herself by making one evening a few weeks ago. While the smell of the cranberry pancakes Bella was making made its way to my nostrils, Christmas was doing its best to invade all my senses. I couldn't help but remember my childhood when I had still believed in Santa despite Rose's early conviction that there was no way he fit down the chimney. Somewhere along the way Christmas had stopped being quite as magical, but a little of the magic was returning this year. I smiled at Bella when she came into the living room carrying a tray with breakfast. It was all her doing.

We camped on the floor next to the tree. I was eying the gifts with my name on them while we ate the pancakes. I was trying to talk her into letting me open one before we had finished eating. I thought I deserved it as I had sacrificed my usual morning coffee for the sweet, spicy tea Bella insisted was necessary on a Christmas morning. It wasn't that it tasted bad, but mornings were for coffee.

"What's your favorite Christmas memory?" Bella asked me after shooting me down about the whole early gift thing.

I hesitated briefly. Not just because it was difficult to choose between the many amazing Christmases I had experienced as a kid, but also because I didn't want to rub it in that Bella probably had as many least favorite Christmas memories as I had favorite ones. Mom had always been a sucker for the holidays and never did anything halfway. She would decorate, cook, and throw parties. We got lots of presents, even more loving attention, and if I had to put one headline on the Christmases of my childhood, it would be laughter. The way I remembered it, we always laughed – laughed at Dad dressing up as Santa, laughing of joy when opening our presents, and laughing because we really were that happy.

"I have a lot of favorite ones. One that sticks out is when I was five, I think. We spent Christmas at my grandfather's place in Olympia. He was sick and died the following summer, but Jasper, Rose, and I had no idea that anything was wrong. Being away for Christmas was just an adventure, and adding to that was the fact that there was snow that year.

Anyway, I tried staying up all night because I wanted to see Santa, but I couldn't go downstairs because I would have had to pass the room my parents were staying in, and the hallway floor creaked, which might have woken them up. So I stayed in my bed, struggling to stay awake and failing miserably. I fell asleep, but was woken up by a loud noise coming from the roof. I remember my heart almost beating out of my chest because I'd finally gotten proof that Santa was real. Who else would be on the roof in the middle of the night, right?"

I chuckled at the memory. "It was years later when I found out that it had been fucking snow sliding down from the roof, but in the moment it happened it was just every dream, every bit of magic coming to life. I'll always remember that moment and remind myself that it doesn't take a lot to make magic real."

Bella had pulled up her knees, encircling them with her arms, and laid her cheek on them as she listened. Her smile was beautiful. "That's a precious memory," she said, sighing softly.

"Do you have a favorite memory of Christmas?" I asked, hoping it wouldn't make her sad.

She straightened her back and smiled. "Yes. I might not remember ever believing in Santa, but I have felt the magic of Christmas."

"Tell me?"

"You already know – you were there," she said softly. "When I woke up this morning I felt happy, safe, and loved. I can't think of a more perfect Christmas morning."

My heart fucking ached. And there she was with her beaming smile and sparkling eyes. Didn't she realize how much it hurt to hear that she hadn't believed in Santa as a little girl? Or that her stupid asshole father hadn't made any kind of effort to make at least Christmas special for her? I could picture her as a little girl – wide-eyed and adorable, and it was torture to imagine tears in those eyes. I had seen her cry as an adult, and that shit hurt enough.

I pushed the tray with our plates away and reached out for her. She settled between my legs easily, cuddling her cheek into my chest as I held her close, kissing her hair, and wondering how the hell to make her life full of sunshine and roses. This girl had been through enough; she deserved nothing but happiness.

She wasn't ignorant of what her words might have done to me. She reached up to cup my cheek and smiled at me. "I love you," she said softly. "You make everything better."

"I love you, beautiful girl. So much," I said. Our gazes were locked for the longest time, and although I had no words for it, something monumental happened or shifted into place.

"Were there any noises on the roof last night?" Bella asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Huh?"

She giggled. "Did you hear Santa?"

I pretended to think for a moment. "Nope. Not unless he sounds like you and moaned my name kinda loud."

She blushed on cue, and I laughed.

"Edward!" she scolded me. "It's not very nice to make fun of someone who could easily snatch out three presents with your name from under the tree and throw them into the trash."

"You wouldn't!" I stated confidently. "And I wasn't making fun of you. I fucking love it when you moan my name, beautiful."

The blush stayed on her cheeks, and she muttered something inaudible into my chest. "I think you should just pick out a present and focus on something instead of making me blush. I hate feeling like a fire engine. It reminds me of gym class where I always managed to make a fool of myself and everybody laughed at me."

"I'm not laughing at you, beautiful girl," I said seriously. I tilted her face up. "And I think your blush is fucking beautiful."

"I still think you should pick out a present," she said, fighting a smile and still blushing.

"Well…you don't have to twist my arm when it comes to presents," I admitted with a laugh. "I'll just have a kiss first, though. They're even better than presents." I leaned down to kiss her lips. She was soft and warm, tasting of cinnamon from the tea and responding so eagerly that I lost myself in her and forgot all about presents.

"Mmmm Edward…" she mumbled against my lips. "Presents…"

"What about them?" I pulled back to ask.

"Open one," she said, giving me one last chaste kiss.

"Okay," I agreed. I made sure that Bella stayed seated between my legs before reaching for a present with my name on it. There were three of them, all from Bella as we were exchanging gifts with everyone later when we went up to my parents' house for my mom's usual big Christmas dinner.

I found a green one with a golden bow that I had had my eye on since Bella had placed it under the tree a few days ago. It was relatively flat and quite heavy, and I had spent a good portion of the time I should have been writing the other day speculating what might have been in it. I managed not to tear the paper off, but unwrapped it as slowly as my curiosity would let me. Inside I found a beautiful leather binding with a big buckle and Bella's initials engraved on it. It was bulging with papers and when I opened it, I saw that it was all covered in writing – both printed and longhand.

"I meant it when I said that I didn't want to have anymore secrets from you," Bella said as I rifled through the papers. "This is everything I have ever written. It's not spectacular or anything, but I want to share everything with you, and since my writing is very personal to me, I wanted to give it to you."

"You have no idea what this means to me. Thank you, Bella." I touched the binding almost reverently. There was just no stopping Bella when she finally felt ready to open up, and I saw many hours in my future spent reading the words she had poured onto paper. "You are so fucking amazing," I said, shaking my head with a smile. "You continue to see yourself as weak, but don't you see that this is another example of your strength?"

"I don't need strength to share things with you anymore," she disagreed. A little smile followed. "And I have never wanted to share my writing with anyone before. Some of that was for class, which naturally I had to share, but most of it's not. And no one has ever read it."

"Thank you for letting me be the first," I said. I kissed her cheek as her smile widened. "Your turn, pick out a present."

She picked out the smallest one with her name on. She leaned back against me and carefully unwrapped it, looking up with slightly narrowed eyes when the jewelry box appeared from under the paper. The narrowed eyes widened when she opened the box. She gasped, and before I had time to start worrying if it was a good kind of gasp or a bad kind of gasp, she turned her sparkling eyes to mine.

"It's beautiful, Edward," she said in awe. She carefully picked up the necklace, an intricate cross pendant encasing a large emerald hanging from it. She held up her arm and smiled as the emeralds in her bracelet sparkled next to it. Then she sat up on her knees and turned to wrap her arms around my neck. "Thank you so much. You spoil me rotten – I've never had such beautiful jewelry before."

About fucking about time, I thought, but kept it to myself. "It's impossible to find anything as beautiful as you," I told her honestly, enjoying another faint blush. I helped her put on the necklace before she encouraged me to open my next present.

I unwrapped a collection of framed antique maps of ancient Rome and smiled at Bella's knack for picking out presents. The maps were beautiful and would look amazing on the wall in the library, but they were also useful for the book I was currently writing, and my girl definitely knew it.

Bella then opened the box of mother-of-pearl teaspoons I had found while scouring the internet for the perfect gift. She had confessed to loving mother-of-pearl one day we when had walked on the beach, and as always when Bella revealed something about herself, I had stored it away in my mind. I would sometimes catch a flicker of longing in her eyes when she was cooking in Tiny's kitchen. The little tornado practically collected china sets and cutlery, and when Bella set the table, she carefully selected different ones from the cupboards every time. I had the feeling that my girl wanted to nest, and whereas I had no clue about china patterns and shit, I decided that the mother-of-pearl teaspoons would start her off with something she liked. She wasn't materialistic at all, but she had left almost all of her belongings behind in Seattle, and that had to suck.

The smile she sent me as she carefully looked the spoons over told me I had been right, which was a fucking relief. Explaining my motivation probably only worked in my mind.

My last gift from Bella was a rolled up map. She giggled when I studied it, trying to find out what it was exactly. It was handmade, and our house was on it, as well as a few locations in town. "Have you buried a treasure?" I asked Bella.

"That's up to you to figure out when you go on a little treasure hunt tomorrow," she said with a secretive smile.

"Seriously? I get my own treasure hunt?" Clearly I was still a kid inside. Excitement bubbled up, and I laughed with the sheer genius of Bella's mind. "Why can't I go now?"

She laughed. "There's not enough time before we have to be at your parents'."

"Damn." I pouted as I looked at the numbered Xs on the map. Who needed Christmas dinner when they could go on a treasure hunt? "This is so fucking cool, beautiful. I am so gonna brag about this later to Jasper and Emmett. Hell, even to Dad."

I put the map down long enough to kiss my beautiful girl thoroughly. I peaked at it while Bella opened her last gift, but then her tears when she realized what was in the wooden box distracted me. Inside the lid, I'd had three simple, but very true words inscribed. I love you. The content of the box was something that had taken me hours to produce. There were dozens of love letters and notes. I wanted my beautiful girl to know how much I loved her and how happy she made me, so I had poured my heart out on paper, describing how much and why I loved her. Now she only had to pick up one of the letters to know that I loved and wanted her always.

"Edward…" She had read through one of the notes and looked at a few others. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she put the box down on the floor and launched herself into my arms. I caught her easily and held on tightly. "God, I love you. And just when I think I can't possibly squeeze anymore love for you into my heart, you go and do something like this. I'm afraid what this might do to your ego, but you're perfect, Edward."

"Hardly," I said, chuckling. "I just love you."

"More than anyone else ever has," she whispered. "And I know that you have people in your life who love you very much, but I promise that none of them love you any more than I do. It's just not possible."

I believed her.

An hour later, Bella looked like chocolate, and I just wanted to spend the rest of the day devouring her.

She was wearing a brown knit dress, brown leggings, and her brown boots. Her hair hung loose down her back, curls bouncing when she walked, and her eyes sparkled. All gorgeous chocolate colors – except her jewelry with the sparkling emeralds. I wondered if there was a word more powerful than beautiful.

We arrived early at my parents' house because Bella had promised to help my mom with the last preparations for dinner. I could hear my dad and Jasper talking about rock climbing in the living room, and I thought I'd save myself the urge to sound like my mom when I told my dad that rock climbing probably wasn't the best hobby in the world for him. So I spied on Bella and my mom in the kitchen instead. I loved the ease between them that had been present since they had met for the first time. They talked, laughed, and worked in synchrony like they had known each other forever. I fucking loved how Bella fit into every crevice of my life.

They talked about recipes while they worked. Bella shared my latest kitchen fiasco with the potato peeler and the burnt herb butter, and Mom reciprocated with several stories about my misadventures in the kitchen as a child. Like the first – and last – time I had begged my mom to help her make cookies and didn't consider that an oven mitt might be handy before removing the cookie tray from the oven. I was a fucking idiot in a kitchen.

"It's good to see the shadows in your eyes are gone, honey," my mom told Bella.

I stepped back, not wanting to intrude on whatever they had talked about in confidence. It was obvious that my mom knew more than I had told her, and while I was surprised, I was also happy that Bella felt comfortable enough to talk to my mom. It wasn't like her own mom was worth a shit.

There were definitely no shadows in Bella's eyes during dinner, or when we all exchanged gifts. She had put as much thought into everyone else's gifts as she had with mine, and my dad immediately buried his nose in the book about hiking she had gotten him along with the promise to go with him sometime if he wanted. I knew t was something she had done growing up with her asshole dad and asshole Jake. We were all suggesting hobbies for my dad with our gifts, and he soaked it all up like a fucking sponge. He wouldn't find himself bored for a long time.

While I certainly appreciated my own gifts, I found myself more occupied with watching Bella open hers. The leather bound book with all my mom's favorite recipes made her tear up, and the clothes that Tiny had designed herself made her smile brighter than the lights on the Christmas tree. Emmett gave her two gifts. A crystal bowl, which he admitted Alice had helped him pick out, but he insisted that the second gift was his own idea. It contained two dozen multi-colored muffin cups and was delivered with a hopeful grin. Bella laughed so hard that she had trouble breathing. Only Emmett and I got the joke, though, and I loved how much it annoyed Rose and Jasper.

When all the gifts had been opened, and the wrapping paper covering the floor balled up and thrown out, we had coffee and cookies. This part of the day had always been my favorite – even as a kid. As exciting as it was to open the gifts, and as delicious as Mom's dinner always was, there was just something special about the quiet time afterward. When we were kids, it was finally time to reexamine the new toys properly and play with them for the first time. Now it was time to sit back and relax, enjoy the holiday, and look forward to the following day's treasure hunt.

Jasper, Emmett, and my dad were all jealous when I told them about my awesome treasure map. They wanted to come, but there was no way in hell I was going to allow that shit. It was my treasure hunt, and they were not invited. They could go find their own awesome girlfriend who came up with killer ideas for Christmas presents.

I was up early the next day. I was excited to go on my treasure hunt, so unlike the previous morning, I got out of bed as soon as I woke up. Leaving a naked Bella behind was a damn shame, but a man needed breakfast before going on a treasure hunt. I was so fucking proud of myself when I managed to make waffles and only burn four. Once again, I wondered why it was that I was capable of making breakfast but as soon as I attempted to make dinner, disasters hit me left and right.

Bella came out into the kitchen just as I was finishing up preparing the waffles and the fruit. She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face in my back.

"Good morning," she said.

"Morning, beautiful." I turned around in her embrace and cradled her face so I could look at her. She looked sleep-rumpled and absolutely adorable. I leaned down to kiss her, and she melted against me.

Just in time I remembered to turn off the waffle iron, and Bella laughed at my relief. She poured the coffee, and we sat down to eat at the table. I might have choked down my waffles, but luckily Bella just laughed at my eagerness.

"Go," she said. "I'll clean up since you cooked."

I grinned and kissed her soundly before bounding into the living room to find my map. I was gonna find me a treasure.

I felt like a kid. Bella had given me the best Christmas present I had received since finally getting my grubby little hands on my very own bicycle that I didn't have to share with Jasper when I was six years old. I was man enough to admit that a treasure map had me more excited than the sweater from Mom or the Henry the Bear key chain from Jasper.

The map was fucking awesome. Bella had gone into fine detail – it was drawn on yellowed and crinkled paper, had burned edges, and elegant script. I grinned to myself as I sat down on the couch to figure out where I should go. Bell had made herself scarce after cleaning up the kitchen, hiding out in the library with her already well-loved copy of Tennyson, and told me to have fun. And I intended to.

Studying the map, I discovered that my treasure hunt started in the kitchen. I wandered out there, pretty sure that my objective was the dishwasher. I hoped this wasn't some elaborate scheme to make me empty the fucker. That would just be too brutal when I had psyched myself for some fun.

I let out a relieved breath when I opened the dishwasher and found it empty. Or almost empty. There was a coffee mug hiding in the back of the top rack, and I pulled it out. Picking up the mug, I laughed out loud when I saw what was on it. There was a top ten of the world's sexiest men, and my name was in first place above pansy asses such as Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, and Tom Cruise. Coolest mug ever. And I loved the fucking shit out of my girl.

Putting the mug on the kitchen counter for the whole world, or at least whoever stumbled into the kitchen, to see, I picked up the map again and looked closely at it. I was definitely going into town, that much was obvious. Twisting and turning it to figure out what was what, I zeroed in on the neat little painting of wherever I was going next. It had to be Jasper's gallery. I almost ran out of the house, only stopping to put on my boots and coat, pick up my keys, and hollering out to Bella that her pirate was going to find his treasure. Clearly, indulging my inner kid made me fucking cheesy.

As it was the middle of the morning the day after Christmas, there was little traffic on the streets. The town looked almost deserted. The few stores we had weren't open yet, and I wondered how I was going to get into Jasper's gallery when it was locked. I hadn't needed to worry, because as soon as I got out of the car, I noticed a package wrapped in brown paper leaning against the door. It was marked with a big black X.

Getting more and more excited about this little quest Bella had sent me on, I went up to the door, picked up the package and ripped the paper off. It turned out to be a painting, and my heart fucking fluttered and shit when I saw what it was of. My beautiful girl fucking got me. Bella had understood how important the crooked string of Christmas lights was to me. And now I had a permanent and very tangible memory of it. Not in the form of the scar I had been hoping for, but a painting of the house set in twilight, shining bright with Christmas lights – including the crooked I-love-you string hanging loosely between two windows. This was so going on the wall as soon as I got back home from the treasure hunt that just kept getting better and better.

Back in the car – where it was a lot nicer than the outside temperature, which had dropped considerably since yesterday – I picked the map back up. After scouring over it a while, I detoured around town until I ended up back at the house. I brought the painting into the living room before following the map that took me back to the kitchen. It took some time to decode the symbols on the map, but in the end I found my next treasure. Cherry cobbler in the fridge. Total win.

After a quick taste test, okay, three taste tests, I was off again, this time ending up in the bedroom where I was kinda hoping I would find Bella lounging on the bed in some skimpy lingerie. There was no Bella, though. Instead there was a new big photo frame hanging on the wall. The photo had been taken down at the beach. I recognized the old boathouse that had been falling apart for years. The sun was setting in an orgy of red, orange, pink, and peach colors, and the words I love you were drawn in the sand.

I was amazed at how much thought, effort, and love Bella had put into this gift. I didn't doubt the words written in the sand. I saw them in her eyes every day, she said them often, and they were in her every touch. And in this.

The last little X on my map was outside, down near the edge of the forest. Bundling back up, I trekked down there, searching among the tress for something unusual that didn't belong there or something with an X on it.

I grinned when I finally saw it. Bella had carved our names inside a heart on one of the trees facing the house and the beach. I walked up close to the tree and traced our names. They fit together perfectly. Edward & Bella. If it was up to me, they would always belong together.

Interrupting my quiet moment of inner musings, Bella stepped out from between two trees a few yards away. She smiled at me, looking adorable bundled up in her coat, scarf, and beanie. Her cheeks were red from the cold, and her eyes were wide and searching for some sort of sign or reaction from me. I held out my hand for her, and she grabbed it with both her small mitten-clad hands.

"Coolest Christmas present ever, beautiful," I said with a grin, pulling her close and wrapping my arms around her. She looked up at me with such love and adoration in her eyes that I couldn't help but feel that I was holding the final treasure in my arms right then. She may not have added herself to the map, but my beautiful girl was the greatest fucking treasure ever, even if she didn't know it.


	29. She Must Be Spoiled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I do have a cobbler recipe lying around somewhere.
> 
> A/N: Big thanks and massive hugs to my betas, Dinx and nowforruin, for prettying up Mysteryward and putting up with me in general – I love you! Thank you to my Sweet Pea and inventor of Love Day, lisamichelle17, for pre-reading.

CHAPTER 29

Edward:

She Must Be Spoiled

A few days before New Year's Eve, I drove my parents up to Seattle so they could catch their flight to Las Vegas. I still thought it was pretty cool that they were renewing their vows after so many years and going off to Vegas like teenagers eloping. It might have looked like a midlife crisis or some shit, but I chose to look at it as two people who had been given a second chance to do things the way they really wanted. And after everything that had happened with my dad, a second wedding was a hell of a lot better than a funeral.

I had asked Bella if she wanted to come with me to Seattle. She hadn't declined immediately like I had expected, but genuinely thought about it. She had not felt comfortable with it, though, even if it was just a drive to the airport, so she had stayed home. I didn't blame her. After finally knowing everything, it was pretty clear why Seattle held so many bad memories for her.

It was tempting to look up Jake and beat the living shit out of him, or even James, even if I didn't know what his last name was, thus making it almost impossible for me to find him. But I didn't. I figured that I wouldn't actually be doing Bella any favors if I got locked up for it, making her free game for Jake.

After saying goodbye to my parents at the airport and getting lectured about keeping an eye on my siblings and that sweet girl of mine, I decided to stop by the Southcenter Mall to get some lunch and have a little look-around. If nothing else, I could always update my wardrobe. Tiny had already been making comments, but I sure as fuck wasn't about to let her loose in my closet the way Emmett and Jasper had allowed her to.

Three hours later, I loaded more than ten bags into the trunk, chuckled at myself for being a goddamn woman, and headed homeward. Apart from buying some apparently much needed new clothes, I had gone a little crazy in a few other stores. It was just so fucking tempting to spoil Bella. I knew she didn't want me to, but her dislike of receiving gifts just hadn't outweighed the temptation when I had spotted some books I was sure she would like. I had also bought her a blow-dryer because Rose had mentioned over Christmas that a woman couldn't live without one, and I knew that Bella sure as fuck didn't have one.

I would probably have been able to make her accept the books and the blow-dryer without too much effort, but the laptop I had gotten her was another story. She had been using one of mine, but I wanted her to have her own so that she could download shit, as she refused to do that on mine. I also wasn't sure how to explain why she needed the state-of-the art camera I had gotten her, because she hadn't actually told me that she was saving for one. I had overheard her telling Tiny, as it was apparently Tiny's camera she had used for the beach picture she had taken for my treasure hunt. I should probably have gotten her the stuff for Christmas, but that shit couldn't be helped now.

A few miles outside of Evonside, I finally had my story straight. And Bella would buy it, I was fucking sure. After all, it always worked for Tiny.

There was a sale.

Thirty-five minutes later I learned that that excuse only worked for Tiny.

I had started out small and had been right in figuring that the books and the blow-dryer were easy enough to get her to accept, at least after I had reminded her that it was still not a car. That made her laugh and kiss me after she had thanked me. So I steamed ahead.

Big mistake.

"Edward, you can't just buy me a laptop! And a camera!"

"But you want a camera," I objected.

"Yes, I want to buy a camera," she corrected me.

"Well, so did I, and now I want to give it to you."

"Edward…" she pleaded with me to understand. And I did understand. But I still wanted to give it to her. What was fun about having money if you couldn't spend it on what you wanted?

"Okay, I'll keep it for myself," I humored her for a moment. "But I'll be taking like a thousand pictures of you every single day, and you know you hate that shit."

"Why won't you understand?" she asked. "I can't open my mouth anymore. Every time I talk about something I don't own, you go off and buy it for me. I can't even tell Alice that I want a camera without you somehow finding out. Do you have any idea how bad it makes me feel that I can't do the same for you?"

"That's not true," I argued. "You got me books in Portland."

"Then you should have stopped with the books, too."

"I thought we already established that I wanted to give you the fucking world, beautiful girl," I said. I held out my hand and hoped she would take it because I didn't want to fight with her. I wanted her to smile. And I wanted her to have a laptop and a camera.

"I know you do, and I love you for it. But your intentions are enough, especially when I want to give you the world, too, but can't," she said softly.

Her hand was in mine now, and the small innocent touch was enough to make me smile. "You already do," I told her. "You can't buy happiness, and that's what you're giving me."

Her smile was beautiful, but she shook her head at me. "Don't you hear yourself?"

I knew what she was saying. I made her as happy as she made me, and by giving her stuff I messed with the balance or some shit. "You also have to counter in the fact that it makes me fucking happy to give you something that I know you want or need," I reminded her, pretty fucking proud of thinking of it that way. "I'm making both of us happy."

"I wish you'd be less adorable when I'm trying to get my way," she complained. "It's very distracting." She took a long look at the laptop and the camera while I grinned, sure that I had won. "I'll make you a deal," she finally said. "I'll take your old laptop, and you take the new one as your backup. I'll also accept the camera on the condition that there'll be no more talk of buying me a car."

"But…" Shit, that's not how I wanted things to go. I thought fast. "The new laptop will be our backup, and I can start talking about buying you a car again by the end of next summer."

Her smile was blinding, but she just bit her lip and nodded. I wondered what I had said that would make her smile that way while I entertained thoughts of how to kill my old laptop so she would take the new one. I was good at killing shit on paper – surely a laptop wouldn't be a problem.

Then it fucking hit me. As the most natural thing, I had made plans that included her almost a year into the future. I had known for a while that I wanted her around forever, but I hadn't expressed it so casually and naturally before. It felt fucking amazing, though, so I'd be doing it more often from now on. I looked up and matched her smile.

Two days later, we reached the end of the year. It had been a fucking amazing year as far as I was concerned since it had brought me my beautiful girl. And it was Bella I was waiting for as I stood in the hallway and pondered how I might go about killing the Roman senator who I had chosen as my next murder victim in my book. Maybe I'd poison him.

Ancient Rome ceased to exist in my mind when I turned my head and got my first glimpse of a New Year's Eve-clad Bella, though. Without even realizing I was doing it, I brought my hand to my mouth to wipe away the drool that I had a feeling might be accumulating there. Fuck me, how the hell was I supposed to keep my hands off her all night? She was probably going to tease me, too, judging by the way she was smirking.

Her dress was a deep, dusty blue and made of some silky-satiny fabric that looked about as fucking soft as her skin. The most noticeable thing about the dress was its length, however. There was no fucking length. It hit the top of her thighs, giving way to seemingly never-ending creamy legs and pretty little feet strapped into black heels. Her hair fell in loose curls and her eyes were dark and smoky. And her lips – her motherfucking lips – they glittered dark pink, and I just wanted to kiss the stuff off. I needed a goddamn bib.

"You look…mouthwatering, beautiful. Can we please stay home?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Alice would never forgive me for not showing this dress off. It's one of her designs."

"Remind me to nominate her for some kind of award. She did fucking good. Almost too good."

"You can take it off me when we get home," she promised.

I just salivated like a dumb dog. With a not very patient sigh, I grabbed Bella's coat and helped her put it on – although I'd rather have been helping her peel her dress off.

We arrived at a bustling bar a little later. Rose had been unable to rein Tiny in when it came to decorating the place, and it looked very unlike earlier years when Evonside had not been attacked by the force that was Tiny. It looked good, though, and I made sure to tell her so – as well as congratulate her on the masterpiece that was Bella's dress.

"I knew you'd love it," she said, grinning. "You're an easy man to please, Edward Cullen. Cobbler and Bella make you a happy man. Throw in a short dress and a pair of stilettos, and you'd do just about anything, wouldn't you?"

"True," I said with a nod, not the least bit ashamed to admit it.

Tiny laughed. "I never thought I'd say this, but it seems to be a Cullen trait to have such a one track mind when it comes to a particular girl."

"Um, yeah. Please don't share any details about my brother and whatever goes on in his mind when it comes to you, okay?" I begged.

"Prude."

The brother in question made his way through the many people at the bar, carrying a tray with shot glasses. He was followed by Bella and Rose. Emmett came over as well, wearing a very bright pink tie over a black shirt. At our raised eyebrows, he just laughed and pointed at Tiny.

We cheered to the prospect of an amazing night and an even more amazing New Year. Rose passed her shot to Tiny, who emptied it eagerly.

Looks like Jasper is going to have to carry her ass home later.

"What's with the lightweight attitude, sis?" I asked Rose as we sat down in the booth that would be ours for the night.

She glared at me. "I have to stay sober because my employees sure as hell won't, and I do have a business to run, you know."

I held up my hands in surrender, and she just smirked. I caught Jasper's gaze, and we both smiled at our bitchy sister. We all knew that we'd stay relatively sober, too. She might be too proud to ask, but we had her back.

We had a great time anyway. The first day of the New Year was Emmett's birthday, and we started the celebrations early. He even got a gigantic motherfucker of a cake that Bella had made, and he graciously handed us each a small piece and then proceeded to eat a quarter of it on his own, almost making himself sick.

Bella had a few drinks and was a fucking tease. Her hands were adventurous under the table, and she rubbed herself all over me on the dance floor after I finally managed to talk her into dancing. It was glorious torture.

The countdown to midnight was in full swing as I pulled Bella into my arms. "Happy New Year, beautiful girl."

"It will be if I'm with you," she replied with the sweetest smile and rose up on her tip-toes. "Happy New Year."

I lost track of the people at the bar counting down at four when our lips met. Her body was flush against mine, and it distracted me so much that I never noticed the changing of the years.

Kissing Bella at midnight as the New Year rang in was something I could get fucking used to. Even as people around us were still cheering and wishing each other a happy new year, I was making plans that were to take place a year into the future. No fucking way was I going to make do with just a kiss next year at midnight, and I chuckled as Bella pressed herself to me, deepening our kiss. My beautiful girl concurred.

Breaking away from her luscious lips with great difficulty, I looked down into her sparkling eyes. "Come on," I said and took her hand, dragging her through the masses of people having a merry old time.

"Where are we going?"

"Rose's office," I replied, dodging stupid Lauren at the bar counter where she was busy gobbling champagne instead of doing her job. No wonder Rose was staying sober tonight.

I scanned the room quickly before going behind the bar. I didn't need Rose catching us. I saw no sign of my sister, nor did I see anyone else who I gave a damn about knowing where we were going.

The office was dimly lit by a lamp on the desk. I pulled Bella inside and did my best not to slam the door. I turned the lock at the same time as I pulled Bella into my arms again. She met me willingly, and with a hunger I rarely saw, she attacked my lips the way I had planned to attack hers. Her hands fisted in my hair, and as I turned us so that her back was against the door, I searched for her bare skin with my hands.

She had been driving me crazy all night with that short dress and the uncharacteristic heels. The fabric of the dress was as silky as her skin, but cooler to touch, and I much preferred the heat of my girl. I left her mouth and trailed kisses down her throat, feeling her erratic pulse.

"Please, Edward…" she begged.

I lifted her up, cupping her gorgeous ass and grinding into her. I was so hard that I was getting fucking uncomfortable in my pants, and the heels digging into my ass when Bella wrapped her legs around my waist did not help.

Her dress had ridden up, and I groaned when I realized how fucking tiny the panties she had been wearing all night were. I ripped them. They were probably pretty and shit, but there was just no fucking way that those gorgeous legs were leaving my waist. Not for fucking anything.

Bella didn't seem to mind. She coerced my face back up and slid her tongue into my mouth again. I struggled to multitask – kissing my girl and opening my pants. It wasn't easy. Luckily Bella helped me out, or I might have exploded. Wriggling a little in my hold, she managed to open my pants and push them down enough for my cock to spring free. It hit her wet folds, and I nearly came right there.

"Shit, beautiful…I fucking need you…"

"Then take me," she murmured against my lips.

So I did. I entered her roughly, moaning at the feel of how wet she was, and burying myself in her completely. She felt so fucking amazing. I wished she wasn't still wearing her dress so I could bury my face in her tits, but on the other hand, I really had no patience for that at that moment.

I couldn't seem to slow down as I fucked my girl against the door. The need for her was so fucking great that I felt completely powerless. All of her wasn't enough. I craved more, and even as she gave everything she had, it wasn't enough. She held onto my shoulders, meeting my thrusts as best she could. Her eyes were open and locked with mine, and it was so fucking intense that I could have cried.

My orgasm washed over me suddenly and before I had fucking seen it coming. It left me embarrassed that I hadn't gotten her off, empty, and not as satisfied as I had hoped.

"Fucking hell," I groaned as I struggled to stay on my feet. I had to let Bella down or else I would probably have dropped her, I was that fucking spent. "Shit, I'm so sorry, beautiful."

When Bella was firmly down on the floor, she wrapped an arm around my waist and pressed herself against me while her other hand reached behind my neck and pulled my head down to lean on my shoulder.

"Doesn't matter," she said. She sounded like she fucking meant it, and that just made me feel worse.

I leaned back from her embrace and attempted to string two thoughts together. Without bothering to pull up my pants, I picked up her panties from the floor and used them to clean her up. She didn't say anything, just watched me with a small smile that shone with so much love that it made me fucking worship at her feet.

I pulled her into my arms and hitched her right leg up around my hip. Her dress followed, and I fucked her with my fingers until she came so hard that I had to swallow her scream or it might have been heard over the music outside in the bar. That made me feel better.

Bella just laughed at me when she got her breath back. She cleaned herself up again with the ripped and already soiled panties while I fastened my pants. I threw her panties in Rose's trashcan to thank her for unknowingly letting us use her office.

"Edward!" Bella giggled and shook her head.

"What? It might be the only action this poor office ever gets. It's only fair to leave a souvenir," I said, laughing.

"I'm sorry about…" I said, wincing a little at having to say the words.

Bella smiled saucily. "It doesn't matter. I just love it when you come inside of me."

And fucking voila. I was hard again.

"Okay, I really think it's time to go home now," I said, suppressing a moan. "You and me have some unfinished business to attend to, and I can't concentrate on anything besides the fact that you're not wearing panties under that fucking short dress."

My beautiful girl just giggled.

Sunday night I found myself at the bar having a couple of beers with Jasper. It had been a while since it had just been the two of us catching up, but it was nice to spend some time with him again. We had all planned to meet up, but then Tiny had somehow discovered that Bella knew how to crochet, and since that shit was exactly what she needed for some new design of hers or some crap, she and Bella were now holed up at her place where Bella was supposedly giving her a crash course. I thought only old ladies crocheted, but whatever my girl did was fucking cool. Emmett has texted Jasper saying he had an emergency at the garage, and Rose hadn't stepped foot outside her office all night. So it was the Cullen brothers and a few pints of Guinness for the night.

"I've been dabbling with travel plans for sometime this spring," Jasper said. "It's been a while since I've been out and about."

"So, where are you heading this time?"

"Prague. There's so much history there, and I'm totally going to be Mom's favorite when I bring her back an assload of Bohemian crystal," he said, snickering. "I'm gonna ask Alice to come along. She'll no doubt want to shop the whole time, but I'm sure we'll work it out somehow."

I laughed. "Yeah, good luck with that."

"I think I love her, man. The more time we spend together, the more amazing I think she is."

"Well, I'll be damned. That's a far cry from your opinion of her in the beginning."

"I know," he said with a sigh. "And I'm not even sure what changed. It just did. Do you think she'll want to come with me to Prague?"

"I think she'll be disappointed that you're not asking her to go with you to Portland, but she'll probably get over it, yeah."

"Idiot," Jasper muttered, but cracked a smile, too. He signaled Lauren for another round of Guinness, and not long after she brought them over, smiling and flirting with Jasper, probably because I had shot her down more times than he had.

"Oh my God, did you hear?" she exclaimed, lingering much too long at our booth.

"Hear what?" Jasper asked. He might not like Lauren, but he did like gossip.

Lauren leaned in close, making sure to show her cleavage. "Well, Jess told me that she had heard from Tyler that Rose busted out the windows on Emmett McCarty's car with a tire iron this afternoon. Of course he just thought it was hot, the way he lusts after her and all. But I'm closing tonight, which means that I'll be alone here with your psycho sister. No offense. But I just don't feel safe, you know?"

"Are you sure you heard that right?" Jasper asked with raised eyebrows. And it did sound a bit out there. Sure, Rose had one hell of a temper when provoked, but I had never seen her take it out on cars before. She fucking loved cars.

"Perfectly sure," Lauren said, nodding seriously. "Would you mind staying until after closing? I mean, she wouldn't do anything with you here."

"Lauren, Rose isn't going to hurt you," I said with an exasperated sigh, rolling my eyes just slightly.

"You never know," she insisted with a huff, forgetting she was flirting with Jasper, and returned to her job.

Jasper and I looked at each other.

"I'll go," he said after a moment and rose from his seat. "But I'm taking her out here. If there's any truth to it, I'm not dealing with her bitchy mood alone."

"Good luck." I saluted him, not doing much to hide my grin. I was glad I wasn't the one heading for the lioness' den. If Rose was in a mood, it would probably take some sort of twintastic skill to get her out of her hiding hole anyway. Besides, the grin on my face when I entered her office would probably make her violent. If she hadn't figured out that Bella and I had been in there the other night, she would if she saw the grin that would be stretched on my face if I returned to the scene of the crime. My girl was just awesome, even if I wasn't.

I texted Bella while I waited. She didn't reply, but Tiny did, telling me to stop interrupting or there'd be no dessert tomorrow. Well fuck. What was it with the females in town tonight?

It took a while, but finally Jasper came back out with a rather reluctant and pissed-off looking sister. She slammed a bottle of water on the table and plopped down next to me in the booth. Jasper grimaced slightly and took a hefty sip of his beer.

"Great to see you too, sis," I said. "How's the new year treating you?"

"Fine," she spat. "Can I go back to work now or do you have anymore important questions?"

"How did you like the weather today?" Jasper asked innocently. "I went for a long walk in the forest before it started raining – or snowing – or whatever the hell the slush that came down was. It was nice out."

Rose's eyes narrowed, and her fingers dug into the water bottle. We had her number, and she knew it. One of the ways to get something out of Rose was to tease her, build up her aggravation until she erupted all on her own. Jasper and I had done it so many times that we had it down as an art.

"I heard there was quite the storm in town, though," I said with a frown.

"Mmm," Jasper agreed. "Floods, lightening strikes, and damaged cars."

"Aw, that's a shame," I said. "I hope your cars made it through undamaged."

"Mine's fine," Jasper replied. "What about yours, Rose?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" she finally hissed. Jasper and I hid our grins. "You could just ask, you know. I'd never lie about smashing the hell out of Emmett's car!"

Jasper leaned in over the table. "Rosalie, did you bust out the windows on Emmett's car?"

"Yes."

The calmness of her answer made me splutter into my beer, and I wiped my mouth hastily before it started dribbling down my chin. Jasper's eyes were wide, and he made a show out of picking his jaw up.

"Why the hell did you do that?"

She fiddled with her bottle again. All the anger and irritation seemed to have left her, and it tugged at my heart suddenly seeing her looking so vulnerable. I placed a hand on her back and was a little surprised when she didn't shrug it off.

"I…he…fuck." She sighed and muttered something under her breath. "He was all over Seth's sister, who's home for the holidays from school. I saw them. He had his hands on her, and she was rubbing herself all over him. Why the hell would he do that when he's always so busy running around after me – even when I tell him to fuck off?" Her voice broke and she looked down at her hands.

I looked at Jasper across the table. When the fuck had Rose turned into an insecure teenager? He looked as baffled as I felt.

"Maybe he finally listened to you," I suggested gently.

She looked up. "What do you mean?"

"You just said it yourself. You do tell him to fuck off more often than not, nag at him, and go out of your way to insult him. Maybe he got tired of taking it with a smile and begging for more."

"But…" Rose deflated completely and looked more lost than I had ever seen her. I was getting worried.

"Rosalie…" Jasper said slowly, looking pointedly at her.

"What, Jasper?"

"You know what."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"You…?" Jasper looked at her with wide eyes.

"Please!"

I sighed and leaned back. This might take a while. I wondered if it was worth it to try and text Bella again. I just really fucking liked my dessert…

"But you…"

"So?" Rose narrowed her eyes.

"Why?"

"I told you."

"Well yes, but…"

Rose shook her head.

"Oh my God, you…!"

"No!"

"Then what?"

Rose growled this time.

Jasper was quiet for a while, just studying her closely. I yawned and looked around for Lauren so I could signal her for another beer.

"Well, fuck me running!" Jasper finally exclaimed. He looked like he was in mild shock before a smile formed on his face. Before long he was chuckling while Rose was glaring at him.

"Mind filling me in now?" I asked.

Rose quickly looked down at the table again.

Jasper just smirked. "Scrap me being the favorite by bringing home Bohemian crystal. Our Rosie is giving Mom what she wants more than anything."

"What's that? All of us living in the basement so we're close by?"

Rose snorted, but Jasper shook his head. "Come on, Eddie. Think. What has she been bugging us about for years now?"

"Visiting more often?" I guessed.

Jasper sighed exasperated. "No. Grandkids, of course."

My head whipped in Rose's direction. "Holy fuck. For real?"

"Do you need the fourteen sticks I peed on or is my word enough?" Rose growled.

Nice mental image there. I held up my hands in surrender. "I'll take your word for it. But fuck…" I was pretty much speechless, as empty for words as during the worst case of fucking writer's block. "How do you feel about it?" I finally ended up asking.

She shrugged. "I haven't made my mind up yet."

"And you're sure it's Emmett's?" Jasper asked.

Rose glared at him. "Are you calling me a whore?"

Jasper backtracked rather pathetically, and I decided to throw him a line. "But you hate Emmett," I said to Rose.

"Exactly!"

"Well, obviously hate is too strong a word considering the level of intimacy necessary for your condition," Jasper said slyly and immediately ducked as Rose threw her water bottle at him. Thankfully for him she didn't have the best aim.

"Have you told him?" I asked, trying to distract her from killing Jasper.

"Hell no! It's none of his business."

"Well, it kinda is…" Jasper said, continuing to disregard his own life.

"Will you shut the fuck up or get the hell out of my bar!" Rose hissed. "If you must know, I was on my way to tell him when I saw him with Seth's sister. After taking it out on his car, I decided that it's none of his business. If he can be with someone else, then so can I. He doesn't need to know that it's his kid."

"Rose, why don't you sleep on it? Emmett is a good guy. Perhaps there's a good explanation for why they were…whatever they were doing," I said.

Her glare was still in place, but it softened a little. "I don't want his stupid explanations. And you two better not say anything to him! This is my mess, and I'll handle it as I see fit."

With that she went back to her office, and Jasper and I could only stare at each other and wonder what the fuck had just happened.

We talked it over and agreed that it sounded very unlike Emmett to divert his attention away from Rose and onto another woman. He might joke about it, but we both knew that he loved Rose. He had proved that several times. And with Rose's behavior, she had to have feelings for him, too. Getting her to admit that was a different story, and with that we shut down the old ladies' gossip club for the night. Jasper volunteered to stay until closing and make sure Rose was okay, and I went on a raid to bail out Bella from Tiny's clutches and send Tiny down to keep Jasper company. I was proud to say that I was successful, even if Tiny did claim that there would be no dessert for me tomorrow. Fucking easy for her to say when Bella was the one in charge of the dessert. And there was no way my girl was denying me sweet treats.

I had a hard time falling asleep that night. Bella was sleeping deeply in my arms, warm, safe, and utterly delicious, but I couldn't stop thinking about my pregnant sister. It wasn't that long ago that none of us could even imagine ever having kids, and now it was only a matter of months before she would become a mother. Shit, I'd be an uncle! And I'd be a damn good uncle, too. The idea of having kids was also not as foreign to me as it had been before. I'd never admit it to anyone, not even Bella yet, but I had thought about a cute little kid with Bella's brown eyes and curly hair. It would definitely need to blush like her, too, because that shit was just adorable.

I hoped I wasn't wrong about Emmett, because even though he was a big motherfucker, I'd have to hurt him if he hurt Rose. I was pretty sure they'd be able to work things out if only she'd stop being so damn stubborn all the time. I had known her for twenty-six years, and that shit was getting old.

I finally drifted off, imagining my mom's excitement when she found out about the grandchild on the way. I'd have to take pictures.

The next day I buried myself in my work when Bella went to work. I had drifted into a new writing schedule almost without noticing. I didn't spend as many hours writing as I used to, but I got as much done as I always had. I didn't know if it was Bella's presence, or if it was because the hours were more regular and I didn't write the night away anymore and spend the day sleeping. I liked things better this way, that much was certain, though. I also really liked how I now took days off here and there without feeling guilty like I used to. Bella was a fucking blessing in my life.

I was deeply concentrated on killing off the Roman senator when the doorbell interrupted my train of thought. I swore as I saved my work and rose form my seat. Not a lot of people came out to my house – souvenir from my time as a semi-hermit. I hoped it wasn't Rose going off on a hormonal streak like the night before. I knew how to handle my sister generally, but I wasn't sure how to handle her while she was pregnant.

I opened the door to find a middle-aged man with dark brown hair and brown eyes. He had a moustache and wore simple jeans and a flannel shirt under his open coat. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an older truck where my own car used to be parked. The man looked a little familiar, but I couldn't for the life of me place him.

"Hello. I'm looking for Bella," he said.

Strangers looking for Bella would probably always make alarm bells go off in my head, even if I lived to be a hundred. What had happened to her didn't just affect her, but also me because I loved her so fucking much.

"Good for you," I said coldly, deciding that whoever he was, I didn't like him. "But you sure as hell aren't going to find her unless you start by telling me who you are."

He straightened his back a little and looked me in the eyes. "I'm Charlie Swan."


	30. She Is Safe With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just feed Mysteryward cobbler.
> 
> A/N: To the most awesome red pen masters, nowforruin & Dinx – thank you and I love you! Also huge thanks to lisamichelle17 for pre-reading and holding my hand.

CHAPTER 30

Edward:

She Is Safe With Me

My rage grew rapidly as I stared at the useless piece of shit that was Bella's father. The urge to hurt him the way he had hurt Bella was nearly fucking blinding, and any kind of torture I could think of would never be enough for this pathetic excuse of a man who had cut Bella out of his life as if she had been nothing more than a piece of fucking gum under his shoe.

"How dare you show up here?" I seethed.

"I'd like to speak to Bella," he said calmly. "I know she lives here."

"I don't care what the fuck you'd like! I know what kind of crappy father you are, so there's no way in hell I'm letting you anywhere near her. You've already hurt her enough, asshole! And who the fuck does that anyway? Bella is the sweetest girl in the world, and she came to you as a last resort, thinking that you of all people would help her, but instead of helping with the bastards taking advantage of her, you just sent her away to deal with everything herself! I hope you fucking rot in hell for what you've done!"

"Liste-"

"No, I will not fucking listen!" I barreled on. "You get the hell off my property and stay the fuck away from Bella! You said she wasn't your daughter anymore, and she listened to you like she's always done. Perhaps it's time you start listening to your own fucking words! Now fuck off!"

His posture slumped into one of defeat. I hoped that he had a conscience somewhere, and that it was fucking killing him. He reached into his pocket and produced a slightly crumpled letter. "I'll leave," he said and held out the letter. "But will you at least give her this? It won't make up for what I've done, but it might do her some good."

"You wouldn't know good if it fucking hit you in the face," I raged. I wondered if I should take the letter or not, but realized that I couldn't keep something like this from Bella no matter how many old wounds it would open. I snatched the letter and slammed the door in the asshole's face. I found my cell phone and texted Jasper and Emmett while I watched from the window to make sure the fucker actually left.

I couldn't for the life of me understand how someone so sweet, beautiful, and genuine could have come from two so self-absorbed people – a mother bailing on her kid's birthday, never to be heard from again, and a father calling his kid a whore and cutting her from his life instead of helping her like a real goddamn parent. I was glad that my parents seemed to adore Bella, because if anyone deserved some parental love, it was my girl.

I was waiting on the porch when Jasper came barreling down the road ten minutes later. I didn't trust Asshole Swan not to go and bother Bella at the boutique, so I had texted Emmett, asking him to go and keep an eye out until I got there. Then I had texted Jasper to come and pick me up since Bella had taken the car into town, and I had put away my bike for the winter.

"What's up with the SOS message?" Jasper asked when I got into the car.

"I'll tell you if you step on it," I replied.

"All right," he replied without hesitation and left his usual grandma driving behind.

"Bella's asshole of a dad showed up," I said as we neared town. I thought for a moment, trying to explain properly without revealing anything Bella wouldn't want me to tell Jasper. If she wanted him to know any details, she'd tell him herself. "I don't know how much you know about him, but he's basically a useless piece of shit who opted to call Bella names and tell her that she wasn't his daughter anymore when she came asking for his help with some fuckers who were taking advantage of her. He wanted to talk to her, but I told him to fuck off. I just want to make sure that he doesn't go and bother her at the boutique."

"He sounds like a bastard," Jasper said. "Does he know she works at Ali's?"

"Probably," I muttered. "He's a fucking police chief."

Emmett was standing outside the boutique when Jasper screeched to a halt outside of it. He was making funny faces at Bella and Angela through the window, and before Jasper and I had time to exit the car, Tiny came barreling out the door and started hitting him with a broom.

"I told you to go away, Em! You're scaring away my customers!" she yelled, chasing a laughing Emmett down past Rose's bar.

I forced back a grin at the hilarity of the scene and went after Tiny. "Hey! Wait up, Tiny!"

She stopped her chase, shook the broom threateningly in Emmett's direction, and glared at me. "I can't just let him get away with stupid stunts like that, Edward. It's not like I go and sabotage his business."

"I know. I'm sorry, but it's my fault," I said. "Well, not the faces, but I did ask him to go and keep an eye on the boutique until I got here." I lowered my voice. "Bella's dad is in town, and I don't want him to upset her. He was just out at our place, and I figured he might come here, too. It should be her choice if she wants to talk to him – not his."

"I'll get Em back here to play watchdog," Tiny said decidedly. "There's no way I'll have that disowning bastard anywhere near my best friend!"

I didn't know how much Tiny knew, but she apparently knew enough. "I'll stay," I said. "I'll go with her upstairs when she goes up to cook, and Jasper can stay down in the back with you and Angela. I don't think the asshole's dangerous, but there's no point in letting him think he can get close to her."

Tiny nodded. "You'll tell her he's here?"

I sighed. "I have to. I don't want to upset her, but I can't keep it from her."

"The two of you can go upstairs now and talk or whatever. And tell her that she doesn't have to cook if she doesn't feel up to it. We all just want her to be safe and happy," Tiny said.

I gave her a hug. She was a fucking good friend and had been from the first time she had met both Bella and me.

Bella was already getting ready to go upstairs and cook when I followed Tiny into the boutique. She smiled when she saw me.

"Edward! You're early," she said and came over for a hug and a kiss. I held her close a moment longer than I usually would. The whole thing with her asshole dad had messed more with my nerves than I wanted to admit, and I relished in the fact that she was safe and smiling.

Unfortunately I had to remove the smile from her beautiful face at least for a little while. "Yeah. Um, I needed to talk to you about something," I said, although I would have preferred if I could just tell her that I was here because I'd missed her. Saying something like that would be equally true, but it wouldn't remove her smile. "Are you ready to go upstairs?"

The smile was already gone. "Yes. Just let me get the key from Alice."

While she did that and said goodbye to Angela, I resisted the urge to crumble the letter in my pocket. I swore to myself that if it contained more grief and hurtful crap, I was going to hunt the bastard down, police chief or not, and teach him a little something about hurt.

Bella kept sending me looks as we walked upstairs. I got her seated on Tiny's couch and kneeled down in front of her before I started muddling through what I was going to say. "I wish I could spare you this crap, but I'd just be lying to you if I did. Beautiful…your dad's in town."

Her eyes widened. "What? He's here?"

I nodded and grabbed her hands. "He came out to the house asking for you. I…well, after everything, I got wary as soon as some stranger asked for you, and when he told me who he was, I told him to take a fucking hike. Only not that politely. I hope that wasn't the wrong thing to do. I just couldn't imagine that you wanted to talk to him."

She shook her head sharply. "I shouldn't be surprised that he found out where I was, but I hoped that he wouldn't care, you know?" she said softly, fighting her tears. "I just can't…I can't deal with him, Edward. I can't. He was the one who hurt me the most, because he was the one who was supposed to love me no matter what. But he didn't."

I brought her into my arms, and she cried against my chest while I rubbed her back. Fucking bastard. I should have kicked his ass when I had the chance.

"I know it doesn't compare, but I love you no matter what, beautiful girl," I told her. My love had always been the one thing that she took willingly from me.

She clung to me and said into my neck, "You're right, it doesn't compare. It's so much better. You don't love me because you have to, you just do."

"Always," I promised her.

When her tears had subsided, she leaned back and tugged on my hands until I sat next to her on the couch. She then proceeded to straddle my thighs and cradle my face while her teary eyes locked with mine. "I love you more than anything, you know that, right?"

I nodded and smiled at her. I felt like the king of the world when she told me that.

"Good." She sighed and rested her forehead against mine. She was quiet for a minute, and I just held her close and let her mull over the fact that the man who had told her that she no longer was his daughter was looking for her.

"What did he say?" she finally asked.

"Not much," I replied. "I didn't really let him. He said that he was looking for you and wanted to talk to you. When I made it clear that wasn't going to happen, he asked me to give you a letter. I wanted to tell him to just go fuck himself, but I thought that…well, I don't know what I thought, I was just so fucking angry. But I took the letter, and he left. I called Jasper to come pick me up. I didn't know if he might come see you here, and I didn't want you to be alone if he did."

"Thank you," she whispered. "I don't want to talk to him. A letter…maybe. I can always burn it, right? Or not read it at all?"

"That would be entirely up to you, yeah."

With a deep sigh she straightened up, kissed me with a sad smile, and stood up. "I'll go cook dinner and try to forget that I didn't just magically appear on earth one day, but actually have parents, even if they don't want me."

"Bella…"

"You can keep me company if you want. I won't tell Alice," she said, smiling weakly.

I stood up and followed her, not at all convinced that she was actually okay, even if she was smiling and teasing. It must have showed on my face because she stepped back and hugged me. "I don't know how to feel right now, Edward. I wish he'd just left me alone since that was what he wanted from me. Can you just hang onto that stupid letter, and then maybe I'll read it tonight? Right now I'd just prefer to focus on dinner."

I leaned down to kiss her. "Okay."

"Thank you." Her smile was sincere, so I left her to do her thing while I watched from behind Tiny's breakfast bar. I might have been going against the general's orders by even being in the kitchen, but I wasn't going to overstep more than necessary. Tiny was fond of kidnapping my girl, and it was only a matter of time before she discovered that she could use that shit against me.

I was amazed that Bella's concentration never faltered as she made a huge pan of paella, baked bread, and a pineapple upside down cake that had me salivating like a damn dog.

It was a fucking awkward dinner. Bella was withdrawn and her thoughts seemed a million miles away, and as far as I could tell, Emmett had gotten some important news right after his goofball stunt with the funny faces outside. Full-blown smiles would continually creep up on his face until a glare from Rose would sweep them away again. Then he would sigh, look a little thoughtful, and the process would repeat itself. It looked as if Emmett was a bit more excited about the baby news than Rose, although he'd apparently been gagged, and no doubt threatened within an inch of his life, if he said anything. It was bordering on hilarious. I decided to check in on my sister the next day when I could catch her alone. I still had no idea what the deal was with Emmett and Seth's sister.

Tiny did her best to keep the conversation going, but struggled without her usual backup from Emmett. Jasper and I helped out by starting a pointless argument about who should pick up our parents at the airport the next day. We did it just for the heck of it because Jasper had already agreed to go, but it killed the silence for a while and made Tiny smile. She knew what we were doing.

Later in the night when we had gotten home, I gave Bella the letter. She sat on the couch and stared at it for a while, and at one point, I saw her look longingly at the fireplace as if she contemplated burning it. I gave her a little space, and eventually I saw her ripping the envelope open out of the corner of my eye.

I tried to concentrate on doing a little writing, but it didn't work. My attention was fully on the crying girl on the couch. I wanted to comfort her and give her space at the same time. She stood up and threw the letter on the coffee table when she had read it. She walked over and plopped herself down on my lap, hiding her face in my neck and letting out more of those fucking tears that I hated. My beautiful girl needed to smile. I wrapped my arms around her and held her. It was the only thing I could do.

"He's sorry," she whispered after the tears had subsided. Her voice was hoarse and low, and I could feel her breath on my neck. "He apologized and wants me to forgive him, but says he understands if I can't."

She sighed and tightened her hold around my neck. "I'm glad he understands that, because I can't forgive him. Not yet. Maybe…maybe someday."

"No one says you have to, beautiful," I assured her. "What he did was fucking lousy, and when you deliberately hurt someone like that, forgiveness is not just going to come naturally overnight. As big of a bastard as he is, at least he understands that. Follow your heart on this one, Bella. It's not going to lead you astray."

She nodded against my neck and placed a small kiss there. "He also said that he has…dealt with James," she said after a while. "I don't know what he means exactly, but he claims that I never have to worry about James again."

"Well, that's a fucking relief if it's true," I said, not able to help the small tinge of regret that I wouldn't get to beat the crap out of the fucker if he had already been dealt with. I wondered how a police chief dealt with someone. Did he kill him and cover up the tracks, or did he use connections of some kind and put him behind bars until the next millennium?

"I think it's true. Charlie is a lot of things, but I never caught him in a lie." She sighed deeply. "God, I hate this. I don't want to think about any of it. It makes me sad and frustrated and angry with myself for letting everyone step all over me for so long. I mean, I know I can deal with it in my mind, but it just takes the energy right out of me while I do."

"Let's go to bed. I bet I can take your mind off it until you fall asleep. Then tomorrow you can start dealing with the crap again, and we can talk some more about it if you want."

A smile crept up on her face, and she agreed. I made sure I had locked up and switched off the lights and then proceeded to make my beautiful girl forget she had ever had a fucking father. It worked pretty well, and a little over an hour later she was asleep in my arms. I lay awake a little longer, thinking about her words earlier. I knew it was fucking difficult to just switch off unpleasant thoughts. I hadn't been able to do that either after everything that had happened with Garrett in med school. It just took some time.

For the first time ever while we had been sleeping in the same bed, Bella woke up with a nightmare in the middle of the night. She jarred out of my arms and sat up gasping in the darkness. I fumbled with the lamp on the bedside table as I fought back the deep sleep I had been in.

I sat up, too, and pulled her into my arms while she fought to control her breathing. "You're safe. I've got you, beautiful girl," I whispered into her ear and felt her tremble as she clung to me. I hated the fact that she had had to deal with this herself before. Having dealt with nightmares myself, I knew that there was nothing quite like the terror brought on by a bad nightmare.

She didn't want to talk about what she had dreamt – she just cuddled into my arms and buried her face in my chest. She probably never went back to sleep because I lay awake for hours listening to her controlled breathing and knew for certain that she was still awake when I drifted off just before dawn. When I woke a few hours later, she was already up and had showered, gotten dressed, and made breakfast.

She stood by the counter drinking coffee and looking speculatively out the window when I came into the kitchen. She turned and gave me a tired smile when she heard me. "Good morning. I'm sorry for waking you up earlier," she said softly.

I took the coffee mug from her and hugged her. "Morning, beautiful. And don't apologize for something you have no control over. Are you okay?"

"A little more coffee and I'll be fine," she said. She tilted her face up, and our lips met in a long kiss.

We sat down to eat. She had made egg muffins and toast, and I ate like a fucking starved man - it was that good. I did keep an eye on my girl across the table because I worried about her. I was pleased to see that she ate – now I just needed to find a way for her to sleep properly at night. I would have to fucking barricade the town so none of the assholes that had been in her life could come in and upset her.

"I always see their eyes," she said suddenly. She looked up before elaborating. "In my nightmares, I see their eyes, my d-…Charlie's, Jake's, and James'. They look at me like I'm nothing and like they want me to hurt so much that I scream out loud. I've done that sometimes, like when I was in Portland with Alice and Rose. It's so real.

"I thought they were gone for good," she said, her voice trembling a little. "At least when I was with you. My Nighttime Warrior."

"You were upset last night, Bella," I said gently. "Do you remember when I told you about Garrett? I had a nightmare about what happened to him that night, too. Your subconscious doesn't always take a break when you do."

She nodded. "I know. I'm just ready for some closure, you know?"

"You'll get closure, beautiful girl," I promised her. I'd make sure of it.

I sent her off for a date with her favorite Tennyson poems while I cleaned up after breakfast. If she could focus on that a little, it would bring her a little peace. After making sure that she was engrossed in the book, I went to shower and dress.

A little later I drove Bella to work and loitered around town for a while before making my way to the bar. It wasn't open yet, and Rose was probably busy with paperwork or some shit, but I hoped to make her forgive me for interrupting her by bringing her lunch. Pregnant women ate all the time, right? As soon as I had the thought, I winced. I was going to lose an important body part if I ever said that to Rose.

The back door was locked, and that fucking pleased me. Rose had never been good with that stuff, which was probably why Jasper and I had worried about her so much after the incident with King. I knocked, and when she opened up a moment later, she looked every bit as pissed off as I had expected.

"Thank God you're not Emmett," she greeted me before reluctantly letting me inside.

"Yes, I thank God for that fact daily, too." I nodded. "I thought I might interest you in lunch."

"No, you thought you'd stop by and get the latest gossip," she countered. "You're just as bad as Jazz."

"Okay, I'm curious. Fucking shoot me," I admitted. "But I'm also worried about you, and with lunch comes a willing ear and a broad shoulder from your brother who, believe it or not, loves you."

"Just dish out the food before I starve to death, please," she ordered.

I hid my grin and obeyed the woman. God was an aspiring comedian. I was certain of it, witnessing Rose in such a state. There could be no other reason why Rose was pregnant. The bitchy sister would be getting bitchier.

Rose was halfway through her sandwich before she started talking. I had been enjoying my own sandwich while waiting her out.

"They know each other from Seattle," she said. "Turns out Seth's sister is dating one of Emmett's friends from college. They were hugging. At least, that's what he called it."

"I've never known Emmett to lie," I commented and chugged down half a can of coke.

"It also turns out that he's excited like you wouldn't believe about this…baby," she continued, ignoring what I'd said and stumbling over the word baby.

"At least someone is," I dared to say.

My sister glared at me. "That's easy for you to say. You're not the one having to lug around a piece of Emmett McCarty for nine months and is now tied to him in some way for the rest of your life."

Fucking hell. The mental image alone…

"Though," she said thoughtfully as she studied what was left of her sandwich. "It was kind of cute the way he started talking about tiny, little baseball gloves and Seahawks onesies."

I was getting whiplash. And there were still how many months to go? "I'm almost afraid to ask, but what exactly is your relationship with Emmett?"

She snorted. "My relationship with Emmett? Oh God, Eddie…I have no relationship with Emmett, that's the problem. You knew it the first night, didn't you? I saw it on your face. He had me the first time he broke out the dimples, but I didn't want it to be so easy. Nothing that comes so easily is worth anything, right?"

She sighed and picked up one of the blueberry muffins I had brought and started to pull off the paper. "You should have gotten the chocolate ones," she commented.

Of course I should have gotten the chocolate muffins. Rose had only worshipped blueberry muffins her entire life.

"I think I might love him," Rose continued while eating her muffin. I had obviously been forgiven for not picking up the right ones. "But I'm not sure I want to. He wants us to get married and buy a house. He wants us to discuss baby names. I just want things to be like they were before. I liked the bickering and the noon quickies in my office and…oh hell, Edward, what have I done?"

Tears pooled in her eyes. I pulled her into an embrace, which to my surprise, she let me do. She cried and when she was done, she pulled back and dabbed her eyes furiously. "That never happened," she stated.

"Of course not. Can I offer you a piece of advice?"

"If we can pretend that never happened either, sure, why not?" she decided after a moment.

"Try not to resent the fact that liking or even loving Emmett is easy. I mean, I totally get what you're saying about things that come too easily aren't worth anything, but not everything has to be a fucking epic fight. Maybe the fight this time is admitting to yourself that he could be good for you. Or maybe it's dealing with a kid sooner than expected."

"Great, you're turning into Dr. Phil."

I chuckled and shook my head. "That was definitely not my intention. I've just gained some perspective lately, I guess. With Bella, loving her is the easy part. It's everything else that feels like going twelve rounds with Tyson sometimes."

"Thanks, Eddie," Rose said seriously. "I'll take it to heart, I promise. But if anyone asks, this little moment of sibling bonding never happened. And I sure as hell never cried."

"You cried? When?"

Rose smiled, and it lit up her face.

"Just one more question you can pretend I never asked later. Have you seen a doctor yet?" I asked.

The smile turned wry. "I have an appointment late this afternoon. I made the mistake of telling Emmett, and now he wants to go. He's as excited about it as when Bella makes him apple pie."

I chuckled. Emmett was a character, but with more depth than most gave him credit for. Rose would be okay once she fully realized how good he might be for her.

I stopped by Jasper's gallery after I left the bar. It had been a while since I had been there, and since Jasper was in Seattle, I had all the time in the world to look through all his masterpieces without him necessarily having to tell me about every single brush stroke on the canvases.

Before picking up Bella, I went to the grocery store, then got a big bouquet of white roses at Mr. Bentley's nursery for my girl. When I was done, I parked myself outside of Tiny's boutique until Bella and Angela came out together, laughing at something Tiny shouted after them. Bella's laugh made me smile, and I loved the way her eyes lit up when she saw me. She said goodnight to Angela and came over for the kiss I had been waiting for since I'd dropped her off that morning.

I insisted on stopping to pick up a pizza on the way home. Bella saw right through my excuse of wanting to support the local businesses during the off season, of course, and laughed at me. She nearly cried when I gave her the roses, and that made me feel bad. I should have been doing shit like that more often.

I made her pick out a movie while I put the groceries away, and then we settled down on the couch watching Lord of the Rings while eating pepperoni pizza. I noticed Bella's eyes straying to the roses several times while Frodo traipsed around Middle Earth and somewhere in Moria, long after the pizza was eaten, she slipped out from under my arm and straddled me.

She placed her palms on my cheeks and leaned in to place a chaste kiss on my lips. "You're so good to me, Edward. Thank you."

I tried to be fucking good to her, but she was so sweet and pure and just amazing that it never felt like whatever I did was enough. I was a shitty boyfriend to a girl who deserved the world, but got teary-eyed over roses and wanted muffin cups more than she wanted a car. I hadn't even fucking realized that I possessed the ability to love so completely and overwhelmingly, but she was just everything to me. And even if I did make a good living stringing words together, I could never find the right ones to tell her exactly how I felt.

The heat of her body pressed against mine, combined with her enchanting scent and confident touches, made me want her so fucking bad. Apparently we were on the same page because as soon as I deepened the kiss and slid my tongue into her mouth, she started a torturously slow grind against my cock that was quick to welcome her actions and strain against my jeans.

"I love you so fucking much," I mumbled against her lips and willingly let her pull my hoodie and t-shirt off.

I watched in awe as she stood up and slowly removed her clothing, only breaking eye contact with me when absolutely necessary. I fumbled with the zipper on my jeans when her midnight blue bra dropped to the floor, quickly followed by a pair of matching panties. I wasn't quick or focused enough, because Bella finished the job with my jeans and pulled them down my legs along with my boxers after I'd raised my hips. I kicked them all the way off, toeing off my socks at the same time.

Bella straddled me again. I almost came right then, when she sank down on me without further warning, taking me in completely and emitting the hottest, breathiest moan I had ever heard.

"Fuck…" was the eloquent description I had of the heaven surrounding me. Her tits were right there, and I flicked one nipple with my tongue before cupping them, wishing I could keep them in my hands forever.

Her lips found mine again, kissing me frantically, before she rose up on her knees and slowly sank down again. Her pace was slow and in stark contrast to her kisses. I cupped her ass, but let her run the show otherwise. This was Bella's night, and I was determined to give her whatever she wanted.

"Edward…I need you…oh God…I need you so much…"

I moaned into her throat in reaction to her words. She clung to me and picked up her pace. I thrust into her, feeding her urgency, and feeling how frantic she was. She felt so fucking good, tight around my cock, tits bouncing against my chest, and her hot breath so close to my ear.

"Come with me…Bella…please," I begged, groaning with my face pressed against the top of her chest.

She fell apart around me, crying out and slamming down on me hard. She still clung to me, and I lifted her up, thrusting into her three more times before coming with such force that I cried out, too. I barely had enough strength to hold onto Bella, feeling her tremble in my arms.

I kissed her temple, as it was the only part of her my lips could reach. After a few minutes she raised her head and looked at me. Tears shone in her eyes, and her breath puffed into my mouth as she leaned in to kiss me. There was a smile stretching on her face even mid kiss, and as my tongue tangled lazily with hers, I took in the gloriousness of the moment.

However, in the back of my mind, somewhere buried deep under the post coital haze, I filed away the urgency and the tears to worry about later.


	31. He Surprises Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just play with the characters and feed Edward cobbler.
> 
> A/N: Thanks to nowforruin and Dinx for sorting through my mess and making it readable. Thanks to lisamichelle17 for making sure I'm on the right track.

CHAPTER 31

Bella: 

He Surprises Me

I hated Charles Swan. Or, at least, I hated the effect he had on me.

The man had been my entire world after my mom had left, and I had willingly let him coddle me, force my hand, as well as my thoughts in all matters, and I had loved him. Then, he had broken my heart when he had sent me away instead of helping me. And now, when I was finally taking responsibility for my life and had it as much on track as I could, he came and ruined everything.

After all that had happened, I just wanted him to leave me alone. He was the one who had cut me out of his life, so the least he could do was be consistent about it. I'd broke when Jake had made me have sex with James. I'd broke again when James had had his way with me, and I'd broke completely when my dad had sent me away.

Then I'd learned how to slowly put the pieces back together, and the last piece was glued on when I'd finally realized that Edward loved me – even after learning about my past. Even the fear had disappeared. I was whole. Not whole again, but for the first time ever. And I loved it.

I just hadn't realized how fragile the glue job was. One appearance from Charlie Swan, and I was in danger of breaking all over again.

"Um, Bella?"

Startled, I looked up at Angela's pensive face. "Yes?"

It was just the two of us at the boutique that morning. Alice was in Seattle for some meetings and to check out some new collections. Or something. I had zoned out when she had told us the day before.

"I think that top is folded enough," Angela said.

I looked down at the top in my hands and wondered how long I had been folding and refolding it. Sighing, I put it on the shelf and smiled sadly at Angela. "Sorry. I'm spending too much time in my head today."

"That's okay. I was just going to let you know that I'm taking my lunch break now since it's so dead in here at the moment," she said.

I nodded and shook myself out of it, putting on a welcoming smile as a new customer entered. There was no way I would let Alice's boutique suffer over whatever crap I was trying to deal with in my head. And with some effort, I managed to avoid falling deep into thought and actually did my job until closing time. By then I was exhausted but managed to drive home without hurting myself or Edward's car. He had insisted that I take it that morning, like he always did when he didn't drive me to work himself.

I started dinner when I came home. Cooking usually helped me clear my head, but I wasn't so lucky that night. Edward kept me company in the kitchen, typing furiously on his laptop at the counter. I loved watching him work – loved watching him create. He claimed that my presence helped him write, that I was his muse. He always made me smile when he was being sappy, and it was impossible not to love him a little bit more when he went out of his way to make me smile. He was my everything. I'd had that thought before, and it usually made me smile so widely that my cheeks started hurting. This time, however, it made me frown.

Was I repeating my old mistakes and becoming too dependent on someone else? Edward was not controlling me like Charlie and Jake had been doing. He also had no part in me getting a job, and if he wasn't so damn stubborn, I could have been paying rent. I could certainly afford it. I leaned on him – had been leaning on him even before we became a real couple. But didn't he also lean on me when he needed it, like when his dad got sick? My thoughts were running in circles. I could admit that I was dependent on Edward. After all, he held my heart in his hand, but was I more dependent on him than he was on me?

"Bella?"

I whirled around, startled, and stared wide-eyed at Edward. He was looking at me with equal parts concern and amusement. "The sauce is about boil over," he said, nodding toward the stove.

I shook my head and blew out a breath while I turned down the heat and stirred the sauce. I needed to get a handle on myself, and I needed to do it fast.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked.

I didn't answer him because I didn't know what to say. I wanted to assure him that I was fine, but I didn't feel fine. "Am I too dependent on you?" I blurted out instead, cringing as I heard my own question.

"What do you mean?"

I sighed, realizing that I had no option but to elaborate now that I had opened the can of worms so ungracefully. "Like with Charlie and Jake. I don't want to go back to being that person. I can't. Just look at where it got me. And I'm not comparing you to them – that's not what I'm asking. You are the most amazing man in the world, and they're as far from that as two people can get. I just…I don't want to repeat my mistakes, even if I do go about it differently."

"Is this about the rent again?" he asked. "Because you can pay all the goddamn rent you want if that's what it takes to make you realize how strong and fucking amazing you are." He stood up and came over to me. "Don't you see how far you've come?"

I shrugged miserably. "It's not just about the rent. Charlie showing up really rattled me, and I hardly know what's up and what's down anymore. And I'm terrified of going back to being who I was in Forks and in Seattle."

"Don't let him do this to you, beautiful girl. Don't let him make you start questioning yourself," he begged me as his arms circled my waist. "You could manage fine without me."

And that was when a small epiphany hit me. I could in fact not manage just fine without him. Financially, yes. And I could make my own decisions. That meant that I was not too dependent on him because my free will was everything. It was what my dad and Jake had never allowed me to have by always making decisions for me. But manage without Edward I could not. I loved him too much and would be lost without him.

I told him that, and he cracked a smile. "See?"

I nodded and smiled back. Then I returned to my cooking while he set the table.

Okay, so I was not too dependent on him. But a question remained: was I good enough for him? That was another thing I had finally been confident in before my dad's visit to town, but now I doubted it again. Just knowing he had been here reopened so many old wounds and insecurities.

After dinner, I holed up in the library with a notebook and attempted some therapeutic writing by pouring my heart out to the book. Every insecurity, every fear, every little bit of doubt was put into words and channeled out through the pencil stub. I was shaking when I finished, and I let out a nervous giggle as I contemplated throwing the book into the fire or burying it in the forest with a sprig of mistletoe or something. I wasn't sure if it had helped answer any of my questions and doubts, but it did feel like my head was a little bit clearer.

With a sigh, I put the notebook under my copy of Tennyson and went to find Edward. He was lying on the couch, wriggling his toes to the slow beat of the Ingrid Michaelson song playing softly from his laptop and talking to his mom on the phone. It sounded like they were discussing his dad's health.

I felt a little cold despite the fire in the fireplace, so I went out in the kitchen to make some tea. While waiting for the water to boil, I grabbed my hoodie from the bedroom, then dug out some cookies for Edward. With a sweet tooth as big as his, drinking tea without at least a cookie was impossible. I made the tea, put everything on a tray, and carried it into the living room.

Edward was still on the phone, but he smiled and sat up on the couch when he saw me. I sat down next to him and smiled wryly as he rolled his eyes at whatever his mom was saying.

"Yes, Mom. We'll come up for dinner sometime next week… Seriously… Yes, I promise… Uhu, I'll ask them too… Yes, Mom."

I gave up picking up my tea, too busy suppressing my laughter. After a few more yes, Moms, Edward hung up and threw his phone on the coffee table before sending me an amused look. "The next time she calls I'll just tell her that you want to talk to her. Then you can deal with her," he said and grabbed a cookie.

"I don't mind talking to Esme," I said, shrugging. "She's got the juicy stories about all the shenanigans you were up to as a kid. That stuff is better than watching reality TV."

Edward grimaced. "Yeah, that's only minutely better than the baby photos. So anyway, she wants us up for dinner next week. It's a little weird that she wants to show off their new wedding photos."

I smiled. It was so sweet that they had done that after thirty years together.

The tea warmed me a little, but I still felt cold and ended up snuggling up to Edward while he watched what appeared to be an old soccer game on TV. I had never understood the point of soccer. When I was six or seven years old I had dared to suggest to my dad, who had been watching a soccer game on TV, that each of the players got their own ball so they didn't have to run around fighting for the same one. He had looked at me like he feared for my sanity, but I still didn't see the attraction of watching twenty-two grown men chasing a ball for an hour and a half. So lulled by the warmth of Edward's body and the dull roar of the TV, I drifted to sleep.

The dream started out peacefully enough. It didn't really make a lot of sense, but it was beautiful and peaceful. There were dancing cupcakes with blue icing in a little round meadow full of wild flowers. Familiar faces from my childhood, nursery rhymes, and a merry-go-round where all the seats were occupied by different versions of myself, all the way from childhood till now.

Then the light changed, and it became dark like a storm was brewing. Rain and wind swept away the cupcakes and the flowers. The nursery rhymes turned shrill, and the familiar faces were replaced with other familiar faces that chilled me to the bone. The second James' staring eyes appeared, I woke up with a gasp. I sat up straight on the couch and tried to control my breathing.

"Hey, you're okay, beautiful. I've got you," Edward said softly and pulled me into his arms. I relaxed against him and drew my strength from him, letting the beat of his heart regulate my own.

For once, falling back asleep after a nightmare wasn't difficult. I felt myself drift effortlessly and just went with it. Later, I barely registered Edward carrying me to bed and undressing me. It was too hard to even open my eyes, but I did snuggle into his arms when he joined me under the covers. My last conscious thought was that he was better than a feather pillow.

Friday night I was summoned to town by Alice, who had taken the afternoon off and spent it making nine different chocolate treats in an attempt to lure Rose over for a girls' night. She was quite moody these days, and Alice was sure that chocolate was the cure.

Emmett had burst into the boutique the day before, scaring away a customer and loudly announcing that he was going to be a daddy. Alice had swallowed the scolding she was clearly about to throw at him for acting like an idiot and squealed loudly, scaring away another customer herself. Then she had stopped abruptly and asked who the hell he had knocked up.

His answer was not surprisingly Rose, who had wanted him to keep quiet about it, but he figured that since her brothers knew, his sister could, as well. Alice reminded him that telling her and shouting it across her boutique were two completely different things, but in true Emmett style he hadn't been bothered. Instead he had suggested that Alice started selling baby clothes.

Alice had sent me out to get flowers, but when we went to offer our congratulations to Rose, she had simply burst into tears. That was what had prompted Alice to do the whole chocolate thing.

Rose was reluctant when she arrived at Alice's. "I'm only doing this for the chocolate," she warned us. "And I'm not spilling my heart unless you do, too. One touchy subject from each of us or I'm just eating the chocolate and going home."

Alice shrugged. "Sure. I've got something I need your opinion on anyway. Bella?"

"What the hell," I said. Perhaps some female perspective on the hurricane in my head wasn't such a bad idea. No matter what they said, I couldn't get anymore confused than I already was.

"So?" Rose said, looking from Alice to me before she cut a large piece of chocolate cake, putting it on a plate, drenching it in whipped cream and leaning back in the couch.

"So what? Spill it, sister," Alice said.

"I really don't know what you want me to say," Rose said after the first attack on her cake. "Your stupid brother knocked me up, end of story."

"Unless what Jasper and I are doing is completely wrong, then it takes two to do the horizontal tango," Alice said with a smirk.

Rose gagged. "Please don't use the words sex and Jasper in the same sentence while I'm eating."

"I never said sex," Alice pointed out.

I blew out a breath and grabbed a piece of brownie. This seemed like it could take a while, so I let my thoughts drift. They ended up on the usual mess that was my life, so I forced them in another direction and focused on Rose and Emmett's news. I was pretty sure they would be great parents if Rose stopped being stubborn and Emmett remembered that he was, in fact, a grown man. Their kid would have an amazing family, and I bit back a smile as I imagined Uncle Edward reading to his niece or nephew. Or teaching him or her to play the piano. I had a feeling he would be great with kids.

Rose's sobs brought me back to the present, and I wondered what I'd missed.

"We're just not fit to be parents," she cried while still shoveling chocolate cake into her mouth at frequent intervals. "I can't even make my potted plants stay alive, and Emmett has no idea there is such a concept as social etiquette. We'll mess this kid up so badly!"

Alice handed her a tissue and I scooted closer to her on the couch. "That's not true, Rose, and you know it. In fact, it's wrong on so many levels. The Rose I know can do anything she sets her mind to. And Emmett is a great guy. He's got a big heart, and he's going to love your child so much that it won't matter if he doesn't wipe the sauce off his chin or forgets to have an inside voice."

Rose snorted and wiped her tears. "You're right, Bella-Marie. I can do anything I want, and if I want to be an awesome mother, I will be. I'm just not sure about Emmett."

"Em will be a great father," Alice assured her with a smile. "He's so in touch with his inner kid that he'll practically be able to read his or her thoughts. And if all else fails, the kid's gonna have the coolest aunt in the world."

Even Rose laughed, and she wiped away the rest of her tears with a shaky sigh. "Between you two and my brothers, I might just be convinced. Oh, and what the hell – Emmett, too. There are plenty of horrible parents in the world, and I guess there's no reason why I shouldn't do a better job than most of them, right?"

"Right!" Alice cheered.

"And so what if I have no clue how to change a diaper, and don't know what the hell those little fuckers eat? I can learn," she added with a determined look on her face. Then she frowned. "What do they eat?"

I bit my lip to avoid laughing, but Alice wasn't so gracious. She pulled a gift bag out from behind the chair she was sitting in and handed it to Rose. "I went shopping last night after work," she giggled. "I got something for Em, too."

Rose pulled out a copy of Parenting for Dummies and one of What to Expect When You're Expecting and immediately started studying them. Alice rolled her eyes, and I took a bite of my brownie, focusing on the divine chocolate until Rose was ready to join us mentally again.

"Okay, now it's your turn," she said expectantly, looking at Alice and me. "I refuse to be the only one crying tonight. Which I'll totally deny ever doing, by the way."

"I don't expect to cry about it, but there is something I'd like your opinion on," Alice said, uncharacteristically fidgeting with her napkin. "I've been wondering…and since you know Jasper better than anyone, Rose…I just don't know if I should do it or not…so that's why I really need your opinion…yours too, Bella…it's just such a big decision, you know?"

"Spit it out," Rose ordered.

"Well…" Alice took a deep breath. "Should I propose to Jasper now or wait forever to have him propose to me?"

"What?" I blurted.

"Come again?" Rose gasped. "You're considering proposing to Jasper?"

Alice nodded.

"Why?" Rose asked.

"Because I love him, and I just know that if I leave it to him it won't be anytime soon," Alice replied as if it was the most logical thing in the world. "Do you think it's a bad idea?"

"Hell yeah, I think it's a bad idea!" Rose snorted.

"Why?" Alice was pouting and looking a little bit hurt.

"Let me put it this way," Rose said. "Did your relationship begin by him asking you out on a date?"

Alice shook her head. "No."

"If you get married, will he be planning the majority of the wedding?"

"Probably not."

"If you have kids, will he carry the kid around for nine months and get stretch marks, swollen ankles, and weird cravings?"

"No, but-"

"Will he cook you dinner every night?"

"No!"

"Don't you think that he should do something? Let him be the one with the nerves and having to find the perfect ring. You're making it too easy for him," Rose stated.

Alice mulled it over for a moment before looking at me. "What do you think, Bella?"

"I have to admit that I'm a traditionalist, too, although I admire your initiative and courage, Alice," I managed to get out without laughing. I took a deep breath before I continued. "Don't be in a hurry. When it's right, it's right, and he'll know it, too. And then you get to be the one excited about being proposed to and over the moon about a diamond ring. Don't give that up."

Alice sighed. "I suppose you're both right. But be honest, Rose, he is going to take forever, isn't he?"

Rose shrugged. "Jazz rarely rushes if he can avoid it."

"If I die an old maid, I'm blaming you two," Alice informed us.

"This is the twenty-first century, Alice. You won't get shunned from society if you're not married," Rose said, laughing.

"No, but I want to get married. I've already designed my dress," Alice argued.

Rose shook her head and dove into the chocolate mousse with great delight. "Enough talk about marriage. You McCartys are freaking me out." After a big bite, and an even bigger moan, she looked back up. "By the way, I think I owe you both an apology. Edward and Jasper have known since Sunday that I'm pregnant, and I swore them both to secrecy. They weren't supposed to know before I had talked to Emmett, but then the whole thing with Seth's sister and Emmett's car happened and…well, I just didn't think it was fair to tell people before I'd told Emmett, but I just can't hide anything from Jasper and they found out and… It's not that I didn't want you to know, bu-"

"We get it," I told her. I had already talked to Alice about it, and we hadn't felt cheated in being the last to know. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward were all closer to her.

"Hey, have you told your parents yet?" Alice asked.

Rose shook her head. "It's going to be an event, though. My mom has been begging us for grandkids for years. She'll be as excited as Emmett."

"Aren't you excited?" I asked her.

"Well, yes. I suppose. It's just…" She hesitated and took another bite of chocolate mousse. "I'm a planner, you know? Things usually happen exactly the way I want them to, and I had never in a million years expected to get pregnant before I had a husband, a house, and a stupid dog or something. It all boils down to one thing, though. I hadn't planned on Emmett."

"No one ever plans on Emmett," Alice told her. "He just always happens anyway."

Rose grimaced and dug into the mousse again. "You're up, Bella-Marie."

I had almost decided to tell them everything. If Edward could accept me, past and all, I was sure Alice and Rose could, too. But it was scary as hell to actually say the words out loud. With Edward, I had blurted it out without meaning to. This was so much different.

I drew my knees up to my chin and sighed. "I would appreciate it if you would keep this to yourself. I've been struggling with something in my head since my…Charlie was in town, and to actually ask your advice you need to know what happened in Seattle that made me run and end up here."

I had their attention. Rose had even abandoned her bowl of chocolate mousse. Now I just had to take the plunge.

Over the next twenty minutes I told them my story, starting with my mom leaving on my fourth birthday and ending with Edward's reassurances the other day. We were all in tears by the time I was finished, and Rose was choking one of Alice's throw pillows. For a few moments they didn't say anything, and I felt the room closing in on me while I fretted that maybe I had been wrong.

"Jesus, Bella-Marie..." Rose breathed, scooting over on the couch and pulling me into a hug that took me a second or two to actually return out of a mixture of shock and relief. "I thought…I mean, I never expected…oh hell, I don't know what I thought or expected, but it sure as hell wasn't what you just told us. I can't believe what you've managed to overcome in such a short time."

Alice joined us on the couch, also wanting in on the hugging action. They were almost choking me, but I couldn't find it in me to care. "Do you have any idea how amazing you are?" Alice asked me. "And do you have any idea how much I want to puncture those bastards' jugulars with a stiletto heel?"

I didn't have enough breath to answer, and luckily Rose noticed. "Hey, don't kill her," she said, pulling Alice off me.

"Thanks," I gasped. "For not choking me to death, but mostly for…not throwing me out and thinking I'm disgusting."

"No, Bella. Thank you for trusting us. What you went through must have been so horrible, and I can't imagine what it must have been like to carry around alone." Alice shuddered and Rose took over. "I hope nothing that awful ever happens to you again, Bella-Marie. But don't feel like you have to deal with crap on your own anymore. You've got Alice and me, and we love you like a sister. And there can be absolutely no doubt in your mind that you've got Edward for like…time and eternity."

"That was kind of what I was trying to get to, actually," I said. "I worry that I'm not good enough for Edward. He's so amazing, and he deserves the best. I thought I was dealing, but then Charlie showed up and everything just muddled up in my head again."

"Do you love him?" Rose asked, interrupting Alice who was about to deliver a, no doubt, loud argument.

"Yes," I replied with a nod.

"Do you think you might love him more than anyone else could love him?"

I nodded again. "I love him more than anything, and I can't imagine anyone could love him more."

"Then you're exactly what Edward deserves," she said with a small smile. "He's my big brother, and I'll deny ever having said this, but there are few people in the world I admire more than him. He's brave, loyal, and not afraid to do what he believes is right. A man like that deserves the best, as you just said. And in my opinion, and in Edward's I believe, you're the best person in the whole world for him. Don't mess that up because your bastard father thinks he has the authority to play God as far as you're concerned.

"This may be harsh and way off base, but you don't even need him. I may have been drunk, but I wasn't joking when I said I'd share my parents with you and Alice." She smiled crookedly like Edward often did, and looked over at Alice to include her. "And the six of us here…I think Edward got it right when he called us all family in his book dedication."

"I've often wondered if I spent my whole life up until now surrounded by the wrong kind of people or if there is some kind of special breed of amazing people here in Evonside," I said.

"We're just awesome," Rose said with a shrug. "No wonder you came down here where you belong."

Alice, and especially Rose, kept asking questions and offering their immediate thoughts to my responses. It felt really good to talk it all out with them, and as I shared and shared and shared, I discovered that something had happened inside of me that I hadn't even noticed. I had forgiven myself.

I spent the night at Alice's. Edward was crashing at Jasper's, where he had been playing poker and apparently getting steadily drunk. I didn't get much sleep in Alice's guest bedroom because I was afraid to wake up screaming after a nightmare and scare her like I had in Portland. I snuck out to see if I could find a book to read, but Alice wasn't much of a reader, so the only thing I found was a few romance novels from the grocery store.

I was a little bleary-eyed but full to the point of wanting to gag with cliché declarations of love from Alice's novels when Edward picked me up the next morning. He looked surprisingly bright-eyed for someone who had been drinking the night before, but I just melted into him and the delicious kiss he treated me with when he showed up outside Alice's.

"Why is that you look more beautiful every time I see you?" Edward asked me in the car.

"Um, I don't know," I said, frowning. "Why is that you sound drunk but look sober? Should I be driving?" It was then I noticed that we were going in the wrong direction. "Edward, seriously. Stop the car if you're not sober. You're going in the wrong direction!"

He just laughed. "Relax, beautiful girl. We're not going in the wrong direction. I've got a surprise for you."

"What kind of surprise?" I asked skeptically, still not entirely sure that he wasn't just drunk.

"The good kind," he replied and sent me a quick smile. "We have a bit of a drive ahead of us, so you can take a nap if you want. You don't look like you got much sleep."

"We're not going to Seattle, are we?" I asked.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Bella," he said seriously. "I told you it was a good kind of surprise, so definitely no Seattle."

I knew I wasn't going to get anymore out of him, so I tried to take him up on his offer, but I couldn't fall asleep. We were going north, and as I looked out on the dreary but still beautiful landscape, I couldn't help but imagine what it might look like in the spring. It would no doubt be glorious.

The surprise was two nights at A Harbor View Inn in Aberdeen. It was the cutest, old-fashioned estate on a hill overlooking Grays Harbor and two rivers. The room was something out of a picture book, and I may almost have choked Edward in appreciation of his surprise.

"I'm glad you approve," he said, chuckling. "I thought we could use a few days away from everything and everyone."

"I like the way you think," I told him with a smile. I couldn't imagine anything better than two uninterrupted days filled with nothing but Edward and whatever we felt like doing. "I love you more than anything," I told him.

"You are fucking everything to me, beautiful girl," he said and pulled me even closer. "And I love you so much."

I sighed dreamily. There was nothing cliché about a declaration like that.


	32. She Breaks My Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just feed Mysteryward cobbler.
> 
> A/N: Massive thanks to nowforruin and Dinx for the beta efforts. Especially nowforruin kicked my ass this time, which was needed and always greatly appreciated. :) Also big thanks to lisamichelle17 for pre-reading.

CHAPTER 32

Edward:

She Breaks My Heart

Going away for a few days had been one of the best ideas I'd had in a long fucking time. I got my real Bella back – the happy one who was funny and lively and full of giggles. Even though I wasn't sure about what to think of its doll house look, I had booked us the Canterbury Room at A Harbor View Inn simply because I knew Bella would love it.

Aside from the doll house room, it was a great couple of days, though. And even if it did look like a room in a doll house, the bed was big and got to see quite a bit of action. I was pretty familiar with Aberdeen, and Bella had also been there a few times, so we'd decided to find at least one thing that was new to both of us. We didn't have to look far as The Aberdeen Museum of History called out for both of us.

We also spent an afternoon checking out the small boutiques lining the main street, where I annoyed the shit out of Bella by buying everything she looked at. She got me back, though, when she started looking at clothes for me and baby stuff for Rose.

It was great to finally be able to treat Bella the way I should have the whole time. We went out for dinner at actual restaurants for the first time. Not only were there no decent restaurants in Evonside during the off season, but Bella had also not really been one for going out, especially in the beginning. Since she wasn't looking over her shoulder anymore, she was able to enjoy a night out. I even took her dancing, which was a lot of fun even though neither of us were particularly great dancers.

Monday morning, before returning to Evonside, we went for a long walk out near the water. The chilly wind nipped at our skin, and the sun threatened to break free of the clouds, although never actually doing it. I had arranged with Tiny for Bella to have the day off, so we had plenty of time, even though we had already checked out of the inn.

Bella's mitten-clad hand was encased in my own, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see her peaceful smile. That shit was what it was all about – my beautiful girl being happy.

"It's so beautiful here. Thank you for bringing me," Bella said, smiling up at me.

"You're welcome, beautiful girl. It's been nice having a few days away from the usual shit at home. I'm a little surprised that I haven't felt the urge to write even once, though," I said, grinning.

"You deserved a few days off. You've been working hard on your book lately. A fresh perspective never hurts, either."

"I'm sure I work no harder than you do, so you deserve it as much as I do," I argued. "We should make a point of doing this every few months. I'm sure there are millions of large, comfy comfortable beds just waiting to meet us."

Bella giggled. "I happen to enjoy your bed at home."

"Our bed," I corrected her.

"Our bed," she repeated softly.

I stopped and pulled her into my arms. I couldn't hold her as tightly as I wanted to because we were bundled up in our coats, but it would have to do. "I love you more than anything, Bella," I told her and dipped my head down to kiss her soft lips.

She was fucking heaven poured into a pair of tight jeans and a big coat.

"I love you, too," she breathed against my lips. "So much." I could feel the effect her warm breath had on my body and pulled her even closer to me.

We walked back toward the harbor. Bella was tucked under my arm, and still the sun was only just threatening to come out from behind the clouds. We had lunch in a little café before Bella insisted we purchase some fish for dinner at Tiny's that night. I wasn't a big fan of fish dishes, but I went with it because Bella had yet to cook anything that didn't taste fucking fantastic.

After a drive back home and an afternoon filled with a lot of writing, I was proved right. Bella made salmon burgers with smoked cheese at Tiny's, and they were fucking delicious. The chocolate fudge pudding for dessert was a goddamn orgasm in itself.

"Why are you not a chef?" Emmett asked Bella after covertly trying to lick the last fudge from his plate. "I'd eat at your restaurant several times a day."

Bella shrugged but couldn't hide her pleased smile. "I love to cook, but I think that might change with the pressure it would be to do it for a living."

"Hm," Emmett grunted, a little disappointed. "You're a lucky bastard, Eddie."

I nodded. "I know. But as much as I fucking love to eat, it's not really her cooking skills that makes me a lucky bastard."

Bella blushed, looking absolutely fucking adorable. She looked at me with so much love that it took a loud "aawww" from Tiny to bring me back to reality. A reality where Emmett had fucking eaten the last of my fudge.

"What the fuck, Em?"

Naturally, the fucker just laughed.

The next night, Emmett was especially nervous as we arrived at my parents' house. Still not entirely over the fudge stealing, I had a good laugh at his expense. He and Rose were telling my parents about the baby that night, which was one of those events that would just fucking go over in history. My mom was going to be so fucking excited that I actually feared a little for her health.

Emmett was so nervous that he looked like he might puke into my mom's rose bushes. Those fuckers were sacred, but she would forgive him as soon as she found out about the baby.

I had been so engrossed in my writing the whole day that it took Bella appearing in front of me, in fucking tight gray jeans and a soft pink top that gave her curves. Fucking hell, she was beautiful. Her curls were bouncing freely around her shoulders, and when she put on a low pair of black heels, I was fucking done for. There was not a single thought involving ancient Rome left in my mind, and I wished we didn't have to leave the house. Ever.

After arriving safely and being properly greeted by my mom and dad, we sat down with a drink in the living room. My dad looked strangely at Rose when she declined her usual glass of white wine and requested a glass of water instead. Often when offered a glass of water, Rose would reply that she was thirsty, not in need of a bath.

"Are you okay, honey?" my dad asked, slipping effortlessly back into doctor mode like he had never even left. He would soon be going back to work on a limited schedule, so maybe he was practicing.

"I'm fine, Dad," Rose replied, shooting daggers at Jasper and me when Dad wasn't looking. Obviously we were supposed to…what? I looked at Jasper, who just shrugged and suppressed a smile.

"Are you sure?" Dad pressed on.

Rose nodded. "Bella and Edward spent the weekend up in Aberdeen," she deflected with a sugary smile. "They chose a good weekend for it, too. The weather was nice. Oh, and they brought back the most delicious salmon."

The concerned look my dad sent his only daughter had not lessened, and now my mom mirrored it. Jasper was shaking with the effort to hold back his laughter, and Tiny was busy staring out the window. I had to look away from them to keep from laughing myself.

"Oh…well, that's nice," my mom said a little uncertainly.

"Rose is pregnant! I'm sorry!" Emmett blurted, making Jasper choke on all the suppressed laughter. Tiny slapped his back with all her might, which was a really funny sight. But then I had to look at my mom, who took a few seconds to take in the news before the smile grew on her face. She was almost vibrating with excitement.

"Rose?" she asked.

Rose was glaring at Emmett. "Yes, it's true. We were going to tell you tonight, but not like that."

It was almost disturbing to see the joy and excitement on my mom's face, but we all cringed when she started firing questions at Rose about when, how, and what. Especially the how part. She then proceeded to smother both Rose and a relieved-looking Emmett with hugs and kisses while she planned everything from the nursery to the kid's goddamn graduation.

I then looked over at my dad, who was smiling but looking a little afraid as his eyes landed on my mother. I snorted. And he had just married her all over again.

Emmett stopped looking relieved when he, along with the rest of us, realized that Esme Cullen was so enraptured with this poor unborn child, and so busy freaking Rose out with all her plans, questions, and exclamations, that serving dinner had stopped being a priority. In fact, he looked so devastated that Bella and Tiny took pity on him, and on the rest of us who were fucking hungry, too, and went out to see what they could do about the dinner Grandma Esme had started preparing before her world got turned upside down.

It took a few hours, as well as three courses, before she simmered down a little. Rose looked like she had been up close and personal with a hurricane, and the rest of us had long ago moved on to other topics of conversation.

"You're up next, boys," my mom said to Jasper and I after dinner.

"Dammit, woman, you're impossible to please!" Jasper exclaimed playfully with an exasperated sigh.

"I just want you to be happy," she argued.

"We are, Mom," I promised her with a smile.

And I fucking was. Even more so when I was cuddled under the covers in bed that night with a warm, soft, and beautiful girl, whose soft breath tickled my throat and made my fucking heart flutter. And maybe also because I had stolen Emmett's chocolate chip cookie while he was outside having a man-to-man talk with my dad or whatever. Fact was that he looked pretty fucking scared when my dad had asked him to go with him outside.

The following days allowed me to get fully back into a regular writing routine. I made great process, and Bella offered her help with the editing, which was fucking cool because she was talented as hell. And every time I hit a dead end or a road block, she was always more than willing to talk it out with me. After a while I had no idea how I had ever been able to string two words together without her.

I had slept like the fucking dead after going a little overboard on the cough syrup the previous night. I had been coughing all night, and it had worn me out so much that I'd just desperately needed a good night's sleep. There was a price to pay that morning, however, and even after being blinded by the harsh light of the winter sun, I still felt like I was half asleep. A shower didn't help much either, so I just staggered in the direction of the smell of coffee. If that couldn't wake me up, nothing could.

I greedily inhaled a half a mug filled with the nectar from the gods before I was awake enough to wonder where Bella might have been. She wasn't curled up reading in the library, nor was she in the laundry room, although she had started the washing machine with a load. I had already known she wasn't in the bedroom or in the kitchen, so I went through the house to search for her. Her cell phone was on the kitchen countertop, her boots were in their usual spot just inside the door next to my own, and her coat was hanging in the hall, so she couldn't have gone out for a walk to enjoy the unusually beautiful morning. But she was not in the house.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rising as I put on my boots and coat to go outside and check anyway. Maybe she had just stepped out onto the porch to get a breath of fresh air. She wasn't outside, though, and I had the feeling of déjà-vu creep up on me. It was all too familiar, only this time, none of her stuff was gone. I stared at the car in the driveway as my panic grew.

Where the fuck was she?

Nothing out of the ordinary had happened. She had been happy enough last night, making me tea before bed and snuggling in my arms like usual. I went back inside to check her cell phone. Maybe somebody had called her, although that still didn't explain why she had gone somewhere without her coat and boots.

Her call log showed that the last person she had talked to on the phone was me the day before during her lunch break. I found my own cell phone and checked it for messages and missed calls, but there was nothing. I then called Tiny.

"Morning, Edward," she chirped when she answered her phone after the second ring.

"Have you seen or heard from Bella?" I asked, not bothering with a greeting.

"No," she replied. "Why?"

"She's fucking gone, Tiny. Has she said anything to you about…hell, I don't know. Just something out of the ordinary?"

"No, nothing," she almost whispered. "Edward…what do you mean gone?"

"Gone as in she's fucking not here! And her cell phone's here, and her coat and boots and everything. It's all here except her."

Tiny was silent for a moment. "You have to report her missing. I know she's run before, Edward, but she wouldn't do that again."

"I can't do that yet," I said with a groan. "Doesn't it have to be like twenty-four hours before you can do that? Fuck, Tiny. I was out like a fucking light all night after I took some cough syrup before I went to bed, but she was here this morning. She made coffee and put in a load of laundry."

"See, she wouldn't bother with laundry if she was running away," Tiny pointed out.

"Well that doesn't fucking help! That means someone took her!"

"Shit…" Tiny breathed.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair in frustration. "Look, if you're with Jasper, will you ask him if he's heard from her? I'll call Rose and Emmett and then look through town and the forest and…fuck if I know, but I'm gonna look for her."

"I'll ask Jasper. And Emmett. He's coming here for breakfast in a few minutes. And I'll call Angela, too," Tiny said. "We'll find her, Edward. We have to."

"Yeah… Thanks, Tiny." I hung up and called Rose, who of course was not picking up. Fucking sister. I then grabbed Bella's cell phone along with her coat, her boots, and a blanket and went to my car. I put Bella's cell phone in my pocket and tossed the coat and boots into the car. With the blanket under my arm, I took off for the forest while dialing Rose again, but she still didn't answer.

I spent an hour searching through the forest and seeing no sign of my girl. I checked the house again before driving into town. I still hadn't been able to get a hold of Rose, but Tiny had called me back and told me that neither Jasper, Emmett, or Angela knew anything, and Bella also hadn't showed up for work. She also said Jasper and Emmett were already looking for Bella in town.

I couldn't think of one single reason why Bella would have run. I knew I hadn't seen it coming the first – well second – time, either, but I hadn't really known her back then. I did now, and I also knew that she loved me as much as I fucking loved her, and I just didn't get it.

The alternative, that someone had fucking taken her, was too horrifying to think of. I knew I would have to consider it at some point, but I already knew what the sheriff would tell me when I went to see him. I wrote mysteries for a living, after all, and had done my research, talking with cops and all that crap. Nothing in or around the house suggested that anything suspicious had taken place.

I started at Rose's place, banging on the door rather violently.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Rose hissed when she opened the door, looking like she had just gotten out of bed.

"Have you seen or heard from Bella?" I asked. I didn't really have the time or the patience for her crap.

"Why the hell would I have seen Bella-Marie in the middle of the goddamn night?"

"It's after nine in the morning, Rose," I said, sighing. "Please just answer the question."

"No, I haven't seen her," she replied a little calmer. "Why? Did she run off again?"

"I don't fucking know where she is!" I said, angrily. "I just know that she's gone, and I need to find her. Could you please check your phone or something, in case she's called you ten fucking times like I did?"

Rose glared a little, but went to get her phone while I paced the hallway.

"Nothing," she said when she came back. "And you only called me eight times."

"Fuck you, Rose," I said and thundered back down the stairs.

"I'll help you look for her, Eddie!" she yelled after me, but I didn't stop. I had a town to search through.

I didn't know a lot of people who Bella could have sought out if she had run. Alice and Emmett didn't know anything, and neither did my siblings. I called my parents, who of course knew nothing. Charlie Swan was next on my internal list, but I couldn't see Bella going to him. She wasn't ready to forgive him, and his visit had messed up her head so much that I seriously doubted she would seek him out.

Motherfucker Jake was also not someone she would go to willingly. He could have come to Evonside, of course, but I couldn't see any reason why he would. Bella had made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with him, and if Charlie really had dealt with James, then Jake's debt would be gone, too. He would have no need for Bella, because it was obvious as fucking shit that the bastard didn't love her.

I then considered James. Bella had told me that her dad's letter said that James had been dealt with, whatever that meant, but if he was in a position to take revenge, wouldn't he just be the type of scumbag who would do that? As much as I preferred thinking that Charlie Swan had either killed James or locked him up and thrown away the keys, I knew realistically that he hadn't done either. Locked him up, maybe, but definitely not longer than whatever he could get away with legally. And if he really did love Bella and was sorry for the way he had treated her when she needed his help, then maybe he had beaten the fucker up, too.

I groaned. I needed to find out what the whole dealt with meant, and the only one who could tell me was Charlie Swan. It only took a simple call before I had some jerk from Forks Police Department, who sounded fucking half-asleep, telling me to hold for the chief. I bristled. Was I supposed to fucking bow for him, too?

"Chief Swan," Bella's bastard of a father said gruffly in my ear a few moments later.

"It's Edward Cullen. I believe you may remember me from when you showed up fucking unannounced at my house asking to see the beautiful young woman you treated like fucking dirt," I greeted him. I knew it probably wasn't the best idea, as he was the one with the fucking answers, but I couldn't help it. The bastard made me fucking angry.

"I know who you are," he said. His voice held no emotion, which pissed me off even further.

I decided to go about things differently than I had originally planned and not tell him that Bella was missing. He had lost his right to know anything about her when he'd cut her out of his life. One stupid letter didn't change anything. And asking for his help would have probably been fruitless, as well, since it had taken him months to track her down in Evonside where she'd been using her real name for more than three months. Some fucking cop he was. All I needed from him was to know what had happened with James.

"I need to know what you meant in your letter where you said that you had dealt with that asshole James," I said. "It's for Bella's sake," I added, hoping that may sway him if he really was sorry for what he had done to her.

He didn't hesitate before answering, which led me to believe that he really was sorry. His actual words confirmed it for me, as what he admitted could have ended his career. "I dealt with the scumbag by breaking a few of his ribs, busting up his jaw, shooting him through the foot and making sure he won't be populating the earth any further when he gets out of prison a really old man."

I officially had a newfound respect for Charlie Swan, even though I still hated the bastard. I also knew that James had no hand in Bella's disappearance, which both relieved me and frustrated the hell out of me since I was back to square one.

"Thanks for telling me," I said. "And um, I'm glad the asshole got a little of what he deserves."

"I may not always have acted like it, but I love Bella, and all I want is for her to be safe," he said quietly.

"We're on the same page, then," I said before hanging up. I may have gotten my answer, but I didn't owe him anything. No matter how sorry he was, he was still part of the reason why my beautiful girl had been a shadow for months.

I checked in with Tiny after lunch as she was both running her business and keeping track of where Jasper and Emmett had looked for Bella.

I dreaded going to see the sheriff. He was a fucking tool, but I knew I had to report her missing – even if I couldn't expect the fuckhead to do anything about it.

He gave me a lot of shit, as expected, but he did say he would look for her. I also managed not to kill the idiot. So, all in all, I got what I had expected out of the visit. Absolutely fucking nothing.

It felt wrong to just go home that night. The ride home was endless, the house was too big, and it was so fucking cold everywhere. Everything was just so fucking wrong without my beautiful girl. Standing inside the front door, I went over everything that had happened the night before, debating whether or not to take off my coat. I shouldn't have been in there if Bella wasn't.

Fucking nothing from the previous day stuck out in my mind. The last words I remembered her whispering before drifting into my cough syrup induced coma were I love you.

I shed my coat, not bothering to pick it up from where it landed on the floor. Bella's coat was still in my car, so I saw no reason to hang my own up, either. Unable to resist, I went through the house again. For every empty room I discovered, my heart hurt more and more, and I had to fight to keep fucking tears at bay. Where the hell was she?

I didn't know what to do with myself. I wasn't hungry, and I was almost positive that I wouldn't be able to sleep. It was pointless to look for her outside in the dark, and I had no one to call and ask if they had seen her. I dragged myself into the library and threw myself into her favorite chair. She would curl up in it and read or sketch or write. Often, I would find her lost in thought or daydreaming.

On the table in front of the chair was a stack of books. The iPod Rose had given her for Christmas was on top of them. I picked it up and put the buds into my ears, turning on whatever she had been listening to last. Norah Jones' voice crooned into my ears, and I tried to let the music soothe me. No luck, though. I picked up the books, seeing her beloved copy of Tennyson's poems already slightly worn and with a crinkled corner. Next in the pile was one of her notebooks. After apologizing mentally for snooping through her stuff, I picked it up and started leafing through it.

It didn't take me many seconds before I was damn near inhaling her words. My beautiful girl had fucking poured her heart out at some point about how she worried that she wasn't enough for me, how she thought I deserved better than her, and how she loved me so much that letting me go was something she didn't have the strength to do.

My eyes burned, and my heart ached as the cold fear crept up my spine. I fucking hated that she had been feeling that way and I hadn't had a clue. And I was so fucking terrified that she had somehow found that strength to leave me anyway. Shit, didn't she see that she was the one too fucking good for me?

It was late into the night before I finally dozed off. I hadn't even gone into the bedroom, not willing to look at the bed when I couldn't have Bella in my arms. I stayed in Bella's chair in the library, ignoring the ache in my back and the crick in my neck.

I had nightmares – jumbled fractions of everything from Bella taunting me about leaving my pathetic ass to her starring as various murder victims from my books. It was fucking horrible. The nightmares themselves also served as reminders of my girl, and reminded me of her own dreams that haunted her sleep. It was complete torture not knowing where she was, if she was okay, and if I would ever see her again. Shit. I had to.

I was shaken awake the following morning – rather violently, too. Fucking hell.

"You shouldn't be sleeping with the doors unlocked, bro," Jasper greeted me when I pried my eyes open.

I groaned as I slowly sat up in the chair. I didn't remember falling back asleep after the nightmares, but I definitely had judging by the way my back and neck hurt. I'd be walking around like a question mark because of it.

"Yeah, well, good morning to you, too. I had fucking other things on my mind last night that were more important than goddamn doors. Let some motherfuckers steal my shit, see if I care! I already lost the only thing that matters," I grumbled.

"Lose the crappy attitude, Ed," Jasper said calmly. "I'll make coffee and breakfast while you shower. Then we'll figure out how to go about today."

I muttered to myself about the uselessness of doing fucking anything, but dragged myself toward the shower, knowing that Jasper wasn't going to let it go. The shower didn't make me feel any better, it just meant that I had damp hair, and for some reason that annoyed the shit out of me.

My mom called me while I was getting dressed, asking what she could do and repeating the same question over and over again. Did I think Bella had run away or had someone taken her? And I didn't fucking know! I didn't know anything except that I wanted her back.

A little later, I was drinking coffee and ignoring Jasper's attempt at breakfast. Not just because I wasn't hungry, but also because it wasn't Bella's.

"You know I have to ask, bro," Jasper said, sitting across from me and eating happily. Even if I didn't think so, apparently he thought he was a great breakfast cook. "Did she run or is she in real danger?"

I looked up and glared at him. "I don't fucking know, Jazz!"

"You have to have a theory, man. I mean, fuck. I'll help you look for her as long as it's necessary, you know that. But what are we dealing with here?"

"Do you think I'd be such a miserable ass if I knew what the fuck to do? What the fuck is going on?"

"Edward, just fucking tell me what you think," he said and sighed.

"I think that if it was up to her she'd still be here, but it's difficult to convince fucking people of that as she's got a bad track record when it comes to running," I ground out. "And the alternative to her running off again scares the fuck out of me, especially since I've pretty much ruled out the three prime suspects that might want to take her. And the fucking sheriff is the world's biggest tool, so I'm not expecting a lot of help from him."

Jasper nodded and swallowed his last piece of toast before standing up and clearing away the plates. "All right then, do you have any idea where we should look for her today? Emmett is ready to roll whenever we are, and Alice is leaving the meeting she had with a designer or whatever to Angela today. Rose also wants to help, but she probably shouldn't be out in the cold all day with the baby and all…"

I nodded, grateful for the help and knowing that they weren't just doing it for me, but also because they loved Bella. I tried to collect my thoughts and shared them with Jasper as they started to make sense to me. "I don't want to rule out her running off completely, so maybe Rose and Emmett could drive up to Aberdeen and look around. I know it's a long shot since she left everything behind, including her coat and boots, but…she really liked it when we spent the weekend up there."

"I'll call Rose and let her know," Jasper said. "What else?"

"I'm gonna go look down by the water and up in the pine forest," I continued. "She spent a few nights down at the old boathouse before she started working at Tiny's. Maybe you and Tiny could check in town again and, I don't know, ask around a bit if anybody's seen her?"

"We'll do that. Keep in touch, okay?"

"Sure," I said, standing up as well.

It was fucking cold outside, and I hoped Bella was somewhere warm and safe and fucking…hell! I didn't want her anywhere but with me. I needed her back, and I needed her back right away.


	33. He Is My Strength

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just feed Edward cobbler.
> 
> A/N: Thank you to nowforruin and Dinx for beta'ing and to lisamichelle17 for pre-reading.

CHAPTER 33

Bella:

He Is My Strength

I couldn't breathe. At first I thought it was part of one of my nightmares, and I panicked, making it even more difficult to get the necessary oxygen into my lungs. I wasn't sure if I was awake or not. It was dark, and instead of being pressed against Edward's warm body in our bed, I was lying on a hard surface with something sharp digging into my back and the top of my legs. I couldn't move an inch, which made my panic grow even more. There was also something gagging me that smelled and tasted of gasoline. Coupled with the fact that whatever place I was in moved, I was afraid I might vomit and then choke to death.

As I tried to calm down and catch my breath a little, I noticed the faint sound of music. It was probably a clue as to where I was, but I couldn't think clearly in my panic. It was almost impossible to get control over my breathing when I didn't have the faintest idea what was going on. Was I still having a nightmare? My head was pounding, and the more I tried to get my arms and legs free, the more awkward and painful the position I was lying in became. I couldn't stop the sob working its way up through my throat and into the gag.

Why couldn't I just wake up?

I fought with my mind to remember something that could explain what was going on, but the panic was so overwhelming. I saw glimpses in my mind, like stray images from a dream not really remembered. I saw myself smiling at Edward, who was sprawled on his stomach, snoring lightly and reaching out for me even in his sleep. I saw myself getting dressed, doing laundry, and making coffee. And then the dream turned into a nightmare. I saw myself walking out on the porch, I saw Jake, and then I didn't see anything else, but I felt fear.

Connecting the dots in my mind made anger replace the panic. I had heard a car coming down the lane and gone out to see who it was. I had recognized the car instantly and started yelling at Jake to go away as soon as he got out. I didn't remember anything past him walking toward me, but there was no doubt in my mind that I was in Jake's trunk at the moment.

That knowledge did nothing but make me even angrier. Who did he think he was? I was not the weak, pathetic, and all but brainwashed girl he used to know, and if he thought he could just do whatever he wanted with me, he had another thing coming. I stewed in my anger, and it gave me more strength, so I started kicking. It hurt badly, but I ignored the pain of whatever was behind me digging into my back and the ropes, or whatever I was tied up with, burning at my wrists. I saw red when the music became louder. He was more stupid than I thought if he believed he could drown me out by turning up the volume on his radio.

I tired myself out quickly with the kicking and fighting against what he had tied me with. So I stopped. I needed my strength for later.

After what seemed like hours, the car finally stopped. I was so nauseous and afraid of choking myself that I nearly cried in relief. It was only the thought of Edward that had made me keep myself in check. He was probably awake and worrying about me. I prayed he didn't just assume I had run, but at the same time I hated the thought of him coming after me. I didn't want him to get hurt, and Jake seemed like he had completely lost his mind, kidnapping me like that was suddenly an acceptable thing to do.

The trunk opened, interrupting my musings, and I barely got a glimpse of Jake before blinding pain registered in my temple and the world disappeared.

The first thing I became aware of the next time I woke was that my head was pounding. I groggily sat up, realizing that while it was still dark, I was definitely not in the trunk of a car anymore. My hands were still bound, but not my feet, and luckily the gag had been removed from my mouth. It felt amazing to be able to breathe properly again.

I chanced trying to get on my feet. It seemed like there was enough room for it, and I wanted to find out if they still worked after being cramped up in the trunk for what seemed like a really long time. They were still hurting, as was my back, but I needed to focus on something other than the pain. There was no way I was going to let Jake keep me locked up, and he was in for a real surprise when he showed his cowardly face. No more meek Bella.

It took a few tries, but eventually I was standing up. My eyes were getting used to the dark, and I soon recognized where I was. Jake had locked me in his closet. I remembered how we had laughed at the fact that there was a lock on the built-in closet when we had moved in during college, but I had never thought he would find use for it.

"Jake!" I yelled, ignoring my raw and hurting throat. I kicked the sturdy door for good measure. "Jake, you bastard! Let me out of here!"

"Simmer the hell down, Bells," I heard him say as footsteps approached.

I snorted, almost on an adrenaline rush over how good it felt to finally defy Jake. I wish I had discovered this years ago. "Who the hell are you to tell me what to do? Now let me out!"

"Would you keep it down?" he hissed, banging on the door with his fist. "The neighbors are gonna hear you."

"You are unbelievable," I told him. "Did it occur in your pea brain that I might want someone to hear me? God, you're an idiot." I took a deep breath and screamed as loud as I could.

A few seconds later he barged through the door and slammed me back against the back of the closet with a hand around my throat. "Shut the fuck up! I don't know why the hell you think it's suddenly okay to act like you've got a spine after all these years, but I suggest you stop right now!"

His big hand tightened around my throat, and my old fear returned – the one I had been carrying around for too long in Evonside had caught up with me again.

"Much better," he hissed. "I've always preferred you with your mouth shut. Now be a good girl and keep it shut, or I'll have to gag you again.

"You owe me this, Bells. I looked after you for a long time, and the least you can do is help me with my debt before you skip off to your little seaside hideaway with that pussy bodyguard of yours. It's not like he'll want you when he finds out what a big slut you are anyway."

He finally released the hand around my throat, and I fell to my knees. Little black spots had started to appear in my vision, and I gasped for breath as he walked back out and locked the door again. The sound of footsteps indicated that he had left the bedroom, and I wiggled my legs out from under me and sat down properly. My heart was still galloping in my chest, and I knew that I had made a serious mistake in underestimating Jake earlier in my newfound independence.

He was going to use me to settle his debt, clearly so desperate that it had messed with his head. That meant that he'd hand me over to James without a second thought…only my dad had said in his letter that he had dealt with James. I blew out a breath in frustration and thought over my options. There weren't a lot of them, but I would be damned if I didn't fight him every bit of the way. I would fight James, too. And I didn't care if they were both so much bigger than me. I had something to fight for this time.

I had no way of knowing how much time passed. It was dark in the closet, but even if I couldn't tell the time, I knew quite a few hours had gone by. My stomach was growling and my mouth was as dry as a desert. I was in bad need of a bathroom, too, although the idea of peeing on Jake's clothes, which were still in the closet, filled me with glee.

I also needed Jake to leave the apartment so I could try out the only plausible plan I had been able to come up with. I knew the closet doors were sturdy, but I had to try and break out anyway. And for that, I needed Jake gone or else he would hear me.

Over the next several hours, Jake resembled a human being and let me go to the bathroom a few times. He even untied my hands and also brought me a sandwich and a bottle of water. However, his kindness ended when I made a run for it, making it all the way to the front door where too much fumbling with a new lock he had installed allowed him to catch up with me.

"Fucking hell!" he cursed and dragged me back into the bedroom where he tied my hands again. He was too strong to fight – I was practically a rag doll in his firm grip. "That was a really stupid thing to do. Now I'm gonna have to gag you and tell you all about what I have planned for you. I was keeping it a surprise, but there's nothing like anticipation, right? Like waiting for Christmas morning when you're a kid. And I know you'll like this because you are such a big slut."

He pushed me into the closet when I was gagged and bound. Then he locked the door. "You see, Bells," he said from outside. "And this will disappoint you, I know, since you seemed to enjoy your time with James last round, but he has gone and disappeared. At first I thought I had it made and my debt was gone, but it turned out that James left someone else in charge before he disappeared.

"The dude's name is Laurent, and if you thought James was evil reincarnated, then just wait until you meet this guy. He doubled my debt, and now he wants me to either pay it off immediately or hand over James' favorite little toy. That's you, by the way, although God knows why he finds you so fascinating.

"I haven't got all that money, so I figured getting you and handing you over was easier than robbing a bank. He's keeping a low profile, so I'm gonna go out and find him tonight. While I do that, you're gonna be a good girl and not cause any trouble."

I felt all my brave intentions leave me as Jake's words seeped into my mind. I had never encountered anyone more evil than James, and knowing that there were others like him terrified me. And now Jake, who was clearly unstable but had been my friend my entire life and who had once claimed to love me, was going to hand me over to one of those people.

I was definitely in over my head. However, Jake mentioning that he was going out to find this Laurent character was good news. That meant I could try and break out once again. I listened carefully for any movement in the apartment, and after what sounded like him having a shower and marching through the apartment ten times, he finally left.

I shakily got on my legs. They were cramping from being in the same position for too long. As I tried to use my tied up hands for support against the wall, I noticed that the rope was looser this time than the others. I fought with it for a while, but I couldn't get it off. I sighed in frustration and used my arms and shoulders to feel out the place. There was a tiny crack of light between the doors, and that was where I would be aiming my body in the attempt of breaking out.

I took two steps back toward the back wall and breathed deeply. It was probably going to hurt. With as much force as possible, I rammed my shoulder into the doors, staggering back with white hot pain shooting through my shoulder, down my arm, up in my neck, and without the doors moving a fraction of an inch. I cried out against the stupid gag and kicked the doors instead, partly out of pain, partly out of frustration.

Once the pain in my shoulder was down to a dull ache, I prepared for another attempt with my other shoulder. After that I would be out of shoulders and options, so I took a few deep breaths and tried to channel Emmett and his brute strength that he might never use for anything but definitely possessed.

The second attempt hurt just as much, if not more, but the doors opened, and I fell out on the floor, damaging my poor shoulder even further. I cried out again and was unable to move or even rejoice in my small success.

After a while I was able to lift my head, and by rubbing my cheek against the carpet that was not as clean as when I had lived there, I managed to rub the duct tape off that held the gag in place. I spit it out and greedily took big gulps of air.

Sighing, I tried to ignore the pain in my shoulders as I struggled to get on my feet. I wasn't free yet. When I was standing, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror above the dresser. My hair was a tangled mess, and I was pale except for my angry, red cheeks. There was a small cut at the hairline on my temple caked with dried blood. I growled out loud and swore to myself that Jake was not going to get away with this. One way or the other I would make him pay or hurt. Or both. Preferably both.

I didn't know if he had actually expected me to be able to get out of the locked closet, but he had locked the bedroom door. And it, unlike the closet doors, was not one I could bust open with my shoulders, aching or not.

I considered my options. Judging by the light outside, it was around midday. The bastard had kept me locked up in that stupid closet for twenty-four hours. I bit my lip as I thought about what Edward must have been thinking about me. Damn it.

The time of day meant there was little chance of any neighbors being home to hear me scream, as the apartments there were mostly rented out to college students or young professionals who were at work. And some of them were Jake's friends, so who knew what they might do if they heard me. The apartment was on the seventh floor, so escaping through the window was out, even if I did manage to get my hands free.

No matter what, getting the rope off my hands would be my first priority. If my hands were free, I would probably have more options anyway. I looked around for something sharp. Didn't Jake used to have a letter opener on the desk in the corner? I wondered. It was difficult to rifle through all the crap that was on there with my hands tied behind my back. There was a map of Washington with a big red circle around Evonside that made the hairs in the back of my neck stand up. There were also receipts for some of my stuff he had sold. Bastard.

My fingers finally curled around a hard object, but it wasn't a letter opener. It was a cordless phone. I let out a relieved laugh and pushed it out from under all the papers. I could call Edward, and he would get me out of here…except… I groaned. I didn't remember Edward's phone number. It was just entered into my cell phone, and I had never had any reason to memorize it.

I suddenly hated cell phones. They made you not bother to memorize phone numbers. The only one I could remember was the one to the police station in Forks. My dad had made me memorize it even before I knew the alphabet. Could I call him? My only other alternative was calling 911, and they would not only get here faster, but I also wouldn't have to listen to them call me names and turn their backs on me. But my dad had apologized and dealt with James so that he, in Jake's words, had disappeared.

I decided to ignore my doubts and call my dad first. Hopefully he was at the station. And if he didn't want to help me, I would call 911.

I picked up the phone and put it down on the bed. It was awkward dialing, but I managed. Then I pressed the speaker phone button and waited for one of my dad's lazy officers to pick up. They were probably busy playing cards and not impressed at being interrupted.

"Forks Police Department, Officer Dowling speaking. How can I help you?"

"Hey, Dave. Can I speak to the Chief, please? It's Bella Swan," I said, surprising myself at how hoarse my voice sounded.

"Sure, Bella. I'll put you through," Dave Dowling said.

"Thanks." I sighed and took a deep breath. Please help me, Dad.

"Chief Swan," came the gruff reply a few moments later.

I suddenly regretted calling him, but I needed help and couldn't be picky. "Hi D… Um, it's Bella. I need your help."

"Anything, honey."

I nearly cried at the honesty in those two words. I closed my eyes tightly and willed my tears back. I didn't have time to get emotional right then. "I'm in Seattle. Jake came to Evonside yesterday and stuffed me in the trunk of his car. I've been locked in his closet since we got here. I know you dealt with James, but some guy named Laurent took over for him, and Jake can't pay what he owes, so he's giving him me instead. Please help me, Dad. Or at least contact Edward for me. I don't remember his number. Please."

Everything came crashing down at me suddenly, and I couldn't keep the tears back. The fear, the heartache, the longing, and everything that had tugged at my heart and given me nightmares since last August just completely broke me that particular moment.

"I'm on my way, Bells. Are you at the apartment? Did the bastard hurt you?" The old protectiveness was back in his voice – the protectiveness that had been missing the last time I had asked for his help.

"Yes." I sniffled. "I'm at the apartment. I'm okay, I think. My hands are tied, though, and I hurt myself breaking out of the closet."

"Bells…" I heard him shuffling with something in the background and mutter something under his breath. "It's gonna take me at least three hours to get there. Did he say when he'd be back?"

"No. He said that that Laurent guy was keeping a low profile and that he was going out to look for him so he could…hand me over."

At that point I had distanced myself enough from the conversation, pretending it wasn't about me. It was the only way I could keep the tears away.

"Son of a bitch," he swore. I heard him switch his siren on, and I wondered if he was going to drive with it on the whole way to Seattle. "Listen, I'm gonna let you go and then call someone to come and get you, okay? I have an old buddy working for the Seattle PD. I don't want to risk Jake coming back before I get there. Will you be okay?"

I nodded, and it wasn't until he repeated my name that I remembered he couldn't see me. "Yeah, I'll be okay."

"Be strong, Bells. I love you." He hung up before I could say anything, and after ending the call awkwardly, a few more tears rolled down my cheeks.

The silence was difficult to deal with suddenly, and I had to focus on breathing deeply to get myself under control. Oh God, I just wanted to be in Edward's arms. No harm had ever found me there, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could cope without him. I hated the fact that he might think I had run again, and even though the pain in my chest from missing him was almost crippling, he also gave me the courage to fight back this time, and that meant someone was on their way to save me.

Not just wanting to sit around consumed by my own thoughts, I kept searching for the letter opener or anything else that would be sharp enough to cut the rope tied around my wrists. I tried to ignore the fear that Jake might come back before my dad's friend got there. I hoped he wasn't coming alone, whoever he was, if Jake showed up with that Laurent guy.

A near bolt of anger hit me when I allowed myself to think of how much Jake had screwed my life up. How did someone go from being a friend to a controlling boyfriend to a heartless bastard? I eyed the shelf above the desk with Jake's motorcycle trophies. He had raced occasionally on bikes he had fixed up himself, but they had been the first to go when he needed money. He was awfully proud of the trophies, though, even if they weren't anything special.

They were, however, made of glass. It was difficult, painful, and very awkward, but I managed to push the shelf off its hinges with my shoulder, and I smiled when the trophies crashed down on the desk and on the floor. I was glad I was wearing the indoor UGG boots that Rose had claimed no woman could live without when I walked over the glass a few times for good measure.

After finishing my destruction, I heard a loud sound coming from the front of the apartment. My heart was in my throat, and I frantically thought about what to do if it was Jake coming back.

"Isabella?"

It wasn't Jake's voice, but that didn't necessarily mean it was safe for me to answer. It could be Laurent or some other shady creep Jake knew.

Next I heard movement just outside the bedroom door, and I slowly backed toward the closet.

"Isabella, are you in there? My name is Bradley Harrison, I'm an old friend of Charlie's. He just called me to come and make sure you're safe until he gets here.

"Isabella? If you're in there, please move away from the door. I'm gonna kick it in."

I didn't have time to reply before the door was indeed kicked in. A man in a police uniform came into the room and rushed over to me when he spotted me.

"Thank God," he breathed. "Are you okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine now. Thank you for coming."

"Don't worry about it, hon. It's my job. Charlie told me a little bit about what's been going on, but why don't you tell me exactly what we're dealing with here? I've got a few guys waiting downstairs to welcome Jacob Black home."

"Okay," I said as it started to catch up with me that I was about to see the end of this nightmare. "Um, could you untie my hands first?"

With my hands free, and after a trip to the bathroom, I sat down with Officer Harrison and told him the whole ugly story. It wasn't pleasant, but it was necessary if I wanted to put it all behind me. To my surprise, Officer Harrison was able to fill in a blank for me, telling me how he and my dad had dealt with James. He apologized that they hadn't been aware that someone had taken over James' business.

I heard the faint sounds of commotion downstairs when he came back about an hour later, only to be greeted by two police officers. I wished I could have seen his face.

I had nowhere to go, so there wasn't anywhere Officer Harrison could take me until my dad arrived. So we stayed at the apartment, which I was allowed to look through to see if there were any of my things left. There weren't.

When my dad arrived, he gave me a hug that should have been awkward but wasn't. I allowed myself to draw a little strength from him before he went off to talk with the other officers. He then took me down to his cruiser that was parked on the side of the building, out of sight like the others.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Jake doesn't do well under pressure. Or maybe he just wants company in jail. He told the officer who arrested him that he made a deal with that Laurent guy that he could come and get you in…" He looked at his watch. "Twenty minutes. So they're going to grab him when he shows up, and then this will be all over."

Please, God. 

So we waited. And when his phone went off, he left after making sure that a couple of Seattle PD officers were keeping an eye on me from outside the cruiser.

My dad's police cruiser was achingly familiar. As a child I had loved riding in it, begging him to turn on the lights and waving to people like I was a queen. As I grew older, I had learned to hate the thing. I thought it was highly embarrassing to ride through town in it, and for two years before I got my driver's license, I had begged my dad to be allowed to walk to school instead of him driving me. Naturally, in his eagerness to protect me and control my every move, he hadn't thought that was a good idea.

Now seated in it again, it made me feel safe. It smelled of the pipe tobacco he had always claimed he didn't smoke, and it smelled of him – the father I hadn't yet forgiven, but who had saved me anyway.

I sat alone in the cruiser for a few hours while my dad supervised the Seattle PD officers doing their job. At least that's what he told me when he checked in on me. I gave my statement to one of them, and a paramedic checked me over. He wanted me to go to the ER, but I had refused. I just wanted to go home. I wanted Edward. I wanted to get his number and call him, but on the off chance he did think I had run away again, it was probably better to explain in person.

It was late in the evening before my dad finally came back to the cruiser. "They won't hurt you again, Bells," he said and started the car. "So, Evonside?"

I nodded. "Please."

We were out of Seattle before either of us spoke again. Charlie Swan was a man of few words, and I also seemed to have fewer words in his presence than I usually did. Some words were necessary, though.

"Thanks for coming to get me," I said softly. I was bundled in a blanket and the heater was on in the cruiser, but I was still cold.

"Anytime, Bells. And I mean that. I won't repeat my mistakes."

I believed him.

"Can I ask you something?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Sure."

"Why Evonside Bay?"

A humorless laugh escaped me. It was a fair question, I supposed, and perhaps the start of the necessary conversation we needed to have. "I just wanted to get away. I had no destination in mind. I didn't intend to stay there, either, but I met an amazing woman who offered me a job and her friendship. It was an offer I couldn't refuse."

"Are you happy there?"

"Yes. I have friends there who love me, regardless of what happened in Seattle, and who have made me family. I have a job that I enjoy. And I have Edward."

"He called me yesterday, you know," Charlie said. "Wanted to know what I meant in my letter to you when I wrote that I had dealt with James. He never told me you were missing, although he did sound a bit…shaken."

My heart felt like it would beat its way out of my chest. I didn't know what that meant. Did he or didn't think I had run away? All my strength from earlier had completely disappeared, and I started crying again, simply too exhausted to hold back the tears.

"Now, Bells, it's all right," my dad said awkwardly. He had never been able to deal with my tears. "It's over now."

"I know." I sighed. It could very well be all over if Edward didn't forgive me. I had promised him not to run again, and while I hadn't run, my ugly past had caught up with me, and it was probably only a matter of time before he got fed up dealing with my baggage. I immediately chastised myself. I would have faith in Edward. Or at least try as much as my insecurities would allow me.

"You know, when I came down looking for you a few weeks ago, I was pretty surprised when I met Edward," he said slowly. "I know my approval doesn't mean anything, especially since I wholeheartedly gave it to Jake, but there was something in Edward's face, as well as in his voice when he called me yesterday, that told the tale of how much he loves you. He loves you the way you deserve to be loved, Bells. The unconditional way."

I mulled over his words as we reached Evonside. It was close to dawn, and I could barely see straight out of sheer exhaustion. I could however, feel my nerves.

"Listen," my dad said as we passed through town. "I know I still have to work for your forgiveness, and I'm prepared to do that. That's the least of what you deserve. Just…I love you, Bells. Always have, always will. And when you're ready, just call me, okay? We'll take it from there."

"Thanks, Dad. For everything. I will call you."

I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye, and things were suddenly a little bit easier. The long lane down to Edward's house seemed endless, and I tried to collect my thoughts and find every bit of courage I had left inside of me for what waited at the end.

The house was dark, not all that uncommon in the predawn hours. But the feeling in my heart when I saw it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It was home.

"Be safe, Bells," my dad said when he had stopped the car just behind Edward's.

"You, too," I said, offering a small smile.

And then I was on my way up to the porch. I heard my dad turn the cruiser as I raised my hand to knock on the door. It felt like ages since I had last had to do that. Now I just hoped Edward would let me back in.


	34. She Rights My World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
> 
> A/N: Dinx & nowforruin – thank you for helping me, for teaching me, and for being amazing. Lisamichelle17 – thank you for holding my hand.

CHAPTER 34

Edward:

She Rights My World

I couldn't sleep. The sheets smelled like her, and my thoughts, running in circles, were making me fucking crazy. I wanted to go out and look for her, but I knew it was no use in the dark. I also had no idea where to look. She could be fucking anywhere. And not just anywhere in Evonside Bay, but anywhere in the fucking world. I hated the world.

My nose was stuck in the binder with her writings for hours. I needed her words to stay in my mind forever, and she was so fucking talented. Her spot-on descriptions and the way she wove her story together had me so enthralled that I almost forgot the gaping hole in my heart. And then anger filled me, and I put the binder away. I didn't want her words to be memories of her.

I got up and paced through the rooms aimlessly. Everywhere I looked there was something that reminded me of her. Little touches here and there – her stuff spread out evenly over all the rooms. A couch in which she had laughed, a counter at which she had cooked, and a bed in which she had loved me. It wasn't my house anymore – it was our house – and I didn't fucking want to be here alone.

I ended up at my piano. I hadn't played in a really long time. It had been my light in the dark after everything that had happened with Garrett had made me drop out of medical school. For weeks, the music had been my only solace and the only sound I could bear hearing. I could drown out the voices of my family, or the thoughts screaming inside my head, with haunting melodies by the great masters. It was also the only time I had ever composed anything of my own, and over the years, I had only ever played when I was feeling down. This had resulted in a large collection of depressing compositions that I never played because all they did was remind me of times in my life that I preferred to forget about.

On the slightly out of tune piano, I added to the collection, composing what ended up being a fucking depressing lullaby I immediately decided that I hated. It sounded like a goodbye, and I was not ready to say goodbye to Bella. Hell, I wasn't even done saying hello.

I was glaring at the composition book when I heard the knock on the door. It was still dark outside, as was the house except for a single lamp that provided me with the light I had needed to play. I looked at my watch and saw that it was just after four a.m., which meant that whoever was outside my front door was not stopping by for a social call.

I swallowed the panic rising in my throat. Knocks on doors this early in the morning meant bad news, and I didn't want bad news. I just wanted my beautiful girl safe and happy and fucking here.

I turned on the light in the hallway, cringing as it blinded me momentarily. In my haste, I fumbled a little with the lock but finally managed to wrestle the door open.

And there she was.

My reason for fucking everything.

I think I might have let out a sob. I know she did. And then she was back in my arms where she belonged, nearly knocking me over and clinging to me as desperately as I clung to her.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed. "Please…I was so scared, and I love you so much. Please…please don't let me go."

With what little sense I had left in me, I kicked the door shut. I cradled her head in my hands and looked into her wild and pleading eyes before leaning down to kiss her. My mind couldn't form any words, so I had to show her what I felt with my actions. And I was just so fucking relived that I had her back. That was all that mattered.

I pushed her back against the door and kissed her again. She reciprocated just as eagerly, weaving her hands into my heir and pulling slightly. I pushed my tongue into her mouth, and she hummed against me, making me fucking vibrate with need for her. There were probably a thousand things I should have been doing instead of molesting her against the door, such as finding out where the fuck she had been the last two days, but my need for her was too great and overpowering. And Bella was just as desperate as I was. I ground my hard cock into her and cursed the clothes we were wearing.

"Please… I need you, Edward," Bella whispered urgently when we broke apart for some much needed air. I cupped her tits, rubbing my thumbs roughly over her nipples, and kissed down her neck. When I reached her collarbone, I dragged the fabric of her shirt away while I briefly considered burning all her clothes because they were fucking annoying.

We tore at each other's clothes, both wearing too fucking much. Between the ripping and the tearing, our mouths were fused as much as possible. There was desperation and an urgency for confirmation in her touch, and I just fucking needed her.

My sweats and boxers were around my ankles, and Bella's clothes were gone after I had ripped her panties and gotten her arm tangled up in her bra before flinging it as far away as I could. The sound of labored breathing, breathy moans, and panting filled the air around us as I cupped her ass and lifted her up, instantly being rewarded with the feel of her legs wrapping around my waist and my hard cock finally coming into direct contact with the wet heaven it craved.

"Please don't fucking leave me again," I groaned into her neck. "You just can't…fucking…leave me again."

I felt the tears running down her cheeks before I looked up and actually saw them. "Please," she cried. "I need you. I don't want to be away from you. I love you so much."

I claimed her lips again, biting down on her full bottom lip like she always did herself when she was nervous. She moaned and shifted against me, allowing my cock to slide into her. I nearly came right there and groaned against her mouth as I fought for control.

Pressing her harder against the door, I thrust into her and felt as if I could never get close enough. I knew I was being too rough with her, but I had never known such fierce desperation as what was running through my veins right then. I sucked the skin above her tits and reveled in the way that her fingers pressed into my shoulders, slightly painful and very desperate.

"Oh God…please," she begged. The back of her head made contact with the door, and the noise was so loud that I looked up at her to see if she had hurt herself.

Her eyes were closed, and her mouth was opened in a moan. That was when I noticed the small bandage on her temple. I froze, ceasing my thrusts, and making her open her eyes and look at me pleadingly.

My hand hovered over the bandage. "What happened?" I rasped. "Who hurt you?"

Her eyes closed again. "Please, Edward," she begged. "I just need you. I'll tell you later."

I shook my head, hoping to clear it a little. I cupped her cheek with my hand and kissed her swollen lips. "Are you in pain?"

She shook her head and shifted again. "Please," she whispered. Her voice broke, and a tear ran down her cheek.

I couldn't fucking resist her, and being buried in her warmth didn't fucking help matters, either. Even if she was begging, was taking her against the door really a good idea? And what the fuck had happened to her? I was so fucking torn.

"Edward, please!" she insisted. "I need to feel you. I need…I need you."

I pulled back and thrust into her. Not so roughly this time, but she was having none of it and thrust back against me with more force. I groaned as her tits pressed against my chest and she leaned in to bite my neck. I picked up my speed and slammed into her, grunting and rejoicing in her moans. Whatever doubt I'd held in the back of my mind was pushed aside as I gave my beautiful girl what she wanted. I just hoped she needed it, too.

"You feel so fucking…good," I groaned.

"More," she begged breathlessly. "I need more."

Bracing one hand against the door behind her, I rested my forehead against hers. We breathed the same air, and looking into her eyes, I gave her everything I had. I needed her to fucking come because I was about to explode. And she did come. Hard. Digging her heels into my ass with a breathy drawn-out moan. Fuck me. She clenched around me, and I couldn't hold back for anything in the world. Words I had no control over tumbled out of my mouth as I came just as hard, emptying myself inside of her.

I drew a shuddering breath and rested my forehead on her shoulder. Her hands were locked around my neck, and I could feel her heaving chest against my own, slick with sweat. I wanted to savor the moment forever, because I had my beautiful girl back after fearing that I might never see her again. But at the same time, I needed answers to where she had been, as well as reassurances that I didn't need to go and fucking kill someone for being responsible for the bandage on her temple.

Without speaking, I cradled her to me and walked on shaky legs to the bedroom.

"Shower?" I asked her. I knew we needed one, but I didn't know if there was anything she needed more, like sleep, food, or a doctor.

She nodded against my shoulder, and I carried her into the bathroom where I put her down on the counter while I turned on the water. When I looked back at her, she was looking right at me with pleading eyes, and I had no idea what she needed. My eyes drank her in hungrily after being deprived the last two days, and I noticed bandages around her wrists, too. I didn't know how I had missed them, and I went over and picked up one of her hands and placed a kiss in her palm. I looked at her face questioningly, but she said nothing. I looked her over again, checking for other injuries and finding bruises on both her shoulders.

"What the hell happened to you, beautiful girl?" I asked, feeling the rage inside me bubble to the surface.

She slid down to stand on her feet and reached up to cup my cheek. "My past caught up with me like I feared it might," she said and sighed. "I didn't run, Edward, I promise."

I hugged her and felt her shiver, so I pulled her into the shower where the water had heated up. I wanted to ask all the questions in my head that were beginning to transform into a headache, but I figured that taking care of my beautiful girl came before anything.

I reached for her shampoo and started to wash her hair before I vocalized my confession. "There were moments where I was afraid that you might have run, but it just didn't make any sense. I couldn't find anything that would have caused you to do it."

She didn't say anything, just stood still and let me wash her. She kept a hand on my hip or my shoulder like she needed to touch me the same way that I needed to touch her. When she had rinsed off, she walked into my embrace, and we stood together under the hot spray while my worry grew.

She was sagging against me when I finally turned off the water and pulled back from her to get us some towels. I dried her slowly and checked her bandages, but they appeared to be waterproof. I dried myself quickly and found us some clothes, helping Bella into a pair of panties and a tank top and throwing on a pair of boxers myself.

"Do you need anything?" I asked.

"Just you."

We crawled under the covers, and I sat with my back against the headboard, half sitting, half lying down, and Bella snuggled up against me with her head on my chest. I held her close. My arms had been fucking empty without her.

"I'm going crazy here, Bella. I need some answers," I told her. "I am so fucking happy and thankful that you're back, but you need to tell me what you meant by your past catching up with you. I've been going over a thousand possibilities in my head already, and nothing adds up."

"My dad said you'd called and asked about what had happened to James," she started after burying her head further into my chest.

"That fucking bastard knew where you were?" I interrupted angrily.

"No," she said quickly. "Not until sometime yesterday when I called him. I…I would have called you, but I haven't memorized your phone number. The one to the police station in Forks was the only one I could remember off the top of my head.

"My point is, you already know how my dad dealt with James, but what he hadn't realized was that someone took over for him, handling James' crap," she said and sat up so that she could look at me. "Apparently his name is Laurent, and he is even worse than James. He gave Jake an ultimatum. Either he paid his debt or he delivered…me…because…well, Jake said that…James…liked me…"

"That motherfucking little bitch! I'll fucking kill him! Jake was the one who took you, wasn't he?" I growled and instinctively tightened my hold on Bella.

She nodded. "I heard a car coming down the lane the other morning, and I was stupid enough to go outside. I'm so sorry, Edward. I had no idea he'd do something like that. He must have hit me, because the next thing I remember is waking up in the trunk of his car."

I was so fucking angry, but when I saw Bella battling her tears, I did my best to push my anger away and gathered her into my arms so I could kiss her hair. I felt useless when her tears fell. I hadn't been able to protect her and keep her from getting hurt. I swore to myself that no one would ever get the chance to hurt her again. I wasn't going to fail her again, that shit was just certain.

"What did he do to you, beautiful?" I asked her after her tears had almost stopped.

"He…he locked me up in a closet," she sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I started yelling at him, and I tried to run one time when he let me go to the bathroom, but he caught me. And then he gagged me again, like in the trunk. And then…and then he told me that he was going out to find Laurent so that he could come and take me away.

"I was so scared, Edward, but not like before. I fought this time, and it was because I was thinking of you." Her voice broke, and she took a moment to calm down while she squeezed my hand tightly. "I just wanted to go home to you. My hands were tied up, so I had to use my shoulders to break out of the closet. I…" She let out a strangled laugh. "I tried to channel Emmett, and although I bruised my shoulders, I actually managed to break out of that damn closet.

"I couldn't get out of the bedroom, though," she continued with a shaky voice. "I tried to find something to cut the rope around my hands, but I found a phone instead, and since I couldn't remember your number, I called my dad. He got one of his police buddies in Seattle to come and get me because it took him a while to drive in from Forks. And then… I don't know, I didn't see the rest, but they arrested both Jake and Laurent when they showed up. My dad drove me back here."

She looked at me with pleading eyes while my brain tried to process the nightmare she had been through – all because I was busy being in a cough syrup induced coma and couldn't protect her.

"Edward, please. You have to forgive me. I didn't run, and I promise I came back as fast as I could."

I let out a strangled sob. My heart was fucking breaking. "No, my beautiful girl. You have to forgive me. You did so good. You were so fucking strong. I am the one who failed to protect you and was busy entertaining thoughts that you might have run instead of considering Jake as a real possibility. I am so fucking sorry, Bella."

She shook her head furiously. "I should never have gone outside. You didn't fail me and…you were right to think that I might have run again. I have my history against me. But I swear to you that I never will, and I'll prove it to you if you will only let me."

"I'll never fucking doubt you again, Bella. I love you more than anything, you know that, right?"

"Almost as much as I love you," she said.

My mind wouldn't let anything rest, so I questioned her about everything that had happened until her eyes were drooping and it was already bright outside. I just couldn't fucking help myself. I was so goddamn angry, and my heart still hadn't recovered from the shock. Just the thought of what could have happened to her, on top of everything that had happened, made me sick.

"Are you really okay, beautiful?" I finally asked.

She nodded sleepily. "I'm with you," she elaborated softly.

She drifted off to sleep with her head resting on my shoulder and her hand tightly fisted in the fabric of my boxers on my hip. I buried my face in her now dry hair, but sleep didn't find me immediately. My mind was still too chaotic to get any real rest, but I was content to have Bella back in my arms.

I reached over her to the bedside table for my cell phone and composed a text to Jasper, Rose, Tiny, and Emmett. I told them that Bella was back, that she was okay, and that they would get the explanation they deserved – after spending the last two days looking for her – later.

After I had sent it, my thoughts drifted again. I was angry with myself for underestimating the stupid bastard, Jake, or maybe more like underestimating his desperation. It was like crap taken right out of a book I could have been writing, and I seriously considered finding myself a new writing niche.

I was happy that it seemed like Bella would finally be able to put it all behind her, but those last two days could have meant quite a bit of additional trauma to her already battered mind. Just the thought of her having a nightmare made me tighten my hold on her, foolishly thinking that I could keep away the bad dreams if only I held her tight enough.

There were many regrets swimming around in my mind. I should have beaten the crap out of Jake the night he had showed up at the bar, or at least have let Emmett and Jasper do it. I should also have protected Bella better so that he hadn't been able to take her. And I should have known where to look for her, although who fucking knew that someone had taken over James' little crime syndicate?

I nearly growled out loud. I just wanted my beautiful girl to be fucking happy and safe, but it seemed like the goddamn universe was conspiring against me. The only thing that made this even remotely bearable was the fact that Bella had fought against Jake this time and not succumbed to her previous submissive ways. I hated that it had hurt her, but I was fucking proud of her, standing up her for herself and fighting against what she had spent her entire life being taught or pressured into.

Also, I supposed the fact that her useless excuse of a father finally proving that he might deserve the title as a real dad one day was a good thing, too. There could never be enough people in Bella's life who loved her, cared about her, and wanted to keep her safe. I didn't know if she and Charlie had had the chance to talk things out, but at least he had come to her rescue when she needed it this time, and that was progress.

At some point, my rumpled thoughts must have tired me the fuck out because when I woke later, it was to the smell of coffee and fucking stupid cold sheets next to me in the bed. But before I could reach a level of anxiety bordering on panic or even untangle myself from the sheets, Bella appeared in the door. I exhaled sharply and fell back against the pillows in relief.

"Sorry," she whispered, smiling sadly. She came over to the bed and handed me a steaming coffee mug. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she sipped her own coffee.

I took a moment to look at her before letting the caffeine wake me up completely. She had dressed in a pair of jeans and a white hoodie over a charcoal top. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and she looked surprisingly well rested.

I took a few healthy sips of coffee and placed the mug on the bedside table. I then reached for her mug and put it next to my own before pulling her back under the covers with me. She snuggled readily into me, and I sighed at how fucking perfect it felt.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to panic," I said softly into her hair.

"It's okay," she replied. "I get it, Edward. I'd no doubt react the exact same way if our roles were reversed." She angled her head and looked up at me with intensity shining in her eyes. "Every little thing I did over the last two days was to get home to you, and it really does mean a lot to me that you didn't think that the only possibility for my absence was that I had run away again. And Edward…please don't beat yourself up for not considering that Jake was the one who had taken me. I know him better than perhaps anyone, and I would never in a million years have thought that he'd go to such extremes. Not even after what he made me do last year."

I sighed. I had considered him pretty harmless and without motives. Despite Bella's plea, it was going to be really fucking difficult to let this one go. I wasn't used to misjudging people or situations like that.

"Shit, breakfast," Bella cursed and jumped out of my arms and the bed. She tore out of the bedroom, and I finally noticed the smell of something that was definitely overcooked. Apparently I had managed to ruin yet another meal.

I mentally congratulated myself as I threw on a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt. I dug out a pair of socks and splashed some water on my face, not even bothering with my hair except to run a hand through it. It wasn't like it behaved anyway. Then, trying to brush my teeth while putting on my socks, which turned out to not be the easiest thing in the world, I was finally ready to go see how much I had managed to cause the kitchen to suffer.

Bella looked up sheepishly when I entered the kitchen. She was busy beating eggs in a bowl.

"I'd ask if you need help, but I'm not sure how it would turn out," I said, chuckling.

"How about you just sit down at the counter and try not to distract me," she suggested.

That sounded like a good idea, so I grabbed plates, cutlery, and glasses and moved over to the counter to set the table for us. I then secured myself another cup of coffee and sat down to treat my eyes to the sight they had been denied for two full days – my beautiful girl.

It was late afternoon by the time we ate the second batch of omelets Bella had prepared after the first had been ruined. I was still trying to play fucking catch up with all the conflicting feelings I had inside. Relief was the most evident, but there was also anger, guilt, and a bunch of other crap that I hadn't bothered to identify yet. I was going to need some time to process things at some point.

I was cleaning up the kitchen after we had eaten when there was a knock on the door. A very fucking insisting knock at that. Bella was watering the colorful flowers in the windowsill that had been thoroughly neglected by me the previous two days. She bit her lip and only briefly looked up at me, never moving to get the door.

I dried my hands quickly and bent down to kiss her neck before leaving the kitchen. During the short walk to the front door, I murdered Jake eleven times in my head for messing with my beautiful girl's mind. There seemed to be no end to the ways he could cripple her mentally with the fears he had hammered so insistently into her mind. Not being able to open the front door in her own home was just the latest of them. I really fucking hoped that the biggest motherfucker in the entire prison would make Jake his bitch.

Tiny nearly fell through the door when I opened it. Jasper caught her just in time before she toppled over due to her eager door knocking. "Where is she?" she demanded, fighting off Jasper's hands and doing her best to shove me aside. "Move, Edward! I need to see with my own eyes that she's okay."

I held up my hands in surrender and moved aside. Tiny stormed past me, calling out Bella's name. Jasper walked in and gave me a hug. "Is she really okay?" he asked.

I nodded. "At least she will be," I said confidently. And that shit was not up for discussion. I would do whatever I could to help her work through the crap she had to deal with.

Rose and Emmett were right behind him, and I cracked a smile when Rose shoulder tackled Emmett when he forgot his manners and tried to walk through the door before her. I was almost surprised that she didn't have the poor guy on a leash. He didn't seem to mind being tackled, though.

"So, where did you find Bella-Marie, brother?" Rose asked after I had closed the door and hung up her coat. She gave me a rare hug, and I held back a laugh when Emmett looked jealous.

"I didn't find her," I admitted with a sigh. "Look, it's a long story, and I've already heard it once today, so just come inside so Bella can tell you all at the same time."

"Fine, keep us in suspense, then. I called Mom and Dad to let them know that she's safe, by the way. Mom deemed it worth ordering all of us up for dinner next weekend," Rose said.

I nodded and followed her and Emmett into the living room where Alice seemed to be squeezing the last breath out of Bella. I shook my head indulgently and gestured for Jasper, Rose, and Emmett to sit down. I ventured out into the kitchen and put some coffee on before rejoining everyone in the living room.

I held Bella's hand while she told the others about what had happened. She included some of what had happened last summer for Jasper and Emmett's sake, and although I almost lost all feeling in the hand that was holding hers, I was so fucking proud of her for struggling through her story and sharing it. I know how fucking difficult it was for her, just as I also knew how no one present would ever turn their back on her because of it, or even think less of her.

Rose and Alice were crying along with Bella, although Rose insisted that she just got something in her eye. As they dried their tears, I went to get the coffee and raided a few cookie jars to go along with it.

When I came back, Rose and Emmett were plotting how to kill Jake, and it was weird to hear them agree on something. Some of their suggestions were even better than what I had been able to come up with. It was just a shame that none of us knew how to break him out of prison so that we could actually see our plans through.

"I have to say that I'm proud for knowing you," I heard Jasper tell Bella. "A lot of people would be less after going through what you did, but you're not. You're more. And you're stronger than most people."

She blushed and shook her head. "I was only strong because of Edward."

Jasper shrugged. "So what if he's your reason. It's still your strength."

"Edward told me how you all helped look for me, and I just wanted to thank you," Bella spoke up. "You have no idea how much it means to me, and you are truly the best friends anyone could ever ask for. Coming to Evonside was the best thing I ever did."

"Amen," Emmett said and made an entire cookie fit into his mouth.

There was a different kind of peace and appreciation between the six of us as we drank our coffee and Emmett hogged most of the cookies. I recognized the relief in the eyes of the people around me, and I knew the look in my own eyes mirrored them. I hoped Bella saw it as well, because she deserved to know how fully ingrained she was in all the lives she had touched here and to know how much she was loved.


	35. She Is My Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just borrowed the characters so I could feed them cobbler and play dress-up with them. I had a blast, and now I'm returning them…more or less unharmed. And maybe a few pounds heavier from all the cobbler.
> 
> A/N: My eternal gratitude and love to the most amazing betas in the world, nowforruin and Dinx, who not only taught me a lot of grammar, but who became friends while making Mysteryward pretty. Mwah! A million thanks and hugs to my pre-reader, lisamichelle17, for holding my hand and inventing Love Day.

CHAPTER 35

Edward:

She Is My Forever

The first time Bella set foot in the bar after the whole Seattle ordeal, Aro stopped her and solemnly told her time healed all wounds. As much of a cliché as those words were, it made a few tears escape her eyes, and she spent the entire time we were there in contemplative silence. Before we left, she ordered Aro and his buddies a round of drinks.

It took quite a few nightmares, some quiet days with long solitary walks on the beach, and hours spent talking, but like a fucking phoenix, my beautiful girl rose from the ashes. Her confidence grew, and it made her even more beautiful and amazing than before. She laughed more, became more playful, and when she walked on the street, it was not with a bowed head and her face hidden behind her hair. Bella was flourishing.

It wasn't that she changed her old habits. She still loved curling up in a chair with a notebook, a sketch book, her copy of Tennyson, or whatever she found of interest in the library. She still preferred handling the online store business at the boutique, but she confessed to me that it was because Tiny and Angela were better at handling the customers with their extensive fashion knowledge. She also still used cooking and baking as a way to clear her head of whatever she was stewing over – whether it was her past or a plot twist that nagged her. She wrote more these days, and while I didn't know what exactly spurred her creativity, then I knew that it was a good thing.

While I was cleaning up after a delicious Sunday dinner, I suddenly got all kinds of amazing ideas for the chapter I was working on. I hurried to finish up and planted myself in front of my laptop as soon as the last counter was clean. The thought struck me that maybe I should have been more domestic, as I tended to get some really fucking great ideas while vacuuming or folding laundry. It was almost embarrassing how much Bella had taken over the household chores after she had moved in. She claimed she liked it, though, as well as preferring to have laundry done more than once a month, as had been my previous modem operandi.

"Edward?" my domestic girl in question interrupted the inner musings that had disturbed the ideas I had been typing into my notes. "Um…are you busy?"

I was busy, but never too busy for my girl. And the uncertain um made me fucking curious. "Nope. What's up?"

She stood on the other side of the desk. I had retreated to the library because I had needed a change of scenery earlier. She was clutching a stack of papers and biting her lip. "I was wondering if you might have time to look at this?"

"Sure," I replied. "What is it?"

She handed the papers over almost reluctantly. "It's…well, um…I got an email today from one of my professors from college. She's putting together an anthology and asked if I wanted to contribute and well…I…" She sighed and closed her eyes. "You made me promise once that I wouldn't just write for the desk drawer that I don't have, and I thought this might be a good place to start since I have this story that would be…well, not perfect, but it fits the theme. I just need you to look through it in case there are any embarrassing blunders."

"Bell, that is fucking amazing!" I said, getting up to hug her. "You should be really fucking proud. This professor of yours obviously remembers your talent. Shit! No one ever asked me to contribute to anything until well after my book sold."

She laughed a little shakily and buried her face in my chest. "I am proud that she remembers me, but I'm also terrified. How do you do it, Edward? How do you share words straight out of your head and your heart with the world?"

"Don't think of it like that. Think of it as telling a story that means something to you, sharing it with people who like stories. Because that's what it is. You don't sit around telling yourself stories – you tell them to others."

"I feel stupid being so afraid. It's my dream, and even though this might be on a small scale, it still feels huge," she said, sighing.

"You are the bravest person I have ever met, Bella," I told her honestly. "You have dealt with so much shit, and all it's done is make you stronger and more aware of yourself and your strengths. You can do this, beautiful."

She took a deep breath and looked up at me. "You're right. I can do it. But you'll look through it, right? You probably read it already because I wrote it last year, and it was among the ones I gave you for Christmas, but…"

"I'll read it, Bella. Of course I'll read it. You've helped me so much, and I'll help you, too, any way I can. We can be our own little team."

She giggled, and I leaned down to kiss her. I nibbled on her lower lip as she pressed herself against me and tangled her hands in my hair. As usual my hands migrated to their favorite destination, and I cupped her tits, rubbing my thumbs over her nipples. She hummed against my lips, and I was just about to hoist her up onto the desk when her cell phone rang somewhere in the house. It was the tone she had assigned Tiny, so ignoring it meant that it would just continue ringing, and on the off chance that it stopped, mine would no doubt start ringing instead. Tiny was nothing if not insistent.

Bella groaned and kept kissing me while untangling herself from me. I chuckled against her lips at her reluctance although I felt it, too. Fucking Tiny and her lack of timing. I needed to talk to Jasper about keeping her busy or taking away her cell phone. Bella left the library to go deal with Tiny, and I picked up her story and sat down in a recliner to read it. I recognized the title and knew instantly that it was good enough for publication. Most of what was in the binder I had gotten for Christmas was, in my opinion. My beautiful girl didn't lack talent, just confidence.

I soon stopped hearing Bella talk to Tiny on the phone as I lost myself in the story. I had read it several times before, but it appeared she had been editing it. It was nothing short of brilliant, even if I was biased as hell. I was fucking thrilled that she was going to try and make her dream come true. That was all I'd ever wanted for her. I wanted her happy and safe, and I would do anything to help her breathe life into her dreams. I had considered showing some of her work to my agent, but figured that doing it without telling Bella would be a bad idea. So, I needed to talk her into it first, and perhaps seeing her name in print with this story would make it easier for her to allow me to do it.

Bella emailed the story to her old professor the next day and then alternated between bouncing with excitement and worrying that it wasn't good enough. I remembered the feeling from when I had first started writing, and even now it was still there in a smaller dose every time I finished something and sent it to my agent or editor. So I talked to her about it, hoping that it might help with her nerves.

We were walking along the beach on a stormy day in February. It was late in the afternoon, and it was already starting to get dark. Bella had been so pent up with energy when I had picked her up a little early from work that she had playfully begged me to join her for a walk on the beach. I had readily abandoned the carefully structured sentences I had formed in my head that I had been itching to write down for the feel of my beautiful girl's hand in mine.

The harsh wind made it difficult to keep up conversation, so we were mostly silent. But I did feel a fucking overpowering surge of happiness when Bella let go of my hand and danced ahead of me with her face turned into the wind, smiling widely. By no means was she a dancer, but to see her that happy and carefree was exhilarating. When she turned back and grinned at me, it hit me what I wanted more than anything. The moment was almost as significant as the one I had experienced on my ladder at Thanksgiving.

I wanted an eternity of Bella's smiles.

Grinning goofily at the dancing girl in front of me, I continued my train of thought into new territory. I definitely also wanted Bella to become a Cullen. I wanted us to have a bunch of kids with brown eyes, brown curls, and who blushed fucking adorably like their mother. I wanted her to save me from the crappy solitude I had thought I wanted before I met her, and I wanted to spend every day for the rest of my life making sure that my beautiful girl was happy.

I wanted to get a ring and find the perfect moment to ask her to marry me. And that wasn't even true. I wanted to have a ring in my pocket right now because I was pretty sure that I would never be able to wait for the right moment. The right moment was fucking right now because there was no reason to wait or hesitate.

"Bella?" I called out.

She heard me over the wind and stopped dancing, turning around with a smile. Adventurous curls had escaped her ponytail in the wind, and they framed her face, cheeks red from the cold and eyes sparkling. Fucking beautiful.

I closed the distance between us and just blurted the most important question I would ever ask anyone. It didn't even sound like a fucking question.

"Marry me."

I watched her face intently as it froze in surprise or possibly even shock. I instantly started rambling. "Shit. I don't even have a ring or anything. I hadn't planned on asking today, but suddenly I just couldn't…I mean…fuck…I just had to ask you. I love you so fucking much and I want you and I need you…for the rest of my life."

The widening smile on her face was like watching the sunrise after a particularly dark and long night.

"Yes."

"Really?" I grinned.

She nodded vigorously and leaped at me. I caught her easily. "Yes. I can't think of anything I'd rather do than marry you. I'd marry you right this second."

"Fuck, I wish we could," I breathed and stole my first kiss as an engaged man.

Bella giggled and shook her head. "I can't believe you want to marry me. But I'm going to hold you to it."

"Please do, although you'll have no reason to. I'm getting you a ring as soon as fucking possible, and I just discovered that I'm not a fan of long engagements."

She bit her lip and smiled. "Can we get married here on the beach? You know, when it's actually possible to wear a dress without freezing to death?"

I closed my eyes for a second. Did she even realize how utterly perfect she was? "We can get married anywhere you want, beautiful girl," I promised her. And I'd fucking fly to Antarctica or Japan or whatever if that was what she wanted. "But right here sounds perfect to me."

She crushed her lips against mine and kissed me with so much passion that my head was spinning. I didn't often see this side of her, but I fucking liked it. I would have to propose more often.

I was almost in awe as I made love to my fiancée that night. Bella was the most amazing, beautiful, and sweet woman I had ever met, and she had agreed to marry me. Out of everyone in the whole world, she wanted me. It was fucking mind-blowing. And so was the orgasm.

The next day I shanghaied Jasper from whatever project he was working on and blackmailed him into going to Seattle with me. I had so much shit on him that it was pretty easy to get him to agree, fortunately.

"So what's in Seattle today that won't be there tomorrow or next week when I actually had the time to go with you?" he asked when we had left Evonside behind and were headed toward Seattle.

"An engagement ring for Bella," I replied.

"What? Holy shit, Eddie! You're gonna ask her to marry you?" he spluttered.

"No," I said, drawing the word out on purpose before grinning. "I already did that. Now I just need to get her a ring."

Jasper gaped. "She said yes?"

I rolled my eyes. "Why else would I need a ring, moron?"

"Well, fuck me." He grinned. "Congratulations, Edward. I never thought you'd actually find yourself a girl who could stand the idea of forever with your moody ass. Bella is amazing, though. You'd have to look a damn long time before finding someone as tough but somehow unspoiled as her. She's made you a better man."

"I know," I said. "And thanks."

"There's one thing I don't understand, though. Why are you bringing me with you to find a ring? It's not like I'm an expert, you know. Wouldn't Rose have been a better choice?" he asked.

I snorted. "Now why would I want to spend five and a half hours trapped in a car with my pregnant sister? Much as I love her, I'm not suicidal. I just got engaged for fuck's sake, I'd like to enjoy it before I hang myself in frustration."

"Good point," Jasper allowed. "Do you at least know what you're looking for?"

"A ring."

"Okay, never mind," he said, groaning. "Have you told Mom and Dad yet?"

"Hell no! No way am I telling them until there's a ring on Bella's finger. Mom would castrate me for proposing without a ring," I replied with a snort.

"You're totally going to be the favorite," he complained. "Between Rose's pregnancy and you getting engaged, I'm officially in last place."

"Find a blender museum somewhere or something. Mom loved the vacuum museum story," I suggested.

"Aw, fucking hell. I'm never going to live that down, am I? Besides, I don't think Mom loved that story. She looked rather concerned as I recall it," he said. "Anyway, this ring. Could we narrow it down a little so we don't have to spend a week going through every jewelry store in Seattle? What should it look like?"

"Well, I had imagined it to be round. I don't fucking know, Jazz! I'll know it when I see it."

"Why am I even here?" he asked with a sigh.

"Moral support. Company. Entertainment."

"Great. Not only am I Mom's least favorite, I've also been reduced to entertainment." He shook his head. "Hey, why did you propose without a ring?"

"Because I didn't want to wait until I had one. I love her, and I have no doubts that I will still love her when we're both old and wrinkled. I want it all with her, Jazz."

"I'm happy for you," he said. "And she'll be a lot more pleasant to have as a sister than Rose is. I'm just not going to tell Rose that because I'm not anymore suicidal than you are."

Getting closer and closer to Seattle, Jasper kept grumbling about being Mom's least favorite but brightened when he realized that he was the first one to know that Bella and I were getting married.

I had done my research and knew which jewelry stores I wanted to hit first. It was true what I had told Jasper – so far, all I knew was that the ring had to be round and have a rock on it. I also knew what it should not look like and that I was not leaving the city without the perfect one.

Jasper kept suggesting rings that were completely wrong for Bella. They were rings that were no doubt perfect for Tiny, and when I told him so, he dropped his jaw but recovered faster than I had expected. I grinned; I had definitely brought him along for entertainment.

I looked at too small diamonds that were hardly noticeable and too big diamonds that would weigh Bella's small hand down. I looked at round ones and oval ones, at white gold and yellow gold rings, and they were all just fucking wrong for my girl.

"Come on, man. Just pick one. They're diamonds; isn't that exactly what girls want?" Jasper complained.

"I'm really regretting bringing you up here, Jazz."

"You and me both, bro. If you hadn't blackmailed me to come, I would probably have finished the painting I was working on. How the hell would you feel if I came and dragged you away from the book you're writing right in the middle of a perfect flow?"

"Perfect."

"You're such a liar, Eddie. You would bitch and moan and probably call Mom and rat me out, and then-"

"Shut up. I'm talking about this ring. It's fucking perfect. Look!" I pointed out what would soon be Bella's ring. It was yellow gold and had a large diamond, flanked by two smaller ones and surrounded by delicate and intricate engravings.

"Oh. It's beautiful, Edward. Really. I get what you were saying about the ones I suggested being wrong for Bella. This one really is perfect."

I resisted the urge to say duh. I purchased the ring, and after a late lunch we made our way back home. I was pushing the speed limits in my eagerness to put the ring on Bella's finger. Jasper, of course, just laughed at me.

I dropped my brother off, and he thanked me for stealing his day. I flipped him off and drove down Main Street to pick up Bella. I was a few minutes early, so I parked the car and went inside. Tiny was with a customer but looked up and smiled at me while she pointed toward the back room. I passed Angela at the counter, who also pointed out back.

Bella was sorting through some papers and apparently didn't hear me approaching. I grabbed her around the waist and quickly silenced her surprised gasp with a kiss.

"Edward! You scared me," she said breathlessly against my lips.

"Sorry." I grinned, although I wasn't really sorry at all.

The kiss grew inappropriately heated considering that Bella was at work, but I was pretty proud of the fact that I could distract her enough to get the ring out of the box in my pocket and slide it halfway onto her finger before she even noticed.

She broke away from me with a gasp and looked down at her hand. I slid the ring all the way onto her finger while her eyes widened in surprise. She brought the hand up between us to take a closer look, and I bit my lip while she simply stared at it. It had seemed so perfect for her when I had first spotted it in the jewelry store, but now I was suddenly having doubts. Maybe I should have gotten her a bigger diamond, and perhaps she would have preferred white gold, even if it did clash with her bracelet.

"Edward," she breathed. "It is…wow, it's perfect and beautiful and…thank you. I still can't believe…"

"Believe what, beautiful?"

"That…" She took a deep breath and continued staring at her ring. I was fucking thrilled that she seemed to like it so much. "That you want me forever," she said softly.

"I want you longer than forever," I promised her.

Tears shone in her eyes when she looked up at me. "Do you have any idea how happy you make me?" she asked.

"If it's even remotely close to how happy you make me, then yes. You are fucking everything, beautiful girl," I told her, cupping her face. "I love you more than anything."

"Not more than I love you," she said, smiling impossibly wide. "It's just not possible."

"Of course it is." I grinned and halted any argument she might have had by kissing her again. I backed her up against a table and practically assaulted her mouth. Fortunately she seemed to like it judging by the way she was pressing herself into me and running her hands up and down my back as far as she could reach.

I grinned into the soft skin on her throat as I kissed her there and teased her with my tongue. She was definitely not thinking about where we were because if she had, she wouldn't have moaned as loudly as she did. I was shamelessly groping her delicious tits when we were interrupted.

"Thank God I stopped paying you five minutes ago, Bella," Tiny said, giggling. "Do you mind taking this somewhere else so that I can lock up and go make out with my own man?"

Bella blushed and hid her hand in her pocket, not wanting to ruin the surprise we had for everyone tomorrow night.

"Admit it, Tiny. You're just jealous because I'm so much better looking than my brother," I said.

"In your dreams," she replied, snorting. "My man may be a dork sometimes, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way he looks. He's the hottest piece o-"

"Argh! Please don't finish that sentence!" I interrupted. "We're going, in fact we're already gone – your eyes just haven't registered it yet."

I dragged a giggling Bella out of the boutique after she had quickly gathered her things and waved goodbye to Tiny. I was going to take my girl home and celebrate her new piece of jewelry until there were no fucking thoughts left in my mind that involved my brother.

We had all the clueless people, plus a smug-looking Jasper, over for dinner the next evening. It was Saturday, and Bella had spent the afternoon humming and cooking in the kitchen while I had been on cleaning duty all over the house except the kitchen. No disasters today.

Maybe I should have been surprised by the fact that Tiny's eagle eyes spotted Bella's ring before I had even let her in the door, but I wasn't. She squealed, startling Emmett, who in turn walked into the door frame. Jasper was laughing, and Rose looked seriously pissed off, probably because no one had let her in on what was happening. My parents were patiently waiting out on the porch. I loved that my life was a fucking circus.

"So pretty!" Tiny declared, bouncing a little as she inspected Bella's ring. "Congratulations, you guys." She hugged Bella and bounced over to hug me, too, surprising me with her strength. And then she started spewing questions about dates, colors, venues, and flowers. I was not the only one who rolled my eyes.

In the midst of all the hellos, congratulations, hugs, and general ushering of people inside so we wouldn't be having dinner in an ice box, my mom came over to me. She hugged me with strength that rivaled Tiny's and sent me a beaming smile.

"I'm so happy for you, honey. Bella is an amazing woman, and I have never seen you happier than when you're with her."

"Thanks, Mom." I smiled at her, but it didn't take long for my gaze to settle back on Bella, who was trying to escape Emmett's monster hug. Her laugh wasn't louder than the general commotion, but it rang clearer than anything else in my ears.

"When did you propose?" my mom asked. "And how? Tell your old mother all the details."

I laughed. "You're not old, Mom, and you know it. You should take up fishing with Dad, though. You'd be good at it."

She swatted me playfully. "Details!" she demanded.

"I proposed the other day down on the beach, and don't kill me, okay? But I didn't have a ring then…the moment just felt too good to pass up," I tried to explain.

"Edward…" She sighed, but the smile gave her away.

"I took Jasper with me to Seattle yesterday to get the ring, and I found the perfect one. So she only went one fucking day without a ring. That's decent enough, isn't it?"

"I'll let you know after I see the ring up close," she teased. "And watch your language, young man. Even though you're getting married, you're not too old to get your mouth washed out with soap by your mother."

"Yes ma'am," I replied with a grin.

She followed Bella into the kitchen where she had disappeared a few minutes prior. I took it upon myself to fix drinks for everyone, making sure to find something non-alcoholic for Rose and my dad.

Dinner was great. All the people I loved most in the world sat around the table, eating my beautiful girl's fucking delicious meal and raising their glasses in celebration of said girl agreeing to be mine forever. Perfection didn't even begin to cover it.

Not that I had ever doubted it, as I knew both my parents loved Bella, but I also got my dad's approval before the evening was over. He asked me if I had asked Bella's dad for his blessing.

"No," I admitted. "I thought about calling him yesterday, but the truth is that even if he did come to her rescue in Seattle, their relationship is just not at a level where his blessing would mean anything to Bella. By default, it wouldn't mean anything to me, either. If they ever get to that point, I'll talk to him and make sure that he knows that I love Bella and will spend the rest of my life making sure that she's happy and safe. Until then, I'm letting Bella set the pace."

"I think you'll make her a good husband, son," my dad said.

It was the ultimate praise because it was all I wanted. If I never wrote another word and if no more copies of my books were ever sold, I'd still be the happiest man in the world if only I managed to keep my beautiful girl happy.

"No object is mysterious. The mystery is in your eye," Aro said when he came over to solemnly greet Bella and I. He had not been present in his usual booth with Marcus and Caius when we came in, so apparently he was now making up for it.

Bella smiled at him, a lot more comfortable with him now than when she had first met him. I was actually a little fucking jealous that he had met her a few minutes before I had, but definitely grateful for how everything had turned out.

"I am not naming my child Travis!" Rose stated loudly, alerting us all to what she and Emmett had been bickering – surprisingly softly – about in their corner of the booth.

"There's nothing wrong with the name Travis," Emmett argued. "It's better than any of your suggestions anyway. You're all kinds of amazing, Rosie, but no child of mine will ever be called Angelica. It's way too much pressure on a kid with parents like us. And don't even get me started on Christian."

Rose snorted. "You'd name the kid after some sort of food if you could."

"So?" Emmett shrugged.

"You should find out if you're having a boy or a girl. You would save a lot of arguments that way," Tiny suggested.

"No" and "no one asked you" were the responses Tiny got from the parents to be. And that was basically all they could agree on.

Tiny huffed and turned back to the monologue she had been subjecting Jasper to about the shopping she wanted to do in Prague when the two of them went there next month. Jasper was discreetly rolling his eyes as Tiny chattered excitedly on, not bothered by the heated argument over the name Caroline that Rose and Emmett had moved on to. I looked at Bella, who was smiling and biting her lip to keep the laughter at bay. She was so fucking beautiful.

It hit me suddenly as I saw her glance down at her ring. Her smile widened and her sparkling eyes met mine after a second. I was a fucking idiot. I always thought Bella was a mystery that I was supposed to unravel like in my books. I thought I needed to know every little thing about her before happiness would hit us full blaze.

But the truth was that she would always be a mystery. I would never know everything about her that there was to know; I would never not be surprised by something she said or did. And that was exactly the way it was supposed to be.

I grabbed a pen from my coat pocket and slid a napkin across the table. I chuckled to myself, smiling at Bella when she leaned in to see what I was doing. I winked at her before I started writing on the napkin.

And they lived happily ever after.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the Mysteryward journey with me.


End file.
